Title: Last Thing You'll Do
Author: Calliope-plantain
Rating: M
Pairing:Regina/Emma
Disclaimer: I do not own Once. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended.
Storyline: Regina could say her life was perfect… and then it got turned upside down.
Author's Note:This story is largely based on a dream I had.
Beta: Scarlet-Marauder awesomely encouraged me to write this, and then was my beta. So any mistakes she's missed are her fault ;)
"The next heart you crush will be mine" – 45-Spacer.
Surely Snow hadn't called her this early to go to work. Regina's irritation levels soared once again, much as they had done for the last month, as she ripped the covers from herself. She flinched as the cold air hit her exposed body. Emma had said she would talk to Snow today…Regina hadn't thought she'd meant this early. Had Emma been kept awake with worry over the confrontation with her mother? Regina had slept better than she could remember sleeping in over a month; in what she had believed was Emma's arms.
Thankful for her own engrained organisation skills, she'd prepare the next day's outfit the night before. It ensured the task of getting dressed was a much shorter process than it could have been. Not needing to make sure Henry and Emma were ready this morning made it even easier. The absence of the pair of jeans which had been slung over the back of Regina's vanity chair last night was a stark and sure reminder that her partner had not slept as peaceful as she had the previous evening.
Regina's mad dash around the house came to an abrupt stop once entering the kitchen. The usual mess of Emma's coffee making attempt did not litter the countertops. Which told Regina either the blonde hadn't had coffee which was something Regina had learnt early on their relationship was a bad thing; or Emma had been up long enough to tidy up after herself… which worried the woman even further.
It felt peculiar to be driving through Storybrooke this early in the morning without Henry chatting away to her. Though the town looked much as it had done for thirty years; just itsinhabitants looked slightly older. It had taken a while for the townspeople to get used to Regina and Emma's relationship; on the whole they didn't bother. Occasionally there was an incident but it ended being more about the Saviour being with the Evil Queen, and thankfully those were now very far and in between.
No one seemed to care as she pulled up to the small diner or made her entrance into the establishment. It still surprised her when she saw people greeting her with a smile. Some were forced, some didn't even bother but there were ones like the one Ruby gave her as she made her way over to the counter that were genuine.
"Yours and Emma's usual?" the woman asked before she even reached the small counter. Regina simply nodded moving to sort the correct change needed. So the Sheriff hadn't been in yet, that in itself was an odd occurrence. While Emma tended to favour saving her money on homemade coffee, she did indulge on pastries like bear claws. The blonde's breakfasting habits were beyond Regina's comprehension but if that's what Emma liked, so be it.
Seconds after Ruby moved to get their order Snow appeared next to her looking extremely annoyed…even angry. Just what she needed this early in the morning; an irritating mayoral pixie. "How could you? You put her up to this didn't you", her former stepdaughter barked at her in her most un-Snow White tone possible; one she seemed to reserve just for Regina.
Taking a deep breath to try to ensure she remained as civilised as possible to the mother of the woman she loves; Regina said with a forced smile "I take it you've seen Emma this morning?" The former Queen's tone even to her own ear sounded slightly patronising. She was not going to be shouted at in front of the community by Snow White!
The comment however seemed to anger the other woman further, as her nostrils flared slightly and teeth ground together. If Regina didn't know what a push over Snow was, she would have been slightly intimidated; as it was she'd settle for feeling marginally gleeful. "After everything you've done to me…to my family. How could you do this? How could you use your …'relationship' with my daughter like this?" the other woman all but spat with disdain and anger. The pixie haired woman had never made secret her dislike at the relationship she shared with Emma, but she had never openly made an issue of mocking it as if it was something to be shameful of.
Snow's voice was louder than was needed, and it instantly flickered a spark of interest in those breakfasting in the small diner. It was clear they expected this confrontation to turn into an epic battle of wills between the Evil Queen and precious Snow White. Regina felt her own anger within her boil. She felt her magic ripple at her fingertips, felt it surge through body making her skin tingle. How dare this woman blame her? Emma was practically working herself to death for this woman and Snow had the indecency to blame her! If it wasn't for Regina, Emma would practically be a walking corpse!
