A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 36: Miz Visits The Emergency Room, Part One

"So this whole time in the hospital, you've been palming your meds?" Miz asked in disbelief.

"Yes. Uh, can we finish this up? I'm kind of bleeding, and it's uncomfortable."

"Sorry," Miz said. "We should get you to the hospital so you can have that looked at."

"You think?" Punk snapped. "That sounds like a fabulous idea, except for one small problem. Genius over here smashed the GPS, and we have no idea where we are."

Randy said, "It was lying to me. This isn't the freeway."

"No more driving for you," Punk said. "I'll take over."

"You?" Miz said. "You're bleeding everywhere! No way can you drive."

"Well, who does that leave? I don't trust Mark, Matt or Christian not to kill us, and JJ can't exactly ask for directions, can he? What if he gets place names mixed up as well as people's names?"

Miz said, "I'll drive."

"You were blind three hours ago," Punk pointed out.

"I can see just fine now," Miz said. "But you'd better sit up front with me, Punk. Randy, you get in the back with Matt."

"Where's JJ going to sit?" Punk asked.

Miz frowned. "He can sit next to Mark, and Christian can move to the back with Matt and Randy."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Punk said. "Putting Matt and JJ in close quarters like that…"

"Randy and Christian will be between Matt and JJ. It'll be fine. Besides, Matt's asleep. I doubt he'll wake up for awhile yet."

Punk sighed. "I feel dizzy."

"Punk?" Miz asked, alarmed as the straightedge superstar slid to the ground. "Damn it! Randy, help me get him to the car."

The Viper scooped up Punk. "He's lighter than he looks," he told Miz.

Miz opened the passenger door and said to JJ, "Change of plans. You move to where Christian is, Christian, you move to the back with Matt."

"You're going to have to help me, JJ," Christian said with a sigh. "Everything's blurry again."

"It's all right, Rey," JJ said. "I don't mind." JJ got into the back and Randy helped Miz put Punk in the passenger's seat up front before Randy got in to help JJ and Christian move Matt.

"And Matt's dead weight," Randy said, giving Matt a good shove so that he could sit down next to him, with Christian on his other side.

"I want a cookie," Matt muttered in his sleep.

Randy shot him a dirty look. "No cookie for you," he said, which made Christian snicker.

Miz hopped into the driver's seat and was glad to see that Randy had left the keys in the ignition, even as he vowed that the Viper would not drive again. He turned the SUV on, then buckled Punk into his seat and headed down the road.

%

About ten miles later, they hit a major road. Another five miles, and Miz saw a hospital sign. "Thank God," he muttered, following the signs until they led to a hospital. It was small, but it had an emergency room, which was all he cared about. He pulled the SUV into the parking lot and called out, "Randy! Help me!"

"I'll help you," Mark said, sitting up. "I'm very helpful. What do you need?"

Miz blinked. "I need to get Punk into the emergency room. Can you do that?"

"No problem!" Mark said with a smile. "JJ, will you get the door, please? I'm helping Miz."

"Sure, Shawn," JJ said, opening the door and hopping out of the SUV so the much bigger Mark could get out.

Miz unbuckled Punk, then got out of the SUV. He pocketed the keys and told JJ, "Keep an eye on the others, will you?"

"You got it, Undertaker," JJ said.

Miz nodded and opened the passenger door so Mark could pick up Punk. "Is that okay?" Miz asked.

"Oh, it's fine," Mark said, still smiling.

Miz went into the hospital first, followed by Mark. "Hey," Miz said to the triage clerk. "My friend hit his head, then passed out. He's bleeding a lot from a scalp wound."

The triage clerk looked up at Miz, then looked at Mark and Punk. His eyes got huge. "Yeah, bring him back and they'll have a look," he said. "Do you need a wheelchair?"

"No, I've got him!" Mark said. Miz was starting to get creeped out by the smile and the cheerful attitude.

"Hey, you look kind of familiar," he said to Miz, as he led them down the hall.

"I have that kind of face," Miz said.

"Maybe that's it," the clerk said, as he unlocked a door and brought them to a room. "Just set him on the bed and I'll send someone in to get your insurance information. The doctor will be by shortly."

"Thanks," Miz said. Mark set Punk down on the bed and settled on the floor. Miz took the chair beside the bed. When the clerk was gone, Miz said, "Insurance?"

"We can tell them to bill the hospital in Connecticut," said Mark helpfully. "They won't get the bill for weeks, and by then, it shouldn't matter."

Miz frowned. "I guess. But maybe Punk has an insurance card?"

"I doubt it," Mark said. "Why would Jesus need insurance?"

Miz stared at Mark. "This is the most lucid I've seen you. What's the deal?"

"I told you," Mark said. "I'm helpful!"

"Oh." Miz frowned. "Yeah, okay. That makes perfect sense."