Chapter 2 – A Tale of Two Cities
The conversation with Marcus was as difficult as she had imagined. When he saw her at the airport he had brought her flowers and was grinning like the cat that got the cream. Her stomach churned and when he enveloped her in a hug she had to push him away. She had planned on telling him somewhere quiet but she couldn't look at the hope and desire in his eyes for a moment longer.
'Marcus, stop, please' she said, pulling away from him.
'Sorry, I know you're not keen on public displays of affection, but I guess I can't help it', he replied giddily. He went to take her in his arms again but this time saw the look of pain on her face and stopped.
'What is it, Teresa, what's wrong?'
'I'm sorry but I can't marry you', she replied with tears coming down her face.
He was taken aback for a second but then recovered slightly.
'That's okay, you're here now, that's all that matters, we can take things as slowly as you like, no pressure at all.'
She was so used to not having to explain her thoughts to Jane; it was strange having to spell something out to someone else. She took a deep breath and said, 'I think we better go and talk somewhere alone.'
They went back to his hotel room; thankfully he hadn't found a place for them to live just yet. She told him everything about accepting his proposal because she was mad at Jane to him arriving on the plane and telling her to loved her. The least she owed him was the truth. He sat for a moment speechless.
'Marcus, I'm so sorry I hurt you, I never meant for that to happen.'
He sat there nodding for a moment then looked at her with glistening eyes.
'Are you sure?' he asked hoarsely.
'Are you sure you want to be with him? After everything he's put you through?', a touch of anger in his voice now.
She nodded simply but he hadn't finished.
'So, you want to be with a man who left you worried sick for six months pretending to have a nervous breakdown, a man who got you suspended and fired from your job all so he could have his revenge with no thought for you in the process?'
'It wasn't as simple as that-'
But he carried on, his voice gaining strength. 'A man who once he got his revenge left you for two years with no career and his mess to clean up, is that really the man you want, Teresa?'
'I love him' was all she said in reply, shrugging her shoulders.
He stood up and looked down at her, still so much in love with her but knowing that it was over between them.
'Can you answer me one question, Teresa?' he asked quietly, sitting back down beside her.
'Of course, anything', she whispered back.
'Did you do all this just to make him jealous, to make him see you at last?', his dark eyes looking into hers.
'I hope not' she replied as honestly as she could.
She had thought about that on the plane, was Marcus just a nice distraction from Jane or had she planned something more deliberate without even realising it herself. She certainly liked it when she noticed the first glint of jealousy in Jane's eyes when she was arranging a date with Marcus on their way to interview someone. Is that why she kept seeing him, diving into a relationship with him far too quickly. She really hoped it wasn't but couldn't discount the notion and certainly over the past few weeks she was more interested in seeing Jane's reactions to the changes in her personal life than she should have been if she was truly in love with another man. Perhaps she had been around Jane's games for so long she had started to play one herself, hurting Marcus in the process. She would blame herself for that for a long time but at least she was trying to be honest with him and herself now.
The first couple of days back to Austin, he felt out of sorts. His ankle was still a little sore and he found himself not being able to concentrate on reading any sort of book, helping out on cases just to keep his mind busy. 'Grumpy' was how Cho had put it and he supposed he was right. All his thoughts were filled with Lisbon and what she was getting up to in Washington. She had phoned him of course after she spoke to Pike and he was relieved to hear that it was finally over between them but talking on the phone with her just wasn't enough, not any more. He found himself just staring at her desk and picturing her there, feverishly completing ridiculous paperwork as usual with a burrowed frown and total concentration. He smiled at the thought and his heart skipped.
'How had this happened?' he asked himself at least ten times a day.
When he arrived at CBI, he was a broken man, which was obvious to anyone seeing him for the first time. The first time he met Lisbon she learned of his need for revenge and, for most people at CBI at that time, thought that that was only thing that was important to him. In fact, when anyone had asked him that same question, he would have said the same and in fact did believe it himself for many years. Even when Lorelei mentioned that he did the job partly because he was in love with Lisbon. He was surprised she said that at the time but had banished any such thought of it being true to the back of his mind to concentrate on his quest.
