A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 33: Miz Goes Blind

The waitress stared at Miz. "I'm sorry?" she said. "Could you repeat that?"

"Do I have to?" Miz asked.

"He said he thinks he's going blind," Punk said. "I'd like the fruit bowl, please."

"You're seriously ordering fruit?" Miz asked.

"Are you seriously going blind?" Punk countered. "I've had enough pancakes to last me a lifetime lately. I want something different."

"Um," the waitress said. "Okay, fruit. I don't have anything for blindness, sir, but if you'd like something else…"

Miz sighed. "Pancakes. Just pancakes."

"I'm pretty sure they don't cure blindness," Christian said. "But just in case… I want pancakes, too. And waffles."

"Both?" Punk asked. "That's a lot of carbs."

"Well, if the pancakes cure blindness…"

"They don't," the waitress said.

Christian glared at Matt. "How do you know?"

The waitress shook her head. "Okay, fruit, pancakes, waffles… what else?" She took the rest of the order, then left, muttering, "They'd better leave a good tip."

Miz closed his eyes. "She's gone, right?"

"Yes," Punk confirmed.

"You guys are going to get us kicked out if you don't knock it off."

"We didn't do anything," Punk said. "You're the one getting Christian all riled up by telling him the pancakes cure blindness."

"I didn't tell him that," Miz said.

Mark said, "I live in an ice cube."

"Where does he come up with these things?" Punk asked.

"No idea," Christian said. "Hey, JJ, watch this." Christian picked up his fork and threw it at the table next to them. It bounced off and hit the floor. "Awesome, right?"

"What are you doing, Rey?" JJ asked.

"Throwing things at Punk."

"First of all," Punk said, "I'm over here. And secondly, not cool."

"Maybe I should bite you, then," Christian said, leaning over and biting Miz.

"Ow! Hey!" Miz said. "Who just bit me? Orton, was that you?"

"No," Randy said, from his other side. "That was Christian."

"Why the hell is Christian biting people?" Miz asked. "Isn't that normally your job?"

"Well, it was, but you weren't letting me do it, so I guess Christian's doing it now," Randy said. He turned to Matt. "Hey, I saw a claw machine up front. Do you want to go play?"

Matt glared at Randy. "A claw machine? Really? Those are for losers."

"Oh, right. Totally," Randy said, blinking.

Punk shook his head. "What is going on here? You're all acting weird."

The waitress returned and set the food in front of them. "Enjoy your meal," she muttered before scurrying off.

"Hey, this is pretty good," Christian said. "I forgot how much I like waffles."

Miz stabbed the table with his fork, causing it to rebound. "Ow. Where is my plate?"

Randy sighed and said, "Let me cut that pancake up for you, Miz. Do you want syrup on it?"

"Syrup!" Matt said.

"Oh good," Punk said dryly. "Jeff's back."

"I'll cut up your pancakes after I cut up Miz's pancakes," Randy told Matt.

"I can do it myself!" Matt said, holding the knife upside down, so the blade faced up. "See? I've got it!"

"Obviously," Punk muttered.

"Who's got my pancakes?" Miz asked, feeling the table in front of him.

"I'm cutting them up," Randy said.

"Don't put any Viper venom in my pancakes!" Miz said.

"Don't be silly," Randy said. "I'm not really a snake, you know."

Punk pushed his chair back and stared around the table. "This is wrong. It's all wrong."

"What is?" Miz asked.

"I can't quite put my finger on it…"

"Oh my God!" Christian yelled. "I can see! These waffles are magical! They're like manna from the Gods! I'm cured!" He laughed. "Hey, maybe this means I'm Jesus?"

"No!" Punk snapped. "No one is Jesus but me! I keep telling you guys that!"

Miz frowned. "I still can't see. Let me try those waffles."

"No!" Christian said. "They're my magic waffles!"

"I just want a bite!" Miz said.

"I'll give you a bite!" Christian said, lunging at Miz again.

"Hey! Stop that!" Randy said, pushing his way between Christian and Miz. "No biting! Ow! Christian! Stop!"

"Werr," Christian said, around the bite he was taking on Randy's arm.

"JJ, you want to help me out here?" Randy asked.

"Why should I?" JJ demanded. "No one ever helps me out." He pushed his chair back and stormed away from the table, leaving everyone blinking in his wake.

Christian quit biting Randy. "JJ?" he said.

Punk shook his head. "This is like a nightmare. It's… scrambled."

"Now I want eggs," Miz complained. "Where are my pancakes?"

Randy sighed and pushed the plate in front of Miz again. "Here. They're in front of you."

"You're acting like Christian," Punk said to Miz, "and Christian is acting like Orton, who's acting like JJ, who is acting like… Well, I have no idea who JJ is acting like. But he's not acting like himself." He frowned. "But I'm not acting weird, and Matt is Jeff and Mark is Mark."

"I'm a bumblebee!" Mark said.

"So what is going on here?" Punk continued, ignoring Mark, who was now running around, buzzing.

"Maybe we've been poisoned?" Randy said, sitting down and studying Punk.

"I doubt that. Poison would make us sick, not… weird."

"We started weird," Randy said.

"Yeah, but not this kind of weird. This is weird even for us weird. You're almost rational."

Randy was quiet for a moment. "You know what?" he said to Punk. "The voices are gone. I… I've been hearing them most of my life, and now… they're gone."