The quotation for this chapter was the inspiration for the title of this story. Sorry for not updating – I'm not giving an excuse because I'm too busy running away from hordes of any readers.

"It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride." - John Ruskin

It would have been much easier for my resolution had he turned around immediately and seen me. Unfortunately, in my short life-span, I have realised that the universe does not often work in a way to make things easier for me, or for anybody. Then again, where would the fun in life be if it wasn't a challenge. Looking back on it later, the few seconds that I spent hovering at the end of the couch where Sirius Black sat deep in contemplation, with the pounding in my chest, the ringing in my ears, and a sick, excited fluttering in my stomach, in that moment I felt truly alive in every sense of the word.

The thought that spurred me to action was of how embarrassing, or indeed, mortifying, it would be if he chose to look up and see me standing there staring at him. The invisible force that was my inner Gryffindor might not prevail against the animal instinct that was trying to persuade me to scamper upstairs and burrow under my duvet.

As the beginnings of a serious, and potentially romantic conversations go, it wasn't a great start. Not wanting to startle him, having crept up behind him, I settled for a small cough to announce my presence. He didn't hear. I coughed again. Perversely, this cough caught in the back of my throat, choking me, and ironically I had to cough to get rid of the tickle in my throat that coughing had created in the first place.

It therefore pains me to inform you that one of the most profound and important conversations of my life began with a coughing fit, which caught the attention of everyone in the room, Sirius included. Then again, perhaps that's how I know it is my life; perennial humiliation is the norm. Finally, I stopped coughing, out of breath, and catching Sirius' eye upon me, I promptly forgot how to breath, and coupled with the breathlessness from my coughing, I started to wheeze very unattractively, almost as if I was having an asthma attack.

Sirius started up from his seat in concern, but I held up a hand to detain him. Clutching my chest, I let my breathing settle, all the while experiencing that awkward sensation, akin to that of when you have just taken a huge bite of food, someone asks you a question, and then you have to smile and chew your food for ages whilst they wait for your answer.

Eventually, my breathing returned to normal. I decided to start the conversation in another profound way.

"Good evening." I stated.

Good evening? Good evening! I sounded like a posh twat. What kind of teenager says "Good evening", casually, after they've just spent several days hiding from someone, even eating shower gel to assuage their hunger, and then having a huge coughing fit, to someone who has just asked them out? To be honest, I'm not going to answer that question. I don't want to.

"Good evening." He replied, looking slightly confused.

I coughed again, to break the awkward silence, before remembering the trouble that had got me into, a mere thirty seconds ago.

"Well..." I trailed off.

My inner Gryffindor was no use: it had fallen silent, leaving me standing there dumbly in front of him.

"Rose, I..."

I held up my hand once more (was I some kind of lollipop lady?) to silence him.

"Look, I need to say some things to you, but... well – I don't quite know how to phrase it or where to start – so... I'd really appreciate it if you could just let me speak for a minute and not interrupt, otherwise I might never get this out."

"Not that I mean to be rude or anything..." – I tacked on, realising that my last statement could have been taken as impolite.

He gave a little shake of his head, his eyes downcast forlorn, a rueful smile on his face. It was that that gave me the courage to speak: I had messed this boy around enough.

Then, I did the first thing right that evening, in terms of making a reflective and meaningful speech. I took a deep breath.

Fate decided to intervene. The silence was punctuated from a long, low grumble, like that of thunder, which seemed to be emanating from my vicinity. My stomach was making its presence known.

But... ;and there is a but, which you should never begin a sentence with because it breaks a grammatical rule, and we all know that rules are made to be broken; but however embarrassing my stomach's clamouring was, it served to break the tension, and allowed us both a much needed chuckle.

I patted my stomach, and said "Thanks for that."

Then it was back to the matter at hand.

I took another deep breath and started.

"A few days ago you asked me to be your girlfriend. In the subsequent time, I have had much time to reflect upon this question and what it entails. Therefore, the decision I make has not been made lightly, but has had careful thought put into it.

"My primary reaction, as you have most likely ascertained by my strange, if not semi-insane, behaviour over the last few days, was to feel anxious over your motives. I am keenly aware of the multiple, and if you will excuse me for using the word, dalliances, you have had over the past seven years of our acquaintance at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

So far I have to let you know that I was very impressed with what I was saying: five minutes ago I had no idea what on earth I should say to him, if anything at all, and now I was rattling off a speech in the manner of some practiced valedictorian. Maybe I should become a politician. Future career plans aside, I continued thus:

"Before I go any further, I would like to inform you that I have no intention of being any sort of fling. It was this consideration, coupled with our previous argument, when you stated quite lucidly that Titia wasn't "good enough for you", that caused my initial reaction to your question to be a firm negative."

