A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 38: Miz Visits The Emergency Room, Part Three

"He's been in the hospital for pain," Mark said. "I'm sure they gave him the Tramadol."

"Still," said Dr. Jackson, "he shouldn't be wrestling while on pain medication."

"I'm the team doctor," Mark said. "I'll keep him benched until I'm sure he's off the medication. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. He was due to have a drug test this week, but he's never had one not come back clean, and I foolishly let him put it off for a few days."

Miz stared at Punk while Dr. Jackson nodded and finished cleaning the wound. "Looks like six stitches," he said again. "Let's get going on those. Normally, I'd give him something for the pain, but since he's already on Tramadol and unconscious, I think we can skip that." He picked up the needle that was on the tray and turned to the wound. Miz looked away. "Squeamish?" the doctor asked.

"I don't like needles," Miz said.

"Most people don't. It's all right if you want to go out and wait in the hall until I'm done."

"Actually," Miz said, "I'd better go check in with my friends. I'll be back." He took one more quick glance at Punk, who was apparently doped up on Tramadol, and headed out of the room. Signs in the hall led to the exit, and Miz found the SUV without any problems. Christian, Randy and JJ were awake, but Matt was still asleep.

"How's Hornswoggle?" JJ asked.

Miz frowned. "They think he's got a concussion, and he's getting stitches right now. He's still unconscious, but I'm not sure if it's because of the concussion or something else. Can I ask you guys a question?"

"Sure," Christian said to JJ. "Go ahead."

Miz sighed. "Punk had a pain medication in his system. Tramadol."

"Punk doesn't take anything," Randy said. "You heard what he said about palming his medicine. He refuses aspirin when he's got a headache. The only drug he takes is his Pepsi."

"I know," Miz said. "That's what he keeps telling us, but what if he's lying? What if Punk is really an addict?"

"You're kidding, right?" Christian said. "Punk an addict? That's like asking if we think the Pope might not be Catholic. It's absurd. It's completely unheard of."

"I'd have agreed with you an hour ago," Miz said, "but blood doesn't lie."

"Maybe the lab got his results mixed up?" Randy asked.

"I doubt it," Miz said. "No, it's something else, but I don't know what." He shook his head.

"Do you want me to RKO the doctor?" Randy asked.

"No," Miz said. "We've already got one head injury as a result of an RKO. We don't need a lawsuit, too." He paused. "I'd better get back before Mark tells the doctor he's a fruit bat or something. See you guys in a bit."

He walked away from the SUV and went back into the hospital. Convincing the staff to let him go back into the room took a little doing, but Miz finally managed. The doctor was gone, but Punk was awake. "Miz," he said in relief. "Where are we, and why did you leave me alone with Henry?"

Miz said, "How long have you been doing drugs, Punk?"

"What are you talking about?" Punk asked, confused. "What is the matter with you, Miz?"

"What's the matter with me?" Miz asked. "What's the matter with you? Drug tests don't lie!"

"Miz," Punk said, his lips forming an angry line, "you must be the one on drugs, because I'd never touch any of that garbage, and you know it."

"Oh yeah?" Miz said. He stormed out of the room to the nurses station. "Excuse me," he said, "my friend is finally awake. Could someone come down and tell him he's a liar, please?"

The nurse blinked at him. "Sir?" she asked.

"His drug test results," Miz clarified. "Could you come down and explain them to him?"

"All right," she said, eyeing Miz.

"Thank you," he said, heading back to the room. "The nurse is coming."

"Good," Punk said. "Then we can clear this up."

"Mr. Wallace?" the nurse said.

"Who?" Punk asked.

"That's you," Miz said.

"Oh. Okay?" Punk said.

"The tox screen came back positive for Tramadol," the nurse said.

"It… what?" Punk asked, blinking.

"She's telling you that you have drugs in your system," Miz said, sitting down in the chair again.

"But that's not right," Punk said with a frown. "I mean, I don't even take aspirin! I don't do drugs!"

"Well," Miz said, "apparently, you do." He turned to the nurse. "Does he still need to stay for observation?"

"He seems pretty confused," she said. "I'm sure the doctor will want him to stay."

"I'm not staying here!" Punk said. "You're obviously a bunch of quacks!"

"You're certainly free to sign yourself out against medical advice, Mr. Wallace," the nurse said. "Though if anything happens to you as a result, you're on your own."

"Get me the paperwork," Punk said. "I'm not staying here another minute. Drugs in my system indeed." He snorted. "You have no idea how absurd that is. It's completely impossible."

"Methinks the superstar doth protest too much," Mark said softly, as the nurse left to get the paperwork.

Miz glanced at Mark, then sighed. "Whatever, Punk. You're not driving from here on out. I don't trust you any more."

Punk glared at Miz. "My name is the one on the rental contract. You don't even have your license on you."

"I'll take my chances," Miz said. "Better than letting you crack us up because you're hopped up on pain medication."

"Here you go," the nurse said. "I've brought you the AMA papers. Sign those and we'll release you, Mr. Wallace."

Punk scribbled something on the paper, then handed it back to the nurse. "Now get me out of here," he demanded.