A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 40: Miz Takes An Order

"I'm hungry!" Matt whined from the backseat. "When are we going to stop and eat already?"

Miz looked at the clock. Eight am. He glanced over at Punk, who looked exhausted but was still awake. He knew he probably looked the same. It had been a very long night. "Okay," Miz said. "We're going to stop for breakfast."

"Yay!" Matt said.

"He seems to be Jeff more and more often," Miz observed to Punk quietly.

"I think he's Matt right now," Punk muttered.

"How can you tell?" Miz asked, glancing into the rearview mirror for another look at Matt.

"Jeff's bouncier. And noisier. And constantly bugging someone."

"Again," Miz said, turning to Punk, "how can you tell?"

Punk tried hide his snicker as a cough. "What's so funny?" Matt asked.

"I rest my case," Miz muttered, making Punk laugh again.

Randy opened his eyes and looked at Matt. "Don't be whiny unless you want an RKO this morning."

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the car," Matt said.

"Someone woke up between you and Christian," Randy said. "That alone is enough to make me want to bite someone."

"I see a McDonald's!" Matt said. "Let's stop there!"

Miz sighed. "Fine," he said. "I'm tired of taking you guys into actual restaurants and then getting kicked out. May as well go to McDonald's."

"And they have a playplace!" Matt said.

"Now he's Jeff," Punk said.

"Oh, God no," Miz moaned. "Why me?"

"Just relax," Punk said. "We'll get Christian and JJ to watch him."

"You're kidding, right?" Miz said. "One's blind and the other one makes him turn into Matthew or Godzilla."

"Good point," Punk said. "Hmm. Well, we can have Mark and Randy watch him?"

"The violent one and the one who, last I checked, was a dirty t-shirt?"

Punk sighed. "Me?"

"On drugs."

Punk made a face. "Fine. You then."

"I'm exhausted."

"Look," Punk said, "he's an actual adult. No matter what you believe, no one is going to call child protective services if he runs wild on us. The police, maybe, but then it's on him and not on us. So we can all watch him as a group, or you can trust someone to keep an eye on him."

Miz sighed. "Okay. You can watch him. Even if you're a drug addict, you're still the lesser of five evils right now."

"Thanks," Punk said, smirking. "I appreciate the vote of confidence."

Miz pulled into a parking place. "Listen, Jeff," he said, "you eat, and then you can play, okay?"

"But I wanna play!" Matt said.

"You can play until we get the food," Punk said, "and then you have to eat. What do you want, Jeff?"

"Um, a cheeseburger happy meal! No, two! Or three! Or six! What kind of toy is it?"

"Looks like a car?" Punk said, shrugging.

"Oh, I like cars!" Matt said.

"You have to eat the food to get the toy," Miz said. "That's the new McDonald's rule. If you don't eat your food, then you can't have the toy."

"No way!" Matt said, his eyes wide.

"Yep. They told me, right before I came to the hospital. Morrison wanted a happy meal, too, but he didn't eat the whole thing and they took the toy away from him."

Punk shot Miz a warning glance. "This could backfire," he muttered. "Badly."

"But…" Matt said. "I don't like onions. What if I don't eat them?"

"We'll order yours without onions," Miz said.

"And no mustard!" Matt said. "I hate mustard!"

"Okay, no onions and no mustard."

"And no bread! Yuck!"

Miz said, "So you want a meat patty with cheese and ketchup?"

"Yes! That!" Matt said, bouncing. "Two of them!"

"And you'll eat it? Every bite?"

"Yes!"

"And the fries too?"

"I get fries?" Matt asked.

"Oh, dad. Now you've done it," Punk said.

"What?" Miz asked.

"Fries!" Jeff screamed. "Fries! Fries! Fries! Yay!"

"Ow," Orton said. "Please can I RKO him?"

"Fine with me," Christian said on his other side, wincing.

"Yay!" Orton said. "Let's get out of the car and go for a little walk, Jeff."

"Yay!" Matt yelled.

"No!" Miz said. "Orton, we agreed, you don't get to ask Christian unless Punk and I are both not available, and I'm clearly available."

"Maybe that wouldn't be true if you weren't so obnoxious," Punk muttered.

Miz glared at Punk. "Do you want to go back to the hospital?"

"Is that a threat?"

"No," Miz said, "it's what's going to happen if Orton RKO's Jeff in this damned parking lot!"

"Oh," Punk said. "Good point. Orton, no RKO's this morning."

"Can I at least bite him?" Orton pleaded. "He's giving me a headache."

"Ask me again after breakfast," Punk said, "and we'll see."

They climbed out of the car and Matt grabbed Punk's hand. "Come on, Punk!" he said. "All the fun stuff's going to be all played out by the time we get there!"

"Do you want me to order anything for you?" Miz called after Punk.

"Orange juice," Punk said, and then Matt dragged him inside.

Miz looked at the rest of the Superstars, who were blinking in the bright morning sun. "Well," he said, "let's get this over with."

They approached the counter as a group. "Good morning!" the girl at the register chirped. "Welcome to McDonald's! What can I get for you today?"

Randy sidled up beside Miz and smiled at the woman. To his companion, he said, "Bite?"

"No," Miz said, and Randy's smile disappeared. "We need two happy meals, cheeseburgers, but with only the meat patties and ketchup, to start."

"Um," Now the girl's smile disappeared, as well. "Sir, it's eight o'clock in the morning. We don't serve cheeseburgers until ten."

Miz sighed. "That's going to be a problem." He turned to the others. "Who's going to go tell Jeff that he can't have his cheeseburgers and fries?" None of them would meet his eyes. "Fine," Miz said finally. "Cowards."