Regina knew goading the woman in front of her was not the way to win this; if there was anything to even be won at this point. But it was that or do some physical harm and she knew that most certainly wasn't going to help matters. The audacity of this damn…princess! Keeping her voice low and dangerously level Regina stated "My relationship with Emma is none of your concern. Your daughter's health on the other hand is. Yes I encouraged her to come and talk to you…what good it did is yet to be seen".
Regina was momentarily worried the liquid within the other woman's mug was about to be unleashed upon her, as Snow's pale skin seem to redden. "What good…You've already stolen 28 years of her life from us! How dare you!" Snow spat, her voice so uncharacteristic of the girl she had once known; and yet every bit of the woman she had become. Regina felt a sharp stab of pain as Snow prodded her straight in the chest. The tone and contact made her skin itch. If it wasn't for Emma and Henry, Regina was sure there would be a singed Snow shaped hole in the wall opposite her.
This woman had ruined her life and yes while it was also her who had enabled Regina to have Emma and Henry in her life, she would never forgive her for the former. Much it seemed, and rightly so that Snow would never forgive or forget her wrong doings too. But this wasn't about that. It wasn't about their past. Why did this woman have to make everything so damn hard!
"This is your fault, and you will be held responsible. Emma would never have done this, nor have said the things she did this morning if it wasn't for you. You manipulative…" Snow said with an absolute defiance to her former stepmother, Regina was almost surprised she didn't have a cross bow aimed at her. Snow's inability to finish her insult would have been laughable it if wasn't for her finishing snarled line as she glared directly back at her, "Emma and Henry will realise one day who and what you truly are".
Regina felt her stomach drop; her heart lurched like she'd missed a step going downstairs. Snow had uncovered her darkest, most feared weakness. That one day Emma and their son would stop loving her…and it would be entirely Regina's fault. Snow's face was flushed with anger, though thankfully did not show recognition of the hurt her words had caused on the older woman. Regina saw Ruby move out of the corner of her eye. She saw two cups and box of what she assumed was Emma's bear claws.
The former mayor took a slight breathe before stating in what she hoped was her most regal sounding voice, "Once again you've missed the point. Emma's wish to come and talk to you today was not about her relationship with me. She wanted to talk to her mother. I foolishly thought you would encourage your daughter's choice. Show compassion. She needs to do this. It is not about you or me. Yet once again however you cannot think about someone other than yourself". She saw Ruby's eyebrows rise in surprise as she snatched her order from the counter; turned on her heel and left before Snow could reply.
Regina could feel her hands shaking. The heat from the coffee was a welcome relief as it penetrated her flesh. It took all her will power not to throw the cups and box onto the passenger seat as she slid into her car. It wasn't a mess she was going to clean up because of that damn woman. Snow knew how to get under her skin and used it every chance she got.
Regina's knuckles turned white with the force she was gripped the steering wheel. If that was how she had spoken and acted towards Regina she dreaded the reception Emma had received. How Snow had the nerve to speak to her in such away she didn't know. Regina fought so damn hard every time she was in that woman's presence. She fought every urge she had, she fought for Emma. She would never make the blonde pick between herself and her parents. She doubted Snow could say the same.
She knew which she would choose. Emma had told her as much. If she had to pick Emma would pick Henry and Regina every time. She knew that; but she also knew what the cost would be to Emma. The Sheriff strove to get her mother's attention and affection. Emma had fought to find her parents for twenty-eight years, and now she'd found them she wouldn't want to let them go. Regina would never force her to. Snow, the woman who had freely admitted in Neverland she had wanted another child, that she was willing to abandon the one she had for her husband; she however would.
What parent would pick that? Regina was the Evil Queen for god sake and if the choice came to it, if she had to pick Emma or Henry…the answer would be Henry every time. She hoped Emma's would be the same. Any Parent would …should put their child first. Yet Snow hadn't. Wouldn't. That was where Emma's unspoken fears came from now. She had to fight for a place in her parents' lives because she felt she was expendable. Just has she had her entire life as she'd been shipped around foster homes and foster parents. On top of everything the fact that Snow was so dismissive of her daughter's feelings made Regina hate her more. The former Queen knew that after Snow's dismissal of Emma's confession of feeling like an orphan in Neverland, Emma wouldn't divulge such secrets again. That was a burden and privilege Regina carried alone.
