Title: Last Thing You'll Do
Author: Calliope-plantain
Rating: M
Pairing:Regina/Emma
Disclaimer: I do not own Once. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended.
Storyline: Regina could say her life was perfect… and then it got turned upside down.
Author's Note:Sorry for the delay. I was away last weekend and had an interview to prepare for (which I didn't get). Hope this chapter makes up for the wait.
Beta: Scarlet-Marauder awesomely encouraged me to write this, and then was my beta. So any mistakes she's missed are her fault ;)
"The next heart you crush will be mine" – 45-Spacer.
Just over three months after that fatal day Regina found herself in her newly made Haven. Over the years she had become accustomed to making homemade meals for her and her son. They occasionally indulged as a treat, had their evening meals at Granny's. During her time with Emma these trips out had become more frequent. Emma was always willing to show off their relationship with the town and often went that little further to make those small family nights out that little extra special. This place was the only Emma solid place where Regina felt she could stand the absent blonde's presence.
It felt odd to enter the dinner with Henry and no longer feel the community's stares upon them. It seemed they had lost interest in whether the former Queen would break down or their son would become unstable in the absence of his other mother. There had been one set of eyes on them as they had entered though. The same pair which it seemed had been watching her every waking movement for months now. Snow White's.
Regina had ensured to keep the relationship open between Henry and his birthmother's parents. While at times both parties' dislike and disdain for the other was painstakingly obvious, both…for the most part bite their tongue and were civil for the sake of the young teen. Regina nor Snow however could say they had remained completely civil when the young boy was not around. Snow on more than one occasion had sought out her former step-mother to share her views and feelings on the matter of Emma leaving town; and how it was entirely her fault. Regina now tried when possible to have Henry with her when these little visits could occur.
Snow had watched them enter, walk to their seats and order their meal. Time as Queen had taught her to watch those around her, while being undetected. Their audience's attention had been pulled away from their show by her phone ringing. The look on the face of the other woman told her, it was Emma who was on the other end. This cut through Regina like a knife through butter. It took all her willpower even after three months of no contact, not to walk over to the other woman and rip the device out of her hand. Regina wasn't sure however if she'd scream at Emma or crush the cell into a million pieces; so she'd just enjoy her meal with her son.
Frequently sparing a glance in Snow's direction, she was thankful their meal came quickly and mercifully Henry ate his food speedily though quietly. She was surprised at Henry's lack of conversation though since he was meant to be going to his grandparents' later she supposed it meant he would return in the morning full of stories.
Just before she and Henry left she saw Snow rise from her seat and gave her a meaningful look. It even seemed the pixie haired woman wanted to come over to talk to her. There was no way Regina was going to give the people of Storybrooke yet another chance to see Snow try and put her in place, and it most certainly wasn't going to happen in front of her son.
Regina placed money on the table before telling Henry they were going home. The drive was almost silent. It was calming. It was hard to believe it was coming up to July. The last year had gone too fast. Both the good and the bad. Though the worst seemed to drag on. It was harder still to believe it had been just over three months since Emma had walked out of her life.
Upon reaching their house Henry had jumped out of the car and rushed to get his bag ready. Why he hadn't gotten it ready before their trip to the diner she didn't know. The exchange would have been better in the public forum. But it would have meant she would have to talk to Snow. However as it turned out several hours after their return home, it had been Charming who had come to get Henry. Apparently Snow had sent him round on his way home, claiming to be too busy to pick up Henry.
Regina had bite back the remark she had felt rise within her. Snow had been too busy to pick up her own grandson. Maybe she was too busy to have him spend the night as well. But she could not do that to her son. Henry got excited about the time he spent with Snow and Charming. So she hadn't said a word.
It still surprised her that apart from the odd dirty look in the first few weeks after Emma's departure from the town, Charming had been completely civil with her. Unlike his wife, Charming had never shown dislike or discomfort in their relationship. She had often wondered if Emma had spoken to her father about it. She however had seen the same feeling of betrayal in the man's eyes she often felt at one of Henry's recalls of Snow's phone calls from Emma. It was clear it was a privilege Emma only divulged with her mother. Not once had Emma made contact with Regina. Not through letters, email not even a phone call. Unless you counted what Regina assumed was a miss dial or an accident.
Though the many stories Henry came home with after his days at his grandparents suggested the blonde contacted Snow multiple times a week. It had surprised her to see that Henry did not seem angry with his birthmother for leaving; more of a surprise was that he didn't seem to blame Regina for it either. Maybe it was Henry's still childlike qualities which made him believe Emma might one day return to Storybrooke. Despite Emma's indefinite answer of when she would return Regina suspected the former Sheriff never would. If she did Regina knew things in the small town, in her own home would never be the same again.
Regina understood now how divorced parents must feel. Henry frequently talked about his other mother. The times they had spent together just them; as a family. The good. The bad. Also with Henry's stories of Emma's latest act of heroism or work related injury Regina could almost feel the blonde's presence. The stories had such detail that Regina had often found herself dreaming about them. Though Henry remained adamant he never spoke to the missing woman, only retelling the tales Snow told him. Henry's storytelling was not helped by the fact that every place Regina went in the small town seemed to be tainted in Emma's memory and her lingering presence seemed to hang over the place like an unseen ghost.
"Hey" Emma said coming to stand beside her in her spot of refuge in front of the merry diner. Everyone was so happy they were back. Five days. That was all that had passed since their departure. She had known of course Neverland ran on a different clock to other worlds but the weeks they had spent on that island had been the equivalent of five days. Just five! It seemed impossible and yet here they were.
She turned her head slightly to see Emma wearing a coat she was pretty sure didn't belong to her. It was thicker than was necessary in Storybrooke in July; though if she was honest with herself the air did hold a slight chill. The temperature difference between their small town and Neverland was quite astonishing.
She noticed Emma was holding a cup and by the smell of it, it held coffee. She was momentarily surprised when the blonde held it out to her. Emma had brought her coffee. She took it with a tight smile. She had come out for quiet. For a moment's pause in the craziness that had occurred in the last few hours alone. Though she did not mind the other woman's presence next to her.
"It's too loud in there. Henry is telling anyone who will listen what happened in Neverland. I think he likes being in the centre of one of his stories for a change" Emma explained as she gazed across the road almost absentmindedly much as Regina had been doing only minutes before.
