Big thanks to Christlove88 for helping with the prayers and bible passages because I never would have been able to do it without her help.
Ch. 19 Visions of the Things to Be
(DREW)
"We should be there to see Owen, Bianca and the others graduate," Clare complains just after my family leaves for the ceremony since Dallas and Bianca are graduating.
"You're still on bed rest and everyone understands why we're not there. That's why my parents are hosting the barbeque after the ceremony and everyone's coming here. Besides Owen's going to U of T, Dallas has a job coaching pee wee hockey next year while he takes classes at Centennial. Jake and Katie are moving to California but they'll be her for the summer with us and promised to come home when our baby girl was born. Bianca will be an hour away at Wilfrid Laurier, Eli will be in New York with Imogen but you know Eli will come home as often as he can and you aren't really friends with Imogen or Fiona who will be in Milan. And next year you and me will be proud parents of a beautiful daughter and back at DeGrassi with my brother, Dave, Maya and the rest of our friends," I remind Clare.
"I know but still we missed prom last night and now we're missing our friends graduate," she pouts.
"We'll have prom next year and we'll see our friends in a couple of hours. They'd much rather you be here and safe then take any chances," I tell her.
"I know, you could have been there today you know, you should have been keeping up with your homework and you could have gone in for your exams," she says.
"I wanted to be with you, I would have failed anyway I haven't been paying attention to much of anything since I found out you were pregnant. In any case we won't be alone all morning, Jay and Lucas are on their way over to hang out before the barbeque," I point out.
"Speaking of which I need to get up to get ready, can you get my light blue dress from the closet please? I think I'll wear that today," she says as she gets out of bed.
"Of course," I smile kissing her softly.
She takes my hand to help pull herself out of bed and starts walking to the washroom while I go to the closet to get her dress. Hearing the basement door I look out to see Jay and Lucas coming in and wave to them. Glen is of course going to see Jake graduate, Fitz and Meghan are also going to the ceremony for Owen but we invited Jay and Lucas to the barbeque and they wanted to come over early to hang out with Clare. Jay dropped by about once a week to make sure I was treating Clare right and remind me what would happen if I ever didn't. I knock on the washroom door and hand Clare her dress. I have jeans on but not much else so I go into the bedroom slipping a shirt on as well as shoes and socks.
"Hey she'll be out in a minute," I tell them.
"How's she feeling?" Lucas asks as I sit next to the on the sofa.
"Pretty good, a lot better than she was, she's still down sometimes but I think that has more to do with the fact that she can't get up and do anything, she's going a little stir crazy being in bed or on the sofa all day. She does still have nightmares though, not as much as she was at least but we're not getting much sleep, she has trouble turning off her mind and getting comfortable," I inform them.
"Drew," Clare calls from the washroom and I hop up.
"Are you okay?" I question walking to the washroom and she opens the door a crack.
"I'm fine but can you zip up my dress please?" She requests and I let out a breath.
I zip her up and we go to the sofa sitting with Lucas and Jay again. She sits between me and Lucas; moves about six times in various positions and then turns so she's leaning against me and her feet are over Lucas' lap. I kiss her forehead and she smiles. We talk with them a while, Adam texts me a few pictures of people graduating and then I decide we'd better start setting up for the barbeque.
"You want to stay on the sofa or lay down in bed again?" I ask her.
"Stay on the sofa I guess," she responds sitting up a little so I can get up.
"I can put pillows and stuff on the bench again so you can sit out there," I offer.
"Yes fresh air would be nice," she says.
"What pillows do you put out?" Jay asks.
"There's some outdoor pillows in the garage and I use the throw blanket from the back of the sofa," I tell them so they head out to the garage.
I get some sunscreen from the washroom and Clare's big sun hat from the bedroom then help her lather up with sunscreen. Just as I'm ready to get her outside Jay and Lucas come back in and Jay simply picks her up. We get her settled outside, lounging across the bench with her sunhat, water, sunglasses and some fruit while the three of us start setting up. First we have to get the folding tables set up and table clothes on them, then we set out a few chairs using the plastic ones and the ones from the dining room. Once that's all out we get all the food mom bought, we start by getting chips into bowls and crackers onto plates. Sodas and drinks into the cooler with ice and just when my parents are pulling up we're getting the fruit, veggies and cheese out. Mom and Dad get out of his car and come over to kiss Clare before greeting Jay and Lucas.
"Thanks for setting up boys, we're going to change and I'll get the barbeque going, everyone else should be here in twenty or so but Meghan and Fitz were coming straight here. Your brother will be here soon too he's coming with Luke and Becky," Dad tells me.