She needed to see Emma. The blonde's presence always had a calming effect on her. Even being in the same room reassured her. It didn't matter if they were in the middle of full blown argument, seeing Emma, hearing her voice, calmed her. She would have her coffee with the blonde and leave her to do her job. Regina felt the guilt and dread flood her system. Should she tell Emma about her confrontation with her mother? Would it only serve to make Emma feel worse? By the sound of things Emma needed her coffee and sugar fix. Regina needed to comfort her. Based on Snow's account of the early morning conversation Emma needed it too.
The small journey to Sheriff's office was quiet and eventless. The woman driving simply had her thoughts and slowing heart rate as company. Her anger was lulling by each passing moment. The urge to throttle her former stepdaughter was still as present as ever, but it was an impulse she could contain.
Regina was momentarily surprised to see the bright yellow bug wasn't parked outside the small building. She considered for a second simply turning around and going home if Emma was busy but if the start of Emma's day was as bad as hers she needed the hot beverage next to her, and probably the opportunity to rant. So she would wait.
Regina couldn't help but smile at the sound of her own heels tapping on the floor as she entered the building. It was a noise Emma had once admitted had filled her with fear and arousal in equal measure during Regina's days as Mayor. She placed the pastry box down next to some papers that littered the Sheriff's desk, a tell-tale sign that Emma was going to return. Regina briefly hoped that Emma hadn't gone to get her morning fix of coffee before remembering she hadn't seen the yellow bug pass on her way over…and it was not easy to miss. That said Emma would probably love the idea of eating two lots of bear claws. Regina felt her stomach clench and teeth ached at the thought of the sugar content. How Emma kept her figure Regina didn't know.
Regina was pulled out of her thoughts of Emma's figure by a movement out of the corner of her eye. It was the blonde herself looking extremely tired and slightly out of sorts. How much sleep had Emma managed to get the night before? Regina felt the creep of guilt wash over her once again. She had seen how tired Emma was when she'd come home. She would have fought the blonde on getting some sleep, rather than sleeping with her. Okay she could never regret amazing sex with Emma but she did feel a little guilty.
She felt the smile tug on her lips at the look of surprise on Emma's face. It was clear she hadn't expected Regina to be here. The brunette threw her a smirk as she sat on the top of the desk, making sure not to disturb the papers already upon it. "I brought you coffee and those claw things you like since you managed to go without either this morning", Regina said leaning to pass Emma the small cup.
She watched as Emma gave a small shrug but stepped forward taking the beverage. "Thanks. It was kinder intentional but thanks. Didn't want bring anything back up" Emma answered her face one of slight disgust. How could Regina have forgotten in the space of one night? Emma had been putting off early meals and drinks until her stomach had settled all week.
"Sorry…I forgot. I can have it if you want", Regina supplied making a reach for the cup which Emma pulled away from her looking adorably cute.
"No it's okay I'll have it" Emma said with a shy smile. Emma took the seat next to the desk Regina was perched upon. The advantaged view point allowed Regina to see down Emma's tank top; giving her quite the view. With a grin the brunette also noticed the darkened skin on Emma's neck just over her pulse point.
Emma's mind however seemed elsewhere, her fingers mindlessly playing with the rim of her cup. The last week and half had been the worst. Regina had been watching Emma pull away. Watched her become more distant. Had been part of arguments she knew Emma was trying to force upon them. Regina had been stupid to think last night had been a quick fix. That one conversation with Snow would solve all of Emma's problems. The woman before her was a shadow of her former self and physically hurt Regina to watch her love fight whatever demons were raging war inside the blonde's head.
"I'm guessing it didn't go well… with Snow I mean. I saw her at Granny's" Regina said softly.
Emma's head shot up so fast, Regina had to fight the urge to flinch. "What did she say?" she asked her eyes and face so full of worry it made Regina feel sick. No child should fear any form of rejection for their mother. The fact that Regina knew that undiluted fear so well made her heart ache for Emma.
Regina wondered for a moment. Should she lie? She could spare the heartache of Snow's harsh words; but then Snow would probably tell Emma anyway. Her meant well action would be turned upon her and Emma would feel an equal betrayal from Regina too. This way she could comfort Emma. Couldn't she?
Regina took a slightly breath and hoped her voice would hold; and that she would be as strong as she needed to be for the woman she loved. "The usual things. I'm stealing you away from her. I've ruined her life. She thinks I forced you into talking to her" Regina explained as she watched Emma's hands shake. She could see from her perch that the coffee within the mug shook too and if Emma wasn't careful she was going to be covered in the hot liquid.
