Sorry there was no chapter last night everyone, I had sick family members and a work deadline and between the two had no time to write at all. Sorry but it happens sometimes and family and work have to be the priority over writing.
That episode was so bad I think all of the DeGrassi Avengers got a headache from yelling. Well I can't say this is an exactly happy chapter but it's still better than that awful thing they called an episode.
Ch. 20 Sooner or Later the Ending Begins
(CLARE)
"How far into the park are we going?" I ask Drew as I dress for the Canada Day celebration we were going to be attending.
"Not far but it doesn't matter you're not walking any of it," Drew responds zipping up the white and red dress I was wearing.
"Well I'm not watching from the car," I counter.
"Of course not, Fitz, Own and Jake have been building you a chair, like the kind Cleopatra had. You sit in the chair and we carry you on our shoulders," Drew replies.
"You're joking right?"
"I don't joke when it comes to your health Clare. The doctor said you didn't have to be on bed rest anymore but she also said you shouldn't be up if necessary. I know you've missed a lot being on bed rest, I know you want to go out and celebrate with your friends. I think you deserve all that but I'm not risking you or our daughter to have you walking and up if you don't have to be. I promise that once our daughter is born you can go out dancing and to parties and anything else you like," Drew replies holding my arms and kissing me gently.
"I know I love you Drew."
He says he loves me too calling me his shining jewel and we finish getting ready. We ride with Dallas, Adam and Bianca in the minivan; Becky and Luke like our other friends would be meeting us at the park. Drew parks the van and rushes around to open my door. Jake's truck is here with one of those, for lack of a better term, shoulder thrones in the back.
"You know that's just going to attract all kinds of attention to me," I grouse lightly.
"I don't care as long as the strain is off you," Drew replies.
"Oh good you're here," Owen's voice from behind me makes me turn around.
I see Fitz too but not Stacey or Meghan, they must have gone into the park already. Jake gets out of the truck but I don't see Katie either. Owen and Fitz get on either side of me and lift me by the arms into the bed of Jake's truck. Jake tells me to sit down in the chair so I do, then Drew and Fitz slide the chair forward and onto their shoulders. Owen and Jake lift it from the bed of the truck and put the back supports on their shoulders. We walk like this surrounded by Adam, Dallas and Bianca out to the lawn of the park. I see our friends and I'm set nearly in the middle of everyone. The chair gets set on the lawn and I slip off my shoes to feel the grass on my feet. Becky, Luke, Stacey, Meghan, Katie, Maya, Tris, Cam, Zig, Tori, Dave, Eli, Connor and K.C. all come over to hug me and say hi. My arms are getting tired of hugging when I hear one more voice.
"So I go away for a few years and you get pregnant," the sound of my sister's voice is so shocking and so familiar it brings tears to my eyes. I turn to the sound of her voice almost sure that I'm hallucinating but she's actually here! She looks like she might cry too and she throws her arms around me for a tight hug.
"Darcy what are you doing here?" I question still hugging her.
"Jake told me that you were pregnant and I was able to get away for a few days. I thought about coming out after my niece was born but I realized that would be too hard to predict. So anyway I bought a ticket and I'm here for four days before I go to India," Darcy tells me.
"Well I'm just glad you're here," I smile.
"So tell me everything, I want to hear all about Drew and your life for the last three years," Darcy says sitting down at my side just as Drew comes over.
"Drew this is my older sister Darcy," I tell him.
"Sure I recognize you from your pictures, it's nice to meet you I'm glad you could make it out," Drew grins.
"Yeah me too and it's nice to meet you as well, Clare was just about to tell me all about you," Darcy grins.
"I think I better disappear for a bit, I'll get us some food My Shining Jewel," Drew says kissing my cheek and walking off.
"Oh he's sweet is he always like that? Does he always call you that?" Darcy practically squeals and I can tell she approves.
"Yeah he has since he's been back; he was scared when I first told him I was pregnant. He was angry and scared, freaked out a little and took off but he came back, better, more grown up, more mature and very nurturing," I tell her.