"I highly suspect your right" Regina replied taking a gulp of the hot liquid more for something to do than any need for fluid. She instantly regretted the action as she felt the coffee burn its way down. "Hot" the brunette explained at the puzzled look on the other woman's face. "Yes Regina hot coffee is usually hot", Regina reprimanded herself silently at her own stupidity.
Emma gave her a small grin before nodding though her amusement was clearly evident.
"I came out here for my own peace and quiet. As you say it's too loud" Regina explained and saw Emma's face drop. She then watched as Emma's face blushed deeply.
"Urgh…sorry I'll leave you to it" Emma said in a tone of clear embarrassment as she turned to leave.
Though Regina found she did not want to be alone. She had grown quite fond of the blonde's company. She'd become accustomed to it. That was all. She'd become used to having the younger woman around. Though even to her own surprise she called after her "No. It's okay Emma. I don't mind".
She saw the smile. It was genuine and sincere and made her dark eyes sparkle. It took her a moment to realise she'd called the other woman by her name, not title. There was little point anymore. Emma was her name and she had been calling her it while in Neverland. It was idiotic to pretend things hadn't changed between them.
"Okay" was Emma's only reply as she came to stand next to Regina, before silence fell between them once again. Neither spoke. The obnoxiously loud voices and laughter behind them from the small diner were hushed but little else.
Emma moved and when Regina turned she saw she was now leaning back against the building. "Who's coat is that?" was the brunette's only question.
Emma looked down at the garment as if noticing for the first time it wasn't her own. "Ruby's" the Sheriff replied. It was difficult to believe Ruby owned something which covered so much. However Ruby was a good few inches taller than the blonde, but not tall enough to explain the amount of skin Emma wasn't showing.
Regina took a moment to consider that thought. She was disappointed that Emma wasn't showing more skin. She knew she was attracted to Emma. She could admit to herself if nothing else she'd known for a while. It hadn't mattered though. She was the saviour. Snow White's daughter. She was her enemy. Regina however had seen how hard Emma had fought for her son. Their son. Calling Henry their son was almost second nature now. Regina had never thought she'd share her son with anyone and yet here she was, doing just that. .
Things had changed. She placed her small cup on the table nearest them and noted Emma's look of confusion. Regina wasn't sure how much time had passed since she'd last spoke but it was clear by the look on the saviour's face it had been a while.
"Regina?" Emma asked attentively. Regina took a moment. She considered what she was about to do. She shouldn't be thinking about it, never mind actually considering doing it. But she had to. They had saved Henry. At times she had doubted they would even see him again, never mind escape that horrible place. She had seen Emma's depression and anguish has they fought to get Henry's heart back from Pan. She had seen it and understood it because it was just like hers. It was that of a parent.
Regina leant in and heard Emma's gasp. Whether it was from the sensation or surprise Regina didn't know. All she knew was that the other woman did not push her away or show any sign of objection. Emma was simply staring back at her. Her eyes seemed darker than usual. Despite the layers between them Regina could still feel the heat radiating from the younger woman. Regina was flush against her frame.
She saw Emma's gaze drift to her lips and found herself licking her top lip; and watching as Emma's eyes darkened further. She could just lean slightly forward and they'd be kissing. She'd be a fool to deny she hadn't thought about it. She'd thought about it so many times over the last few months. God even the night Emma had brought Henry home, Regina knew she found her son's birthmother attractive.
Suddenly they were kissing. Who moved to break the distance she wasn't sure. She didn't care. The soft lips against her own her like nothing she could have imagined. Emma's usual crass mouth felt amazing against hers. Regina pushed herself further still in Emma's body and heard the small moan of pleasure as she nearly ground her into the wall behind her.
The kiss was heated, quick and passionate. It was full of the pent up emotions and energy both women had been holding onto for so long. Long before Neverland. As lips, teeth and tongues collided over and over Regina felt she'd found her oasis. The way Emma's hands roamed her back trying to gain that much more pressure and contact made her brain blur around the edges. She was kissing Emma.
She was kissing Emma Swan. She was kissing the mother of her son and the daughter of her most hatred enemy. She was kissing her and she, Regina had initiated it. She pulled back panting slightly, noting Emma was too. She saw the lazy grin the other woman shot her; and watched it fall as she pulled away completely.
"Regina?" Emma asked breathlessly; clearly as confused as Regina felt, though for completely different reasons.
"Fine" Regina said only slightly grudgingly. Emma's eyebrows lowered in confusion, her spoon which had just previously held cereal now stuck out from her lips. Emma was sitting at the small breakfast bar in her mother's kitchen and was oblivious to the internal monologue Regina had been carrying on with herself on the drive over to pick Henry up.
"What?" Emma asked placing her spoon back in the bowl with a loud clatter. It wasn't the Sheriff's fault she was coming into the conversation half the way through. Regina could hear Henry moving around the room he was currently sharing with his father. Two weeks back from Neverland and Neal was still hanging around. Henry adored his father and seemed to be enjoying his company and attention; but Regina didn't. She couldn't help but wait for him to leave Henry, just as he'd abandoned the woman in front of her.
The brunette took a small but steady breath before she spoke again. "I'll go out with you" Regina said reluctantly in low voice so it didn't carry up to the room above. She saw Emma's smile form and turn into a full pledge beam.
Since their kiss outside Granny's Emma had asked Regina out on a "date" every time she had seen her…and Regina had refused. She was not a teenage girl. But every time the younger woman had asked Regina felt her resolve lessen. She knew now what Emma's body felt like pressed against her own and the taste of her lips. She knew now and couldn't forget. That memory was engrained and had made frequent visits to her in the sleeping hours.
She saw the smug grin the other woman shot her as another loaded spoonful of cereal was place into Emma's mouth. The one time Emma had not asked her was the one time she had accepted. She'd just admitted to thinking about Emma's request more than she had been denying it for the last two weeks. Maybe she was a bit like a young woman with a crush. A teen in love.
That thought hurt a little more than she had expected. She didn't love Emma. She was attracted to her; she'd known that for a long time. But the idea of love. The possibility of being in love with Emma…that scared her. She couldn't help the thought of Daniel. The last person she's allowed herself to love. It could not end the same way with Emma. She wouldn't let it.
"It will be at my house" Regina stated noting the look of smugness did not shift from the saviour's face. She was not ready for their relationship whatever this was or could be to public knowledge just yet. The longer the better in fact.
"Okay" Emma said back, clearly not caring about the venue. The blonde had already sussed Regina's reluctance of a public relationship over a week ago; making promises that if she agreed they could be as discreet as she needed. Regina hadn't admitted the blonde was right, but the look on Emma's face told her, she understood.