Emma seemed to deflate before her very eyes. She could feel the emotions rolling off the younger woman; then again with their shared magic it wasn't uncommon. Emma wasn't looking at Regina anymore, more so at the pile of papers next to her.
Seconds seemed drag on as the booming clock overhead counted each one by. Emma's ragged breathing was the only other noise Regina could distinguish. She watched as Emma placed the coffee on the ground next to her chair and reached forward to pull the stack of papers upon the desk towards her. Regina wondered for a moment when Emma's pen started to glide across the paperwork if their conversation had ended. Had she pushed too far? Had hearing Snow's words done more damaged than she had thought they would?
"She wouldn't listen to me", Emma spoke her voice heavy with the burden she'd been carrying for weeks. "She just shouted. Saying I didn't know what I was talking about. And talking about family and how it was more important than anything else. Like I don't know that. Believe me I know that more than anyone" Emma explained her voice barely over a whisper.
"I didn't shout back. I was so damn tempted you know" the blonde said sounding angrier as her explanation went on. Regina had no idea what paperwork Emma was filling in but she was surprised by the force in which the blonde was practically engraving it, that the pen hadn't yet pierced the paper. "She woke David and Henry! She just kept … she just wouldn't…" Emma seemed to be struggling with her words. The force of Emma's anger was actually frightening Regina. It had been a long time since she had seen Emma get so angry over her mother.
"And you" Emma spat finally looking up and glaring Regina straight in the face. "You told me to go and talk to her. I would have just left … it and she wouldn't hate me now" the Sheriff almost screamed at her. This wasn't just about Snow. It was about her too. What had her former stepdaughter said to her? The anger and hurt in Emma's eyes was so powerful and deep it hurt Regina to even look at her.
"I'm sorry it didn't go well with your mother but you can't take it out on me, I didn't force you to do anything" Regina said trying to calm Emma down. There was no way they could talk about this if this was going to be Emma's frame of mind. When they approached things like this, they would always just scream at one another. They had to talk. Had to communicate but that wasn't going to happen if Emma was just going to scream at her.
"I bet you just loved knowing you had a part in upsetting her", Emma leered; her tone so full of malice knocked Regina sick. This wasn't her Emma.
"What?" Regina asked feeling the rush of confusion. What was happening?
"Come on try and tell me you didn't delight in it. You didn't enjoy it just a little. Watching her getting angry and just knowing you'd helped. Knowing you still know the buttons to press…" Emma's voice carried a sickly glee of disgust. Disgust it seemed was aimed at her, not her mother.
"Maybe …" Regina admitted, flooding with shame instantly. She watched as Emma recoiled from her. Or as much as the chair she was sitting on would allow.
"Can you not get on with each other just for once?" Emma's tone dropped severely to a hiss of despair. The papers Emma was holding for now forgotten were scrunched slightly in Emma's hands.
Regina took a breath. A breath so deep it hurt within her chest. How did Emma not see the effort she put in? This wasn't the first argument over Snow they had had in the time they'd been together. It was however the first time that Emma seemed to almost solely side with her mother. "I think you'll find dear I do. I do it for you and Henry – believe me I try my damned hardest. She makes it near impossible. She kept belittling our relationship" Regina explained watching Emma once again sag beneath her words as if they were crushing her.
Emma looked guilty. Regina watched as Emma's eyes filled with tears, but none fell. Regina licked her lip gently. This couldn't keep happening. She wouldn't let this keep happening. Emma couldn't keep snapping at her like this. Yes she had been right about Regina gloating at Snow's discomfort. That was something which she was wrong about, and should be held responsible for. But Emma had to stop this too. She had to trust Regina. Trust that she would always do what was best, what needed to be done for her family. If that meant biting her tongue with Snow then she would, because those she loved more than anything else needed her to.
"She made her views quite clear to me too. She's not happy "her" Sheriff is … well with you" Emma explained looking momentarily worried for Regina's reaction.
Guilt. Shame. Were Emma and their son ever going to be accepted for loving her? Regina knew she had done some terrible things. Unspeakable things. She knew nothing she did would ever make up for it. Not a damn thing. But she was prepared to try and she would try to make it up to everyone she could. The thought that Snow's disapproval at their relationship was forced upon Emma as well… Regina could take it. She would even say she deserved it…but Emma didn't.
