A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! I greatly appreciate them.
CreepingIn
21 December 2020
"Kate! Sorry I'm late," Alexis apologises as she sits at their table.
"It's fine. I've just arrived too," Kate smiles. "Is hot chocolate alright with you?"
"You can never go wrong with hot chocolate," Alexis grins, the happiness not quite reaching her eyes.
They make small talk, both going around the topic, never quite going straight to point. They don't know how to start; how to bring up a compulsory topic that they both desperately want to avoid.
In the end, they discover that they can no longer avoid it. There are things that have to be said.
"Kate, I-"
"Lexi, I-"
They blush slightly.
Kate gestures for Alexis to go first.
"Is there... Is the divorce a must?" It is then did Kate realise the full extent of the impact their divorce would make, not only to themselves and their children, but also to their loved ones.
"I..." She has no answer to the question. Is the divorce inevitable? She might think so. But is anything truly inevitable? There must be a way to stop the future, to change its course. Then again, she is not a romantic. As much as she hopes that the end is not a must, she knows that for now, at least, it is for the best. They need the space for them to rediscover themselves and each other.
Alexis' eyes drop.
"I thought..." She trails off. I thought that you will be different.
"You thought?"
"Nothing," Alexis forces a smile. Kate bites her lower lips, not knowing what to say.
"What about the children?"
"We agreed on a shared custody. It's... Better that way." This conversation physically hurts.
Alexis nods.
"Lexi, I just want to let you know that even if we're divorcing, it doesn't mean... Doesn't mean I'm not going to be here for you. I-If you are willing to have me as a friend."
"Thank you, Kate," she squeezes the detective hand. "I want you to be happy too, with or without my father."
"Thank you," there are unshed tears in Kate's eyes. Through the years, she has seen Alexis as her own daughter. She loves her as her own and cannot be any prouder on how she has grown and mature into her own woman.
However, Kate can't shake the feeling that she has let Alexis down.
"My father still loves you," it is a whisper.
Kate lowers her eyes, unable to form the words she long to say. I still love him too.
The silence that follows is unbearable.
"Is there anyone special in your life?" Kate asks, trying to keep the mood lighter.
Alexis blushes, almost as red as her hair. Kate grins, mischief in her eyes.
"So who is it?"
Alexis turns away as her blush deepens. "Cheyenne," she mumbles.
Kate's grin widens. "The one with the short hair and an impossible cute smile?"
Alexis nods.
"Tell me more," Kate sits up straight, her eyes sparkling for the first time in a long time.
...
"Muuuum," Kate hears Joanna once she steps into the loft.
"Hey Jo," Kate picks up the four-year-old who barrels herself into Kate.
"Dad is being all lazy again," Jo pouts, her eyebrows furrowed in discontent.
"I think you are wearing him out," Kate laughs, knowing the full extent of Joanna's energy. Joanna takes after her father in many ways, including his never ending supply of energy.
"What did you do today?"
"Laser tag! And we went to the park with Ray," Joanna half-shouts, her excitement evident. She jumps off her mother's arms and dashes into her father's office.
"Daaaaad! Mum's back from lunch with Lexi!" She announces and leaps onto her father.
"Welcome home," he mutters.
She smiles weakly in response.
Joanna starts babbling to Kate about her day out with Castle, her tiny arms flailing happily. She has Martha's dramatic flair too, doesn't she?
Castle awkwardly sits at his chair watching his soon-to-be ex wife and their daughter. For a moment, he wishes that they can go back to the start, when they could talk about nothing and everything, when the walls between them are almost non-existant.
Joanna let out a long yawn, stretching her hands out wide.
"Time to have a nap, little bug," Kate laughs and carries Joanna, despite the fact that she is, indeed, already too big and heavy for such pampering.
"Not yet," she whimpers, sighing into her mother's shoulder, her eyes already closing.
Kate lets out a light laugh and carries her daughter to her room. "Sleep tight little bug," she whispers and kisses her forehead.
"Don't go, mama," Joanna whimpers, tears brimming in her eyes. She is still holding onto Kate's blouse even when she's asleep.
"I will never leave you," Kate says, choking back her tears.
It must be hard on their children, especially Joanna, who is mature before her age, who thinks she can carry the weight of the world on her little shoulders. In many ways, she reminds her of Alexis.
Raymond is too young to fully comprehand what was going on but Joanna can. She may not understand the reasons behind the divorce but she understands what a divorce is. Or at least, she knows that mama and papa will not be living together anymore.
As a mother, she is a failure. She isn't able to protect her children from pain. She is the one who inflicted the pain.
She closes the door and leaves. It is never easy.
...
"Castle, can we talk?" She raps on his door and asks.
"Yes." He invites her in.
"Joanna is growing up nicely isn't she?"
"Yea. She is."
Silence.
"She was a tough pregnancy though," she laughs, remembering the sleepless night she had.
"Weird cravings too," he smiles at the memory of him rushing around finding food to feed her cravings.
"But she is a gift," she says, her eyes soft.
She had found out that she was pregnant a few days before Christmas.
Her period was late. Two months late. She didn't suspect it at the first month. Her cycle wasn't the most regular after all, with all the stress that came with her work. But as she missed the second month, she could not help but worry.
So she had snuck into a pharmacy, feeling like a thief. She had absolutely no idea why there was such a wide selection of pregnancy tests. She grabbed a box from the shelves and made a mad dash to the self check-out, feeling strangely self concious.
As soon as she reached home, she did the test. The instructions were embarrassing to read but it did clearly explain the meaning of the results.
The three minutes had to be the longest in her life.
A plus sign clearly showed on the stick.
She was... She was pregnant?
As the information sunk in, a grin slowly spread across her face. She was pregnant! Happiness burst inside of her, filling every inch of her body with an impossible joy.
She couldn't wait to tell Rick.
Then, an idea formed.
She smirks and disinfects the pregnancy stick.
This shall be his Christmas gift then. She carefully packed it in a box and ties an overly extravagant bow on it. He would love it.
When Christmas came, she pulled him down to a game of Scrabbles. She hoped that the letters she got would aid her in the plan. Thankfully, she managed to get all the required letters.
"Pregnant...?" He quirked an eyebrow.
She slid the box to him. He looked at it questioningly and opened it.
He stared at it's content, disbelief written all over his face. Her heart sunk. Did he not want-
She found herself being lifted up and swung around as Castle shouted with joy, his grin so wide that it seemed to connect his two ears together.
"You're pregnant," he breathed out.
"I'm pregnant."
"You're pregnant!" He repeated, almost on the verge of a yell.
"You're pregnant!" He shouted now. She was certain that the whole building would have heard about her pregnancy.
She pressed her face against his shoulder and laughed.
They found themselves on the floor, his arms around her, laughing like they had never laughed before.
...
"You told me using a pregnancy stick!" He shakes his head.
"And scrabble," she chimes in.
"How can I ever forget that?" He rolls his eyes. "It's so cliche."
"Excuse me for not being a best selling author," she retorts, sticking out her tongue.
He wrinkles his nose and sticks out his tongue in return. They stare at each other, shocked by the easy interaction.
"Hug me, Castle," she requests once more.
He holds her gently, his body no longer as tensed as the previous day.
Closure. She can feel it creeping in.