"And I will cook. Don't want you give us both food poisoning" Regina added noting Emma's frown as another spoonful was placed slightly more forcefully than was needed in her mouth.
Before Emma could reply Henry bellowed down the small stairs, "Emma…I need your help! I think I just broke dad's nose".
Her breathing was rapid. So rapid it was burning her throat at the force at which her body was trying to get the air into her lungs. Her skin tingled and she felt flushed. She felt on fire and it had nothing to do with magic. It was because of the woman laid half on top of her. It felt incredible beneath Emma's weight. Hearing Emma's quickened breathing next to her ear and feeling the pounding heart near her own; felt incredible.
Emma made to move but Regina grabbed her arm. "Stay" she asked and watched Emma smile with an air of disbelief.
"I'm squashing you" the Sheriff replied matter-of-factly a tight grin plastered on her beautiful face.
"No you're not. Stay" Regina stated with a plea.
Emma huffed gently but settled down back on top of Regina's small frame. Her head tucked beneath her chin. Emma's hair was tickling her face. Nothing more was heard as their breathing levelled, in Emma's case so levelled out Regina assumed she'd fallen asleep. Regina's hand traced mindless patterns against the blonde's fair skin. It felt good and right with Emma so close. She felt as if Emma belonged pressed against her. Their bodies fit perfectly like a completed jigsaw.
She was pulled out of her thoughts when the woman on her shifted slightly. She heard in Emma's voice her submission to the pull of sleep as the blonde whispered into her shoulder, "Love you". Regina felt her breath hitch and heart skip a beat. What had Emma just said? She loved her. Emma had said she loved her. Three months together and Emma had said she loved her. Regina realised her hand had stopped its dance upon Emma's back and quickly resumed its ministrations before Emma could notice the hiccup. Though based on the blonde's breathing against Regina's bare chest the other woman had finally fallen asleep.
Emma loved her. Regina knew she loved Emma. She'd known it for a while. She felt the emotion from deep within and it scared her. She was scared of losing Emma, losing whatever this was that they had been sharing. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't tried to stop her feelings from developing. She tried her hardest not to love the woman tucked against her. People she loved only got hurt. She couldn't love Emma; and yet she could do little else.
Her heels were not suitable for the sand beneath their feet. The cold salt air nipped at her face; thankful her hands were tucked safely into her coat pockets. She'd let Emma pick their evening out. Only the blonde would pick an evening stroll on the beach in December. No one else was around because no one else was such an idiot to walk on the beach in almost minus temperatures. No one around also meant no one would her arm linked with the woman's next to her.
Their relationship had been made public just under two months ago but Regina still felt uneasy with public displays of affection. Her relationship with Emma was theirs. It had surprised her how affectionate Emma was. Whether it be notes where she knew Regina would find them, her favourite flowers being delivered to her at unexpected times. The people of Storybrooke had guessed Regina was being romanced by someone; their secret was revealed at Granny's when Emma couldn't help herself.
She wasn't angry with Emma who was chatting away about her time spent with Henry that day. Regina had known their relationship would be found out eventually but she had enjoyed the secretiveness, it made it special. Though there were times she couldn't help but consider how her relationship with Daniel had been. It had been full of secrets and stolen kisses. Only her mother wasn't around to destroy it. But Emma's was.
Snow had not taken well to the news. Once they realised people knew Emma had told Regina she had to tell Snow. She knew Emma was right. They had officially told Henry who didn't seem to mind. The second was Snow. Emma had said it was something she should do alone. Which was probably for the best. According to Emma she'd never seen someone go so pale which was quite a feat considering her former stepdaughter's fair complexion.
Emma came to a stop in the middle of the abandoned beach. It was only then Regina really noticed the stars flickering above them. They were beautiful. The last few days Snow had threatened to fall, often falling for a few hours at a time. These spells however had allowed the skies to clear. The night sky looked almost like those in The Enchanted Forest so long ago. The moon was full in the sky casting them in an almost magical light.
Regina shivered and not for the first time since they started their walk. She heard Emma's light chuckle as she pulled her linked arm away. The brunette went to object at the change but a gasp fell from her mouth instead. Emma had pressed her full length into Regina's back. Her arms enveloped her, strong hands slid across her stomach pulling her in. The difference in temperate change was instant. Emma's heat radiated through their clothes engulfing her. Emma's chin came to rest upon her shoulder; her breath tickling her cheek.
It felt incredible. To be held as if she was precious, something that needed to be protected. Emma's hold tightened further still and it made Regina's head spin. She'd fought so long to be happy; and here Emma was. She'd fought their time together so far. She couldn't fall in love. Villains didn't get their happy endings. Yet here Emma was. Ready to give herself so completely. Emma had already said she loved Regina, several times since her first confession a month ago and it made her heart pound at the words…at the thought. She was loveable. Someone loved her.
The moon shone across the slightly lapping waves. The sea reflected its rays almost perfectly. The stars twinkled above them; Emma's embrace warming her body, heart and soul. This was her happy ending. This was what she's been looking for. She'd spent her life fighting the endless wars in her world and had fled fighting the demons of her past only to end up in arms of her … true love. It hit her so hard it made her feel momentarily giddy. She'd fought Emma for so long despite knowing she loved her. When she had realised her feelings towards the blonde had developed into love she didn't know, but she couldn't…wouldn't keep fighting it.
"I love you" Regina whispered her voice seemed to be carried on the frozen air around them.
"I know" Emma replied straight into her ear, her tone carrying a hint of smugness.
Regina couldn't help the annoyed huffed that fell from her lips. "Really dear I say I love you and that's your response" the former Queen quipped. She wouldn't show it but Emma's blasé reply did hurt a little.
Emma placed a gentle kiss at the crux of Regina's neck with a mumbled apology. The gesture as it always did caused the brunette to shiver; one that had nothing to do with the chilled air around them. "It means more than I can ever say to hear you say it but you've been telling me every day for months now. With your actions…and gestures. I know you love me. I love you too" Emma's whisper felt like soothing balm against her anxious heart. Emma's declaration made it jump within her chest.
Regina grinned. She really grinned and it hurt her frozen cheeks but she didn't care. She turned in Emma's arms and placed a kiss upon the other woman's lips. They felt warm as they moved beneath her own. "God I love you" Emma whispered softly with a small laugh; her eyes seemed to sparkle in the moonlight. Wrapped in the arms of the woman she loved and who loved her back, standing on a freezing cold beach in completely unsuitable footwear Regina knew she'd found her happy ending.
