Disclaimer: Don't own anything but the slightly changed plotline.
The episode Kelso falls off. Who else thinks that's hilarious? :)
There's a little bit of a lack of add-in moments cuz I couldn't really think of any, so...
"Oh my God," Jackie smiled, "From up here, Point Place looks just like Paris."
Hyde grinned a little when he heard that, thinking about how she said something similar the day they met. They were currently on the water tower, the guys standing up on the railing to paint their graffiti on it, while the girls sat down, their legs hanging over the edge of the metal platform.
"You think that looks like Paris?" Donna asked incredulously, "God, no wonder you think Kelso could be a model."
"Whoahoa, I could so be a model," Kelso said.
Hyde gave him a stupid look, "C'mon, man, just shut up and keep painting."
"It's done," Kelso said, hopping off the railing, the rest of the guys following, the girls standing up next to them.
"Gentlemen, we've finally done it," Eric grinned, "A pot leaf on the water tower."
"This is the proudest moment of my life," Fez said dramatically.
"It doesn't look like a pot leaf," Hyde said, and Kelso jerkily turned to him, eyes glancing back and forth between Hyde and the green painting, "It looks like a hand giving the finger."
"Well," Kelso stuttered, "It doesn't hafta look perfect, Hyde, it's art."
"Get up and make it better," Hyde ordered.
"Fine," Kelso muttered, climbing onto the railing, following Hyde's directions.
"Yeah, just make it wider right out there. Out further, though."
Kelso followed the direction Hyde pointed to, neither of them paying much attention to their surroundings, and before Kelso could even lift his paint brush, he slipped backwards, falling right off the tower, the sounds of his crash echoing through the woods.
"Kelso!" Everyone cried out, but it seemed Hyde had a bit of a late reaction, still looking at the painting. He slowly turned, leaning his hands on the railing to look down.
"Oh, man, Kelso!" He shouted.
A small pause.
"How's it look from down there?"
"Steven!" Jackie scolded, smacking his arm.
"It looks like it's giving me the finger, man!" Kelso voice yelled up, and Hyde nodded his head at the rest of the group, his lips pursed smugly.
"Guys, this is so stupid," Jackie said as they walked into the Forman living room through the front door, Kelso holding onto his now pink-ish, slightly swollen wrist, "We should just take him to the hospital."
"No, Jackie, then my dad'll find ou-ahaa!" Kelso cut off the rest of his sentence with a yell of pain as he had unthinkingly waved his injured wrist. He pouted at his injury, taking a seat on the couch.
Hyde rolled his eyes at that, taking a seat on Red's lazy boy, Jackie settling sideways onto his lap; Donna took a seat next to Kelso, taking his wrist and massaging it, checking to make sure it wasn't broken, Fez taking a seat next to her.
"Okay, my mom's a nurse, I'll just wake her up and see if she can fix 'em," Eric said.
"Just don't wake up Red, though, he'll kill us all," Hyde said.
"Gee, ya think?" Eric asked sarcastically as he made his way up the stairs.
Hyde made a stupid face at his retreating form before settling further into the couch, Jackie following his movements. He let his hands rest on her waist and lap, his thoughts drifting to his situation. It's been just a few days over a month since Edna left, and he still hasn't had a chance to go grocery shopping, still living off of Mrs. Forman's snacks and the Hub food whenever someone else bought for everyone. He'd been too worried about paying the bills and the rent to be able to buy groceries. The pay he gets from doing yard work for his neighbors has helped him with the bills and the rent, but he lives in a crappy neighborhood; these people are just a dirt poor as he is, so they can only give him so much, and whenever he pays the bills, his ability to afford groceries is completely gone. He could pay in intervals, but he doesn't want to sit in the dark or take freezing cold showers; and he most certainly doesn't want the trash piling up because he couldn't afford to pay the bills for the dumpster truck.
He sighed, pulling Jackie a bit closer to him, thankful that she hasn't noticed anything. No one has, really, and he was glad because he didn't want them worrying about him, especially Jackie or Mrs. Forman.
