This chapter made me cry just writing it...

I get to work with a character I love working with! Thor! (I really like Thor...) This is what I'd like to call a buffer chapter. Sort of diving into everything that's going on with the other characters-Thor, Darcy, and Steve (mostly Thor).

Disclaimer: Do not own Marvel Universe

Warning: Umm...I guess just a bit of trigger warning stuff towards the end.

Comments/critiques are welcomed!

Thor groans when his alarm goes off. No one was screaming or shouting and he couldn't smell any breakfast being made so he lies back down. He knew he could probably get away with staying home if he wanted to—especially since he didn't have football practice to worry about—but he didn't want his mother fussing over him about not being more focused on his studies. He knew she probably wouldn't even notice he was home. Thor gets up. He had to shave every day…he hated that. Frigga said he could still grow a few more inches and when he jokingly asked where she'd hit him. There wasn't much going on in the Odinson house anymore. Odin worked in the city so he wasn't home much and on top of that he took multiple business trips back and forth from London. Frigga more often than not went with him. Thor didn't like it like this. He wanted everything to feel like a family again but knew that wasn't going to happen…not with Frigga pulling and both Loki and Odin pushing. Thor didn't get a lot of attention anymore. Having everything all broken up like this was upsetting.

Of course it was all Loki's fault.

He had to be an instigator in everything, he couldn't let anything go and Thor could have forgiven that if he wasn't always the one to blame for Loki doing things he shouldn't. Thor always had to take care of Loki, know where Loki was, go find Loki, check on Loki, spend time with Loki. Even when he went downstairs for breakfast he found a note from Frigga asking him to check on Loki during lunch. As if. Loki had gotten him in enough trouble for one day and it resulted in him being booted from the team for the rest of the year.

Thor finds his brother passed out in the living room. It looked like Darcy had come over with donuts because there was a bit of white powder on the coffee table. Thor nudges Loki with his foot and he grumbles at him in his sleep. He rolls his eyes. Normally he'd carry Loki up to his room but he wasn't feeling as nice today. Thor had to go to school, Loki didn't. He stuffs a couple of poptarts in his bag and slings it over his shoulder. Thor rolls his eyes. Loki was probably just going to stay in the same spot all day, there wasn't any need to check on him later.

So he didn't.

Darcy was in an anxious mood.

Over the weekend she'd completely forgotten about writing her paper and begged the Chemistry teacher for an extension on the paper, even if he gave her a lower grade for it being late. Dr. Banner was one of the toughest teachers in the school but he was also the fairest. He asked to meet with Darcy after class who was on the brink of a panic attack. She wanted to get into one of the universities in New York in order to study political science but in order to do that she needed to pass all the required science course with a B or higher. He was sympathetic though and admitted to having just as hard a time in high school as anyone else. After their talk Dr. Banner granted Darcy the window to finish the paper by Friday but no later than that or else he'd have to take off a letter grade.

"I can't believe he gave you until Friday!" Jane leans against the locker next to Darcy's.

Darcy grins, putting her books away. She was on her way to lunch with Jane and couldn't help but brag. "I know right? Dr. Banner has to be my most favorite teacher in the fucking universe! I'll need your help writing it this afternoon, okay? I took some extra hours at work since I fucking dropped my phone…"

"Okay," Jane smiles, Darcy shutting her locker. "I'm also tutoring Thor this afternoon so we'll have to create a fair system." Thor walks past them in the hall with some of his friends, grinning and waving at Jane. Darcy snorts out a laugh.

"Tutoring, huh?" Jane blushes.

Just like the year before, it was rather unnerving for Loki to not be in school. At least last year Darcy could text him but she had broken her phone in the lamest way possible—by dropping it in the parking lot—and she knew Loki had to be texting and calling her. Of course her parents weren't going to wire her any money to buy a new one since she'd just gotten this phone. But Loki needed her. She was his keeper of good times and when he was down like she knew he was it was sort of her job to pick him back up. Unfortunately she hadn't been able to do that.