"Cool Clare's all set up she wanted to be outside so I guess we're just waiting for people," I reply.
"We can take over from here Drew why don't you go sit with Clare and see if she needs anything," Mom comments looking at Clare who is currently watching Lucas and Jay set up the lemonade dispenser.
I go sit with Clare but she doesn't want anything so I just hold her, Meghan and Fitz arrive first followed shortly by my brother and the Baker twins then Bianca and Dallas. Everyone greets Clare and shows her pictures of the graduation and tell her about it. Clare is happy and has high spirits for the party at least, she smiles a lot, talks a lot and eats a lot and stays on the bench like she's supposed to. By eleven my parents want to clean up and most everyone has left to celebrate with their own families. I take Clare inside and set her on the sofa, Adam, Dallas and Bianca hang out with us for a while to watch movies but Clare falls asleep about halfway through the first one so Bianca says goodnight to Dallas and they go up to bed. I pick Clare up and take her back to the bedroom, you think with her being 25 weeks pregnant I wouldn't be able to pick her up but she'd barely gained any weight at all, five pounds maybe ten. I set her in bed and she wakes a little.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep," she yawns.
"That's okay you needed it and it's late. Let's get this dress off you and I'll come to bed in a minute," I tell her. She helps me get her dress of and then she gets in bed; I kiss her and then get ready for bed. When I get back to the bed she's asleep again, I kiss her temple, wrap her in my arms and tell her I love her before I join her in sleep.
(CLARE)
I looked at the clock, it was 10 on Sunday morning and tomorrow I had another appointment with the doctor and was hoping I'd be taken off bed rest. Drew was currently upstairs getting us both breakfast since we'd only woken up a short time ago. I was feeling like I needed to stretch my legs so I got up to use the washroom and then decided to take a couple laps around the sofa.
"HEY!" Owen's voice suddenly yells and about gives me a heart attack. I turn around to see him coming in with Stacey, "You're supposed to be on bed rest sit down!"
"I was just stretching my legs," I sigh.
"I don't care you're supposed to be resting so rest," Owen orders as he pulls me to the sofa and sits between me and Stacey.
"I've been on bed rest for a month now I think I'm starting to atrophy, I just want to walk a little," I complain.
"Well your appointment is tomorrow right hopefully you'll be taken off bred rest," Stacey comments and I nod.
Drew comes downstairs carrying a tray and sits next to me putting his arm around me and kissing me gently. He hands me a bowl of fruit and yogurt with granola and we start eating breakfast.
"Let's play Forbidden Island," Owen says after a few minutes when he seems to get bored. We played this game a lot because I barely had to move and it's a cooperative game where we have to play against the board and work together.
"I'm going to be the helicopter pilot this time," Stacey says.
"I'm the diver," I speak up.
"You're always the diver," Owen says as he gets down the game.
"I like being the diver I can't drown," I reply and Drew tickles my side lightly.
Owen and Stacey set up the game pieces while Drew and I eat then we start playing. We're still playing when Meghan and Fitz come over having just come from church. They went home to change first of course and probably eat. They sit down and watch us play the rest of the game. Drew cleans up our dishes while Owen and Stacey greet Meghan and Fitz, when Drew is coming back down the stairs I get up and everyone looks at me. I walk to Drew and he gives me worried look as he puts his hand on my waist. I loop my arms around his neck and give him a chaste kiss.
"I think you should go out with Owen and Stacey or by yourself and get out for a while. I can't leave the house but you're not tethered to it and you don't need to be tethered to me. I'll be with Meghan and Fitz if anything happens they'll call you," I tell Drew.
"Okay I'll get out for a bit, I want to run a couple of errands anyway but if you even get indigestion I better get a phone call," Drew insists.
"I promise," I smile and take his lips for another kiss.
"Hey Clare's going to talk with Meghan and Fitz for a while and I'm going to run a couple errands. You two can hang out if you want but you should probably go out and enjoy your day," Drew tells Owen and Stacey.
"Cool I'm taking Stacey ice skating anyway, we'll call you guys later maybe come back tonight for dinner," Owen says he hugs Meghan, shakes hands with Drew and Fitz then hugs me.
Stacey hugs all of us and they leave, I sit back on the sofa, Meghan and Fitz sit on either side of me. Drew gets his shoes on and kisses me again reminding us to call for any reason.
"Today's sermon was all about how God's strength can help us overcome amazing hurdles in our lives and come out stronger. I wish you could have been there to hear Pastor James the way he said it was really inspiring," Meghan tells me with a smile after Drew has left.
"That would have been nice, of course I'd like any excuse to get out of the house right about now," I sigh.
