Hello readers, my company is holding their biggest event on Friday and we have a ton to do for it still! I'm also spending the weekend with one of my oldest friends. Which means I am working long days and have very little time to write and very little energy, this means it's a week of short chapters, sorry. Expect every chapter through Sunday to be between 3500 and 4000 words rather than my normal average of 5000. Next week I should be back to the longer chapters though and even though the chapters are short I will make them good.
Ch. 17 So Much Less then So Much More
(JAY)
I take Drew outside with my hand firmly on his shoulder and gripping in so he doesn't try and run. When we're outside I put my hand on his chest and shove him into the wall just as Lucas comes out the door.
"WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GETTING HER PREGNANT AND THEN SNAPPING AND LEAVING HER ALONE!" I yell at Drew and he looks scared.
"Hey you can't kill him Clare needs him," Lucas tells me.
"No she doesn't," I argue.
"I screwed up I know and I'm really sorry but I will never ever hut Clare like that again. I will never do anything to hurt Clare again. I was scared and freaked out but I'm here for her and will do anything just to see her smile," Drew says trying to sound firm but I hear the fear in his voice.
"All I hear is empty promises you left her when she was most vulnerable and needed you the most how can I trust you and why should she?" I inquire in a growling voice.
"Dude Clare's in love with him you can't kill him," Lucas reminds me.
"I'm still proving myself to Clare, I have to every day and I may for the rest of my life but I will never hurt her or abandon her again," Drew says again.
"Jay if you kill him then Clare will be all upset and that's bad for her and the baby. Plus he is the father," Lucas points out but he's sort of laughing.
"Since when are you the voice of reason?" I ask Lucas.
"Clare doesn't want you to kill him; she's in love with him. If you go and kill him then Clare will just go find some other guy. She was pretending to date Owen for a while, knowing Clare she'll end up with someone like you or me," Lucas responds.
Thinking about Clare's favor being toward bad boys, which I'm certain the two of us along with Spinner influenced, I finally decide Lucas is right. I glare at Drew one more time but finally release him from the wall, I do however pull to the steps that lead to the second floor and sit him down.
"Okay Torres how did she even get pregnant because last time I saw her she was wearing an abstinence ring," I inquire putting one foot on the bench next to Drew and leaning on the leg.
"Wow you haven't seen her in a long time," Drew remarks in a snarky tone.
"Dude don't poke the angry lion," Lucas cautions him.
"If you pressured her or did an…"
"I didn't I swear," Drew cuts me off in a begging tone. "I didn't pressure her, I'm in love with Clare I would never. It was her decision honest; she wanted to and I made sure the night was perfect for her. We've always used protection that's part of why I freaked out so much because we were always safe and we didn't think she'd get pregnant. My younger brother is her best friend believe me if I'd even so much have kissed her when she didn't want me too he would have killed me," Drew asserts but in a tone that's still begging for his life.
"Okay I believe you and you can live but one more screw up on your part and I'll be back," I inform Drew.
"I promise I treat her like a queen and I will never screw up like that again," Drew says.
"Okay let's go inside, I'm on my lunch break only got so long to be here," I comment and straighten up again allowing Drew off the bench.
We walk in and Clare's still talking to Peter so we all sit down, Drew next to Clare but she's talking about right after he yelled at her and took off and he looks uncomfortable. He looks even more uncomfortable when I glare at him as Clare is recounting how he yelled at her at the ravine.
"Umm I'm just going to go see how Mom is doing with lunch," Drew says jumping up getting out of the room as fast as he can.
I sit and listen to Clare while she tells us about her time fake dating Owen to try and make Drew jealous to get him back. I find it incredibly amusing that she had Owen satisfy her sexual needs a couple of times while Drew was still angry. Clare's still talking when Drew, Adam and their mom come down; Mrs. Torres comes down with a tray including salad, chicken and vegetables. Drew has a plate full of sandwiches, Adam a six pack of soda and bag of chips.
"Eat as much as you can Clare," Audra says putting the tray on Clare's lap.
"We made sandwiches if you guys are hungry," Adam tells us as Drew produces some paper plates from under his plate of sandwiches.
"Awesome I'm starved thanks Mrs. T," I smile taking a plate and a sandwich.
"No problem, there should be plenty and I'm not expecting anyone else over until after school. You kids eat up but don't tire Clare out she needs her rest," Audra replies and goes upstairs again.