Upon entering the house she heard music and Henry's loud voice carry down the stairs. "You totally did. You cheated!" Henry said far too loudly. There was no way he would have shouted so loudly if he knew Regina was home. It hardly surprised her that their son was home; neither did it surprise her to then hear Emma replying back. Based on the tone and loudness of both she shared her life with, they were playing some game. Regina slipped her shoes off to ensure neither heard her coming and was thankful the stairs beneath her weight did not creak. Following the noise told her they were in Henry's bedroom.
Both Emma and Henry seemed to be engrossed in the game they were playing. It was funny seeing the exact same look of concentration on their faces. There had been times in the first year of Emma's stay in Storybrooke where Regina internally denied any resemblance between Henry and his birth mother. There was none; any was mere consequence. But looking at them interact, the more time she spent with Emma the more she saw. They had the same mannerisms, the same laugh though the pitch differed. There was no denying it now, and Regina loved it.
There was no way Emma should be home now; she still had at least an hour left at the station. Even when they practically lived under the same roof Henry managed to steal his mother's attention away from her job. Regina grinned as she saw Emma mouthing along to whatever was playing on the docking station. It was some song about love and grinned tighter when she saw Emma shift her shoulder to a particular heavy beat of the music. The only dance move she was able to do while still playing the game. Regina moved slightly to see what game they were playing when she saw Emma grin. It took her a moment to realise she'd been caught; though Emma's gaze never shifted from the screen.
It was then Henry's turn to notice her standing in the doorway. He however did turn his head. "Hey!" Emma shouted in irritation as the teen paused their game. "Sore loser" Emma shot at him with a fond annoyance only a parent could pull off as he clambered over the top of her.
"Sorry… I need a drink" Henry stated as if it was obvious. Though Regina could see from boy's score he was clearly losing. It was only when Henry reached the doorway his older mother was leaning against did he turn and asked Emma "Do you want one?"
"I'm pretty sure Emma is meant to be at work" Regina answered for her girlfriend and watched Emma roll her eyes.
Regina bite back a grin as Henry rolled his eyes in the exact same way before stomping passed her, yet another trait he'd gained from Emma.
"His school rang, said he wasn't well and asked me to pick him" Emma explained shifting on the bed she laid on. She was surprised Emma hadn't called her, not because she needed to but Emma often felt it necessary to check almost everything with Regina when it came to their son. At first it had felt odd because in the months prior to their relationship Emma hadn't cared whether Regina approved of anything they did together. She soon realised it was because Emma was scared of doing something wrong. It warmed her that after six months of Emma tip toeing around Regina and her own mothering role in Henry's life that the blonde was finally okay with making decisions and knew Regina would be okay with them.
"He seems okay now" Regina said with a quip and watched Emma smile with a shake of her head, as the brunette fully entered the room. Henry often as a child could be nearing death's door at school, once Regina got him home he'd be bouncing off the walls. Though more often than not, he did crash. Something she supposed they would have to watch for.
"Hmmm…if you want me to go back to work I can" Emma said her tone carrying a hint of smugness. She knew what Regina's answer would be as she sat next to the now sitting blonde.
"No… I'm happy with you here… but you are a push over dear" Regina hushed so Henry wouldn't hear. Why she bothered she didn't know. From the moment Emma had stepping into Storybrooke that child had his birth mother wrapped around his little finger; and he knew it.
"So you keep telling me", Emma said with a tone of exaggeration and boredom. A tone that did not work when accompanied with a laugh and jut of Emma's eyebrow.
"Move in with us?" Regina asked. To say Regina was surprised she had asked as understatement. It was completely out of nowhere. Well no, it was something she'd wanted to ask for a while but never found the right moment; but coming home to hear Emma and Henry's laughing and ridiculously loud voices was something she never wanted to end. She felt like she finally had a home when she walked into this house and could hear them doing whatever they were doing. She looked forward to seeing them and often felt disappointed when Emma wasn't there. She felt at home at last, the nights Emma stayed over and felt something was missing the nights she didn't.
She saw the Sherriff's eyes widen in shock. "What?" Emma asked incredulously. Regina felt her anxiety levels soar. It was too soon. Emma wasn't ready. She shouldn't have asked.
"I mean if you want to… you're always here and then you need to leave. If you want to keep staying with your mother I understand…" Regina said trying to backtrack as much as she could. Trying to make it sound more like a suggestion rather than the very thing she wanted. It was nothing if Emma declined, it wouldn't break her heart.
"Yes" Emma said cutting of her ramblings.
"Yes?" Regina said pretty sure she was hearing things and her wishful thinking was getting the better of her.
"Yes I want to live with you…both of you" Emma explained looking a little uncertain herself, still clearly a little thrown by the question.
"Really?" Regina said trying for scepticism though failing miserably as her own delight shone through her tone.
"Yeah", her lover answered softly with a grin, looking more and more sure and assertive by the second. Regina felt overwhelmed. Her heart skipped a beat at the grin and absolute certainty beaming from Emma's face. She was moving in with them. She was actually coming to live with her and Henry. The former queen leant forward capturing the grinning lips and felt them respond instantly to hers. The kiss was simple and unrushed. It was soft but promising.
"I can hear you kissing you know" Henry's booming voice travelled through the house. She heard Emma's snort of laughter before she buried her head in the crux of Regina shoulder in what Regina assumed was embarrassment. Yeah this was where she was always meant to be.
Their first anniversary. She thought first because she knew they'd have more. She knew that now. Their first of many. Emma had wined and dined her. Emma had paid with her own money not their joined account. She had said she wanted Regina to feel special. She'd achieved just that.
After their meal they'd gone for a walk and somehow has they often did these days found themselves walking along the beach. Regina had taken off her shoes and carried them feeling the hot sand in between her toes. Unlike their first visit down here over eight months ago the wind was warm against her skin. It was hard to believe a year had passed. It felt like no time had passed and yet she felt as if she'd been at Emma's side forever.
She couldn't remember now what Emma had said, but something had sparked a thought of Daniel. A year together. Emma deserved to hear their story. The blonde knew the facts or most of them from Henry's book but she did not know it all. She did not know of the pain and anguish her fiancée's death had caused. She did not know of the struggles Regina had gone through daily at his loss. She didn't know, and so Regina shared it all.