Saturday night Darcy had called the house but Frigga wouldn't let her talk to Loki. Fighting was something Frigga couldn't condole and while Darcy tried to explain that Loki was on the defensive for her sake, he was the one that threw the first punch. They must've argued for hours, Thor finally coming out to break them up. Darcy tried to get Thor on her side and he calmly explained that he'd let Loki know she wasn't ignoring him but Loki and Frigga had been at each other's throats since the fight and he didn't want any more stress for either of them—especially her. Frigga was great but sometimes Darcy wanted to punch her in the throat for not giving Loki what he needed.

It wasn't good for her to focus so much on this though. She'd try to call Loki again sometime that week if she could but Darcy needed to finish her paper and get a new phone. She and Jane walk to lunch together and decide to sit with Thor and Steve—which made both of them happy.

The house was dark when Thor walked in all except for the television in the living room. Loki was sitting on the floor in between the coffee table and the couch, staring blankly at the TV. Thor scowls. He was wearing some of Thor's clothes. Loki just stared at the TV, legs crossed, and arms lying limp in his lap. It was on mute and Thor wasn't entirely sure what he was watching but he seemed to be absorbed in it. "Loki, did mum go out?" Thor grabs a water from the kitchen. Loki doesn't answer him. "Loki." Nothing. "Loki!" No acknowledgment. "You know the least you could do is answer me-"

"Fuck off," Loki sighs.

Thor rolls his eyes and heads upstairs to his room. Whatever. If his brother wanted to give him the silent treatment he'd figure out what it was for later. Loki could be such a brat. He settles himself in his chair by the window, pulls out his laptop and slips on his headphones. The music would drown out every negative thing he was feeling.

The day was rather uneventful.

Jane was willing to meet after school with him though which was one of the reasons Thor was almost thankful to be suspended from the team. He didn't have to go to the after school practices which gave him more free time for when he got home. Of course that also meant his mother would nag at him to do his homework before he did anything else. Despite his studies he did have a better day socially than he had been. Without Loki in school, people weren't whispering about his brother behind his back and he didn't feel the constant need to check in on him. Steve and Darcy sat with him during lunch, which was nice since Darcy and Jane were getting a chance to talk and it felt like forever since Steve and Thor fooled around during school. Thor liked that Steve wanted to be friends with Loki but sometimes it felt like Steve liked Loki more and he couldn't help but be a little jealous.

Of course the best part was spending time with Jane.

Thor had gotten home later than he expected to. His studies with Jane took a lot longer since Darcy was there asking for help from her as well. He'd also stopped at Steve's work to get a burger and ended up eating there. They talked for a while which was nice since it felt like forever since it was just the two of them. Steve was his best friend, time got away from them. He was surprised Steve's manager didn't scold him. Frigga would disapprove of him getting a burger before dinner but Thor was hungry, he needed meat and American junk food was rather addicting.

Jane had helped him with the majority of his homework—algebra—but he still had one chapter left in his book for English to analyze and he'd be done with his homework for the night. English was a strange class. Unlike Spanish or French it didn't really teach him anything about the English language…just how to read books so that they were more boring than most of them already were. Thor had no interest in what universal themes could be applied to real life based on the lessons learned in The Scarlet Letter. He understood the overall concept of the nature of evil he was just tired of reading books he didn't want to read. Especially ones with movies that were just as boring as the book. He tried to focus on his English for a while but even the conclusion of the book was boring. Thor was convinced that the only cool thing that came out of the Puritans was the story of the Blair Witch but even that movie was boring. Something was nagging at him though.

It was something that always bothered him—everyone always paid more attention to Loki.

