"Beck?" I couldn't believe how stupid I could be. Not only did I make a complete fool of myself in front of the one guy it matters for, but I managed losing my virginity when I was so drunk, I don't remember it. How many idiotic girls can do that? Honestly, I'm worse than most of the girls I glare at. I'm so pathetic I can't stand myself.

I mean, for years, I've seen those stupid girls. I've seen those girls who go to parties every weekend and sleep around with whoever will take them because they have such low self-esteems that they'll throw themselves at anyone so long as it keeps them feeling wanted and pretty for a few more minutes. I always have thought that they were pathetic, and now I'm just as bad... in fact... I'm worse than those girls. I ignored the fact that I wanted Beck... and I was only able to go for it when I was drunk off my ass. Great job, Jade. Maybe next you'll audition for a Broadway show when you're high. I groaned thinking about the way my life was going.

That was when I noticed that Beck was still standing there in front of me... Looking incredibly uncomfortable. I couldn't say I blamed him. Wait... no... I did! I completely blamed him! I know how I get when I'm drunk. It's not like I'm not obvious when I'm drunk. He totally knew I was too drunk to know what I'm doing. I can't believe him... He totally took advantage of me. I was disgusted with him. I looked up at him and saw red. I saw everything that wasn't working out for me in my life. I saw myself being such a loser that I let Beck take advantage of me... so I punched him in the face.

"Jade?! What the hell?!" Beck yelled, holding his face in pain.

I shook my head at him in disbelief. How could he yell at me after all that he did to me. I felt like I was the one being punched in the face. I didn't understand how he could act like that after he did this to me. I felt my face heat up and tears stung my eyes. I pushed past Beck and left. I looked around and saw that I had been in a RV in Beck's driveway... but I didn't stay to study the bushes.

When I got out of Beck's driveway... I didn't know where to go. I didn't exactly want to go home after staying out all night, and with all the drama I was going through, I didn't want to have to be yelled at now, too.

I just ran a few blocks and tried to see if I could find anywhere to hide. As I ran I thought about everything... I thought about knowing Beck these past four years. I thought about how he used to follow me around compared to how he started being confident and not needing me anymore. I thought about how he took me for granted and how he started having his own fan club. He stopped needing my attention since he was being showered with it by every girl he met. He didn't even care when we had that fight. He didn't care at all. Then he freaks out at me at a party after not talking to me for months... and he... takes advantage of the fact that I was drunk and vulnerable.

I turned into a park that I found and started to walk between the trees. I sat down under the shade of an evergreen. I sat quietly... just breathing for a few moments and traced the bark with my fingers. I felt something unusual so I turned to look at it. It was a heart carved in with a pair of initials. I very pathetically started to tear up again... I moved before I could disappoint myself too much. My thoughts drifted back to Beck. I was disgusted with everything he had become and I would have been happy if I never had to see him again. I was even more disgusted with the fact that that just wasn't true. I would miss him... I'd miss the dork I grew up with.

I was hurting inside so much... I couldn't stand myself. I almost hope that Beck got something out of all this, because this whole experience sucked for me... and the side-effects are more than I can handle.

I hope you enjoyed.

Thanks for Reading.