A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.
The Mizard Of Odd
Chapter 44: Miz Gets Sidetracked
Miz came awake slowly, listening to the sound of the engine and the murmur of his fellow inmates. He stretched, opening his eyes to take in the afternoon light. "How long was I out?" he asked Matt.
"I have no idea," Matt said. Miz noticed that Matt wasn't covered in ketchup, something he'd been worried about.
"Who are you?" Miz asked, after a moment.
Matt gave him a weird look. "Matt Hardy," he said.
"That works," Miz said. He looked past Matt to a still sleeping Punk before turning his head so he could watch JJ and Christian, up at the front. "Any idea where we are?" he asked Matt.
Matt stared at him. "How many fingers am I holding up?" he asked finally.
"Um, none?" Miz said, blinking at Matt.
"Fair enough," Matt said, frowning. "Can you tell me your name?"
"Miz," Miz said.
"Well, that's good," Matt said with a sigh, leaning back in his seat. "For a minute there, I thought maybe you wouldn't know."
Miz said, "Why wouldn't I know who I was?"
"Well, you didn't know who I was, or where we are…"
"Do you know where we are?" Miz said, annoyed.
"I wasn't paying attention," Matt said.
"We're in the land of enchantment," Mark said, turning to give the two of them a serious look.
"New Mexico?" Miz said. "Because if that's the case, we're way off course."
"But still headed south," Punk muttered, his eyes still closed. "So at least they got that part right."
"A little further west than I'd like, though," Miz said. "How long was I asleep?"
"Hey, everyone's awake," Christian said to JJ.
"Okay, Rey," JJ said. "I think we ought to pull over soon, anyway, to get something to eat."
"Good idea," Christian said. "I know just the place." He leaned over and said something to JJ that Miz couldn't hear.
JJ said, "Are you sure about that, Rey?"
Christian said, "Not entirely, but it's worth a shot, right?"
JJ shrugged. "I guess."
"What are they up to?" Punk asked, opening his eyes and looking toward Christian and JJ.
"No idea," Miz said.
Matt leaned across Miz, frowning at the window. "Hey, this looks kind of familiar," he said.
Miz shoved Matt back. "Watch it, will you?" he said.
"You're cranky today, aren't you?" Matt said.
"You would be too, if people were getting into your private space," Miz snapped.
"He does seem more touchy than usual," Punk said. Miz glared at him. "Just an observation."
"Well, keep it to yourself. I thought it was bad, being cooped up with you guys in the hospital. This is a million times worse. At least there, I could find a quiet spot and sleep."
"Keep it together, new guy," said Pixie, crawling out from under the seat in front of him.
"God save me from the talking cat!" Miz said.
"I guess he doesn't want to today," Punk said with a shrug.
Miz balled up a fist and lunged across Matt, aiming for Punk. "Whoa!" Matt said, trying to get out of the way of the two of them.
"What did I do?" Punk demanded, as he fell from the seat, smacking his head against the doorframe. He winced.
"I'm a wax figure!" Mark said. "See?" He held still, smiling eerily.
"No one cares!" Miz growled at him, before he attempted to chase Punk, though Matt caught him and held him back from assaulting the straightedge superstar.
"You're never going to get anywhere like that," Pixie said, jumping up into the spot that Punk had fallen out of so she could groom her paws.
Punk, meanwhile, was clutching his head and glaring at Miz. "You idiot!" he said. "I got six stitches put in my head last night!"
"How about six more?" Miz asked, again trying to lunge past Matt, who was somehow holding him back.
"I get to bite the winner!" Randy said, his eyes darting between Miz and Punk. "Or maybe the loser. Whichever."
JJ pulled the car off the road. "Stop it!" he yelled at Miz. "Undertaker!"
Miz said to Matt, "Let go of me, or I'll kill you in your sleep."
Matt pulled back as though he'd been burned. "Fine," he said.
Punk glared at Matt. "If he kills me, I am so haunting you for it, Hardy!"
"No one is killing anyone," JJ said. He turned the SUV off and got out. A minute later, he opened the back door, causing Punk to nearly tumble to the ground.
"Hey, careful!" Punk said.
"Come on, Hornswoggle," JJ said, taking Punk's arm. "We're stopping for food. Maybe by the time we're done here, Undertaker will be feeling less angry."
Randy and Mark got out, followed by Matt. "Hey," he said with a frown. "This looks really familiar."
"It does?" Christian asked Randy.
"I'm over here," Matt said absently, as he walked toward the building, the others trailing him.
JJ turned to Miz. "Are you coming?"
"Maybe I'd better stay put," Miz said, "at least until I feel less like I'm going to kill someone."
"Good idea," JJ said. "Be sure and lock up if you come in." He nodded to Miz, then turned. "Ah, Rey!" he called, jogging across the parking lot to rescue Christian from getting run over by the cars in the lot. "Come on," he said, "the door's this way."
"Thanks, JJ," Christian said with a sigh. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
Miz slid out of the SUV and leaned against the vehicle, his eyes on JJ and Christian. Finally, with a sigh, he locked the door and slammed it then, head down, crossed the lot so he could join the others inside the building.