"Jane's coming home in a couple of weeks," Lucas tells us after taking a big bite of sandwich.
"Good it'll be great to see her," Clare says smiling a little.
"So when did Drew finally come to his senses and come back?" I question and Drew shifts uncomfortably again, I like making him squirm I'll have to come visit more so I can make Drew squirm.
"I realized I couldn't live without her while I was away, and that I needed her, wanted her and the baby. I knew that I needed Clare and our baby, but when I came back I thought she was still dating Owen, I thought they were really dating I didn't find out it was fake until later. I also knew I needed to confess to everyone what was going on and make a good apology to Clare a really great one. So I did," Drew tells me.
"He's been wonderful, he takes really good care of me, he loves me and our daughter and he worries about everything. Sometimes so much that it drives me crazy but it's coming from the right place," Clare tells us leaning over to kiss Drew's cheek.
Adam smiles and Drew grins kissing her back, I finish lunch quickly since I have to get back to the garage.
"I gotta run, I'll be back and he does anything stupid again you call me," I tell Clare getting up and kissing her cheek. Drew looks a little scared but Clare giggles. "You remember what I said Drew," I grin patting his shoulder firmly a couple of times. I say goodbye to the others and then leave to get back to work but fully intend to come back in the next couple days to check on Clare and make Drew squirm.
(DREW)
"Hey how's she doing?" Owen asks as he and Stacey come in through the basement door.
School had let out about an hour ago and our friends were filling the small living room. Owen had gone to pick up Stacey from school before coming over, Fitz had to work and Meghan wasn't here but everyone else was.
"She's okay I think, she's not really talking, mostly just sitting in her spot and listening to people," I reply.
I had only left my spot next to Clare to get up and get her some water so I happened to be in the kitchen when Owen and Stacey came in.
"Well maybe she's tired, it's never fun to go to the hospital and it's always exhausting. Plus all the people here visiting would tiring," Stacey points out.
"Yeah I know and that's what she keeps saying when I ask her how she is," I respond. Taking Clare's water I go back and sit next to her, handing her the water. "Look who's here," I say as she opens the water and Owen kisses her cheek.
"Hey thanks for coming over," Clare smiles hugging Stacey.
"You know if you're too tired I can kick everyone out," Owen offers.
"No I like the company," Clare responds after a sip of water. She takes my hand while Owen sits on the coffee table and Stacey sits on his lap.
"We'll have to think of things we can do while you're on bed rest, movie nights, game nights, a baby shower," Stacey comments.
"That would be great, I can already see myself going crazy having to be in bed all day," Clare smiles.
"No way we'll keep you from getting bored," Owen assures her.
We talk to Owen and Stacey a bit more but Mom kicks everyone out at dinner. Everyone hugs Clare and says goodbye, when it's just the two of us, Adam, Dallas and Bianca Mom asks if Clare wants to eat down here or at the table and she chooses to eat down here. Mom says us kids can eat in the basement but we have to come up to make our plates. I tell Clare to stay seated and I'll make her plate for her. We eat dinner while watching a movie and then Dallas takes Bianca home. Clare didn't eat all that much but she didn't eat much at lunch either.
"You want me to hang out?" Adam asks when Dallas and Bianca leave.
"No that's okay Adam, go do your homework I'm going to take a shower and go to bed," Clare responds.
"I'll keep my phone close by text or call right away if anything happens I'll be right down," Adam says to me in a low voice.
"I will goodnight bro," I say and hug my brother.
Clare gets up and starts walking to the washroom then looks back at me, "Will you shower with me?"
"Not a question you ever have to ask My Shining Jewel," I grin going with her to the washroom. I turn on the water and she starts to undress, when she's naked she adjusts the water and gets in. I join her in the shower as soon as I'm naked and she turns to me putting her head on my chest and I wrap my arms around her. After a minute I realize she's crying and I hold her tighter. "Clare, Jewel of My Life what's wrong?"
She shakes her head on my chest but doesn't say anything. I hold her tight as I can without hurting her and stroke her back gently until she's done. She picks her head up from my chest and wipes her tears from her eyes but doesn't look at me or say anything. I don't want to push her because I know if she isn't ready to talk she'll only pull farther into herself. I also know that if she doesn't talk to me she'll talk to Adam, it's one of the benefits of having your girlfriends best friend be your brother. All I can do for her right now is let her know that I'm here for her.