It took her a moment to consider Emma's tone then it hit her so hard in the chest. "Did…She fired you?" Regina said in her calmest voice though her insides boiled.
She knew the answer before Emma spoke; for the blonde lowered her head back to the paperwork, unable to look her in the eye. "No I quit before she could", Emma breathed to the papers balancing on her lap. Emma had quit. She'd quit. She was no longer Sherriff. A mix of relief and shock flooded her system. No wonder Snow had been so angry this morning. Regina most certainly hadn't ever suggested Emma quit her post. Giving up the job however it would ensure Emma would regain her strength and health. She could get another job. Any job would be fine with Regina as long it enable Emma to be home at a reasonable hour and tucked up in bed alongside her at night.
"It would be so much easier if you two could just get on. I could have just talked to her about all of this, but no you pushed…I couldn't prepare" Emma sounded once again not looking up but gave a gesture with the pen jammed into her hand.
"Well I'm sorry that I care for you. I couldn't keep watching you put yourself into an early grave for that woman. So no I take it back, I'm not sorry. I care about you!" Regina retaliated losing the sense of this conversation. Why did Emma always pick fights?
"Maybe you shouldn't!" Emma spat back tears still lingering her dark leaf green eyes.
"What?" Regina said as if it was the most absurd thing she'd ever heard; because it was. She couldn't just turn it off. She cared about Emma. She loved her. More than she thought she would ever love anyone other than her son. Their son!
"I can't…keep doing this. I just want to be happy for once without everything fucking up! And I can't even have that" Emma's frantic tone made Regina's stomach and heart drop. Emma's hand drove itself into its owner's blonde tresses painfully hard.
"Yes you can. Of course you can. We can" Regina rushed desperate to comfort the younger woman as her heart raced in her chest. The shock of Emma's words hit her in waves. Putting her long forgotten coffee down on the desk, Regina stepped down to physically comfort the depressed woman. She halted when she heard the broken woman speak again, "I'm leaving Storybrooke".
The the force of the words knocked her backwards. She felt the desk collide with her back as it took a moment for her to comprehend the now former Sherriff's words. No. She couldn't have said that. She couldn't… she wouldn't… "No…you're not" Regina's voice came out uneven and scared. Her pulse was racing faster than a stampeding bull and yet her brain wouldn't catch it up.
"What's here for me Regina?" Emma's tone of desperation was like a bullet to Regina's speeding heart.
"Henry…Me!" the brunette screamed watching Emma jump in fright. Once again Regina felt her magic surge beneath her skin. She hated the feeling. The feeling of no control. Regina liked order. She liked control. Taking a shaky breath before she continued her voice very inch of sharp emotion she felt inside "I know things have been hard but you can't just give up. We can do this. You, me and Henry forever. You promised me that".
Emma made a noise. It could have been of disbelief or shock. Emma had to learn and had to know that it didn't matter. The past didn't matter. Her goddamn mother didn't matter. Regina would love her. Would be there for her no matter what. She couldn't keep pushing her away!
"I don't understand. Emma what's going on? Just tell me what's wrong. What can I do?" Regina soothed begging the woman to see reason as she watched the hand in Emma's hair tighten even further.
"You can't…do anything" Emma whispered deliberately her tone carrying her defeat. Regina moved to crouch in front of the blonde a hand resting on the jean clad knee. She felt Emma's breath dance across her face as the blonde said with almost equal determination, "Once I'm finished this paperwork, I'm leaving".
"No you're not" Regina's voice carried every bit of a command she did not feel, pushing off the blonde's knee into a standing position.
She was momentarily surprised that the other woman did not fall back with the force Regina had exerted upon her knee. But she watched as Emma's mood changed in a flash of an eye. It was something Regina should be well accustomed to by now having been subjected to it these last few weeks. She was astonished she didn't see a clump of blonde hair in Emma's clenched fist as Emma ripped it away from her scalp."I'm sorry your highness I forgot about your need to control everything! How very sorry I am, I forgot I needed permission to be in charge of my own life, and to make my own decisions" Emma spat making a stand; Regina heels only giving her an inch or so height advantage. Regina heard the papers drift to the floor.