He looked up at the sound of footsteps, watching Eric walk down the stairs with a bit of a dazed look on his face.
"Okay," He said in a small voice, "Let's go. Everybody hop in the car, and let's go now."
"Where's your mom?" Kelso asked, and suddenly Eric grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer in a rather violent manner.
"SHUT UP, DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER!"
"No, Dad," Kelso said into the phone, "Look, there's no way this could've been avoided."
He and the others were currently in a hospital room. He was wearing a hospital gown and a sling for his hurt wrist, as well as a few band-aids for the cuts and scratches he obtained during his fall. Hyde lay beside him, curled up on the bed, his feet resting a little ways on Kelso's lap. He was scooted back on the bed enough to give Jackie some room to sit next to him, right beside his curved stomach, her fingers running through his curls soothingly. A nurse stood in the room, checking Kelso's files, Fez standing next to her, staring at her with one of his 'Fez-smiles'. Eric sat in a chair, his face blank, his eyes glazed over, and Donna stood next to him, glancing at him a few times in concern.
"Yes," Kelso continued impatiently, "Yeah, the cow kicked me after I tipped it over... I'M NOT LYIN'... Okay. Alright. I love you, too." He hung the phone up, grinning at everyone, "He bought it."
"Um, excuse, um, yes," Fez said as the nurse walked passed him, getting her attention, "Um, my friend and I would like our sponge baths now, please." She simply stared at him before walking out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Donna kneeled next to Eric, "Eric, are you alright?"
"They were sleeping," He suddenly said, earning an odd look from her.
"Alright," Hyde sighed as he stood, stretching as he did, Jackie standing with him, "I'm ready to go, Forman, c'mon."
"Hey, sorry about tonight, you guys," Kelso said.
"Sorry, why?" Hyde asked before grinning, "I got to watch you fall, man, I had a blast!"
"See you, Kelso," Donna chuckled a little, closing the door behind her as everyone left.
Kelso pouted.
CIRCLE
FORMAN KITCHEN
CUT TO RED
RED: (eating) "We got vandals in this town. I was drivin' home and I saw the water tower givin' me the finger."
PAN TO LAURIE
LAURIE: (smirking) "Vandals, you say? Where were you last night, Eric?"
PAN TO KITTY
KITTY: (giving Laurie a look) "Oh, can it, Laurie." (looks at Eric) "Eric, you look pale. Let me see your eyes."
PAN TO ERIC
ERIC: (reluctantly looks up; violently flinches and stares wide-eyed at Kitty)
PAN TO KITTY
KITTY: (appears nude in Eric's vision; takes a bite of a sausage) "You gotta fever?"
PAN TO ERIC
ERIC: (slowly looks at Red; looks like he wants to puke)
PAN TO RED
RED: (appears nude; grinning) "I know what you need. Right after breakfast, I want you to mow the lawn. Fresh air'll do ya good."
PAN PASSED LAURIE'S SMIRKING FACE TO KITTY
KITTY: (wiping something off her chest; looks at Eric) "Eric, is something bothering you?"
PAN TO ERIC
ERIC: (glances back and forth between Red and Kitty in a panicking manner; suddenly jumps from his seat, running away) "God, make it stop!"
"Boy, these after school specials are thrilling," Fez grinned, "Who knew it only takes one beer to turn a cheerleader into a whore."
Hyde nodded, his lips curved in an odd way.
He and Donna sat on the couch, Eric pacing behind them. Hyde sat in his usual chair, Jackie sitting sideways on his lap; his crossed legs made her bottom slide down a little further, her crossed arms pressed against Hyde's chest, her own legs crossed as well.
"You know, Fez, this show contains an important message," Jackie said, "That very thing happened to a good friend of mine."
"Really?" Fez said, "May I ask who?"
"Man, that is one drunk, slutty cheerleader," Hyde said, his expression blank as he stared at the TV, Jackie nodding in agreement.
"There go her pom-poms," Donna laughed.
"Alright, alright!" Eric suddenly yelled, shutting the TV off, "That's quite enough! Everywhere I look now, it's just sex, sex, sex! Well, I, for one, will not have it in my basement!"