Thor was always so cheerful and positive and he always had an easy time winning his parents' affection and making friends in school…Loki was his opposite. Loki was like a dark cloud that followed the heroes around in cartoons. He liked being alone, he liked reading and drawing and playing music and he never had a lot of friends. But of course their parents—mostly their mother—would fuss over Loki constantly because when it came to talent, Loki had it all. He painted and sketched beautifully, got straight A's in school, learned all of the languages they were taught more fluently than Thor, played the piano, violin, and harp. Thor didn't like drawing very much, he always tried his best in school and was passing, he could speak all the languages they were taught and could read most of them he just couldn't write in some like Loki did, and when it came to music he'd learned piano but even there Loki excelled high above himself. What Thor lacked in certain talents he made up for in sports, leadership, and social skills but even those failed him at times. All of Thor's friends always wanted to find different ways to mess with Loki when they came over instead of just hanging out like Thor wanted. Even now with Loki having mainly Darcy he always managed to steal attention away from Thor. Steve was one of Thor's best friends and lately he'd been spending more time with his little brother than with him. And Thor hated to watch Frigga beat herself up the way she was. Sometimes Thor couldn't help but wonder if Loki enjoyed causing everyone. Thor loved Loki a lot and they were once closer than any other pair of brothers could be but when he and Frigga both got into one of their moods he sometimes wished that Loki would go for a walk one day and not come back. But that would fill Thor with such unimaginable guilt...

Now he wanted pizza.

The sun was set now and the house was so dark it was hard to see anything. Nothing except for the television set. Thor flicks on the living room lights and furrows his brow. Loki wasn't in the living room anymore. And he'd left all this white powdery stuff on the table from this morning. Thor scowls and brushes it off. Right as he sits down the landline rings, Thor stretching over the arm of the couch to answer it. "Hello? Oh, hey, mum," at least Frigga sounded happy. "No, no, we were just-yes, mum, I finished my homework…where are you?" Thor nods. "Okay. I would like pizza for dinner, is that fine with you? Yeah, from that little delivery place in town, the authentic New York pizza deli… Loki? He uhh…yes, Loki is happy with pizza. I will order the sandwich from there that you like, yes? Yes. See you when you get home. Love you too."

Steve hated busting tables. The owner of the restaurant was a family friend—and Bucky worked here too so that wasn't so bad—but busting tables meant he didn't get any tips like the waiters. And work wore him out on weekdays. It was only bad now since he went to school, went to practice, and then went to work. For a sixteen year old that was a lot going on in one day.

Thor had come in earlier. He'd been at the school late studying with Jane. They talked for some time and Thor ordered a burger. Steve got up a couple of times because of work but they talked for a while. They'd had lunch together earlier. It seemed like forever since they'd just sat down and had a conversation. Thor talked about his mom and how rough she seemed to be taking everything and Steve listened. Frigga was a great mom she just took everything to heart. Steve could remember how stressed she seemed even with Loki out of school. Now it seemed worse. Steve asked how Loki was but Thor didn't seem too happy to talk about Loki. He knew all of this was probably really weird for Thor since they'd be friends for years and Steve had barely noticed Loki's existence until now. Except now he was really noticing Loki's existence.

Loki seemed to be the only thing on his mind lately. Steve was struggling to pay attention in school, he was messing up plays, forgetting his homework…and now what used to be little tidbits of what-ifs had turned into full blown fantasies. Should he really be falling for Thor's little brother? Loki had suddenly become extremely attractive to Steve. He was smart, funny, and didn't sugar coat anything. Steve had been dealing with sugar coating doctors his whole life and he was tired of being treated like he couldn't handle what life was throwing at him. Loki called people out on their shit and Steve liked that.

But it didn't feel right.

"Yo, Steve," Bucky nods for him to follow. "Come help me in the back, old man says we're gonna close up early."

"Thank God…" Steve mumbles, clearing his last table. The restaurant was practically empty during the weeknights and he had a lot of homework to finish. He follows Bucky back into the kitchen, setting his bin down. They start loading the dishwasher.

