human!Gamzee & human!Karkat: Remember when Karkat found out Gamzee sincerely believed Karkat was going to go to Hell when he died?
Your name is Karkat Vantas; you are seventeen years old, and proudly bisexual. Your best friend is Kanaya Maryam, and besides being Muslim, she is openly lesbian. Terezi, your good friend and sometimes datemate, is asexual and gender fluid. Your friend group is very diverse, racially and with respect to gender and sexual orientation. This is something you're very proud of.
Of course, there's always the one stick in the mud in every group, and for you and yours it is your friend Gamzee Makara. A born again Christian, newly sobered off of every known narcotic easily gotten by a lazy, underachieving, sheltered, rich white boy.
This is of course, a problem. Because the first thing that Gamzee wanted to do was drag…all of you (Maryam included, for some reason) to his fancy as fuck church out in the suburbs of the city. You are the only one who goes, because Terezi swears up down and sideways that stepping inside a church gives them actual burns (the fucking liar, they just never liked Gamzee in the first place, but whatever, you won't force them), and Kanaya is fucking Muslim.
She probably would have gone out of politeness, but you nixed that after doing some scoping out of the church itself. Apparently a good demographic of the congregation is old, conservative Republicans, and as a good friend you can't let her go into that particular shark tank. Who knows what idiocy they'll yell at her (and you can't be blamed for what her Jewish girlfriend, Rose, will do if she catches wind of that potential fiasco), in the midst of their self-righteous speech-ing.
So yeah, you're the only one that goes to the estúpido iglesia with Gamzee, and you lay covers for the others since they couldn't come. ("Nah, Kanaya couldn't come, she had to go to her mosque today, you knew this man. And Terezi's mom makes them go to the Methodist church downtown, don't tell me you forgot?" Not to mention that no, Terezi doesn't go to church, they're the vaguely agnostic partner to your closeted atheist.)
And the sermon drags on forever. It's about "taking responsibility" and other common sense hogwash that you always wondered why they bothered preaching about. So you keep a grumbling commentary in Spanish up, which you explain away to an irked Gamzee as a Catholic Hail Mary (something you think you remember from when you were like five as being fuck all long).
But then, at about the hour and a half mark, the pastor dismisses you. Thank God, you think with an inward chuckle, because that was horrible. "So how'd you like it?" Gamzee drawls, as you both amble towards the parking lot. And well fuck, you don't want to lie to him, but…
"Well it was kind of bullshit Gamzee." You say, all to aware that you're treading a dangerous line. "I mean, I don't even believe in god." A—nd you just fucking crossed it, you can see it in the angry slant of his eyebrows. "I mean, I'm flattered you invited me man, but it's just not my thing."
"Karkat," Gamzee warns, "Brother, I don't want to get all up on you like disease on a dead thing, but bro. You're gonna go to hell if you don't get your brain all wrapped up in Jesus!" And after that it's all over.
Your screaming match lasts hours, and by the time you finish, you've been condemned to walking the thirty miles back to your own district of the city. You wonder briefly if Rose might be willing to come pick you up…