Just a reminder that there will be no updates this weekend, it is 4th of July weekend and I have a family reunion this weekend. Only Best Served Hot and Ghosts of Who We Were will not be receiving updates this weekend. There will be a one shot on Friday however depending on what I end up doing on the 4th the one shot may end up being posted on Saturday. Best Served Hot will resume regular updates on July 12th and Ghosts of Who We Were on July 13th.

Ch. 22 There is New Promise in this Night

(DREW)

"Mom said that we could hold a baby shower as soon as Clare was able to come home and was strong enough," Adam tells me.

"Yeah, she'll like that, I know she's going to worry that we aren't set up for the baby and now we need two of everything," I reply.

It's a little after midnight so it's technically Thursday morning now. Most everyone left the hospital hours ago, our parents and most of our friends, Jake and Glen had left before everyone but Glen had to go sign some papers. The divorce papers weren't ready yet but a judge had granted emergency guardianship until the adoption was approved. Dad explained to me that if something were to happen to Clare in the hospital it would now be Glen that had the decision making power. Had Glen not signed those papers and something happened then Helen still would have had decision making power and she wished Clare to be dead. Not that we wouldn't have fought Helen but still there was a sense of security knowing that Glen was now Clare's legal guardian. As the twins father decisions about their care fell to me in a sense, at least I didn't have to make any for the first several weeks of them being in the NICU and even after that I figured the doctors would know best.

Owen, Fitz, Meghan and Stacey were the last to leave about an hour ago; the only people to stay were Lucas who was currently sitting with Clare. I wouldn't leave her alone, I knew she was hooked up to monitors and everything that would sound alarms if something happened but I didn't care, I wanted someone to be with her, to stay with her at all times so Lucas having the night off had chosen to stay at the hospital. Adam had stayed too, he offered to spend the night but there wasn't anywhere for him to sleep and I told him he should go sleep in his own bed. Still he was staying with me until I was tired but I wasn't tired yet. Since touching my children for the first time this afternoon I had barely wanted to leave them, but I didn't want to leave Clare either so I was going back and forth from her room to the NICU to be with my future wife and my children. I was allowed in the NICU at any time day or night as their father. Adam, my parents, Jake and Glen were also allowed in at most times but typically not after ten all though they were allowing Adam in with me right now.

Everyone had come and seen my girls but they couldn't allow everyone in because of the health risks to the babies in the NICU so only family was allowed in. Adam had already come in to see them with me earlier this afternoon but he was back in with me now, as much to see them and bond with them as to be here for me. I needed it, Adam's always been my anchor and with Clare unconscious I needed Adam more than ever. I often relied on his support more than I did my parents. I was torn because I wanted to be with Clare and be with her as soon as her eyes opened but I wanted to spend as much time with my girls as possible.

They're identical so they were made from one egg; the only way I can tell them apart right now is their incubators. One says Baby Girl Torres 1 and the other says Baby Girl Torres 2. The smallest one, the one we didn't know about that has been labeled as baby 2 until Clare wakes up and we can give them names, wears a CPAP mask because she has apnea, short pauses in breathing. They seem so young, weak and frail but the doctors and nurses keep telling me they're doing fine. My family, my world is in the hospital in critical condition and I feel so helpless.

"I'm sure she'll wake up soon, you know how stubborn Clare is," Adam assures me.

"Yeah I know, I hope the girls have some of that, they'll need it to pull through. We need to give them names, calling them baby one and baby two doesn't feel right," I tell Adam just as the one I'm touching and bonding with starts coughing a little, I take my hand from her worried that I hit something or put too much pressure on her chest. She doesn't stop and an alarm goes off and then I start to panic. "What happened? Did I do something?" I ask in an anxious worried voice as the nurses rush over.

"No it wasn't you, their lungs are still underdeveloped, lungs and their GI tracts will have the most difficulties right now. They're taking care of her now, why don't you let them rest," the nurse urges. I'm unwilling to leave and the nurse sees this, she puts hand on my arm and steps in front of me so I can't see them working on my daughter. "Drew I promise you that if anything should go wrong, if there is anything at all to be concerned about then someone will come to Clare's room to talk to you. Go get some rest and come see your daughters after some sleep," the nurse encourages.

"She's right Drew, you need to rest, you've been up for hours and you've hardly eaten. Come on you can lay down with Clare and hold her, I'm sure you'll both feel better," Adam asserts putting a hand at my back and pushing me toward the door.

I look at my girls one more time and then leave the NICU with my brother, we get back to Clare's room and Lucas is still in his chair. He's playing on his phone and glances up when he sees us come in.