"How are you feeling?" Fitz asks.
"Good mostly," I reply putting my hands on my belly.
"And your nightmares?" Fitz questions.
"I'm still getting them, they come less now, maybe one or two a week but they come," I inform them.
"Are they still the same?" Meghan inquires.
"Yeah always about me losing the baby or dying myself. As worried as I am about it I still want to be taken off bed rest tomorrow," I tell them.
"You've been feeling good and hardly moved, you've had no problems are pain since the hospital I'm sure you'll be taken off bed rest but why don't we pray for it if you'd like," Fitz suggests.
"I would but it seems like a silly thing to pray for, I'm just getting restless being in bed or on the sofa pretty much 24 hours a day," I sigh.
"Clare, you know that nothing is silly to God, he loves to hear us praying. He knows this has been difficult, but I know He wants to hear from you," Meghan comments, but I sigh.
"Why don't we pray not just about you getting off bed rest tomorrow, but that these nightmares might calm down or stop," Fitz tries. I think about it for a moment and then finally nod slowly.
"First let me read this as I think it's very fitting. I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future, Jeremiah 29:11," Meghan reads and the we both take Clare's hands and close our eyes.
"God we trust you and we know you have a plan, although right now we all wish we knew what you were thinking. We thank you for bringing us all a gift in Clare and Drew's baby, but right now we ask that Clare's good health continue so she can come off bed rest tomorrow. We pray that this little girl would be healthy and strong and this would be helped by the diminishing of Clare's nightmares so she would no longer be scared Father. I also pray that you would strengthen Clare's faith in you again Lord and show her that her daughter is loved and precious to you and to all of us Lord. We thank you and praise you dear Lord. Amen," Fitz prays and then his eyes open at the same time as mine they connect.
"We have some more bible passages we thought would be good for you or we can listen to the music first," Fitz tells me.
"Music please," I reply adjusting on the sofa so that I'm more comfortable.
Meghan gets out her phone and we listen to several worship songs, I close my eyes and listen to the words. It helps, it's uplifting in a way and momentarily distracting, when the music ends they take turns reading bible passages to me and I keep my eyes closed, it's just more peaceful that way and it's nice hearing them read to me.
"I thought these in particular were suited for you and would give you something to think about. Romans 8:18, I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us," Meghan says, she reads the next few and then passes it to Fitz.
"Romans 8:24," he says and then clears his throat before he begins reading, "For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen?"
Fitz continues reading, he reads several more and passes it back to Meghan, I listen and take it all to heart. And then I become very tired, it's not that they're boring me it's the opposite really I become washed over with a sort of peace. The small amount of sleep I got after my nightmare last night weighs on me and it's like I can't help but fall asleep, their calming voices and peaceful words lulling me to sleep. No nightmares at all this time I have a very peaceful sleep and for the first time ever the dream I have is about my happy future family and not the loss I fear so greatly. In the dream I'm at a park, alone at first but then Drew walks up behind me and wraps me in his arms, he's slightly older, still handsome and boyish but with a wisdom in his eyes that comes with age. He holds me tight and kisses my jaw wearing a huge grin on his face, I follow his gaze to see our daughter skipping through the grass and picking flowers. A beautiful girl with his olive skin and dark hair but my bright blue eyes and cherub lips, she smiles at us and runs over. Drew lets go of me to pick her up and swing her around, then he holds her on his hip, she throws her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek then Drew looks between us both before kissing me softly and saying, "I love you wife." I smile and kiss him again extremely happy and wanting to stay in this moment again.
I do feel Drew's lips on mine and my eyes open kissing him back, he grins at me when he pulls away.
"I love you Husband," I yawn.
"I love you too but did we get married without my knowing it?" He asks chuckling a little.
My eyes fully focus now, I see Drew the boy of eighteen that he is and feel our daughter still in my womb. I start to sit up and Drew helps me, I realize Fitz and Meghan have left and it's now late afternoon so I've been asleep for a while.
"It was a dream, five years or so from now, we were happy and married. We had a beautiful and healthy daughter, you should have seen her Drew she was so gorgeous, she had all the best of you and me," I tell him smiling softly.
"I will see her Clare, when she's ready to come out and we watch her grow up," Drew grins putting his hand on my belly and rubbing tenderly.
"I want that moment Drew, we were so happy and our daughter was healthy, I want that moment again," I tell him.
"We'll have it Clare, with some patience we'll have it, just hold onto that moment Clare and we'll get there one day," Drew assures me cupping my face and kissing my nose gently.
"How long have I been out? When did Fitz and Meghan leave?" I question stretching a little.