Looking back now though, he realised Lisbon saw something in him no-one had ever seen before. She saw in him a use for his ability (he thinks she called it a 'gift' back then, a term he wasn't comfortable with) beyond conning people. She had somehow come up with a way for him to begin making up for some of the pain he had caused some people in the past, a way to help get justice for others. The first time he unmasked a killer he smiled at his triumph, the first genuine smile he had in over a year and the first time he hadn't pretended to be something he wasn't in front of an audience. She had asked him to read the people in the room that day and for some reason he still didn't understand looking into her emerald eyes he couldn't say no to her. He never told Lisbon this but when Minelli first offered him the job, he asked immediately if he would be working with Lisbon and it was only when Minelli said that he would that he accepted the job. He had surprised himself when he asked that question but there was something even then, perhaps an earnestness in her eyes, that made him feel that he could grow to trust her. It would take some years, and perhaps it was still a work in progress some of the time, for her to feel the same.
His thoughts turned to Angela, the first love of his life, who had tried many times to get him to quit what he was doing for a living, but she hadn't given him many other alternatives with what he could do instead, the best she came up with was a job in sales but he had joked with her that was just changing the con from one bunch of suckers to another. He bit his lip when he thought about Angela now, the pain of her loss was still there of course but after killing Red John he focussed more on the good memories he had of her than the bad. He had thought of her and Charlotte often in South America in the beginning but as the months rolled on he began wondering how Lisbon was doing more and more. After six months, he wrote his first letter to her. He had hesitated for a few weeks before he sent it, telling himself that she was much better off now and with him gone she could finally find a life for herself and perhaps someone to love that truly deserved her. As he saw it she had wasted years of her life for him and his vengeance and the best thing he could do for her was to leave her in peace for the rest of her life. But he was Patrick Jane and altruism was certainly not one of his qualities so eventually in his selfishness and loneliness he sent it to her. He smiled as he wrote the first letter, picturing her raising an eyebrow or shaking her head as she read. He had thought about trying to explain his decision to leave but preferred to write happy letters imagining her smile than letters that would bring her to tears. He, of course, had no idea how she was or what she was doing as the letters were a one way street only, being ferried to Lisbon by his Carnie friends. This wasn't as frustrating as he initially thought it would be as instead he could imagine her somewhere happy and smiling and content, masking his guilt a little at leaving her suddenly like that.
But here he was now, daydreaming about kissing, caressing and stroking every tiny inch of his best friend and the only person he trusted in the world. What she had said in Miami was true; he had treated her abysmally many times over the years using the growing affection and then love he knew she had for him to get his way. It was something he was profoundly ashamed of now and he hated himself for putting her through so much pain and grief. But at least she had given him the chance now to try and make up for some of that, he told himself. He was still afraid of letting go fully to another person but he would try to let go for her, to make her laugh as much as possible and to make her feel happy and safe.
He'd known for some years how she felt about him but had always given him the respect to never voice it, perhaps knowing that it would make him pull away from her and end their friendship and partnership in most likelihood. She had come close to telling him a couple of times he thought but he would either change the subject or she would. However, without him even realising it, he had fallen in love with her too. Somehow she had managed to tunnel under the defences he had built to protect himself from ever having to feel another devastating loss in his life.
His cell phone rang and jolted him out of his thoughts.
He smiled when he saw the screen and answered cheerily, 'Hey honey, how are you today?'
'Honey?' she replied sarcastically but he could hear the delight in her voice. 'Where did that one come from?'
'Just trying it out on you. So you have now vetoed babe, sweetheart, darling and beloved. I'm running out of terms of endearment for you, you realise.'
She laughed softly and his heart fluttered again. He really had to get a grip he told himself but knew he was already a lost cause.
'So, they found someone to take over from me and they're starting on Friday so I'll see you Saturday', she cheerfully announced.
'Saturday? Why can't I see you Friday if they start then?', knowing but not caring how desperate he sounded.
'Typical Jane' she thought, never satisfied, but thrilled by the impatience in his voice.
'I have to show him the filing system and update him on the current case load, Jane. It's going to take up most of Friday so I'll probably end up getting the red eye back to Austin Friday night. Besides I'd rather be bright eyed and bushy tailed when I see you again than exhausted after working all day.'
'Bright eyed and bushy tailed?' He smirked, 'And you're giving me grief for calling you 'honey'?'
They both laughed until Jane said 'Okay, Saturday it is then Teresa, I'll be over early so I can get a look at that bushy tail of yours.' After a moment he added, 'Pun intended.' They laughed again and he knew she was blushing. 'Yep', he said to himself hanging up, 'definitely a lost cause.'