She doesn't actually wash herself and when she gets out of the shower she simply puts a towel around her and walks out of the washroom. Wrapping a towel around my waist I follow her out and to the bedroom, closing the door once I'm in. Clare left her pajamas, panties and bra in the washroom but it doesn't seem to matter as she just lies on the bed wrapped in her towel.
"Can you get me one of your shirts?" She requests.
I grab one of my t-shirts and hand it to Clare; I get boxers out of the drawer and put them on. When I look back at Clare she has the towel on the floor and is slipping my shirt on. The look on her face is heart breaking, she looks despondent, like she's given up hope and giving in. I sit on the bed and put my arms around her; she clings to me but sort of pushes me away at the same time.
"It will be okay Clare, the baby is okay, we'll do everything we can to make sure it stays that way," I assure her.
"I know," she nods but she still sounds despondent. "Can we go to bed I'm really tired and you have school in the morning," she says after another minute.
"I'm not going to school tomorrow," I tell her.
"Drew you have to go to school, your mom will be here," she argues.
"You and the baby are more important than school Clare," I affirm.
"Drew you have exams coming up if you miss exams you'll be repeating some classes next year," she points out.
"I don't care, if I have to repeat some classes or a whole year, you are what's important," I assert again and kiss her tenderly.
"I love you Drew," she smiles.
"I love you My Jewel, let's get to sleep, unless you want to talk about what's bothering you," I say looking in her eyes.
"I'm just tired, it's been a long and emotionally exhausting couple of days," she yawns.
I don't really believe her but I know better than to push her. So I get up and turn out the light before joining Clare in bed, she rolls on her side and cuddles up to me. Both of us lay awake for a long time, silent and still but eventually I am too fatigued to stay awake and my eyes close. I wake up in the predawn hours and notice that Clare is not in bed. My first thought is that she's in the washroom getting sick or that she passed out or something. I get out of bed ready to run to the washroom but find Clare sitting on the sofa in the dark.
"Clare what's wrong?" I question sitting next to her and putting my arm around her.
She turns to look at me; I can see that she's chewing on her lip which is a sure sign that she's nervous, scared or thinking about something intensely. "Drew what if we're not meant to have this baby?"
"What are you talking about? Of course we're meant to have this baby," I reply.
"It's been nothing but problem after problem, so much has gone wrong, I thought things would be easier when you came back but it's only gotten harder. I had to go to the hospital because I was having contractions, I needed two doses, I really don't think my body was meant to support the baby. And what about after she's born, we're young Drew and we're not out of school yet. We can't support her, we're living off your parents what kind of life can we really give her? What if something is wrong with her? What if she has a disability or something? Drew we can barely take care of ourselves, I just don't think we should have this baby," she tells me with much agitation and stress almost like she's being forced to say all this.
"Are you saying you want to give our daughter up for adoption?" I question. The thought of giving up our daughter is about the most frightening thing I can think of.
"I…I don't know I just feel like we aren't meant to have her or…I don't know Drew there's this…this feeling," she sighs and I take her hand holding her a little tighter.
"Clare I know we were meant to have this baby or it wouldn't have happened. You got pregnant and it's been a struggle but we're together again and we will raise the baby together. We were meant to raise our daughter Clare, meant to raise her together. We're young and we need to finish high school and we'll have to make some sacrifices but it doesn't mean we can't still have our dreams. I'll get a job in the summer to help out but Mom's not asking me to pay for everything, my parents will support us until we can support ourselves. After high school I'll work and take a few classes at community college, you will go to one of the Universities in Toronto and you will have a brilliant journalism career and I'll take care of our daughter," I tell Clare.
"No that isn't fair to you, you had dreams too, and don't tell me that me and this baby are your dream because we both know that's not true," Clare argues.
"Dreams change, I admit being a dad and raising a daughter wasn't my dream a few months ago but it is now. We both know that you're the one with a brilliant career ahead of you. You're the one with the potential to go places academically and in a career. We have lots of support Clare and we're not doing this alone. I'm sorry the pregnancy has been so hard and I wish I could make it easier on you and I will try everything I can. This is our baby Clare we can't give her up; no one will love her like we will." I affirm and Clare nods although doesn't look entirely convinced.
