Author's note: Happy Memorial Day weekend for those in the U.S.! Thank you all for your reviews, favorites and follows. I truly appreciate you giving this story a chance and the support you've shown.
This chapter is primarily internal dialogue to give both Peeta and Katniss' POV. A huge, huge conversation is coming in the next chapter which should be out very soon. I know that per cannon, Katniss is a little OOC here, in that at this point of Catching Fire, she's not even thinking about feelings, etc, etc. But that's the point of this story - to force her into a position where her feeling for Peeta have to be addressed in some way. I hope attempting this, I've kept true to the essence of Katniss.
I would love to hear what you think of the story so far so please review if you have a few minutes.
Other than that, enjoy!
Chapter 2
Peeta Mellark had always prided himself on being nothing like his mother.
His temper was rare. He always managed to find the positive in even the most desperate situations. And while he'd been given the gift of words, he'd never learned his mother's knack for finding one's weakness and tearing them down with a sharp and well-chosen insult.
Which was why, as Peeta stormed into the penthouse floor's waiting elevator, he felt a sense of shame wash over him. He spun around ready to punch something. A button. A wall. The closing doors.
But he froze instead.
What just happened? And why?
Katniss had never been that...that...
What? Possessive? No. No, that wasn't possible. Jealous? He wouldn't even let himself dare hope.
Envious? Maybe. In truth, Katniss had always been the center of attention in their little Capitol-controlled world. Especially after she shot that arrow at Seneca Crane's stuffed pig. In fact, if it weren't for Katniss, Peeta doubted anyone would have ever really given him a second thought, even a glance. After all, nobody really needed him. Or wanted him, for that matter.
Which is what made his interactions with Johanna Mason all that more intriguing.
Despite his protestations to the contrary, Peeta wasn't oblivious to Johanna's antics. He just didn't take them as seriously as Katniss apparently did.
But now on second thought, maybe he should.
It wasn't as if he'd never been flirted with before. He had. But he had to admit…there was something about Johanna's laser-like focus on building him up, stroking his ego and insinuating that Katniss didn't know how good she had it, how lucky she was, that made a part of him recoil in caution even as he boldly primed the well of her knowledge.
It was almost as if, by taunting Katniss as she whispered sweet words of overt praise in Peeta's metaphorical ear, Johanna was purposely trying to drive a wedge between the District 12 victors. Or that she was testing him somehow.
Because it was all really rather ridiculous. To think Katniss was the lucky one when clearly she put the 'star' in star-crossed lovers. Even now, there were times Peeta felt as if he could disappear from the portrait of their lives and barely be missed. That he was merely the necessary, but replaceable, backdrop to a much larger drama playing out for some invisible audience.
Which, to be honest, wasn't that far from the truth.
For even though he and Katniss were joint victors of the 74th Hunger Games, she was the Girl on Fire. And Peeta? Well, he was just the boy who loved her.
Peeta shook his head and ran his fingers through his blonde locks in agitation.
God, if that weren't true, this whole thing – from choosing allies to my inevitable death – would be so much easier to manage.
But it was true. Oddly enough, that thought alone brought just as much calm to his troubled mind as it did trouble to his calming heart.
With a weary sigh, Peeta turned to face an ironic metaphor for his own reality as the elevator began to move of its own volition. Through its glass walls, Peeta saw the Capitol spread out below him like a glittering jewel. Beautiful. Distant. Growing closer, but still unattainable.
Just like Katniss.
He'd been such a fool in the first Games. Thinking he knew her, that he was in love with her. When it came right down to it, he didn't know a damn thing. The dream of Katniss that he'd carried around in his head all of those years was just that - a dream. And as much as he would always cherish the little girl with two braids that captured his everlasting attention, he knew now that he loved the woman Katniss was becoming so much more than he'd ever thought possible.
Even with all of her rough edges, all of her faults.
That she was seemingly oblivious - even now - to his obvious feelings, made for some very long days and even longer nights. To believe that she dreamed of another even as she took comfort in the safety of his arms, tested the limits of his love to degrees he didn't know existed. And to know in his heart of hearts that she would never be truly his even as they acted out his own dreams before all of Panem, sent a dagger into his heart at the beginning of each and every day.
Because none of it was real.
No, to her, every kiss, every smile, every caress was one long elaborate show for President Snow and the people of Panem. A way to quell the rising storm rolling through the districts. The means used to protect her family and loved ones.
As far as Katniss was concerned, she and Peeta were nothing more than allies.
Still, if all of that was the price he had to pay to be near her in his last days on earth, he would pay it a thousand times over.
He knew that like he knew his own name.
Having reasoned his way into relative calm, Peeta pushed himself away from the railing of the elevator, turned and stepped up to the panel that would take him to his next destination. As he weighed his options – a party where he could forget who he was, where he was, for just a little while or back to the sweetest torture he would ever know – the doors slid opened to reveal a third option.