Snow's words were ringing in her ears. "Emma and Henry will realise one day who and what you truly are". No. No. No! This couldn't be happening. What was happening? Emma was leaving? Leaving her? This didn't make sense. Last night. Everything was perfect. They were perfect. Snow could not. Would not be right.
"I'm not. I don't want to…Emma please…I don't understand", Regina begged knowing that her tears were falling shamelessly down her face. She wrapped her arms around Emma's shoulders clinging on for dear life; as if life depended on it. Emma couldn't go if she didn't let go of her. Every fibre of Evil Queen was drained from her. She was just Regina. Emma's Regina. She was the young girl cradling Daniel's dead body again. Powerless. Nothing made sense. "What about Henry?" Regina asked her voice squeaked. Henry was her last ditched attempt to make Emma see reason.
She heard Emma swallow heavily before she answered. "He already knows. I told him this morning. Explained a friend needs some help with a job back in Boston and I'd be gone before he came back from school. He was fine with it" Emma explained though Regina could see tears reflecting in her eyes as well.
The brunette felt the rush of hope flood her system. She wasn't leaving…leaving. She was going to come back. She wasn't leaving Regina. Not for good. She took a moment to revel in the warmth of Emma's skin, despite the other woman's reluctance to hold her back. "So you're coming back?" Regina asked hearing her own voice practically skip with delight.
She felt Emma's hand brush her back, almost as if she wanted to return the hold. But instead she felt her other hand pushing her backwards away from Emma. "I don't think so. I don't know" her lover said and for a moment she saw Emma soften. She saw guilt and something else she couldn't name.
"So you gave him false hope?" Regina said her voice cracking into a sob. Henry. The thought of it made her blood boil. Her little boy. The woman before her so readily lied to him…and Henry believed her because that's what Henry does. He believes. "So you're going to abandon him… again?" the brunette spat and saw Emma recoil. She watched as shock and disbelief coloured the former Sheriff's face.
The anger was fuelling her now, but even it wasn't enough. It wasn't strong enough to ignore the look of betrayal in her lover's eyes. Regina didn't believe Emma had abandoned him as a baby. She knew and understood why Emma had given her son up for adoption. She knew it. She felt it. But here Emma was about to walk away from what she herself had claimed was the best time in her life. She was so easily prepared to give up on their relationship and their son's future.
"No. Regina no I'm not abandoning him…God!" Emma replied looking as dumbfounded as Regina felt. She looked hurt and it just added to Regina's feeling of rage and guilt. Anger at Emma. Anger at Snow White…anger at herself! This wasn't supposed to be happening. "I will do right by him. Just as I have been doing since the day he was born. I gave him up because there was no way I could provide for him. I will always do what is best for him…and right now I am not it. I need time away and I won't be coming back until I know that I am" Emma finished looking every bit of the mother Regina knew she was.
Emma felt she had to do this. But Regina could help her. She didn't need to do this alone. Why was Emma so damn stubborn? She didn't need to do everything by herself. For a moment she considered suggesting Henry stay with his grandparents while she helped Emma get to the place she wanted to be in; but that hadn't gone down well last night or this morning. Regina could feel her anger ebbing to despair and desperation. Emma wanted to do what was best for their son and Regina wouldn't blame her for that. She would just have to settle for blaming her for everything else.
"I know…I'm sorry Emma, I didn't mean that. But you were just going to leave? I didn't deserve being told. I didn't deserve a chance to say goodbye? A chance to stop you. To make you see you didn't need to do this alone" Regina's sobs fell openly now as her hands gestured between them. Villains truly didn't get their happy endings. Greg Mendell had been right after all.
Emma didn't speak but an odd look flickered across her face. An emotion Regina couldn't name; but it made her angry. It made her sad. It made her frustrated and she just wanted to scream. She wanted nothing more than to wake up. This had to be bad dream. She would wake any minute and be wrapped in Emma's warm embrace and listen to her soothing words just as she always did when Regina suffered from bad dreams. She was going to wake up; it was nothing but a dream.
"Have I not earned that at least?" Regina said feeling her chest starting to ache as her sobs caught within it.
"I didn't want to hurt you" Emma whispered looking so damn sorry it made the ache worse. Regina could see it. Could see in her love's face she didn't want to hurt Regina and yet it was the very thing…the only thing she was achieving.