Bucky shoves him playfully. "What's on your mind, man? You've been quiet all night…well, quieter than usual." Steve and Bucky had been best friends since they were in diapers and while Steve loved him he just couldn't talk to him about his problem with Loki. Well…it wasn't really a problem but it still didn't feel right.

Steve laughs dryly. "I don't know…I just—feel a little sick I guess."

"Dude…you need to stop eating school lunches," he switches the washer on and leans against it. Steve shakes his head. "What? Did you get a boner during gym or something? Because seriously, man, if you're that bi-curious you probably shouldn't be playing men's sports -"

"Not that! That hasn't happened since middle school…" Steve hisses. "This is different, it's…it's embarrassing, okay?"

"And the boner thing isn't?"

"Bucky!"

He laughs. "Steve…everything you do is an embarrassment." Steve sighs and loads the washer in silence. Bucky nudges him. "I'm kidding, man, what's going on?"

What could he say? That he had a dumb little crush on Thor's brother? That he had a crush on Loki Laufeyson? He didn't even know what side Bucky was on. The school was split on whether or not they wanted him around. Clint—who hated Loki with a passion—was always with Bucky during school but so was Natasha and she didn't seem to mind Loki's presence. In fact she was one of the few who stood up for him. But at the same time there was something about the way Natasha talked about Loki that made Steve feel uncomfortable.

"Bucky…have you ever liked someone that…you probably weren't supposed to?" Steve used his serious voice so that Bucky would know this was an important question.

"Well…do you count?" Steve makes a face. They dated for about a month but it felt more like friends with benefits than dating. And it ended once Natasha dumped Clint for the first time. "There was you, that girl from my English class, that girl from my math class, that other girl from my math class…Natasha probably counts almost as much as you do…"

"Err…that's okay, Bucky, I get it…"

"Look, Steve, you can like whoever you want, okay? We're guys. Despite what girls think we fall for someone new every week just like they do. This…person…do they like you back?"

Steve didn't have to take very long to think. "I have no idea."

Bucky grins and shakes his head. "You just need to grab it by the horns, Steve, admit your feelings. If they put you down you cut your losses and move on. But you know…Carol from school keeps asking about you." Steve quirks a brow. "Yeah, she keeps asking if you're going to homecoming with anyone. You could always cut your losses now and go with her…she's kind of hot." He nods. Loki could never have an interest in someone like him, Steve knew that. Besides, Carol was nice enough.

He sighs and crosses his arms. Bucky was right—who he liked wasn't anything to be ashamed of it was just a natural thing. And Steve's everything was liking Loki right now. He just wished Loki wasn't so difficult.

"Loki—food."

Thor had knocked but Loki didn't answer…so he walked in. Frigga had questioned the amount of food he was taking to his frugal eating brother but she actually ate up his story that they were hanging out. She was too proud of them to question it. Loki was curled up on the bed, his back facing the door. Thor stares at him. "Loki?"

He shrugs when he doesn't answer and sits down on the floor, flicking on the stereo. The pizza was good. And Loki's room was spotless as usual. His brother had a tendency to obsessively clean when he was in a bad mood. Thor walks around, looking at everything. Normally Loki would rebuke him for coming into his room without his say and he'd probably rip off Thor's hand for touching anything. He didn't touch anything important though. Like he knew touching or opening any of the journals on Loki's desk was punishable by death. Thor just poked at a few odd little knick-knacks Loki had collected over the years. A lot of them were from London where they'd lived before. Both their parents were from Sweden and that's where Thor was born but London was where they grew up. Thor's wandering fingers bump against an old key that seemed to go with the desk. The small drawer it belonged to was already partially open and Thor knew he was too wide for Loki to see him being a bit more curious than he should. The drawer just had a couple of old letters and photos inside and a ton of plastic wristbands with Loki's name on them. There were also a few small packages of something white and wrapped in what looked like saran wrap.