"Eric, what's wrong with you?" Donna asked.
"Oh, well excuse me, Donna, for having a little moral fiber," Eric grouched before slowly settling into the lawn chair, covering a fisted hand with the other and holding them to his mouth, his eyes wide.
Everyone could only stare.
Laurie walked into the kitchen, stopping at the sight of Eric standing in front of the toaster. She furrowed her brows when the toaster popped, Eric not even flinching at the sudden loud noise like he usually did.
"Eric."
"Get off my mother-what?" Eric muttered as he turned to face her.
"What is with you? You've been extra loser-y lately."
"Laurie... I saw Mom and Dad having sex."
Laurie stared at him in horror, hugging his head into her shoulder and rubbing his hair, "Oh, you poor thing. It's alright, it's okay, baby's fine."
"Oh, God, Laurie, it was awful," Eric whimpered, "It was Red and Kitty, but they were like two wildebeests on a National Geographic's special."
"Eric, I am so sorry. But you have to understand. Mom and Dad are in love, and they get urges and needs just like us."
"No urges, no needs," Eric shook his head.
"I learned in psychology class that what you went through is very traumatic, but don't worry, many people have had this same experience."
"Really? And they turned out alright?"
A small pause.
"Uh-some of them turned out to be serial killers," Laurie said before speedily adding, "But I'm sure that's just a coincidence."
"You know what the sad thing is? I actually think you're trying to be nice."
"Yeah," Laurie mumbled, "It's really not my strong suit."
"So... I'll be fine."
Laurie stared at him for a moment, "Nooo."
Donna smiled at Eric, fake yawning and stretching out her arm, running her fingers through his hair. It was night, the two in the car for one of their dates.
"Donna, I'm not in the mood," Eric muttered.
"Oh, come one. I'm just tryin' to get a little action here."
"Donna, I just can't."
"Oh, come one, all the other guys are doing it," Donna looked at him for a moment, "What's going on, are you like, mad at me, or something?"
"Um... Donna, I saw my parents having sex."
"Oh Goood," Donna flinched back, "Yeeee!"
"Yeah..."
Donna suddenly grinned at him, "And you liked it, right?"
"Oh, God, no! That's sick! Sick!"
"Kidding," Donna laughed, "Eric, I'm kidding."
"Oh, hah, funny."
"Okay, Eric, I'm gonna tell you something I've never told anyone else. Alright, when I was twelve I saw my parents doing it."
"How did you get over it?"
"Well, at first I was, like, completely freaked out. But then, eventually, the pain receded... and I was able to live again."
"Well, I don't see this receding, I walked in on Red and Kitty and they were... right in the middle."
"Oh, God, that's nothing. I caught my parents outside in broad daylight on the hammock. Where I used to read all my Nancy Drew mysterious."
Eric looked at her before suddenly laughing, "Oh man, that is so much worse than mine!"
Donna's eyes suddenly glazed over, her expression turning a bit scared, "I could remember, like, little pieces of naked skin peeking through the holes of the hammock."
"Wow, knowing what you've been through just makes me feel so much better. Because, you're, like, totally over it, righ-"
"And later," Donna cut him off, her eyes wide, "They came inside and they had this checker board pattern all over their arms and legs. And my dad laughed and said they fell asleep on the hammock. But I knew it was a lie. I knew what he did to my mom!" Donna covered her mouth with her hand, staring wide-eyed through the windshield.
"Your mom," Eric muttered, "Midge. Okay, I'm ready, let's go."
"Take me home," Donna immediately answered.
"Oh, look," Kelso said as he entered the basement, his arm still in it's sling, "Look at all my friends. Jackie, Fez, Donna, and Eric. Yup, that's all my friends!"
Everyone stared at him oddly, Fez from his lawn chair, Donna and Eric from the couch, and Jackie in Hyde's lap on his usual chair.
"Kelso," Hyde said, "If you have somethin' to say to me, why don't you just say it?"
