Jade/John/Dave/Rose: Remember when Dave tried to run a D&D campaign but the others ruined it by trying to seduce every NPC?
"I roll to kiss the waitress." John says, eyeing the board. His noble, human ranger had entered into a bar with the rest of his party, and apparently had scored big time by landing the hottest serving wench as his waitress. With a flick of his wrist, the dice goes rolling. Please Lord, Dave thinks, let it not be a natural twenty.
It's a natural twenty. "I kiss the girl!" John crows, and waits for Dave to make it formal. Dave shakes his head in silent protest, cursing Rose six ways to Sunday.
"Come on Dave, it's only fair! If my cleric can bone the hot alien barkeep, why can't John kiss the girl?" Rose says primly, looking at Dave over her interlaced fingers. As a matter of fact, Rose had made it a habit to have her very "celibate" cleric sleep with every attractive woman they come across. Dave had been about to have her catch a sexually transmitted infection, but somehow Rose had sensed it. Now her cleric has super safe, protected lesbian sex with every hot woman the party encounters.
"Hate you, Rose." Dave moans, burying his head in his arms.
"Love you too, brother."
"When do I get to roll?" Jade mourns, her character having been asleep for the past six turns. "I want to seduce the NPCs too, Dave. It's not fair that John and Rose get to have all the fun!"
"Why, why do you all hate me? Is it because of the whole thing with Karkat? I told you guys before we started playing that the campaign wasn't going to end well!" Dave accused. The joint campaign with Terezi Pyrope's D&D group had ended poorly. The whole thing had gone to hell the second Pyrope had introduced Pyralspite, the Dread Dragon of Doom. Karkat's character's tantrum at having to fight a literal god-modded dragon had managed to get everyone killed.
Needless to say, they'd totally thrown that campaign and its results out. But that was a digression. "Dave," Rose said, voice disappointed, "Are we continuing on or what?"
Dave frowned, "Sorry. Okay. John kisses the girl." John crowed on the other side of the table, quietly rubbing his success in Jade's face. Really, if she wanted to seduce the NPCs her orc would have to wake up first!
Jade scowled in concentration, blowing on the dice for luck, "Come on," she muttered, "wake me up!" Letting the dice go, they clacked on the table and came to rest. "Yes!" She hissed, "I'm awake!"
"Yes good." Dave said calmly, though on the inside he was crying. Because now Jade was thinking aloud about all the NPCs she wanted to kiss. Lord have mercy on his soul, because his friends certainly wouldn't.