"Why, Peeta Mellark." Dressed to seduce in a skin-tight, barely-there sequined dress that revealed the tattoo encircling her belly button, Johanna Mason' coy smile curved her lips upward as her hungry gaze swept over him. "What a coincidence. You were just the man I was looking for."
Peeta shifted uncomfortably and glanced longingly at the escape waiting for him just beyond one bare, freckled shoulder. "Actually, Johanna, I…"
Like a ravenous predator swooping in for its next meal, the attack was swift and unexpected. Before Peeta Mellark could react, his back hit the wall, her warm, supple body pinned him in place and her lips swallowed any further words of protest with an explosive kiss designed to make him forget that the Girl on Fire had ever existed…
It was two-thirty in the morning and Katniss Everdeen hadn't slept a wink.
The earlier fight with Peeta was weighing heavily on her mind.
And her heart.
As she tossed and turned and hit the fluffiness out of her pillow at least a dozen times, the questions came hard and fast.
Why had it irritated her so much that Peeta had spent so much time with Johanna? Why had her gut twisted into a knot at every smile he tossed Johanna's way? Or every time he laughed at one of Johanna's stupid jokes? And why had she picked a fight with him over it when he was the last person that deserved to be blamed for the situation they were in? Because thinking back on how things had played out, that's exactly what she'd done.
But the burning question she kept coming back to time and time again? Could Peeta be right? Could she be jealous?
It wasn't really something she'd ever felt before, let alone considered. Not even with Gale, who she knew had spent time with other girls, had kissed them and – only they knew what else. But even the knowing had never put this sick feeling in the pit of her stomach or the unexpected ache in the general vicinity of her heart the way watching Peeta with Johanna had.
So if she was jealous, what did that even mean? Did it mean she had feelings for Peeta? And if so, what exactly were those feelings? And just how deeply did they run?
No. No, no, no. She couldn't think that way. She had to stay focused and alert. And thoughts like that - feelings like that - they could only lead to trouble. If she had even the slightest chance of saving him, she couldn't risk getting in too deep...
Something deep inside of her twisted.
It was an instinct, a knowing, that she was already past the point of no return when it came to Peeta Mellark. She had, after all, chosen to turn her back on her family and friends, her future, everything she knew and loved - had chosen death, in fact – in order to focus on one goal and one goal only.
And she didn't even think about it.
The desire to keep Peeta alive came as natural to her as breathing.
And over-powered her in a way that few things in her life ever had.
The thunderous ticking of the clock in the still and silent room only served to remind Katniss that Peeta wasn't where he belonged – by her side. In her bed. Holding her in a strong, warm cocoon of peace and contentment.
After all, he was so much more than just her ally.
He was her fellow victor. Her partner, friend. Her dandelion when all hope was…
With a groan of frustration, Katniss abruptly ended that train of thought, flipped the covers off of her and sat up, relinquishing her fight against sleeplessness.
Where in the world was he?
Her mind began spinning in directions previously uncharted. What if he had gone to Johanna's? What if her worldly earthiness had drawn him in? What if he was still there? What could they possibly be doing together at this hour?
Images from the day's practice assaulted her mind. Johanna's hand slowly sliding down Peeta's muscled arm and closing over his large hand as she coached him on the best way to handle an ax. How she shimmied her way into the circle of his arms as he showed her how to lift a heavy weight. The close proximity of their bodies as Peeta gently moved his paintbrush over pale skin, transforming freckles into little lady bugs perched on the tree branch formed from her collarbone.
A revolting, nauseating thought hit her.
Before an image of Peeta and Johanna together could fully form, suddenly – mercifully – there was a light tap on her door. She felt the weight that had been pressing in on her lift off her chest and with it, came her first real breath in hours. She'd know that tap anywhere.
As a strange and conflicting mixture of relief and irritation, joy and anger rushed through her, she was momentarily paralyzed into inactivity.
It didn't matter that her every instinct screamed at her to rush to the door, throw it open and bridge the intolerable distance she had created. He had been the one to walk out on her in a huff. To willfully misunderstand her. To worry her into sleeplessness with his prolonged absence.
But above all?
Peeta Mellark had unwittingly forced her to face her own heart with all of its mysterious and intensely confusing emotions. Emotions that she now realized had been simmering just under the surface for months. Silently, steadily growing, evolving. And waiting for the chance to be discovered. Explored. Experienced.
And now that she was just beginning to understand what Peeta Mellark meant to her…
Katniss Everdeen had no choice but to tuck it all away and pretend.
Pretend that she didn't need him.
Pretend that he didn't stir something deep within her.
Pretend…that Peeta Mellark was nothing more than an ally.
Tbc…