A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.
The Mizard Of Odd
Chapter 54: Miz Deals With Godzilla
Matt and Randy were escorted back to the car by an irritated JJ. "Beth said the name," he told them.
"We figured," Miz said.
"Rawr?" Matt asked, tilting his head at Jeff.
Randy smirked. "Drew," he said.
"Roar!" Matt said, lunging at Randy.
JJ was squished between them for a moment before he managed to yell, "Can someone help me?"
"Sorry," Miz said, opening his door and getting out of the car. He grabbed onto Matt and shoved him into the car.
"Hey, did he happen to go to the bathroom?" Jeff asked.
"I don't know, Spongebob," said JJ. "I wasn't watching. I only got out when Beth said the name and I heard the roaring."
Jeff turned to Randy. "So did he go?"
Randy smirked. "I'm not telling."
"We don't have time for this," Punk said. "We have to assume he's gone. Unless you'd like to try and get him to go again?"
Jeff grumbled. "Fine. Get in, Miz."
Miz slid into the car and shut the door. "Let's go. Hopefully we won't have to stop again until it's time to switch drivers."
"Mew?" Matt said.
Miz stared at him. "…mew? I thought he was Godzilla."
Matt frowned. "Rrror?"
"That's better," Miz said.
"This is so weird," Jeff said. He waved to JJ and Randy, then pulled back onto the road. It wasn't too long before the SUV followed. "Can you make him be someone else?"
"Who would you like me to make him be?" Miz asked. "Wait. It doesn't matter, because the answer's no."
"I can," Punk said.
"You can?" Jeff asked.
"Yep. But I won't."
"Why not?" Miz asked.
"Free will," Punk replied.
"How is making him act like himself against free will?" Jeff asked.
"He obviously doesn't want to be himself," Punk said. "You escape through drugs, and your brother becomes Godzilla. Who am I to change that?"
"Yet you seem fine with judging me," Jeff said.
"That doesn't violate free will. Plus, it amuses me."
"You're evil," Jeff said.
"Of course I'm not," said Punk. "I'm Jesus, the epitome of good. How could I possibly be evil?"
"It does seem un-Jesus-like," Miz said.
"I don't see how," Punk told him.
"You're judging me," Jeff said.
"Something only dad and myself can do!" Punk said. "See? So it's more that I'm doing my job than anything else."
"You just keep telling yourself that, Punk," Miz said.
"Rrowr?" Matt said, tilting his head. "Rrr."
Jeff said, "Great, now my brother's a wookie."
"Nope, he's still Godzilla," Miz said. "Just a much happier Godzilla than we usually see."
"Hey, you know what's funny?" Punk said. "Watch this." He dug a box of cookies out of the snack bag up front. "Hey, Godzilla, want a cookie?"
Matt perked up. "Rrrooooor!"
Punk held up a cookie. "Here." He waved the cookie at Matt.
"Rawr!" Matt said, snatching the cookie from Punk's hand and munching on it happily.
"Wow," Punk said, "that kind of hurt." He rubbed his hand. "Someone should trim Godzilla's nails."
"That doesn't sound like a fun project," Miz said.
"Still, it's probably necessary," Punk said. "Especially if he's going to wrestle. No one wants to get clawed to death by Godzilla in the ring."
"Do you really think he's okay to wrestle?" said Jeff doubtfully.
"He'll be fine," said Punk, "so long as no one says the name to him, I'm sure he's fine."
"You guys keep talking about the name," Jeff said. "What is that all about?"
"Oh, you know," Punk said, "JJ scrambles names, and the name he's got for your brother happens to trigger his changes into Matthew or Godzilla."
"What name is it?" Jeff asked.
Punk sighed. "I'll spell it out for you."
"Is that safe?" Miz asked.
"Sure. Godzilla can't spell. It's D-R-E-W. "
"Drew?" Jeff said, puzzled.
"RAR!" Matt screamed, cookie crumbs showering Miz as he lunged toward Jeff.
"What the…?" Jeff said, swerving and nearly sending the car off the road.
"Godzilla! NO!" Miz shouted, shoving Matt back into the corner of the seat. "No! Bad Godzilla! No more cookies for you!"
Matt blinked, then tears formed in his eyes. "Rar?" he said softly.
"No more cookies," Miz repeated firmly, and Matt sniffled.
"I've never seen Godzilla cry before," Punk said thoughtfully. "Are you sure he can't have just one cookie, Miz?"
Matt looked hopeful. "He almost sent us off the road!" Miz said. "Why would I reward that kind of behavior?"
"Oh. Look, he's sorry now, aren't you, Godzilla?"
"Rrr," Matt said, nodding sadly.
Miz sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Okay. One cookie. But I swear, if he attacks anyone else, Godzilla is off sugar for good. Okay?"
"Yes," said Punk, and Matt nodded again. "Here, Godzilla. Be a good lizard." He held up a cookie. "And don't hurt my hand this time. Your claws are sharp."
Matt carefully took the cookie. "Rawr." He nibbled on it, his eyes on Miz.
"And don't stare at me like that," Miz said. "It's creepy."
"I can't believe he's Godzilla," Jeff said. "I mean, why Godzilla, of all things?"
"Maybe it makes him feel strong?" Punk said with a shrug. "Who knows why you Hardys do anything? I can't make sense of either one of you." Matt made a noise almost like a purr and leaned forward. Punk patted his head. "He's kind of cute when he's not trying to destroy the world, though."
Miz stared at Punk. "Dude, really?"
"What?" Punk asked.
"You think Matt's cute?"
"Not like that!" Punk said. "Geez, do you have to take everything so literally, Miz?"
"It was a weird thing to say," Jeff said.
"Shut up," Punk said, blushing. "I meant as imaginary dinosaurs go, all right?"
"Sure you did," Miz said, smirking at Punk.
"Oh, whatever," Punk said. He handed Matt the box of cookies.
"Hey, don't do that!" Miz said. "He's going to go back to being Jeff on us!"
"Serves you right," Punk said, stretching out in his seat and closing his eyes. "I can sleep through Jeff's insanity. Can you?"
"That's so not cool," Miz said.
"Maybe not," Punk said, "but it's funny. And Jeff, if you show up, Miz has gum."
"Gum?" Matt said, turning to look at Miz.
"Ah, crap," Miz said.