"I'm gonna try to sleep can you take Adam home please?" I request of Lucas.

"Yeah of course," Lucas nods.

"I'll be back in the morning, as soon as I'm up and can find a ride," Adam tells me giving me a hug.

"Yeah me too but I won't need to find a ride," Lucas tells me shaking my hand while Adam kisses Clare's cheek.

Lucas kisses her cheek too and they both leave, I open the suitcase that Adam brought me and pull out some clean boxers and a t-shirt. Normally I'd just sleep in the boxers but being at the hospital I decide to sleep with a shirt on. The hospital staff brought us a couple of extra blankets so I grab one and carefully get onto Clare's hospital bed. I lie on my side, my head by her arm, I'm careful not to touch any of the wires or the IV then I pull the blanket over me. I didn't think I'd be able to sleep but as soon as I'm laying down and my eyes close I fall asleep. It's a deep sleep, I don't even dream, just sleep in this deep blackness but on some level I'm still aware of Clare, I can feel her skin and hear her breathing. Suddenly my deep sleep is disturbed by the sound of Clare's heart monitor, it's not really an alarm but the beeping has slowed down and the beeps have become too far apart. I'm not sure how I became aware of this in my sleep but I do and I jolt awake looking instantly at her heart monitor. Her heart rate has dropped, bouncing between 10 and 20 BPM, I know that isn't right and I'm about to press the call button when a nurse and doctor come in the room.

"You'll have to get off the bed Drew," Doctor Nash tells me and I get off Clare's bed.

"What is it? What's wrong with her? Her heart should be beating more than that," I say frantically.

"Her blood pressure is dangerously low, could be her mitro-valve prolapse but it's more likely that she has some bleeding somewhere. Nurse let's get her down to imaging right away I want everything," the doctor orders.

"Bleeding? Why would she be bleeding?" I question with panic as they begin unhooking Clare from all the machines and bring in a gurney to get her to imaging.

"She had a lot of tearing during the birth and then she had an operation, her blood pressure was already low and there was probably a small tear somewhere that we missed and is now pooling blood. We'll let you know as soon as we know, we may have to operate again, you aren't married is that correct?" The doctor asks.

"No not yet, her guardian can be reached on his cell phone but do whatever you have to do to save her life," I tell them.

"I promise son we'll take good care of her," the doctor says and leaves the room after the orderlies that push Clare out on the gurney.

I look at the clock, it's just before five in the morning so I got a little sleep but I feel exhausted still. It feels strange to be in Clare's room without her so I go out to the hall and lean against the wall. Suddenly I feel heavy, my heart feels like it weighs a 1000 pounds, so heavy it starts to pull me to the floor and I sink down. Sitting on the floor and pulling my knees to my chest. I lay my arms on my knees and my head falls on my arms and I start to cry. Tears just pour out like I've been holding them all in for years, when I hear the doctor coming back I stop and look up hoping for good news but he looks worried not happy.

"She has a tear on the uterine wall, it's small but it's bleeding so we need to operate and drain the collecting blood. Given her weak blood pressure and pulse the operation is risky so we need to have papers signed but we're preparing her now. We're contacting her guardian to get consent to operate," the doctor informs me.

"Are you saying that the operation could kill her? What if you don't operate?" I ask feeling the loss of Clare in my life as though she were already gone.

"If we don't operate she'll continue bleeding and she'll eventually bleed out. It's an internal tear and two big for us to try and treat with clotting agents. The surgery will be minimally invasive but I don't recommend going without the operation," the doctor says and I nod.

He tells me that someone will come talk to me and rushes down the hall again. I'm about to put my head on my arms again when I hear my name.

"Drew?" It's Fitz's voice and I look up. "What's wrong? Why are you alone in the hallway instead of in Clare's room with her?" Fitz asks.

"She's…" I start to say but my voice cracks with tears and I stop to clear my throat, "she's not in there, she was bleeding, she had a tear that they missed the first time. I don't know how, a lot of blood I guess or it was too small for them to see at the time while they were trying to stop the bleeding from the vaginal tearing and placenta tearing. They're prepping her for surgery and called Glen to get to consent to operate," I tell Fitz.

"Well they found it and they're taking her into surgery to fix it, I'm sure Clare will be just fine," Fitz tries to assure me as he sits next to me.

"What if it's not? My daughters have been alive for less than a day and I don't want to leave them when I go in there. One of them had trouble breathing, they are so tiny and fragile, not even fully developed, there organs are still developing and what if they don't make it? Their mom and the girl I love is back in surgery after nearly dying to bring our daughters into the world. They tell me she might die with the surgery and most definitely will die without it. I could lose everything, lose them all. I love them all more than my own life and I would trade my life it would make them all better."

