A/N: An apology would be futile at this point, all I can say is that varsity is really kicking my butt at the moment, and I'm literally writing when I can. Don't hate me!

But WOW guys thanks for the awesome feedback from the last chapter, I was sooo happy when I read the reviews! I can only hope the rest continues to impress. Fair warning though, lots of drama in this chapter.

Freax,'bay', Flowerchild23 and PaperBooksInk, your praise is beyond appreciated!

This chapter is for you!

To those who have followed and favourited, welcome to the story!

By the way I just did a re-read of the story looking for details for this chapter and damn it I HATE it when I spot mistakes in stuff I already published! I mean why it that easy to skip words?

*Deep breath* ok, I'm fine now.

So I apologise if there are words missing etc, I really should proofread more but it just takes so long and half the time I miss the mistakes anyway.

Last thing I promise… listen to My Chemical Romance's The Light Behind Your Eyes, but not if you cry easily as I found out.

Disclaimer: I only own Sarah.

Enjoy!

XIII.

Dwayne's POV

I heard the words. I watched the effect they had on her, the feelings that rose up as she said them. I watched her face become a mask of despair as the memories seemed to play out in her head. But I just couldn't believe that that was reason Sarah was so broken. I mean on the one hand I understood her pain, and why she blamed herself, but the much stronger monster side of me didn't really think it was that big of a deal, what was one human life when I spent years taking them every time my throat started to burn? So instead of telling her what I really thought of her tale, I just let her continue, as it seemed to be helping her some to talk about it at least.

"My brother, my little brother died because of me. After that it was like my parents believed they'd lost both kids. They barely spoke to me, it seemed to kill them just to look at me. They hadn't known about my secret double life, but when it came out that Jay was involved in a fight with my friends, I guess they just made their own assumptions. Next thing I know they're packing their bags and leaving me with everything I need to survive just so that I wouldn't want to go with them." She let out a long sigh, the weight of being abandoned by her parents clearly visible, "And I wouldn't have wanted to go anyway, not if it meant living with two people who believed their son died because of me."

She looked at me then with such bitterness that it actually stung. Her eyes burned into mine, unafraid and unyielding.

"So there's my tragic little story. Now you know my past, and now hopefully you'll understand why I can't just kill people like it doesn't matter, because it does. Every time I hear a really good song, or see something and think of how much Jay would love it and I have to tell him about it when I get home, and then have to remind myself that he won't be there… It's like I'm back to that night, watching him not move on the sand. To make other people go through that grief for the loved ones I kill, how can you ask me to do that?"
Her words made me flinch as if I'd been socked in the stomach. I knew what she was telling me, what she had been telling ever since Star had walked into this cave.

She wasn't going to do it.

Sarah, my Sarah was choosing to slowly die instead of taking someone else's life.

She looked as if her body was about ready to give up as well. She was still the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen, but she looked frail, tired and just… done for.

Every time I heard her struggling to breathe or saw her swaying on her feet I wanted to smash something. And the worst part was that she was doing it to herself!

She wouldn't let me or any of the boys help, the thought that she had actually given up was something I still didn't want to face.

"Do you hate me so much?"

Her eyebrows furrowed in a frown. I should have sounded hurt and betrayed, but my voice was hollow, emotionless. Just like everyone thought I was.

"Do you think I would let you stay a human knowing that we were meant to be together? You never would have fallen for a vampire if you weren't meant to be one."

"If I was meant to be one I would have done it already."

I felt my hands clench into fists and before I knew what I was doing I had reached for the first thing I could and hurled it at the wall next to Sarah. She ducked away as the object shattered, moving her hands to shield her face. Further than that she didn't have a chance to react as I strode towards her with a murderous look on my face. One so dark I saw fear flash in her eyes as I took hold of her arms and pulled her so that our faces were inches apart.

"If you refuse to save yourself, that's your choice, it's nothing to me. I had a life before you came along, and I'll go on living long after you're gone."

It took all of two seconds before tears filled her warm eyes, her face overcome with despair. But I couldn't care. I knew what I had just said was a death sentence to her, she'd really have no reason to live now and I don't give a damn if that sounds conceited, but I was too focused on my own anger and pain.

Before I said or did something even more asinine I let her go, watched the way her body slumped over at the sudden release for a moment and turned and fled the cave. I rode for about an hour before I came across a party in a warehouse just inside Santa Carla's town border. Everyone, even vampires, deal with anger and grief in different ways, and I felt sorry for the people in there.

Well, almost.

Sarah's POV

Well, my night just took a turn for the crappy.

The guy I love just told me he doesn't care if I die, I'm pretty sure I am going to die and since I don't believe in miracles it's no use asking for one of those to save my ass, the child I was supposed to look after and protect is going to spend eternity as a blood sucking infant, and I think my heart has literally just split in two.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be feeling, anger maybe, hurt definitely.

But I was quite relieved when none of that came.

Numb is good.

Numb seems to keep everything inside stuck together. Breaking down and falling apart didn't seem appealing.

So instead I just went and sat on the couch, hugging my knees to my chest, and waited for someone, anyone, to come back.

There was a spot on the wall I was sure was going to start burning with the intensity of my unwavering and empty gaze, since I had fixed my eyes there not long after I sat down, when Laddie's voice echoed into my head.

"Sarah, we had so much fun! There was a band at the boardwalk that Star took me to, they were awesome…"

He carried on relaying his evening as I unfolded myself from the couch. I was stiff as I stood up, not sure how long I had sat there for, and when Laddie saw me standing there with a half smile, he frowned.

"Are you okay, Sarah?"

I nearly laughed.