Their brief walk had ended up being hours along as they'd sat on the sun-heated sand. The waves had lapped gently as Emma had comforted her as she'd cried and kept her distance when it was needed. It astonished Regina that the woman knew her so well. Emma knew what Regina needed and when she needed it. Furthermore she had listened. No one had been good enough, special enough to hear her and Daniel's story. Regina however also realised that no one had cared enough to listen.
Emma had listened as Regina told of their meeting, falling in love and their plans to run away. She'd listened as she explained about their secret relationship and terror at being caught by her mother. She'd listened and even shed a few of her own tears as she held Regina extra tight as she recited Daniel's death and days that followed. She's listened with understanding in her eyes that Regina did not deserve as she explained her deeds as the named "Evil Queen". Regina did not go into detail but explained her thoughts and emotions as she transformed into the villain in their son's book. She explained, not justified; and Emma understood and listened.
Emma understood the gift and trust being given to her. She understood it and protected it. Emma had promised this night would make her feel special and Emma had done just that without even trying.
Regina had grabbed the blonde's hand pulling her upwards and dragging her along behind her after she explained of Whale's attempt to revive Daniel in this world. Much like the attempt in their world, this one had failed too but with even more dire consequences.
Regina had driven faster than she remembered ever driving before. She wanted…no needed to share it all with the blonde whose hand was clutching her thigh in reassurance. Emma had not spoken since they'd entered the car but Regina could feel her gaze upon her. Regina hadn't looked across at the blonde knowing her resolve would break. She needed to do this.
Pulling up at the stables she felt her heart sink a little at the sight of it and heard Emma's small gasp of recognition. She left the car without looking back. No need to lock the car there wasn't anyone around.
"You don't need to do this you know" Emma said almost running after her. Yes they did. She needed this. She needed to share this and this place with her partner. As soon as she opened the door the smell hit her. The smell of hay, straw and the distinct smell of horses. The smell of her past. Emma collided with her back, and it was only then she realised her erupt halt.
She was standing in the very place she'd been avoiding for all those years. She'd only entered it over a year ago to stop her son from being hurt. Hurt by the man she'd loved. Henry over the years had begged to go horse riding and she'd said no. Repeatedly. She couldn't keep running from this place.
She felt Emma's arm wrap itself around her middle and felt momentarily guilty. Daniel died here; and here she was in the arms of someone else. But Daniel's last words wash over her. "He told me love again" Regina whispered knowing the woman so close to her would hear it. Much as she had done when Regina said the same words on the beach, Emma gripped at Regina's middle that little bit tighter.
"Promise you won't leave me" Regina breathed and felt a tear fall as she stared at the very spot she'd last seen Daniel.
"I promise" Emma reassured gently, resting her chin on Regina's shoulder.
"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep" Regina replied sadly.
She heard the slight huff from the other woman but her grip on her did not loosen as she said "You're right. But I can promise to be here, with you for as long as I have a say in it. I'm not going anywhere for a very long time. That I can promise".
Pain shot through her arm as she collided with the door frame. Stupid Christmas Day! She felt Emma bodily move her away from the hard wooden frame, and guide her into their house with deliberate care. She kicked her shoes off not caring where they landed before stalking her way through the house feeling the ground beneath her feet spin.
She heard Emma's huff as she followed in her wake. It was only in the kitchen the brunette turned on the light which made her eyes sting. It was like a sharp stab to each eye and she heard her low groan of pain. Why had she drank so much? She felt Emma's hand on her arm, and the gentle pull upon it. She resisted the urge to pull the limb away but Emma's persistence was stronger than her will to pull away.
She let herself be led into the dark study where Emma pushed her onto one of the sofas before moving behind her. The light from the lamp behind her was much kinder on the eyes through even the small amount of light it was emitting stung her eyes a little. Emma didn't even look back as she left the room but Regina could hear her moving around the kitchen.
When she returned Emma was carrying a small glass tumbler of water which was thrust upon on with a slight glare. Regina hadn't meant to drink so much. She had just needed something to get her through Christmas dinner with the Charmings and Neal. She had taken a small hip flask with whisky in to drink if and when she felt it was necessary. The hours in the Charming's household had proven it was necessary.
She let out another groan though this one was of pleasure as the cold water soothed her throat. She knew even now she was going to have a hangover come morning. Despite her clear annoyance at Regina's state Emma still moved to sit beside her and brushed a piece of fly away hair, away from her face.
"Was the whisky really needed?" Emma asked actually sounded more amused than annoyed.
"Yes" Regina replied without missing a beat.
Emma rolled her eyes with a smile before placing a small kiss upon Regina's cheek. The former mayor knew she was blushing though found she did not care. "It wasn't that bad" Emma retorted.
"Maybe for you it wasn't. Or our son. But for me it was hell. I didn't sign up for holidays with your mother and your ex" Regina explained with a gesture of her glass and saw Emma dart out of the way of the water which had spilt at the action. The blonde glared, her eyes softened at Regina's sheepish smile. Regina knew how to soften Emma. It still made her smile at how much she knew the woman before her. How she had stupidly resisted this sixteen months ago.
Except she didn't know Emma. That it seemed had become quite clearly over the last few hours. "You never said you were a stripper" Regina stated trying to keep her drunken slurs to a minimum.
Emma's eyes rolled again though no smile followed. She had noticed Emma's blatant glare at Neal's throw away comment about Emma's dancing days back at Snow's. Despite Emma's insistence that the conversation end Snow had asked Neal questions. Regina knew it was only natural considering how much Snow had missed of her daughter's life. It soon became apparent to no one but Regina it seemed that Emma's dancing had been of the sexual nature.
She felt her blood boil at the thought. She knew of course Emma had slept with other people; their son was living proof of that. Also by extension others but her had seen the blonde naked but she did not like it. She did not like that people had paid to see her lover's body. That her lover had danced for them. That Neal had been there, seen it, and shared those memories with her. A secret Emma had not shared with her.
"I was not a stripper. I was an erotic dancer. There is a difference", Emma explained as if she were explaining something very simple to a small child.
"Did you take off your clothes for money?" Regina asked ignoring Emma's previous statement.
"Well yes, but not off…off" Emma floundered as she explained. That was good to know. It made her feel marginally better.
"Did you give them lap dances?" Regina asked, not entirely sure she wanted the answer.
"Oh god. This is worse than Neal talking about it with my mother" Emma groaned placing her head in her hands. Regina did feel a pang of sympathy for the blonde.
"That didn't answer the question" the brunette stated; her drunken reflexes not as good as they usually were when Emma's head shot up only to stare in disbelief.