"I know you would Drew but it won't make them all healthy or get them out of the hospital. Besides they need you, Clare needs you and your daughters need their dad," Fitz says.

"And what if I lose all of them? What if my girls lose their mom? What if Clare wakes up and I have to tell her that we had two beautiful daughters but they both died? I know the doctors are doing everything they can but all I can think about is that I could lose them all," I lament and start to cry again.

Fitz puts his arm loosely around my shoulders and we're silent for a moment. "Come with me," Fitz asserts standing up and pulling me up with him.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"The hospital chapel," Fitz replies.

"That's Clare's thing, it's not going to help me and it's not going to make them better," I respond as I stop walking.

"I know it's not but it could still help, and it won't make Clare or your daughters miraculously better but it could still help, it could give them strength. God already knows what is in our hearts and minds before we even think or speak it, but by praying it gives us the chance to hear out loud what we feel we need. We can have fellowship with others, and invite God into our lives. God can do everything without us, but he gives us the chance to do these things with him. It also allows us the chance to grow and look beyond ourselves and our wants and needs, look into our hearts and ask for what is important. Plus if we didn't pray and just let God do whatever in our lives, without asking for what is important then we would just stop depending on Him, and that's where we lose our way Drew. Faith and prayer is about depending on God and his love and healing, and knowing He will do what is right. Even if our version of right isn't always the same as His."

I'm still not sure but I'm willing to do anything if it has any chance of helping. I follow Fitz to the chapel and go in with him, it's empty at this time of the morning and it's a lot darker than the rest of the hospital. Lit with candles and dim lanterns and candles at the altar, Fitz sits down in a pew and I sit with him. He folds his hand and bows his head, so I do the same and Fitz starts to pray. I don't say anything just listen to Fitz's prayer for my family and for me, I do say Amen when he's done. We open our eyes and put our heads up, I don't know that I feel any better or that it will help but it couldn't hurt.

"Thanks but I think I want to go be with my daughters now," I tell Fitz.

"Yeah of course, I'll come by later with Meghan and call us if you need anything," Fitz says.

"Yeah I will thanks," I tell him managing a small grin.

Fitz walks out with me and we go to Clare's room, Fitz leaves me here telling me again that he'll be back and I walk to the NICU and sit with my daughters, both are asleep. I put my hands into the holes and gently caress them, they stir a little but don't wake up.

"Your mom had to go back into surgery, her body took so much, I never knew how much, how hard it was for her. She's strong though don't you worry, she's strong and she's going to come through and be here for you so you have to be strong and be here for her because she'd going to need you as much as I do and as much as you need us."

(JAKE)

"Son, Jake wake up," Dad says shaking me gently and I open my eyes.

"What is it?" I yawn blinking my eyes, they feel strained and heavy because I'm still tired and I see that it's still dark outside.

"The hospital called, Clare was taken back into surgery, she had a tear they missed before. I need to get down there to sign some papers and I'll stay there to be with Drew," Dad informs me.

"I'm up, I'm coming with you," I say jumping up.

We'd rented a hotel room for the night since we'd walked out on Helen, we had gone back to pack before she got home. One of Dad's clients had a rental house that would be ready in a week so we'd only have to sleep on lumpy hotel beds for a week. I pull on a pair of jeans, we find our shoes and wallets and leave, when we're in the car and driving to the hospital something occurs to me.

"What about Adam, Audra and Omar have they been told?" I question.

"Yes I asked the hospital to be sure they were informed, I was sure Drew wouldn't be able to think about calling them," Dad says.

The rest of the drive to the hospital is silent and it feels like a very long time before we reach Clare's room, only we find it empty.

"Drew must be with the twins," I comment just as Adam and his parents come in the room. "I was going to check on Drew, I think he's with the girls," I tell them as the adults start to talk.

"I'll come with you," Adam says and we leave the room walking down the hall to the NICU. We see Drew sitting in there and he's talking to his daughters, we go in and he looks up at us. "Any word on Clare?" Adam questions.

"No nothing yet, they know to find me here," Drew answers and we can see that he's been crying.

"How are the twins?" I ask.

"They're doing better…I think, this one still needs CPAP and she's been on the vent all night they had to do something with the oxygen or something to make it so her lungs were taking in more air. Nurse Dana, she's their primary night nurse, she said they were doing good and their both sleeping well and that's how their bodies heal and develop," Drew says.

