A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.

A/N: Sorry about the delay, guys. I had a lot of papers to write the last two weeks. But now I get a little break, so yay! More Mizard chapters!

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 53: Miz Arranges A Pit Stop

Miz turned the keys to the SUV over to JJ, then he, Jeff, Punk and Matt got into Jeff's car. Matt was more anxious than usual, so Miz sat in the backseat with him and Betsy while Punk took the passenger seat. The silence in the car was uncomfortable. "Nobody in here's going to bite me, right?" Jeff asked, glancing in the rearview mirror at Miz.

"Not unless Godzilla shows up," Miz said, "and since no one here's going to say the name, that's unlikely."

"Unless you try to kill Betsy again," Matt said, glaring at the back of his brother's head. "Then I might bite you."

"For the last time, I wasn't trying to kill Betsy," Jeff said. "I just wanted a drink of water. You're the one that handed me the fish."

Punk stretched out in his seat. "So Jeff…"

"What?" Matt asked.

Punk rolled his eyes. "I meant mean Jeff."

"I wish you guys would stop calling me that," Jeff muttered.

"Do you have a better solution?" Punk asked.

"Nero," Jeff said, after a moment's pause.

"Oh, goody," said Punk. "You share a name with a despot. It fits."

Matt crinkled his brow. "Am I named after a teapot, too?"

"Despot," said Miz absently.

"Is that like a teapot?" Matt asked.

"Kind of," Miz said. "Only not."

Matt nodded and held up Betsy. "Hey, Betsy, guess what! I'm a little teapot!"

"I'm not named after a despot," Jeff muttered.

"Nero persecuted my people," Punk said, "and he fiddled while Rome burned. If that isn't a despot, then I don't know what is."

"Can we just agree to disagree?" Jeff said.

Punk shrugged. "Sure. Sounds like everything else we've ever talked about." He paused. "Okay, fine. So Nero…"

"What?" Jeff asked, glancing toward Punk.

"What are you going to tell Dixie?"

"I don't know," Jeff admitted. "That Matt's sick and he needs my help, I guess."

"Maybe you should just go to work and let us handle things with the WWE," Punk suggested.

"No," Jeff said, his fingers tightening on the wheel. "You guys need my help."

"How much help can a drug addict be?" Punk asked.

"I don't know," Jeff said. "You tell me, Punk."

Punk sighed. "A hospital mixes up your results one time and suddenly, you're a criminal. Fine. But don't expect me to trust you or like you."

Matt tugged on Miz's sleeve. "Hey, Miz?"

"Yeah, Jeff?" Miz said, his eyes on the tense confrontation up front.

"Betsy says he has to go to the bathroom."

Miz said, "Betsy's a fish, Jeff. He can just go in his water."

Matt made a face. "That's gross. He doesn't want to go in his water. He wants to go in a toilet."

Miz turned to Matt. "No. You might drop him, and then he'd die. Tell him to go in his water."

Matt bit his lip. "I have to go, too."

Miz sighed. "Okay. Hey, Nero? Maybe you should pull over. Jeff has to go to the bathroom."

"What?" Jeff said. "Why didn't he go at the restaurant?"

"He did," Miz said. Matt pulled on his sleeve again. "What, Jeff?"

"I don't have to go anymore."

Miz said, "Uh…"

"Don't tell me he peed back there!" Jeff said.

"I won't," Miz said.

"Did he pee back there?" Jeff demanded.

"You told me not to tell you," Miz said.

Jeff pulled the car off the road. "Listen, if he's peed in the backseat…"

"I didn't!" Matt said, crossing his arms and pouting. "And you don't have to be mean to me!"

"Maybe you should take him out to pee?" Punk suggested.

"Why do I have to do it?" Miz asked. "He's Nero's brother."

"But he's mean!" Matt said, still pouting. "I don't want to go with him!"

The SUV pulled up beside them. Christian rolled down the passenger side window. "What's going on?"

"Jeff has to pee," Jeff said.

"Talking in the third person is creepy," Christian said.

"Not me," said Jeff, irritated. "Matt."

"I'm Jeff!" Matt said.

Jeff turned back to the SUV. "Would one of you take him? He won't go with me."

"I will," Randy said, poking his head between the seats.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Miz said.

"Better than letting him pee in my car," Jeff said. "Come on, Jeff, Randy says he'll take you."

"Yay! Randy is my bestest friend besides Betsy!" Matt handed Miz Betsy, then got out of the car. He grabbed Randy's hand, and the Viper shot Miz a smirk before he led Matt toward the bushes on the side of the road.

"Uh," Miz said. "That may have been a mistake…"

"He wouldn't let me take him, and it's not like you wanted to go," Jeff said. "What choice did we have? If you let him go alone, he'd probably wander into traffic."

"Yeah, but…" Miz winced as his objection was interrupted by a roar.

"What the hell was that?" Jeff asked.

Punk was the one who answered. "Sounded like Godzilla to me."

"Godzilla?" Jeff said. "You weren't kidding about that?"

"Unfortunately not," Miz said.

"Hey, but look on the bright side!" said Punk. "At least Godzilla doesn't hate you! And he's still less likely to bite than Orton."

"And he could calm down into Matt or Matthew, either of which are quieter and less annoying than Jeff," Miz added.

"I hope he at least went pee before he became Godzilla," Jeff muttered, "because I do not need an incontinent dinosaur in my car."`