"Well I approve, so dish little sister we have hours before the fireworks and I want to hear everything," Darcy grins.
I start telling Darcy everything about me and Drew, the pregnancy and mom's reaction. Drew returns with some food for us, setting the plate in my lap and smiling at Darcy. He sits nearby and never goes very far from me. Darcy isn't surprised by Mom's reaction but regrets that she wasn't around more. Darcy and I talk for hours catching up and it's like we're almost kids again, whispering secrets in bed long past when we should have been asleep. I hear all about her work with the missionary trips and her work with Me to We and Free the Children. I can tell that she's really happy and she's even dating a guy she works with. She's happy for me and approves of Drew very much.
Drew doesn't let me get up at all and when I do have to get up to use the washroom he walks with me. We chose a picnic spot near the washrooms so that I wouldn't have to walk very far. Day turns to dusk and twilight to dark and then the fireworks begin, Drew comes back to my side and I get out of my chair to sit with him, in his lap with his arms around me and his hands resting on my belly. Drew kisses my jaw and whispers he loves me as I nuzzle into his arms. The show lasts about 45 minutes all together and then it ends with a grand finale of some of the best fireworks. Drew and I share a kiss when it's over so we aren't clapping like everyone else.
"I know you probably want to stay but I think we should get you home," Drew says.
"I am fairly tired but what about Adam, Dallas and Bianca? I don't think they want to leave yet," I point out.
"I got a rental car I can take you guys home," Darcy offers.
"Great if you don't mind, you're welcome to hang out at our place for a while," Drew smiles.
"Yeah no problem so are we going to carry her back on the throne again?" Darcy asks.
"Yeah I'll get the guys to help," Drew says.
I say goodbye and goodnight to everyone then Drew, Fitz, Owen and Jake carry me back. They put the chair back in the bed of Jake's truck and I hug them all before Drew and I get in Darcy's car. I sit up front with my sister and Drew gives her directions to his house. Audra and Omar are gone for the weekend and won't be back until Monday. We take Darcy into our basement apartment and show her around before we sit on the sofa.
"It's small but sufficient and it's home," I tell Darcy of our little apartment.
"It's a palace compared to most of the places I sleep, I think it will be perfect for your family, especially while you're still in school," Darcy smiles.
"Hey I'm going to hop in a shower are you going to be okay?" Drew questions.
"I'll be fine go enjoy your shower," I tell him.
He smiles, kisses me softly and says goodnight to Darcy before he goes into our washroom.
"Jake and Glen know I'm here but I haven't told Mom, I can't be in town without seeing her though, I'm not sure when I'll be back. I'm here until Monday night and then I have to fly to New Delhi. I have to see Mom but I'll spend the rest of the weekend with you," Darcy tells me.
"It's okay I understand she is still our mother," I nod.
"She might still come around you know, I don't think it's very likely but it could happen. Have you heard from Dad at all?" Darcy questions.
"Not since he moved to France," I respond.
"Dad moved to France?!" She exclaims.
"Yeah and he didn't tell us, I got a post card that's how I found out, he never told mom. I didn't even get a birthday card from him," I reply.
"Sheesh our parents suck is it any wonder I ran as far as I could get and you fell in love and got pregnant at sixteen," Darcy says with a sardonic tone and I give her a look because she sounds like it's a bad thing. "I didn't mean it like that, not really I mean obviously we're both better off. Still if they were more supportive, if they'd talked more and been more open with us and really truly took an interest in our lives I have to think they'd be different now."
"Yeah I agree but I have Drew and his whole family, Jake and Glen, Owen, Lucas, Evelyn, Mia, Fitz, Meghan, Stacey, Dallas, Bianca, Jay, Spin and well you get the picture. It would be nice to have my actual parents but I have lots of people that love and support me," I tell her.
"Yeah I don't have quite so many but I've made so many good friends and done so much good. I was the one who ran but I don't regret it. Just be a better mom than ours was, I know you will be Clare," Darcy smiles and hugs me just as we hear the shower turn off. "I think I should go, I'm having breakfast with Mom, Glen and Jake tomorrow but I'll call you when I'm done I want to spend as much time as I can with you," Darcy tells me hugging me again and then getting up.