Thor turns his head when Loki makes a small noise, curling up further on the bed. He furrows his brow. "Loki, do you not want any pizza? I got you the cheese that you are fond of. There is also breadsticks and an Italian sandwich that you enjoy," he frowns, approaching his brother's bed. "Loki? Are you ill?" Thor felt his heart stop. His bad thoughts about his little brother had killed him like in one of those Japanese horror movies Darcy liked to make him watch—they were pay back for all the Scandinavian movies. He nudges him gently, his heart pounding in his chest. Thor nudges his brother again and sighs in relief when Loki swears under his breath.

Loki groans, Thor able to get a good look at him. He was paler than usual, his eyes sunken. He had his legs pulled up to his chest and his arms were pressed against his stomach like there was a pain. His whole body tremors and Loki lets out a whine.

"Thor…I'm gonna be sick…"

They barely make it into Loki's bathroom when Loki pulls hurriedly away from Thor and vomits into the sink. His arms were still wrapped tightly around himself, clutching the shirt as he wretched again. Thor rubs his back soothingly. There was some blood in his vomit but Thor couldn't panic about it, it would freak Loki out. He sets Loki gently on the floor and washes out the sink, his appetite unfortunately leaving him. Thor would just have to eat his pizza tomorrow. He washes his hands once the sink's clean and looks down at Loki. His arms were still pressed defensively against his body. Thor furrows his brow. Both the shirt and pants Loki was wearing were his. The shirt was dark but he could swear he saw something. There was a large stain under Loki's arms. It took Thor a moment to realize what it was.

Blood.

"Loki, let me see," Thor orders gruffly, fighting with Loki to pull his arms away.

He lifts his shirt, running a hand over his brother's stomach gently but the only blood Thor found was from where he'd touched him. Thor didn't understand. He looks at his hands and grabs Loki's arms to look at them, Loki struggling to pull away from him; even with Loki weakened like he was Thor would've won. There were large scars, fresh ones, on top of all the paling ones that already decorated his arms and wrists. Thor frowns. Loki couldn't have done this minutes before Thor even made it to the stairs to bring him dinner.

"Why did you do this?"

"I…I wanted to see…" Loki hesitates, his head spinning. "I wanted to see the color."

Thor washes the blood of Loki's arms and pats them dry, leading him back into the bedroom to sit down. He sneaks into the hall to get the first aid kit. Frigga didn't seem to notice but Thor locks the door just in case. He rubs disinfectant on Loki's arms much to his fussing and displeasure and wraps them up tightly. The blood still seeps through the gauze but only a little. Thor changes his brother's clothes and puts him in boxers instead of the pants. He knew that Loki hated to feel hot.

"Tell me if you're going to throw up again, alright?"

Despite Loki having more faults than were humanly possible Thor sometimes felt like he was the only one who knew how to take care of him. Darcy was good at what she did but even Darcy didn't know what to do when Loki was at his worst. Thor had to know. No one else could deal with him like this. His mother had good intentions but when was the last time she gave Loki kind words and kissed everything better? Thor couldn't remember. He lays Loki down, his back against the wall, and Thor lies down with him, resting his head on top of his brother's. The cramping in Loki's stomach made his body spasm a bit but Thor tried not to be bothered by it. Maybe the reason Frigga always asked him to check up on Loki was that she didn't want to anymore. He tried to think of the last time she hugged him, kissed him, said 'I love you' without trying to guilt Loki into anything. Sure Loki got a lot of attention from Thor's friends and their parents but it was never the attention he really needed. Loki hisses when his muscles clench. It didn't matter right at this moment that whatever was wrong with Loki had a cause it mattered that something was wrong. His parents were pushing and pulling for answers when Loki didn't have any to give. Sometimes Thor wasn't sure if Loki knew that some of the things he was doing were wrong. Loki whines, curling into a ball again. Thor rubs his back and hums a song he didn't have any words to. It was something their mother used to do when Loki got sick.

She hadn't done it in a while.