We stay with Drew for a while, it's obvious that he's tired, not that it's surprising given all he's been through in the last couple of days. A little after seven a doctor comes in and looks at Drew.

"The surgery went well and Clare is back in her room for recovery, her blood pressure is up already. We closed the tear and drained the blood, her vitals are already stronger and that's a very good sign," the doctor says and you can see how Drew relaxes at this news.

"Let's go see Clare," Adam says and Drew nods.

He gently touches each of his daughters one more time and then the three of us leave the NICU to go back to Clare's room. Clare is lying in her hospital bed, all her monitors are hooked back up and she has several more bags on her IV than when we left this afternoon. The adults are talking again, they do that a lot lately, Drew sits down in Clare's bed and Adam and I sit in chairs at her bedside. We stay all morning but Clare never so much as stirs, not that we were really expecting her to. At ten Dad and I leave to pick up Darcy from the airport, she called us yesterday to say she was able to get a flight from the Red Cross. We tell them we'll be back in about an hour and run into Meghan and Fitz coming down the hall as we leave. Dad and I are mostly silent on the way to the airport, we park and wait in baggage claim, Darcy runs up to us and we embrace her. She doesn't even ask where her mom is, we weren't able to tell her everything on the phone so while waiting for her bags and on the drive to the hospital we fill her in quickly. It's a little after eleven when we get back to the hospital and Clare's room is full, Lucas is here, so is Meghan, Fitz, Owen, Stacey, Jay and of course the Torres family. When we come in Meghan and Fitz are saying a prayer over Clare so we wait to fully enter the room until they're done. Everyone saw Darcy on Canada Day so they know who she is and they all greet her. Darcy goes around to the side of Clare's bed that Drew's not sitting on, Owen gets up so Darcy can sit in his chair and she takes Clare's hand.

"Oh Baby sister I wish I had been here but I'm here now," Darcy says squeezing Clare's hand.

While Darcy has some time with Clare the Torres parents and Jay leave to go get lunch for everyone.

"Would you like to meet your nieces?" Adam asks Darcy and she nods so I go with them.

"They still don't have names, Drew is waiting for Clare to wake up so they can make that decision together," I tell Darcy as we walk down to the NICU. We show Darcy how to scrub up and then we take her in and to the twin's incubators.

"Oh gosh they're so tiny! They hardly seem real," Darcy breathes.

"You can touch them but don't move the wires or anything, you just have to put your hands in the holes," Adam tells Darcy.

She nervously reaches her hand in, her fingers moving slowly touch the babies arm and Darcy almost cries. "She's so soft but wrinkly, she feels so delicate. Hi little baby it's your aunt Darcy I love you," she says.

We stay for a short time and then Dad comes to tell us everyone is eating lunch. Darcy tells the twins she'll see them later and we go back to the room to see it more full than when we left. Peter, Spinner and Emma have all arrived, after greeting Darcy people get food and eat wherever they can find a spot. We stay all day and Darcy goes back to see the twins a couple of times. Drew spends his entire day going between Clare's room and the NICU. After dinner and just before we all leave for the evening Meghan, Fitz, Dad, Darcy and I pray for Clare and the twins in the hospital chapel. We return to Clare's room to say goodbye to her and everyone else, Darcy is staying at hotel the Red Cross uses, it's only temporary she'll come stay at the house with me and Dad next week. All of us kiss Clare's forehead, telling her we love her and we'll be back before we leave.

(CLARE)

I feel very heavy and like I'm floating all at once, something like Alice must have felt as she fell through the rabbit hole. If I'm falling through a rabbit hole though it's very dark and I can't see a thing. I struggle to move, to do anything at all, I become aware of a few things, first being that I'm not falling through a hole rabbit or otherwise. I believe I'm laying down, I can hear beeping, continuous beeping that is rather annoying, and I become aware of Drew, I can't see him or hear him but I know he's here, I can't even feel him although I do feel a weight on me, but I know Drew is here. First I smell his scent, sweet and musky it's unmistakably that of the man I love. And then between those constant annoying beeps I hear his deep rhythmic breathing, I know it's Drew's breathing I've been listening to it every night for months and I know his breathing.

I realize that the weight I feel is Drew, he's lying on me, I want to hold him to touch him but I can't seem to move. It's not just that he's lying on me it's that my body isn't responding to the fact that I want to move. After what feels like an incredible struggle my eyes manage to open. Even with them open it takes a while for my eyes to adjust to room and I realize that I'm in a hospital, not just that but I feel that I'm not pregnant anymore! I remember going into labor, I remember the doctors being worried and lots of people running around and being frantic, I remember Drew being worries but nothing else and I fear that I lost my child! I struggle to speak, my voice is weak and hoarse and I can't get words out at first.