I see her out and then walk to the bedroom as I start to get ready for bed. Drew comes in after a moment with his clothes on again; he was expecting Darcy to still be here obviously.
"Darcy left so I could get to bed, she's having breakfast with Mom, Glen and Jake tomorrow but said she'd call after that," I inform Drew and kiss him softly before I go into the washroom to brush my teeth. Once I'm ready for bed I return to the bedroom and Drew's already in bed. I get under the covers and into his arms placing a tender kiss on his lips. "Thank you for today, for everything you did and all the time with my sister. Reconnecting with my sister was like finding a piece of me I didn't know I lost," I say to Drew.
"I'm happy if you're happy," Drew grins giving me a more passionate kiss, "I love you, both of you."
Drew moves down to kiss my belly and then up again to capture my lips one last time.
(DREW)
I was in our room getting dressed, it's Wednesday morning and we'd taken Darcy to the airport Monday night. After one breakfast with her mother she didn't go back and Darcy had pretty much given up on her. Darcy had spent most of her time here with us and it was nice to see Clare so happy. Clare was already missing her sister but she had talked all day yesterday about how nice it was to have that time with her over the weekend. Yesterday we'd taken it pretty east, mostly watching movies with my brother and Eli. Owen and Stacey came over for a while around dinner but they hadn't stayed very long. Right now my parents were at work, Dallas was getting ready to meet Bianca and Adam was cleaning up our breakfast dishes. I expect Clare to be lying on the sofa with her feet up when I get out but I find her standing at the fridge and clutching low on her pregnant belly! I rush to her fearing that something's wrong!
"What is it?" I ask putting my arms around her.
"I got up to get some water and I felt her move, felt sort of like a summersault in there it was just surprising," Clare tells me.
"Lay down I'll get you some water," I instruct her.
She goes back to the sofa to lie down and I grab a water bottle, Clare adjusts and lies on her side then grabs a pillow to prop herself up as I hand her the water bottle.
"Can't get comfortable, she's still moving, I feel like she's very low now or moving low," Clare says taking the water bottle.
"Should we go in?" I ask her.
"No not for moving that wasn't on the doctors list, it doesn't hurt it's just uncomfortable. Could you get me some more pillows?" She requests as she wrinkles her face in discomfort.
"Yes of course," I nod just as Adam comes downstairs again.
I get up and go into the bedroom to get more pillows while Adam sits next to Clare. I grab a couple and hear Clare make a noise sort of like she's in pain so I run out again.
"This is very uncomfortable," she whines as I put the pillows behind her, I sit down at her feet and she stays still for a few seconds before moving again. She starts to sit up and we both look at her, "I need to use the washroom," she pouts.
I let out a breath and we help her up, she walks to the washroom and I watch her. I know I'm probably being overbearing and worried without reason but I can't help it. The baby hasn't really moved that much and with everything that's already gone wrong I can't help but worry with something like this. I hear the toilet flush and the sink come on, then the water turns off and I hear Clare calling for us.
"Drew," she calls suddenly with a voice filled with extreme urgency and we leap off the sofa, "Ada…" Clare doesn't even get out my brother's name before she gasps like she's in pain!
I throw open the washroom door and find her doubled over, clutching the sink and her stomach. Her face contorted in pain and discomfort and we go to her sides, each of us taking one of her arms.
"Adam get the car we're going to the hospital," I command and Clare doesn't even try to argue. Adam runs out to get my keys and go start the car; I pick Clare up and realize she's shaking.
"Hurry Drew something's wrong," she tells me, her voice is small, filled with fear and urgency. She's pleading for help and I feel helpless. I don't grab anything or even lock up the house; the only though on my mind is to get her to the hospital. Adam has the car going and I get Clare in the backseat. We buckle up and Adam drives as fast as he can to the hospital. Clare holds her stomach and squeezes my hand tightly. "I'm in labor Drew, she's coming I can feel her," Clare says as she screams again and squeezes my hand tighter.