"What do you want to hear?" Emma barked. "Yes I was dancer. I was hard up and rather than steal I tried my hand at dancing. The pay wasn't bad. Yes I danced for people. Yes I gave lap dances, they paid more" Emma explained and Regina saw despite Emma's look of annoyance at her questioning she was worried that Regina was judging her. She wasn't judging her. She was trying to gain the facts.
"Which Neal was fine with?" Regina asked sceptically, placing a hand on Emma's knee.
"Yeah he was the one who got me the gig. A friend of his owned the joint and with a fake ID I got in. I was there for like six months tops" Emma continued explaining as if it was the most common thing in the world.
"Did you sleep with any of them?" Regina asked and regretted the question immediately. This was clearly a conversation they should have had when she was sober. She saw the look of hurt in Emma's eyes and knew the answer before Emma gave it.
"Regina! I said I was an erotic dancer not a prostitute. No of course I didn't sleep with them! What the hell…" the blonde barked, throwing her head back against the sofa. She didn't mean to hurt Emma by her questions but as her partner she believed she deserved to know.
"I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time with the idea that Neal was fine with it, never mind encourage it. No girlfriend of mine would do that" Regina responded giving a small rub to the thigh beneath her palm. The man just sat there and directed his girlfriend around while other men shoved dollars in her underwear.
"Well I'm sorry but I did, living out of the back seat of your car kinder makes you desperate" Emma shot back and Regina realised her mistake.
"No that's not what I meant… I don't share very well. I couldn't. I would probably cause some serious harm to anyone who touched you" Regina explained careful and saw Emma's head tilt to the side if considering what she was telling her. But more important she saw Emma's face lose its look of annoyance and anger. She knew Emma heard the truth in her words. "I have a difficult enough time when Neal even looks at you. He still loves you" Regina admitted feeling momentarily silly.
"You're jealous of Neal" Emma said a look of dawning appearing on her face. In the past Regina hadn't liked how well Emma seemed to know her, seem to see right through her. Now she cherished it. She was finally understood, and she knew despite feeling a little foolish for yes, being jealous, she knew Emma would never use it against her. "I don't want him you know" the blonde said softly with a reassuring smile, making Regina's heart flutter.
"I do", the former queen admitted with a nod. "But he has this past with you…and these memories that I don't get to be part of" she continued feeling her heart quicken slightly. She had had these thoughts and feelings since the beginning. She doubted…no she knew Emma would never stray, but that knowledge and trust didn't make the feeling lessen.
"No you don't, you're right" Emma said with a nod taking Regina's hand in her own. Despite the smile on Emma's face Regina felt as if she was waiting for the other foot to drop. Emma was going to say something and confirm her fears. "Except we're making a future and our own memories. Memories no one else get to be a part of. Just me, you and Henry. That's way more important and special to me" Emma explained so gently and carefully it made Regina's heart skip a beat and she knew she was moments away from crying. The whisky in her system wasn't helping her keep a reign on her emotions.
"You were a stripper or an erotic dancer whatever you call it and you never told me" Regina stated and watched Emma sigh slightly.
"You never asked", Emma said now looking down at the hand clasped in her own. "I had a lot of jobs to get by. Dancing, waitress, I briefly considered going back to dancing when I got out of prison but they didn't really offer a training programme to help me lose my baby weight…trust me no one wanted to see that", Emma explained with a small but superficial laugh as she traces lines across the back of Regina's hand. She was not able to look at her.
"So I ended up doing a short stint of lounge singing …. Yeah that kinder went fairly quickly considering I can barely hold a note. I went back to waitressing until I got the bail bonds gig" Emma continued sighing deeply. "I'm not proud of the things I did. Dancing, stealing…there's nothing wrong with dancing in fact I am impressed by the guts and confidence it takes to do it. But it wasn't for me. I did what I had to" Emma explained before finally looking up. She was almost pleading Regina with her eyes for her to understand. She did.
"I know. I'm sorry" Regina said, taking hold of the hand previously playing with her own.
"You're it for me. There are things from my past which I don't like to talk about" Emma explained quietly.
Regina snorted. She knew the feeling all too well and from Emma's raised eyebrow she understood the reasoning for Regina's noise.
"If you wanna know something ask. I'm not going to bite" the Sheriff reassured her tenderly, now not breaking eye contact. "Yes I have a past with Neal. I have a lot of memories with Neal and some are good…but he's still the bastard who abandoned me and carted me off to jail…pregnant with his kid. I put up with him now for Henry. Henry wanted his father there today that was the only reason I agreed" Emma explained with such certainly and determination that Regina just had to believe her.
"Your mother was more than happy to have him there. Pretty sure she thinks she can spark things up again" Regina responded with a slight snarky drawl, though it wasn't aimed at Emma but her insufferable mother.
"She is an idiot then, because I am happily spoken for" Emma stated looking at Regina as if she was daring her to disagree; and she couldn't help but smile both at her use of Regina favourite pet name for Snow and her declaration. She was happily spoken for, and Regina wouldn't have it any other way.
"I'm glad to hear it" Regina said with an exaggerated nod. She saw Emma smile. It was smile that was reserved just for her. Her special smile. The one that made her eyes sparkle. "I won't get you pregnant and then cart you off to jail" Regina said with a slight tease in her voice, though her sentiment was quite serious. She wasn't going anywhere.
"If you can get me pregnant you can cart me anywhere you want" Emma replied with a slight laugh and grin. It took Regina a moment to consider what Emma had just said.
"You think about that?" the brunette asked in astonishment. Regina knew Emma was her true love. Her always and forever. She even knew that Emma felt the same, but the idea of what their future together would look like… that she didn't know Emma had thought about.
"Well …. Yeah. I mean yeah someday…maybe. I guess whatever happens I'm okay with. If we end up having more I'm up for it. If it's us and Henry that would be perfect too" Emma flailed as she explained, getting steadily more flushed with embarrassment as she continued.
"You're incredible" Regina blurted out with a grin. Emma didn't always say everything right, but she when she did she said it perfectly.
"I think that might be the whisky talking", the blonde said with tone of laughter to her voice though still looked unsure at her own confession.
"Maybe. But it's still true" the former Queen said, deliberately. She watched as Emma's face broke into a grin clearly deciding her admission was okay to share.
"I love you" her partner said simply as if it was the easiest thing in the world to say
Regina replied back just as easily, "I love you too". It was the easiest thing in the world. Loving Emma always had been. She'd tried not to, and despite her hardest attempts the other woman had wormed her way into heart and she was there to stay. Forever. She liked the sound of that.
