Aaaand another one (:
Bucky's laughing.
Not just smiling, or chuckling quietly, but truly laughing.
The first time he does it he's watching a stupid TV Show, and it comes as such a surprise that Steve actually drops the book he has been reading.
"Buck…" he looks at him with wide eyes, and when the man meets his gaze, still laughing softly, is when he realises what has just happened. He falls silent instantly, confused about what he's just done.
"Sorry…" he says.
"Sorry? Bucky that was the most amazing sound I've ever heard!" Steve tells him, smiling brightly. He sits on the couch beside him and hugs him. "Jesus fuck, how I missed that!"
Lately, every time Steve hugs him, Bucky feels a weird tingling sensation in his stomach. The man smells too good, smiles too brightly, his body is too warm…
He's not sure he's comfortable with it. A big part of him is still a well-trained assassin, someone who doesn't like not having everything under control, and these confusing feelings unsettle him. And Steve is too close.
Taking a sharp breath, he gently pushes the man away. He needs space, and Steve grants him it, understanding. It's not the first time this happens. Bucky's slowly getting used to physical contact that does not involve pain, and he seems to like it when Steve holds his hand, hugs him, or absentmindedly draws patterns on his arm, even seeking the contact himself on occasions, but sometimes the Winter Soldier stirs inside him, and he needs a little time to regain control over him.
Steve gets him a glass of water, avoiding sudden movements as much as he can, and waits until Bucky's breathing has settled before handing it to him.
"Better?" he asks. The dark haired man nods as he takes a sip.
"Yes, sorry about that."
"Please stop apologizing, it's not your fault. I was so happy to hear you laughing again that I got too carried away, I probably shouldn't have- maybe it'd be better if I stopped being so clingy and hugging you all the time…"
"No! Please don't… Don't do that. I-I like it when you touch me. It's… reassuring. I just need time to convince the Winter Soldier that you're not a threat."
"Good, because I don't really think I'd be able to hold myself back, to be honest" he says, smiling, and plants a kiss on his temple before getting up.
Steve does it absentmindedly and in a friendly manner, but Bucky's heart skips a beat nonetheless. And he might not be an expert in interpersonal relationships, or in anything other than war, combat and killing, for that matter, but he's more or less certain that these feelings he's getting don't exactly fit under the term 'friendship'. He wishes he could ask Steve about James Barnes and how close they really were, but he's not sure if the blond would be ok with it, and he's not sure the wants to know the answer either. He winces.
Steve's not sure why, but he realises Bucky does not like kisses.
He's ok with holding hands, hugging, and everything else, and it's not like he actually tells him he doesn't like them, but each time Steve kisses him on the forehead or the cheek, he tenses. It's a bit saddening, but the blond stops doing it anyway, because he can live without it, and he doesn't want to make Bucky uncomfortable.
There are other things that make up for it, though.
They joke, they go out, they cook and do the housework together… Bucky still goes to the old couple's pub, and since Fury called and said that if he wasn't planning on ending his time off work soon, he'd better help with files and paperwork at least, most days Steve just grabs his laptop, comes along and sits on a table by the corner, working as he watches his friend move around the bar.
Everything is basically quite ordinary, but after the hectic lives they both have had, 'ordinary' sounds kind of appealing.
Perhaps not kissing Bucky or engaging in so much physical contact it's for the better, because he's starting to get weird feelings around the man.
It was easier with Bucky back then. The man had always been a womanizer, and by the time Steve was old enough and not completely clueless anymore to start wondering about love and feelings and that kind of stuff, he was so used to seeing his friend hit on girls that he never even gave it a thought.
But when, after spending 70 years on ice, you wake up in a world where things like women being dangerous assassins or men marrying other men are not only accepted and normal, but also popular, you start to reconsider stuff.
Even more so when, after you wake up in such world, you can't stop thinking about your deceased best friend, and keep looking back at all of your memories together, wondering if maybe there was more to them, things you didn't see at the time, hints…
Steve knows he's overthinking it. It's not that he never thought about it, it's that he never loved Bucky more than as a friend, a brother, back then.
It's the Bucky from now who's giving him weird feelings, who's messing with his head.
He's, essentially, the same man, even if he himself does not fully realise it, or if he still has a bit of recovery to do. But at the same time, he's not.
For the first time, they are on equal footing, both matched in strength, physical condition and ability, and that's a pleasant prospect, but yet Bucky's more vulnerable and in need of his help than he's ever been, and it makes him even more protective of him than usual, which is saying a lot.
So his best friend is still there, in all of his 1940's glory, but all this mess has also shown him a new side of Bucky, and he likes it. He likes the fact that Bucky needs him, because he likes taking care of him and telling him everything's going to be alright. He likes that, for the first time in his whole life, he's able to protect Bucky like he has protected him so many times before.
And it's the Bucky from now who's messing with his head, because the Bucky from now is the Bucky from before, and much more. He's like the Bucky from before would've been, had he lived through all of the things the man before him has lived through. In essence, they are the same, but with an extra 70 years of ice, blood and pain.
An extra 70 years that have made all the difference in the world, judging by Steve's feelings.
It's funny how Bucky was worried about not being able to be the same man from before, to meet Steve's expectations, and in the end he's ended up being much more than that.
If someone had told Steve that Bucky would end up meaning even more to him that he already meant, he wouldn't have believed it to be possible.
He looks up at the man, waiting tables like he was born to it, and a chuckle escapes his lips.
- V7