A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 50: Miz Has To Separate Jeff and Jeff

When they pulled up beside Jeff's car, it was immediately apparent that Matt was not happy. In fact, he was screaming and flailing while Jeff stood next to him, trying to talk to him. "What happened?" Miz asked, rolling down the window.

"Miz!" Matt said, tearfully. "Can Betsy and I please ride with you?"

Miz frowned. "Well…"

"Say yes!" Randy said.

"Sure," Miz said, "but you were really looking forward to riding with Jeff. What happened?"

"I'm Jeff!" Matt said with a sniffle. "Not that mean, evil jerk!" He pointed to his brother.

Jeff turned to Miz. "We were driving down the road and he asked me if he could have a root beer. He's already drank six of them. I told him no. So he was pouting…"

"I was not pouting!" Matt yelled, crossing his arms and glaring at Jeff.

"Anyway," Jeff said, ignoring his brother, "I told him he could have some water, then asked if he'd pass me some water, too. He poured some water in a glass for me and handed it to me, so I took a big drink…" He made a face. "Only to discover that he'd passed me his damned fish!"

"He tried to kill Betsy!" Matt wailed.

"You handed me a glass with the fish in it and I drank the water!" Jeff said. "I drank nasty blue water with a fish in it!" He and Matt glared at one another. "And I wouldn't even have noticed, except for the second mouthful. I got the actual fish and it was wiggling in my mouth. I spit it back out and Matt started screaming."

"I'm Jeff!" Matt screamed.

"Kind of like that, only it was, 'You killed my fish!'" Jeff said. "But the fish is fine. I'm the one who's traumatized."

"How low can you get?" Randy muttered. "Even I would never hurt Betsy."

"You threatened to eat him with tartar sauce," Miz said.

"I was kidding," said Randy stubbornly.

"It's not like I set out to hurt your fish," Jeff said to Matt. "But you handed me a cup of water to drink with the fish in it."

"He has a name, and it's Betsy!" Matt shouted at Jeff. "Not Bob, not that fish and certainly not gak, why am I drinking toilet water, are you trying to kill me!"

Jeff looked embarrassed. "Well, what would you say if you found out you'd been drinking blue water?" he demanded of Miz.

Miz snickered. Jeff glared at him. "Sorry," he said, trying not to laugh. "But you have to admit, it is kind of funny."

"You'd think so," Jeff said. "But you'd be wrong. I wish I had a breath mint or something. I can't get the nasty fish taste out of my mouth."

"I thought you liked sushi?" Punk said.

"I do, but not when it's still alive!" Jeff said.

Punk said, "Here," and handed a Pepsi across Miz to Jeff.

"Thanks," Jeff said, accepting the can and taking a huge gulp of the drink.

"Sure." Punk got out of the SUV. "Hey, Jeff," he said, putting his arm around Matt. "Maybe you can take my spot in the SUV and sit up front with Miz."

"I think we should keep JJ and Matt apart," Miz said.

"I'm Jeff," said Matt.

"And possibly Orton," Miz said, as Randy leaned across Mark, his eyes on Matt. "Since he seems so bent on making Matt into Matthew."

"I'd take Godzilla," said Randy hopefully.

"Well," Punk said, "maybe we can figure something out. Orton and JJ can ride with Jeff…"

"I'm Jeff!" Matt said.

"I mean the other Jeff," Punk said. "The mean one."

Matt stuck his tongue out at his brother, who rolled his eyes. "Whatever," Jeff said. "I'll probably end up dropping my car off in Orlando and riding with you guys, anyway."

"It's going to get mighty crowded in this SUV," Christian said.

"It's fine," Miz said. "We won't be going far. From Orlando to Miami is not so bad. And after that, we'll be back on the tour and everyone can go back to their respective shows and go on with their lives."

"Do you really think it'll be that easy?" Punk said. "Christian's blind, JJ's confused, you hear talking freaking sugar, Mark is a liar and Orton has anger issues. Not to mention Matt and his wonderful world of too many people living inside his head."

"Aren't you forgetting someone?" Miz asked.

Punk paused, counting them off on his fingers. "You, Orton, Christian, JJ, Matt, Mark. Nope, that's everyone."

"What about you, CM Jesus?" Miz asked.

"Oh, that. It's the truth, so it doesn't count."

"And yet you were in the crazy ward with the rest of us. Hmm."

Punk shrugged. "I told you, I was doing penance, waiting for my ascension."

"Right," Miz said, rolling his eyes. "That's how it's going to go down."

"But I need to talk to Jeff," he said, releasing Matt. "Mean Jeff. You see, the rest of you have received the straightedge message and have had the chance to be baptized by me. He hasn't yet."

"So basically you want to ride with him so you can pour holy Pepsi over him?" Miz said.

"Yes."

"Why?" Jeff asked. "Haven't I been assaulted enough?"

"He's like this with everyone," Miz said. "And he's surprisingly easier to deal with than, say, Orton, who will often bite you for no good reason. Unless you're covered in spitty water, that is."

"I've got blue fish water on me. Does that count?"

Randy wrinkled his nose. "Yes."

"Great. Then I'll take the Viper and JJ in my car."

"Hey!" Christian said. "What about me?"

"You should probably stay put," Miz advised. "Another hand of cards, and JJ's likely to own your soul."

"Oh, we already played for that," JJ said. "He lost."

"I suck at cards," Christian said. "But I'm pretty sure we didn't play for my soul yet."

JJ chuckled. "I was kidding, Rey."

"Want to play for it later?" Christian asked.

"No thanks," JJ said. "What would I do with your soul?"

Christian shrugged. "Keep it in a pretty jar on the mantel in my old house?"

"As entertaining as this conversation is," Miz said, "I'd like to get back on the road sometime today, guys. Daylight's burning. Jeff, you and Betsy hop in. Mean Jeff, you take Orton and JJ."

"Whatever," Jeff said. "Let's just get this over with."