Leaning forward she heard the leather sofa beneath them squeak but she didn't care. Taking possession of her lover's mouth with her own, she cared for little else. Regina could still feel the whiskey buzzing through her system; though it's pulsing was weaker now. Emma's lips upon her own were wet and sloppy but the hand that had woven its way into her hair was strong and certain. The angle wasn't perfect, and not being able to touch Emma properly was frustrating. Not as frustrating as feeling Emma pull away completely.
"What are you doing?" Regina asked almost gasping for air as Emma took the small glass tumbler from Regina's hand and setting onto the small table next to them. Without saying word Emma pulled out her Ipod from her pocket and Regina could hear the small device clicking as its owner scrolled through the possibly songs. Picking one it seemed, Emma clicked play and a tune with a strong beat rang out in the small room. The device was thrown onto the other sofa though the music played on.
"Giving you, your own Christmas dance. Just for you…" Emma said practically purring and Regina felt her skin flush at the idea and her breath catch. As her jacket was shrugged off however Emma said almost devilishly slowly, "Your punishment for not sharing your whiskey however…No touching allowed".
"I forgot okay!" Emma shouted at her with almost pure venom. They had already been arguing for ten minutes now.
Emma had missed it. She was hours late. Three to be exact. Regina had had to cheer and be the proud parent alone as Henry had become second in his spelling bee. Emma had promised to come home and quiz their teen son and sit in the front row with her; cheering him on. She hadn't shown. Regina could tell Henry had been distraught over his birth mother's absence. Regina had explained Emma's increased work load and he had seem to understand but she could still see the disappointment in the young boy's eyes as he'd eaten his dinner. Regina had had to give Henry his meal she on the other hand kept her own back. She when possible these days eat with Emma. It was something she could share with the other woman if nothing else.
Emma hadn't been there. She could have understood if she'd been called away while the competition had been happening. She wouldn't have liked it but she would have understood; except Emma hadn't even made an effort to turn up! She'd forgotten!
"You forgot?" was Regina incredulous reply.
Emma couldn't have simply forgotten. Regina had reminded her that very morning and Emma had reassured she would be there and she wasn't.
"You forgot your son's Spelling Bee?" Regina asked dubiously her body fuelled by anger.
"Yes… No…" Emma's response was muffled and confused. Which was it? Did she forget or not?
"Your mother … has to realise she can't just keep you back at work. She…" Regina explained feeling the annoyance and dislike only created by Snow.
"Can we not talk about her? God please" Emma said in an almost dismissive tone with a gesture of her hand. Regina however knew when Emma was trying to avoid something. It was something she often did when talking about Snow. Regina understood but this had to stop. Emma had to learn when to say no.
"She asks you to jump and you ask how high?" Regina shot back and saw Emma flinch.
"I do not … I'm sorry I do my job!" the blonde's tone was filled with disgust at the idea.
"You always pick her over our family!" she shouted incredulously.
Emma recoiled. She actually looked shocked at Regina's suggestion. Emma was starting to spend more time at work…yes this was the first time she hadn't shown up for something like this and if it was just an honest mistake then she could understand. Henry was devastated but in time and probably a fair bit of spoiling on Emma's part he would understand. But Emma had started to side with her mother over Regina. It was never anything big and she wasn't even sure Emma was aware of it.
"I do not!" Emma shouted back at her and for the first time since the blonde had come home did Regina see some remorse in the woman's face. "I forgot I'm sorry but this isn't about her. Yes I had paperwork to do, I just lost track of time. I wanted to be there. Of course I did, you know that."
"… do we?" the brunette almost hissed in disbelief.
"Yes! I can't… I don't know. I didn't mean to miss it. I didn't. I wanted to be there …" Emma sobbed. Regina watched as Emma crumbled right in front of her eyes. Watched as her legs gave way and she fell into her dinning chair; clutching her head.
Emma was out on patrol again. She'd left straight after dinner. The blonde hadn't said when she'd be back but she had surprised Regina with a kiss goodbye. Their time together was becoming less and less this last week. Emma's headaches had been getting worse too. So Regina worried. Emma was doing patrols more and more; this was the third this week. She could ask Ruby but she wouldn't. Things hadn't been right for the last few weeks. Thankfully things had calmed down since Henry's missed Spelling Bee but things were still taut between the two lovers.
Regina couldn't sleep. She never could when Emma wasn't there. She'd become reliant on Emma's presence. She used Emma's steady breathing as a lullaby. The bed span too far on Emma's side when she didn't fill it. It felt empty and cold. She couldn't sleep and her thoughts were driving her wild.
She wanted things to go back. What had gone so wrong? Less than a month ago they were great. They rarely fought about anything which for them was high praise indeed. She wanted them back. She wanted Emma back, not this hormonal time bomb she was living with. There were moments when she could pretend everything was okay; moments when she would look at Emma and all she'd see was their future. The future Emma had promised her and she wanted it more than anything.
Then a migraine would hit and Emma would change. Regina could never identify which Emma the blonde would be. The Emma that would scream at her over nothing, the Emma that would cry at something Regina would say and beg forgiveness or the loving Emma. Even the latter was an exaggerated form of the usual Sheriff. She just wanted her Emma back!
She heard the front door open. Emma was home. The alarm clock said it was little after midnight. She was earlier than she had been the previous nights. She listened as she heard Emma's movements about the house. Heard the stairs creak with the other woman's ascent.
She heard their door creek and could feel Emma's eyes upon her trying to gauge if she was asleep yet. Did Emma never listen to her? She'd told her countless times over the last year and half she could no longer sleep alone. It was co-dependant and needy but Regina found she did not really care.
She could hear Emma move around the room probably removing her clothes; a notion confirmed by the clatter of Emma's belt hitting the floor. Regina couldn't help but roll her eyes … the grace of an elephant. The brunette felt the side of the bed shift and in seconds Emma's body encased her own. She felt warm…very warm in fact. It always felt right in Emma's arms. Like nothing else mattered and all was right in the world. Except it wasn't.
"Emma is throwing up" Henry said in a way of a morning greeting.
"What? Is she okay?" Regina asked feeling her stomach churn with worry. Third morning this week Emma had thrown up though this was the first time on an empty stomach.
"I dunno. I was just brushing my teeth and she came barging in and started being sick" Henry explained with a look of disgust on his face. Regina resisted the urge to remind him that both his mothers had dealt with him vomiting before… on more than one occasion on them!