"Drive faster Adam," I tell him while holding her and feeling entirely helpless. All I can do is hold Clare and feel helpless; she's scared and shaking slightly but not crying. It feels like the drive to the hospital takes forever but Adam finally pulls up to emergency and we get out giving our keys to the valet. I take Clare in the door and look at the nurse at the desk. "HELP SHE'S IN LABOR!" I scream at the nurse.
"Calm down son we'll get her in a wheelchair a…" the nurse is saying when Clare screams in pain again.
"She's only 29 weeks pregnant she's already been in for preterm labor and they stopped it," Adam says quickly.
The face of the nurse totally changes now and she hits a button that sounds an alarm as she runs over to us.
"Did you have medication when you came in for preterm labor? How far along were you?" The nurse asks looking at Clare.
"She did and she was 22 weeks," Adam answers for us.
"How far apart are the contractions?" She questions as an orderly comes out with a gurney and a doctor rushes out.
"Agh!" Clare screams in response as another contraction wracks her body.
"She's in labor at 29 weeks Doctor Hotchner," the nurse tells them as the orderly takes Clare from me to put her on the gurney.
"Which of you is the father?" The doctor asks.
"I am, Adam call everyone," I tell my brother and he nods.
"Rush her into delivery, Dad if you're going to be in there you'll need to scrub up and get scrubs on come with me," the doctor says.
We're met by a nurse and another doctor, he gives them some instructions and then tells the orderly to show me where to wash up and get some scrubs on.
"I'll be right back, I'm not leaving you," I tell Clare and she nods.
I can tell how scared she is, her eyes are filled with tears now as well as pain and fear. Very reluctantly I leave her and follow the orderly, I have to wash my hands and then get full scrubs on with gloves and a mask even with one of those shower cap looking things on my head. Then they take me to Clare, she's in the delivery room with a sheet over her legs which are in the stirrups. She looks over at me and reaches for my hand, she's crying even harder now.
"She's coming, they can't stop it, I'm dilated and she's starting to crown," Clare cries.
"Dad stay up by Clare's head and hold her hand she's going to need you," a nurse tells me.
I nod squeezing Clare's hand as she screams again and I move right up to her head smoothing her hair. I wish I didn't have gloves on so I could feel her.
"Can't you give her something for the pain?" I ask the doctor as I hate watching her like this.
"No she's too dilated and the contractions are too close together," the nurse replies.
"Doctor she's bleeding heavily," the nurse says in a panic.
"She's had placenta previa," says another nurse looking at a computer screen with Clare's heath history on it. "Dr. Davis was hoping it would move up in time for delivery," the nurse adds.
"She's still at a partial and this baby is coming fast, do we have that fetal heart rate monitor on?" The doctor asks quickly.
I'm trying not to panic but they sound like they're panicking and it makes me panic more. I hold Clare's hand and look into her eyes reminding her to breathe.
"It's going the baby is in distress, the heart rate is climbing and so is Mom's," the nurse replies.
"Okay Clare the baby is in distress so I need you to give one good push and I'm going to reach in and pull her out. Ready…one…two…and push!" The doctor says and Clare bears down and pushes squeezing my hand hard. "Good Clare, she's out the chord was wrapped her neck and she can't breathe," the doctor tells us and I look up to see the doctor taking the chord from around my daughters neck! They put her on a little table and the doctor starts doing things I can't see in a rushed pace.
"Doctor Clare's bleeding out and we have another one," a nurse calls in a voice that is full of stress and urgency.
I look up my eyes wide and my brain still trying to take in everything I just heard. I know it was bad and what first hits me is that Clare is bleeding.
"Get that one to the NICU and on a ventilator, we don't have time to get her into the OR we need to a C-section and I need a second doctor in here. Get some sponges and Dr. Wheaton in here now," the doctor says with a calm yet panicked and worried voice.
"Drew," Clare says crying and in a weak voice just as they put something in her IV.
"I love you I'm right here," I tell her just as she starts to go limp.