"They left when I got back about an hour ago, they said you'd fallen asleep about an hour before that but they stayed with you," Drew tells me.
"You should have woken me; I didn't mean to fall asleep. I just became so tired and it was so peaceful listening to Fitz and Meghan read to me, after they played me these great worship songs. I feel bad for falling asleep while they were here to help me," I comment trying to stand and Drew stands up to help me.
"Don't be they understood Clare, they were happy that you were able to sleep and they were happy to stay with you. They know that they're helping you by coming over. It must be working because that's the first happy dream you've told me about in months. We haven't talked about getting married in a while do you want to talk about it again?" Drew asks and before I can answer my stomach growls.
"I think I want dinner as I seem to have slept through lunch," I reply.
"Mom's just finishing it now I'll go up and get us a couple of plates, Adam's home I can send him down to eat with us if you want?" Drew offers and I nod.
He goes upstairs and Adam comes down with a plate of lasagna and salad, he sits on the sofa and turns on the TV. Drew comes down a few minutes later and we eat together. Adam stays with us for several hours until I'm ready for bed, Adam says goodnight and Drew and I get ready for bed. I fall asleep quickly and happily in Drew's arms, I don't dream about our future again but I don't have any nightmares either. We wake up to Drew's alarm the next morning and after he gets us breakfast we get ready for my appointment. I'm brushing my hair when I feel our daughter moving, rolling over and I put my hand on my belly making a gasp at the sudden movement. Drew hears me even from the living room and rushes over with a worried look and putting his hands on mine.
"I'm okay she just moved, she must be getting restless and tired of being on bed rest too," I respond.
He smiles with relief and kisses my forehead, when we're ready to go Drew tells his parents we're leaving and we go out to his car. He's silent on the drive, actually he's been rather silent this morning and I worry that he's silent because he's worried. He parks at the doctor's office; we go in, sign in and sit in the waiting room before I'm seen. The nurse takes my weight and vitals then we wait for Dr. Davis. There's a knock on the door a moment later and she comes in smiling as always.
"Good morning Clare, good to see you Drew, so how have you been feeling?" Dr. Davis questions.
"Much better, no pains or problems, even the nightmares are getting better. I've been feeling a lot stronger and have barely moved in the last month," I tell her.
"Which is good your body needs to rest, why don't you lay back I'm going to do a physical exam and then a sonogram," she tells me and I lay back. She lifts my shirt and looks at my stomach pressing gently with her fingers and feeling around. She also looks at my feet, hands and face before turning on the sonogram machine and puts the cold gel on my belly. "There she is, rolled over I see," Dr. Davis comments.
"Yeah this morning she was anxious to get off bed rest," I reply.
"Well she's looking healthy, developing well I think we can let you off bed rest," Dr. Davis tells me I smile wide and let out a deep relieved breath. Dr. Davis turns off the machine and wipes the gel from my belly, waiting for Drew to kiss me in celebration for getting off bed rest. "Hold on I know you're happy but this doesn't mean you can just go out running or anything, really you shouldn't be up at all unless you have to be. This is like the seat belt sign in an airplane, you don't have to be in bed anymore but unless you need to be up you should be. I'm not saying don't go out and enjoy the day but take it easy, slow walking and take breaks, don't be on your feet too long and no strenuous activity. No heavy lifting, or exercise other than some simple yoga stretches, we have a pamphlet I'll be sure that you get one. If you do go out walking or anything else come home and rest, put your feet up, drink some water and stay off your feet still as much as possible. If you feel anything that doesn't feel right come in immediately, I'm not just talking about being in pain but if you feel contractions or aching or anything not normal than come in. It will be better to come in and have us send you home because it's nothing than to take the chance that it's something. In other words play it safe that should be your motto for the next several months okay?"
"Yes Dr. Davis we'll be careful, very careful," Drew assures her.
"Good, make an appointment for two weeks and I'll leave some things at the front desk for you," she tells us.
She leaves the room and I fix my clothes, we make go out to the front desk, make an appointment and the nurse gives us some papers. We go outside to the car but I take Drew's hands before he can open the door.
"Can we go to the park? Stroll through it slowly, we can get some water first, sit on every single bench rest under the shade of every single tree but I need to get outside and feel the sun, enjoy the air," I plead.
"Of course My Jewel we'll take a walk through the park and then go to lunch. One step at a time it's all we can do Clare," Drew says.
I smile and kiss him gently but full of love and when our lips part I tell him so, "I love you Drew."
"I love you Clare more than anyone, more than ever, now and for the rest of my life I love you Clare."
Update next Tuesday starting with Canada Day and a surprise for Clare.