Star came up behind him then, her own smile fading as she caught sight of me.

"Sarah, what's the matter?"

I shook my head, trying to make my smile grow, "Nothing. So you guys had fun, huh?"

Laddie yawned loudly, making my smile genuine, and started moving towards his little bed we'd gotten for him when it was clear he was staying. I walked with him when he took my hand and pulled me with him, wanting me to tuck him in.

Star was sitting nearby, listening to Laddie talk about their night until he dozed off. I was sitting next to him, leaning over him slightly and stroking his hair, watching his eyes close and his breathing becoming slow and completely relaxed.

Tears that seemed absent suddenly fell and I let them. Of all the people I had met in the last few months, he was the one I was really sad to think about leaving.

When I had cried for a few minutes I straightened up and dried my face, getting up and walking towards where Star was. There was something I really needed to talk to her about.

She herself looked about ready to burst into tears.

As I sat down next to her she took one my hands and I was aware of how warm it was compared to mine.

"David told me, Sarah."

Big mouth.

I let out a sigh, "Where are they?" I didn't really care, but Star usually came back with them.

"Outside, sun's not up yet."

I nodded, figuring she had more to say so answering was pointless.

"Why won't you just turn? Surely you don't want to die."

Instead of answering and having to repeat my story, having to tell it once being hard enough, I asked a question of my own.

"Why haven't you done it yet?"

She looked as though I had hit her. "I don't know. I can feel it getting worse, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what I'll become once I do."

I took her hand in both of mine and leant forward slightly, hearing the exact answer I wanted from her.

"Do you want this life Star?"

She seemed to struggle to find the answer for several moments, her mouth opening then closing several times.

Then she shook her head, looking defeated. "No. I don't want to be like them, Sarah. I don't want to hurt people. As much as I know I'm not, I still feel human, and I don't want to let that go by becoming a vampire."

Tears were glistening in her eyes as she spoke, fear of becoming monster clear on her face. I nearly started crying myself, but I had to be strong now if she was going to do what I asked.

"Then I need you to promise me something."

"Anything."

I looked over at the sleeping boy I loved so much and another sigh escaped my lips.

"If any one of us didn't deserve this it's Laddie. He's here because of me and now I can't even save him." I looked back and fixed my eyes on hers, making her see how serious I was, "So I need you to promise me that you will look after him for me. If you don't want this then fight it, for yourself and for him. He needs someone who'll love him. Promise you'll do whatever it takes to become human again. Just give him the life he deserves, away from this."

A sob slipped from her lips, "What about you?"

An image of Dwayne flashed in my mind, of him looking at me with such hate as he promised my death wouldn't matter to him, and I shook my head.

"I think it's a little late for me."

Star's tears fell freely as she moved forward and wrapped her arms around me. This is what I didn't need. I was trying to strong here and damn it she was making it so hard!

"Promise me, Star."

She took another moment to sob before she promised, and I felt a little less despairing for Laddie's sake. So that was one thing taken care of.

When she seemed to have calmed down some she straightened and looked at me again, with hope.

"There was a guy, at the boardwalk, he followed Laddie and I after the concert. Maybe he can help us?"

That seemed a bit stalkerish to me, but I didn't want to crush her hopes of saving Laddie, I had just asked her to try anything after all.

"Then do it Star, for Laddie's sake and yours."

I looked up as the sound of the boys returning filled the cave. The sun must have started rising. We both looked over to the entrance as they came through. My eyes strategically avoided a certain dark haired dumbass, and instead watched as David walked to centre of the room, looking very happy with himself.

"Good news girls, I have found a new member of our family."

I wished I gave a damn for that poor soul, but there was no one else they could take from me so I didn't really care. Star, on the other hand, had paled considerably at David's words.

She leaned over and whispered, "I got a bad feeling about who he means."

"That guy you saw?"

She nodded and David turned to her then.

"And you, Star are going to make sure he accepts. Time to earn your keep, sweetheart."

I saw Star stiffen out of the corner of my eye and I knew her suspicions were correct. She'd shown an interest in this guy and David had noticed.

I had had enough of everyone for one night, so I stood, wanting to go to bed, but Star's voice stopped me.

"No."

I flinched as I pictured David's face at her defiance.

"I'm sorry?"

I turned and watched as David took a step towards Star, his face blank which was even more terrifying than if he'd been scowling.

But Star was adamant, "I said no. I'm not going to do it, he doesn't need to be one of us."

David laughed, "Oh, but you will, Star." He took her face in his hand, escape being impossible for her, "Because if you don't, I'll kill him."

She stepped away from him in fear, and I walked forward and placed myself between them. I felt Star take hold of my arm and cling to it for dear life.

"Look, David, the sun's about to come up. We'll talk about it in the morning, okay?"

David looked behind me and I was tempted to step in his way again, but I didn't really want to make him angrier. But then he nodded and walked towards where the boys spent every day.

I felt the grip on my arm loosen and I made to walk to Laddie's bed. But another hand wrapped around my arm and stopped me.

I turned and met Dwayne's eyes, briefly noticing that all the anger that had been there previously was gone.

Well… unlucky for him.

"Sarah, I need to talk to you."

"Well, Dwayne, I don't really want to talk to you right now, so if you don't mind, I'm tired."

His eyes narrowed, his grip not relenting, "Sarah, listen-"

"No, you listen. It's like you said, it's my choice. And right now, I choose to go to bed." I nodded to my arm that was still enveloped in his hand, "Can you let go?"

He let his hand drop slowly and as soon as my arm was free I turned around walked away from him, not bothering to check when he left.

A/N: Reviews are candy!