"Doctor we're losing her, BP's dropping rapidly," one of the nurses practically screams.
"I'm sorry but you have to leave now Dad," one of the nurses says trying to pull me away.
"No I'm not leaving her, is she going to be okay?" I question desperately as she looks pale and lifeless.
"You have to we have to operate immediately we'll do everything we can to save Clare and your babies," a male nurse tells me forcing me away from Clare and putting me into the hall.
A bunch of people run into Clare's room with all this equipment and I just watch and then it hits me.
"Babies?! I'm having twins?! No they're being born too early I might lose them both and Clare!"
I can't even fully grasp this thought before a female nurse comes out of the room and over to me.
"Mr. Edwards…"she begins and I shake my head.
"Torres, it's Torres we're not married, not yet," I tell the nurse in a small whisper. I feel like I should be screaming and asking what's happening with my family but that's all that makes it out is correcting the nurse on my last name.
"Sorry Mr. Torres, you're having twins, they're about to deliver the second by C-section now. They're both girls we did a quick scan, it's rare for twins not to be discovered before delivery with modern technology but it still happens. Especially with how early Clare is delivering, the second baby was positioned just perfectly behind the other and their heartbeats perfectly in tune which is why it was never picked up."
The nurse is talking too calmly and in such a dry monotone voice that I want to hit her! This situation is not calm, I don't want to be talked to like I'm a toddler throwing a fit and I need to calm down! I want her to tell me what's going on and that my family is going to be okay!
"Will they be okay?" I ask her hiding my anger because I know it isn't her fault but I might not be able to contain it much longer.
"29 weeks is quite early but as much as 95% percent of the babies born this early survive," the nurse tells me and I can feel my heart pounding and somehow getting tighter.
"What about Clare?" I ask.
"She's lost a lot of blood, the placenta previa had not moved up all the way and there was some tearing along with that. The early labor and the emergency C-section have been hard on her body," the nurse replies.
"WILL SHE BE OKAY?" I scream and the nurse jumps a little.
"They're doing everything they can; they'll keep her in a medically induced coma for at least 24 hours so she can heal. We're replacing the blood and stopping the bleeding, the doctors are doing all that they can. Your children will be able to be seen in the NICU soon, I'll have a nurse take you as soon as they're ready. Is there anyone we can call?" She questions and shake my head just as an alarm goes off and she leaves me to run back into the room.
I sink to my knees on the cold, clean, hard tile floor, I feel like I can't breathe. I just got them back, I just found out I have twin daughters and they might all be taken from me. Clare might bleed out and my girls might die. Even if they survive what problems will they have? They aren't anywhere near being fully developed. My mind races trying to fully grapple that I have twin girls and they might slip through my fingers before I ever even see them. Trying to grasp that I might lose Clare again, for good this time, she might be too weak, she could be bleeding out in that room right now and I can't do anything!
I don't know how long I was like that, honestly I feel like I'm in a bubble, a dream world of my worst nightmares. I can hear the sounds of the hospital, the running of doctors and nurses, the dinging of elevators down the hall, the nurse at the nurse's station clacking away on the keys of a keyboard. I hear it all but it's like it's not real, it's like time has stopped and I've stepped out of it. It's not until I feel a hand on my shoulder that the bubble bursts and time starts again. I look up into my brother's eyes and mine begin shedding a stream of tears.
"Drew what is it? What's going on? Where's Clare?" Adam asks all at once and I know that my anxiety is making him worry but I can't help it.
"In there, she…she was bleeding and…we have twin girls. I haven't even seen them; I don't even know what they look like. They were born so early and they're going to be taken to the NICU. I haven't even seen them Adam and I might lose them, I might lose them all," I confess to my brother as he kneels down with me.
"Twins?! I have two nieces," Adam smiles doing his best to sound positive, the way he always does. "You won't lose them Drew, them or Clare they're too stubborn. I called everyone and they're coming, they'll be in the family waiting room," Adam tells me pulling at my arm and directing me into a chair I only now notice is against the wall.