"Oh, no," Kelso said, walking toward him, standing next to the deep freeze, "I think you have somethin' to say to me. And I'm gonna be right here when you're ready!"
Hyde ignored him, keeping his attention on the TV.
"Alright, this is stupid!" Eric burst out, "Hyde, just apologize!"
"No," Hyde irritantly, "It's not my fault." Jackie nodded in agreement.
"Well, whatever," Donna said, "He thinks it is."
"It is!" Kelso yelled, "You made me fall off the water tower!"
"How?" Hyde said, gently pushing Jackie from his lap as he turned in his chair to face Kelso, "Did I push you?"
"Wel-no, bu-"
"Did I make the railing slippery?"
"No!"
"Then how is it my fault?"
"Because! You didn't like my artwork! A-and you don't respect me, and you laugh at me, and you're inconsiderate of my feelings!"
"Kelso," Hyde said lowly, "No offense, but you sound like a chick."
"Wel-I'm... Dammit, I do!" Kelso burst out, "That's the last time I listen to Annie!"
"Annie?" Donna said, "Annette's the one who put this in your head? Kelso, you do remember that Annette doesn't like Hyde, right? Because he burned her when she tried to take Jackie's place as the group's premaddona, and that's why she doesn't like to hang out in the basement. She probably just wanted you to dump him as your friend."
"Okay, alright," Hyde muttered as he stood, "Do you remember that time I climbed your fence, and I hit my forehead on that tree branch, and I fell into your yard, and then your dog, Yogi, ran outside and bit me twice on the ass."
Kelso laughed, "Yeah, I remember, you bled and you cried."
Hyde glared, "I bled, I didn't cried."
Kelso continued laughing, "Yeah, you did. You bled and you cried."
"And you laughed, man," Hyde ignored him, "A lot. While I was bleeding. Do you see my point?"
"Yeah," Kelso giggled, "It's funny when friends get hurt."
Hyde rolled his eyes, "Close enough. Sorry."
"Hey, stop actin' like a chick," Kelso laughed.
Hyde gave him an annoyed grin before suddenly smacking Kelso's hurt wrist with the back of his hand, laughing at the look on Kelso's face. But then, Kelso started laughing with him.
Jackie rolled her eyes, "God, you're both idiots!"
"Eric," Kitty said, "Your father and I have noticed that you've been actin very strange lately."
"Like a hippy," Red added.
The Forman family was in the kitchen, Eric sitting on one of the table chairs, facing his parents. Laurie stood next to them, boredly flipping through a magazine.
"Is there something you wanna tell us?" Kitty said.
"Are you on dope, are you?" Red demanded.
"Because-because we can help get you clean. There's counseling, hospitalization-"
"My foot kicking your ass."
"Mom, Dad," Eric said, "I'm not on drugs."
"Oh, what a relief, you have no idea what-"
"Kitty, Kitty," Red interrupted, "He's lying. That's what the hopheads do."
"No, dad, I swear, I'm not on drugs."
"Then what the hell's wrong with you?"
Eric stared at him for a moment, stuttering, "Well, I- see I was upstairs, and, and... okay, you know what, I'm on drugs."
"Oh, for Godsake," Laurie said, "He saw you guys doing it!"
Everyone stared at her wide eyed, and she smiled happily at Eric, "See, I helped." She grabbed her magazine, walking into the living room.
"Oh, honey," Kitty cooed, "Were your father and I having intercourse-"
"Mom!"
"Well, no wonder you've been acting so weird. Red, say something, make him feel better."
"Um," Red stuttered a little before pointing at him, "It's funner than it looks!"
Eric gaped at him.
Later that night, Fez stood on the railing of the water tower, using green pain to flare out the middle section of the pot leaf.
"Kelso's going to be so happy that I finished his graffiti," Fez smiled happily, "Oh, yes. I am very talented-AY!"
Fez suddenly cried out, losing his balance as he toppled over the side of the water tower, the loud crash echoing through the woods.
"Oh, no," He whimpered, "I am hurt! And all alone! And it is giving me the finger!"
Don't you just love it when you walk in on your parents doing it? :)