"Can we watch a movie or something I'm not all that tired," Clare says.
"Yeah of course, anything you want," I reply.
I kiss her forehead and turn on the TV and Blu-ray player then I get up and pick out a nice light movie. When I return to the sofa I lie down putting Clare in my arms and holding her as she leans against me. I put a blanket over us and kiss her temple. Neither of us make it through the whole movie and I don't wake up until late the next morning when Clare leaves my arms. She gets up and goes into the washroom, I see that it's after ten which means Dad is at work, Adam and Dallas are at school and Mom is probably at a meeting or running errands. I go into our room and pull on a pair of shorts before going upstairs. The house is empty but there's a note on the fridge from Mom that she'll be home by two and call if we need anything. Putting some toaster waffles in I pour two glasses of orange juice and cut up an apple for Clare's plate. I put butter and syrup on her waffles the way she likes, just syrup on mine and make myself a bowl of cereal. Put it all on a tray and take it downstairs to Clare, she's in bed still in my shirt and I'm not even sure she put panties or a bra on.
"Breakfast," I say and she gives me a little smile getting out of bed and coming to the sofa.
She does actually eat everything on her plate this time but she's silent and still looks despondent. After breakfast she gets comfortable while I clean up, we watch TV for a couple of hours and then when it's lunchtime at DeGrassi Adam, Owen, Dallas and Bianca come over.
"Hey walkie talkies so you can call for us without getting up," Adam says handing me a box.
"This way no matter who's home with you we will know if you need us without you having to leave the bed," Owen tells her.
"Thanks," Clare grins hugging our friends.
"We gotta back in a few minutes do you guys need anything?" Dallas asks.
"No we woke up late and I'm already tired again," Clare replies and I find it surprising that she's tired again.
"Mom will be home soon, we're good thanks you guys better going," I tell them.
They say goodbye and that they'll be back after school and then everyone leaves. Clare decides to take a nap and I go back to the bedroom lying with her for a bit until I hear the basement door again. Clare's asleep so I gently take her out of my arms making sure she has an active walkie talkie by her bed. They're the good expensive kind not the cheap toy kind. When I open the door to the living room I see Fitz and Meghan and smile at them.
"Hey is she sleeping?" Fitz asks.
"Yeah we slept in until ten and she still wanted a nap, what are you guys doing here so early?" I ask as I wasn't expecting anyone until after school.
"I have a spare right now and Mark is on his lunch so we thought we'd come and see how you guys were," Meghan explains.
"I'm doing okay mostly worried about Clare," I reply as we all sit on the sofa.
"Did something else happen?" Fitz asks.
"No, physically she seems to be doing good. She hasn't complained of anything and she's stronger since being released but she's…depressed," I admit because I can't really think of another appropriate word. "She barely smiles unless we have company and even then it seems to be forced. She seems settled on this new idea that we shouldn't have this baby, that we shouldn't be raising it. She's sure that her body won't support the baby and that we can't raise her, more than that she's sure we weren't meant to. I told her that we were meant to have our daughter and raise her, and that we have lots of support and love and we're not doing this alone. She nodded but didn't seem to really agree. Honestly she hasn't been the same since she went into the hospital," I inform our friends.
"Have you tried encouraging her with her faith?" Meghan questions and I shake my head. "It might help; we could talk to her if you want. She and I have talked about her faith before and I know faith has been shaken but even she told me she's kept the core of it. I think it would help her be strong again and come out of this depression if she could find her faith again," Meghan says and Fitz nods in agreement but before I can answer I hear my name.
"Drew?!" Clare calls and I jump up running to the bedroom.
"What's wrong?" I ask immediately upon opening the door.
"I woke up and you weren't here, I didn't know where you were," Clare tells me.
"That's why they brought us walkie talkies, so you wouldn't have to get out of bed and wouldn't have to yell," I remind her pointing to the walkie talkie on the night stand. "Meghan and Fitz are here, are you up for some company?" I inquire.
"I guess so," she replies sitting up in the bed a little. "I'll go make you some lunch and let you visit for a few minutes," I tell Clare giving her a loving kiss and leaving her to talk with Fitz and Meghan, I really hope they can help her because if they can't I'm not sure Clare or our daughter will make it through this.
Update next Tuesday picking up in Fitz's pov.