I sink down into it putting my elbows on my knees and my head on my hands. A nurse comes running out of Clare's room and then there's a strong smell of blood and I cringe. Two little gurneys with plastic all around them are rushed out of the room and I don't remember seeing them being taken in. I can barely make out two tiny things inside, very small and not even pink, more of a blue grey. They are rushed away down another hall and I feel like I can't breathe, I look into Clare's room but all I see is blood and doctors rushing around.
"Clare will be okay Drew, she has to be," Adam tries to assure me.
"I can't lose her Adam I can't lose her or my daughters," I tell him.
"I know Drew," he says putting his arm around me.
I close my eyes letting the tears come and watching my entire relationship with Clare play out in my mind like a movie. A happy heartbreaking movie that seems to be my minds way of passing the agonizing minutes and maintaining what's left of my sanity. At some point I hear Adam tell a nurse to tell everyone else that's here for us what's happening and that we're back here but to stay in the waiting room. Sometime later I Adam whisper my name and I look up to see the doctor that was delivering my girls.
"Clare's being taken to recovery now, you'll be able to see her soon. Meanwhile your daughters are stable in the NICU and you can see them briefly," the doctor tells me. I nod and the doctor motions for me to get up, Adam comes with me of course. We're led down a hallway and around a couple of corners and under a large sign that says NICU. We're taken to a large room with a big glass window, I see many other babies in here. All in incubators, all very tiny and they don't quite look real. "There, front right corner, the two that say Torres Girl, those are yours," the doctor says.
I look over and see my tiny girls in their incubators; they look like dolls, little porcelain dolls. Too tiny to be real and yet they are, they're real, they've been born and they are mine. Both of them is most literally a part of me, I want to break through the glass and hold them, shield them from everything and never let them go. I almost fall against the glass just looking at them but Adam stops me.
"They don't even have names, we never got that far, we had barely started looking at names. Those are my daughters and they don't even have names Adam!" I exclaim it seems like a silly thing to be worried about but I'm still trying to grapple with all of this.
"You and Clare will pick some out together," Adam assures me.
"Clare should be all set up now if you'd like to see her," the doctor offers and I nod. "She'll be unconscious; we're keeping her in a medically induced coma for a couple of days. She lost a great deal of blood which is being replaced. It was complicated by her mitro-valve prolapse and she's very weak but we believe she'll pull through given enough time to recover."
He shows us to Clare's room and all I can think is that the doctor isn't even sure that Clare's going to make it. I walk into the room but I don't remember doing so, Adam is just behind me and we sit on the edge of the bed. She's hooked up to a heart monitor and a tubes and wires, an IV going pumping blood into her. I take her hand and hold it between mine, and look at the woman I love, the mother of my children and I know that she can't die because I know I can't live without her.
"Adam," I say to my brother without looking back at him, "I need you to do something for me."
"Anything Drew," he replies putting a hand on my shoulder.
"I need you to go to the waiting room and tell our friends and family what's going on. Tell them about my daughters and how Clare is. Tell them they can see my daughters and Clare soon but I need some time first, some time alone with my family."
"Of course Drew," Adam nods.
"And then I need you to go home, the checkbook to my university savings account is in Mom's desk in the bottom file drawer. Your name is on the account too, go to the jewelry store and get an engagement ring, something Clare will like. I want to have it as soon as she wakes up, I'm going to marry her Adam and I'm not putting it off any longer, life is too short."
Adam doesn't say word only hugs me and kisses Clare's cheek before leaving the room. With the image of our children fresh on my mind I look at the woman I love, mother of my twin girls, future fiancé and future wife. I have so much I wasn't to say to her, to tell her, so many ways I want to beg her to hold on and heal because I need her and the girls need her. Right now though I can't seem to speak so I only lean forward and take her lips in a passionate, desperate, loving and tender kiss.
Update next Tuesday starting from around here. You all should know I wouldn't kill Clare by now.
RED that episode was so bad and so angering our little writers group took our mind off of it by playing Lemons. You and several other reviewers have answers on my profile.