"Drew!" I manage to squeak out in a terrified whisper but it's enough to rouse him.

He instantly wakes up, sitting up a little to look at me, his eyes surprised and then extremely happy and relieved. His eyes just take me in and lock with mine, he lets out a breath it sounds like he's been holding for days. His hands cup my face and he kisses me passionately and with so much relief and love.

"You're awake! I am so happy to see those incredible baby blues," Drew says with a very relieved and blissful voice.

"Th…," I stop and cough a little as my throat is dry and voice is weak. Drew pushes the button so my bed sits up a little and he pours me a glass of water then rubs my back while I drink. "Did we lose th…" I start to say but it's still hard to talk, thankfully Drew knows what I'm trying to say.

"No, we didn't lose the baby, she was born early but she's doing good and she's in the NICU with her sister," Drew informs me and my jaw drops as my eyes pop open. "Yeah," Drew grins, "twins, we have identical twin girls. They're very small, they look like dolls but they're gorgeous Clare."

"Twins? Two girls?" I breathe out hardly able to believe it.

"Yes and we need to give them names but I'm just so happy you're awake, you had me so worried. You were bleeding so much, you were so weak, you had a tear that they didn't see at first and you had to have another surgery less than 24 hours ago. I was so worried, I love you so much Clare," Drew says kissing me again.

"My children," I say when Drew takes his lips away, "I want to see my children."

"Of course," Drew nods and presses the call button, a few seconds later a nurse comes in.

"What is it Dr…" the nurse stops when she sees me, "well welcome back Clare how do you feel?"

"She wants to see the twins," Drew answers for me.

"Yes I imagine you do, I'll get the doctor in to look at you and then we'll take you in…"

"No I need to see my children," I state firmly and my voice comes out strong.

"Okay I need to get a wheelchair, you'll have to push her in and bring the IV with you, we can't disconnect her from it right now," the nurse says and Drew nods.

The nurse returns a minute later with an orderly and a wheelchair, they unhook me from the monitors but not the IV. It hurts to move so Drew and the orderly lift me into the chair, the IV pole connects to the back of the chair and Drew pushes me down the hall. I see the sign for the NICU and my heart starts to pound, Drew helps me wash my hands and then wheels me into the room full of sick and very small premature babies.

"It's good to see you Mom, your daughters have been anxious to meet you," a nurse says smiling at us, she's attending to another baby but obviously knows who Drew is.

"This is nurse Dana, she's the primary night nurse for our girls and some of these other babies. The other nurses are Alexandra, Holly and Lisa," Drew tells me pushing my chair to two incubators, there is already a regular chair here and Drew moves it to get my wheelchair exactly between the two. "And these beautiful girls are our daughters," Drew says turning my chair so he can pull it in backwards.

I gasp in amazement at my beautiful daughters, so small they look like the baby dolls Darcy and I used to have. They're hooked up to machines to help them breathe and eat, Dana explains it all to me while I look at the two miracles before me and my heart fills with love. Dana tells me I can touch them but my left wrist has an IV in it so I can only put in my right hand. I reach through the hole with my right hand and touch my baby daughter, she's so soft and my heart melts wrapping around her and bringing her into it.

"Oh Drew they're perfect," I exhale moving my finger down my daughters arm and she curls her little fingers around mine. My eyes fill with tears, happy, amazed tears full of love.

"Yes they are," Drew says and from the corner of my eye I see him kneel on one leg in front of me. I don't look over because I'm so absorbed in the sight of my gorgeous little miracle and there's another one just like her. Then Drew takes my left hand and I finally look at him, he's holding the fingers of my left hand and gazing at me. "The one thing this whole thing has taught me is that life is too short and I don't want to spend another minute without in it. I love you and the girls more than anything else in this universe, the three of you are my life and I cannot imagine nor do I want to think about how hollow my life would be without you. Clare Diana Edwards will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Drew asks slipping a very pretty ring on my left ring finger.

One hand is being held by one of my daughters, the other is being held by the man I love and his proposal has taken my breath away but I manage to nod. Drew smiles, kisses my ring, then kisses me as blissful tears flood my eyes and the nurses begin to clap for us. Drew smiles and stand up still holding my hand while I hold the hand of one our daughter's hands, Drew reaches through the other incubator and holds the hand of our other daughter. Our hands all linked now and I look at my family, my heart swelling with pride, happiness and love.

Update next Tuesday from around here and everyone finding out Clare is awake and they are engaged, plus the babies finally get names.