His shoulders sank.

"However, (his shoulders rose and his eyes lifted to pierce my face so intensely that I stumbled over my next few words and had to gulp a few times before I could speak again) that was before I remembered last year. Last year, or more specifically, last term, I believe I can aver with all confidence that we became firm friends. The evidence is in our conversations in the Heads' Common Room, the fun we had studying together, dancing at Lily and James' party, and your support of me when my friends weren't speaking to me."

Gradually, as I called to mind more and more of these instances; whether our debate about the word "mortifying" or baking in the kitchen, they began to cancel out the many times you have asked me out over the years. As you well know, asking me out in earlier years was some kind of joke, as you used to ask me and then five minutes later be with some other girl. "

So how do I know you really mean it this time? I think because of the friendship we now have allows me to trust that you are in earnest. I have wrestled with myself continuously on this subject over the past few days, yet my conclusion is that you do in fact wish for a real relationship with me.

"So, now for my answer. Having assuaged my doubts over the subject of your intentions, all that is left to contest with is my pride. My pride that doesn't want me to become another girl in the three volume novel of girls you have dated, my pride that doesn't want me to give in after refusing your joke offers for the past six years."

"Fortunately, perhaps the words of John Ruskin might allow me to overcome my pride. You see, he said that "It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride."

"I'm not declaring my love for you at this point, but I cannot deny that I have come to care for you a great deal, and therefore..."

I broke off, took a deep breath, and began again.

"Sirius Black, I would like to firstly thank you for you kind offer to be your girlfriend, and can only apologise that it has taken me so long to reply, and in such a weirdly formal speech. However, having spoken for the last half an hour, I have one word left to say: yes."

The formations of a smile on his face had begun when I mentioned our dancing together at Lily and James' party. It has slowly but steadily grown as I came to assuaging my doubts, started to peak at John Ruskin's words, and at my acquiescence of his request grew so large as to be reminiscent of the contestants on Witch Weekly's Smile Award.

At my final word, he jumped up, emitting his characteristic barking laugh, caught me round the waist and pulled me into a spinning hug. I couldn't help but smile in response. I think the Gobstoners in the corner thought we were mad, but I didn't care; the bubbles of elation welling up in me were a prelude to an exhilarating rush of happiness.

When he stopped spinning me and carefully set me down on the ground, he crooked his neck so as to stare directly into my eyes and said:

"Thank you. I just – I thought – for the whole weekend I thought you were avoiding me because you didn't know how to tell me that you didn't want to go out with me, and now... I-" He grinned. "You can probably tell how happy you've made me from my incoherent babble. Maybe I need some speech lessons from you – it was very well structured and eloquent. Did you write it down beforehand?"

"Actually, I kind of just made it up on the spot." I made an apologetic moue. "But I can aid you in your speech making if you want – I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to spend together."

Our eyes met and held. Then my stomach grumbled again, and I pressed a hand to it in embarrassment.

"Sorry," I muttered as my face reddened. "The beast wants feeding."

He smiled at me again. "When did you last eat a proper meal?"

"Um... nigh on two days ago."

"Ah... because you were meditating as to whether you should go out with me?" He smirked.

My blush would have lit a red light on a traffic light. I shyly elbowed him and replied: "Perhaps."

He slid his arm about my waist as we walked to the portrait hole, which opened before we reached it. Our friends stepped through, chatting amicably, but stopped as they firstly caught sight of me out from my self-enforced seclusion, and then Sirius' arm about my waist.

James raised his eyebrows at Sirius, who nodded slightly, and then James gave him the facial equivalent of a thumbs up.

Lily turned to Katie, Megs and Alice and stated in a voice that was meant to be heard by everyone: "I told you hunger would force her out eventually."

"Actually, Lily, it wasn't hunger. It was my inner Gryffindor. My stomach, however, would like to thank you for all the chocolate frogs."

With that rejoinder, I sailed past her, down to the Great Hall to eat the last six meals I had missed in a single sitting.

Now my university application is out of the way, I sincerely hope to update again before November is out. Love EllieBaby xxx