"Hurt me… you didn't want to hurt me" the brunette's tone carried the disbelief she felt and she saw Emma shudder at the force of it. "What exactly dear did you think leaving without an explanation…Leaving without saying anything was going to do?", she continued watching Emma become smaller again. Regina wasn't meant to be the one to make her feel small. She was meant to make her feel invincible. "Right I'm just the evil queen … I have no emotions. Right?" the finished her voice cracking; because there is was. The elephant in the room.
Emma looked genuinely hurt. "I never said that Regina" she whispered as she moved forward to take Regina's hand.
"No…you're just leaving me" the former Queen said. It was a statement not a question. She felt Emma's fingers against her own, the only comfort she had. The only anchor to the world around them was clasped within her hand. Regina pleaded Emma with her eyes. Begged her to say no. To reconsider. To tell her she was staying and screw everything else.
But the reassurance never came. Instead Emma's whispered cry said "Yes I am".
The heartbroken noise fall from Regina lips so forcefully it hurt her chest. It hurt. She turned around seeing the empty cell, ripping her hand away from Emma's. She would not accept the comfort. She would not accept this reality. This can't be happening. They were happy. That damn Snow White…was ruining everything yet again. They were happy goddamn it!
Her hands covered her face as her tears fell and sobs rang out. The world around her seemed to blur and come to screeching stop. This was what they had been racing towards for weeks. The arguments, the fights. The tears and heartaches. They had been getting to this point faster and faster, Regina had known it was coming and fought so hard to stop it and yet here she was. Standing in the middle of carnage without a clue of how she got here or how to get out. She had been stripped of all defences. She'd let Emma in. Emma had promised her forever effortlessly and was ripping it away from her with just as much ease.
"Why?" Regina screamed crashing her hands down on top of the desk with none of the regal grace she knew she possessed. She revelled in the sharp physical pain in both of her palms. "Why?" she repeated with a cry. When no answer came, she turned to see Emma was still standing behind her, unmoving. "I need…I'll do anything. Please" Regina pleaded. She was no longer above begging the saviour. "I'll change. I want to. I do because I love you so damn much" Regina said fighting the urge to just crumple upon the floor at Emma's feet.
She saw the tears swimming in her lovers eyes. Watched as they slid shut and single tear fell. "You shouldn't. You shouldn't change and I don't want you to. You most certainly shouldn't love me" Emma whispered so quietly Regina would have had to strain to hear it if the silence around was them crushing them. She felt the anger surge within her yet again. Why did Emma not understand?
"I wasn't aware I had a choice in that" Regina cried. Closed fist hit Emma square in the chest pushing her backward. Regina heard Emma's previously occupied seat scrap upon the ground. Emma caught Regina's wrists effortlessly. "I love you", Regina said with determination. She would make Emma understand. "I tried to stop remember. It didn't work. Please Emma. Please stay…please" the former Mayor begged once again.
"I can't", Emma breathed her forehead now coming to rest upon her own. Regina could see the tears clinging to her lashes. It wasn't hard. Of course she could. She had to. Regina needed her to.
"Yes you can. You can stay and you can fight", the brunette reassured; feeling the hope she so desperately needed Emma to feel. "Tell me … tell me you don't love me and I'll let you walk out of that door. But if you can't then I will fight", Regina promised feeling determination pulse through her veins. "I want to fight for you Emma. I will talk to Snow. I will try harder with her. I know I let the past get in the way, but I'm better, I promise. I'll get even better. Please Emma I need you. I need you. Stay, please?" Regina rushed feeling her smile creep into her face. She so desperately wanted to kiss the lips she could see were quivering.
"I don't", Emma breathed.
Regina felt her heart sink lower than the hands Emma had let go of. It was just a simple unfinished sentence. Regina urged her on with her eyes. Emma was going to wake her from this nightmare as she always did. Emma would always catch Regina before she fell.
"I don't love you", Emma whispered. All that could be heard in the silent office was Regina's heart break. Emma was looking her dead in the eye now. This wasn't possible. How…was this possible? "I'm sorry" the blonde continued emotion cracking at her voice. When the other woman turned Regina wanted to move, to make her stop but her body wouldn't follow her brain's command. It wouldn't even reach forward and take the younger woman's hand. This had to be a joke. A cruel joke. Regina watched through her tear blurred vision as the woman she believed was her true love walk away. Looking down she saw Emma's handwriting naming Ruby as Storybrooke's new, permanent Sheriff.