A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 47: Miz Tries To Explain

Miz managed to disentangle himself from the others, pushing Punk off him and onto the floor. "Oh, hi, Jeff."

"You just broke into my brother's house and all you can say is 'oh, hi, Jeff'?"

"We didn't exactly break in…" Miz began. Jeff ran his hand down the doorframe, then turned to Miz, his eyebrows raised. "Okay, so we did break in," Miz amended. "But we have Matt's permission to be here!"

"Then why didn't you use the key?" Jeff asked. "And what are you doing?"

Miz had turned away and was trying to pry JJ and Matt apart. "Trying to show you that we have permission - ugh, Godzilla, let JJ go! - to be here." He finally managed to separate Matt and JJ, then hauled Matt to his feet.

"Matt?" Jeff said in disbelief. "What are you doing here? You were supposed to be on your way to Florida this morning."

"Rar?" Matt said.

"And we are on our way there," said Miz hastily. "But Matt kindly offered to let us stay with him tonight." He muttered, "Come on, quit being Godzilla and go back to being Matt already."

"What are you whispering?" Jeff wanted to know.

"Nothing."

Punk finally spoke up. "He's telling him who to be, but that never works with Matt. The only person it works with is Mark."

"I'm a sea clown!" Mark said. "Arf! Arf!" He smiled and clapped.

"Uh," Jeff said, frowning.

"Sea clowns are annoying," Christian said, as he ran into a wall. Randy turned Christian away from the wall. "Oh, thanks, JJ." Christian walked in the direction he'd been pointed and promptly tripped over the real JJ. "Ow!"

JJ sighed. "Rey," he said, "Drew bit me."

"Raaar!" Matt shrieked, as he tried to launch himself at JJ again.

Miz wrapped his arms around Matt and tried to hold him back. "Well, don't just stand there!" he snapped at Jeff. "Help me with your brother."

Jeff blinked. "What do you want me to do?"

"I don't care!" Miz said. "Just make it stop!"

Jeff approached Matt. "Matty?" he said. "Matty, is that really you?"

Matt closed his eyes, his struggles ceasing. "Who else would it be?" he asked, after a long moment.

"Godzilla, Jeff or Matthew," Punk answered helpfully.

Jeff stared at Punk. "Uh, no. I'm Jeff. Did Punk hit his head or something?" he asked Miz.

"He's been doing drugs," Miz confided.

"I have not!" said the straightedge superstar. "I keep telling you, that hospital mixed up my test results with someone else's!"

"Wait," Jeff said. "So after all those promos, and all the horrible things you said to me… now you're doing drugs? I guess you're not better than me after all, huh?"

"Don't gloat," Miz advised. "It's not becoming."

"This from the guy who won't shut up about his United States Championship title?" Jeff said. "Right. I'll keep that in mind, thanks."

Matt said, "Hey, Miz, I know we're friends and all, but do you think you could stop hugging me now? It's getting a little weird."

Miz released Matt. "Whatever," he said, dropping onto the couch. Punk found his way into an adjacent chair a moment later. "Maybe we should have kept going."

"No!" Matt said, his eyes wide and a panicky look on his face.

"Uh, Miz," Punk said, "be careful. He's close to switching again."

"As long as it's not Godzilla," Miz said, "I don't care. Maybe we ought to leave him here with Jeff. Let him deal with Matt."

"The idea has merit," Punk agreed. "But what happened to your paranoia about the house being watched?"

Miz shrugged. "So he'll be in two places at once. I'm sure Jeff can protect him from Vince and the others, right?"

"I thought you said we needed everyone," JJ said, joining Miz on the couch. "That was what you said when I wanted to stay behind."

"Yeah," Miz said, "but look at him. He doesn't want to go with us. He wants to stay here with Jeff."

"Uh," Jeff said, "I've got to go to work in a couple of days. In fact, I was on my way out when I saw Matt's door open and came in to see what was going on." He shook his head. "And in all honesty, I still have no idea what's going on."

"It would take too long to explain," Miz said.

"Give him the short version," Punk suggested.

"Where do I start?"

Punk said, "Fine, I'll do it." He turned to Jeff. "Your brother has been in a mental hospital for the last few months. He's got a multiple personality problem. The WWE is being overrun with robots that look just like us. That's who you're seeing every week, when you see Matt. That's who's been living here for the past couple months, too."

Jeff turned to Miz. "Drugs, you say?" he said. "What kind? Because those are some serious hallucinations that Punk is having."

"Hey!" Punk said.

"He's telling you the truth," Miz said. "As far fetched as it seems, it's real." Miz dug through his pockets and held up a pack of gum. "Hey, Jeff, I have gum."

Jeff frowned. "What?"

"Gum!" Matt yelled, launching himself at Miz. "And I can have it, right? The whole pack?"

"Sure," Miz said, holding out the package. "Just tell me your name."

"Jeff Hardy!" Matt said, giggling.

Jeff stared at Matt, the anger returning to his features as he watched. "I do not sound like that," he said finally.