The fact Emma had ran into the bathroom their son was using rather than their ensuite told Regina immediately how bad the urge to be sick must have been. Regina pulled the cereal down before pouring an undetermined amount into the bowl she had already prepared.
"Put your milk on your cereal" Regina told the boy passing him the bowl.
"Yeah" Henry replied and Regina couldn't help but smile as its change in pitch. Her boy was growing up.
She rushed to check on her lover, though could hear Emma's retching from the bottom of the stairs. It hurt her to hear Emma; it only increased her mounting worry. She was working herself too hard. Pushing herself too hard, too far and too fast.
Opening the door she realised Emma was sobbing over the toilet and it took Regina moment to even be able to speak. This wasn't the way Emma was going to get her mother's attention, nor affection. She certainly wasn't going to get it by throwing up her internal organs.
"You okay?" Regina asked instantly regretting her extremely stupid question. Emma was clearly not okay. The blonde's body shook with the force of the sobs and Regina wouldn't have been surprised if it was with exhaustion too. Emma's only response was a shake of her head. It was more of twitch than a shake but the message was clear.
"Do you want me to call Snow? Tell her you won't be going in" Regain asked softly fully aware Emma's headache would be pounding right now.
At first Emma's shake of her head was the only response; a few seconds passed before the vomiting woman spoke. "I can't … got a meeting. I'll be fine once everything stops spinning" the blonde explained sounding so pitiful it made Regina's inside ache in sympathy. It was a tone she'd heard every time Henry had been ill.
The brunette took a deep breath. She wasn't going to force Emma to do anything. She couldn't even if she did want to. Emma was stubborn and hard headed; traits she had gotten from her parents. Today, right now she wouldn't push. "I don't think that's a good idea but okay. Promise me if you don't feel better by lunch time you'll come home" Regina pleaded and was pleasantly surprised to see Emma nod. She had expected more of a fight.
"Do you think you've stopped?" Regina asked. She meant the blonde's heaving but she already noticed Emma was no longer crying. The Sheriff made an odd groaning sound which while it most certainly wasn't a word it's intent was clear. Emma was nowhere near finished.
"Okay", Regina soothed. The brunette stepped across Emma's mess of limbs on the bathroom floor coming to sit next to ill blonde. She took a moment to take in Emma's appearance. Her skin was pale and clammy, and she could see the dark bags under those gorgeous eyes. She hated seeing Emma like this. She brushed the blonde hair out the way which thankfully hadn't caught any of Emma's vomit. "Then we'll sit here until you have" Regina whispered, feeling Emma sag into Regina's front.
The house was empty and cold. It hadn't felt this empty in over a year and half. Before she'd started a relationship with Emma. The house was too big; how had she not noticed that before. She could hear every noise. Her heels echoed and the sound of it no longer made her smile. She knew Emma wasn't here. Her bug wasn't parked outside; but she needed to check. Just in case.
Her brain couldn't register what had happened. What was happening right now? How had they gotten so far from where they had started? Where was the couple that declaring their love for each other under a freezing cold December moon? Or the ones who had practically fallen over the front step after drinking too much at a family Christmas dinner? Emma had made confessions she had thought of a future for them. She believed Regina was it for her; Regina knew without hesitation Emma was her true love. Had that only been three months ago?
Regina's heels clattered harshly as she ran upstairs, clinging to the bannister to keep her upright as if it was her lifeline. The brunette knew what she would see before she entered their bedroom. Her bedroom she supposed it was now. Her heart missed a beat as the state of the room came into view. The wardrobe clearly just been emptied, its doors still ajar. Some of the drawers, Emma's drawers under the vanity had been disturbed the bottom one not completely closed. A few of Regina's clothes lay dishevelled on the bed.
Turning she saw their ensuite was open; Regina certainly hadn't left it as such. She approached the open door with caution almost fearing she might catch Emma in the act of leaving. Except the blonde wasn't there and neither were her toiletries. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she could hear her own pulse booming in her ears as she finally realised; Emma wasn't here. She was gone.
A shrill noise pulled Regina out of her countless number of Emma filled dream that week. Letting out a deep groan Regina turned her head to see the clock next to her bed. It read 3.15…in the morning. It had taken her hours to get to sleep and someone was waking her up. She let out an annoyed noise which could only be described as a growl. It took her a moment to remember Henry was at his grandparents, and then fear and dread hit her square in the stomach. Something was wrong.
She moved with the speed only a worried mother could. Grabbing her phone however the feeling of dread dissipated instantly replaced by surprise and anxiety. Emma's name was flashing back at her. It took her a moment to remember her caller would ring off if she didn't answer the harsh buzzing device.
"Emma…" Regina said softly almost afraid she might scare the other woman away. Her voice however was still hoarse with sleep. Adrenaline was blasting through her body. She felt high and excited.
A strange rustling was her only response. "Emma?" Regina asked her voice more forceful this time. She had to speak to her. A week without the blonde was enough. A night without Emma had been enough. She wanted her here. She could be here next to her in their bed, in their home!
A new different noise reached Regina's ear through the cell clutched in her hand. A noise she couldn't name. Had the former Sheriff meant to ring her? Was it an accident? A mistake? "Emma!" Regina repeated now shouting into her phone.
Nothing. For a moment there was no sound. None Regina could decipher anyway. Then there was that rustle again but louder this time. "Emma … its Regina. Can you hear me?" the lone woman said trying to sound as calm as she could but her insides were churning. Emma was just there. She wanted more than anything to be able to reach inside her phone and grab the other woman but even her magic had its limits.
The odd noise sounded again. Regina thought it might have been accompanied by… beeping maybe? What was going on? Why wasn't Emma talking? And why was she calling after three am in the morning? Had it been instinct? If a job was taking up Emma's time she might have just rang on impulse. It was rare that Emma rang when she out on a patrol as Sheriff but not unheard of. Those times however had been when they were happy and Emma just needed to hear Regina's voice and apologise for not being at home with her.
"Emma talk to me" Regina pleaded thickly. She heard the rustling again. Then nothing. No noise. Nothing. Looking down at her cell she saw her usual background of Emma, Henry and herself smiling up at her. The call had been cut off. Did Emma have bad reception is that why Regina could hear odd noises but couldn't hear the blonde's voice? If that was the case would she ring back? She would ring back wouldn't she if it was simply a bad signal.
She would wait. Emma was going to ring back. Minutes passed and hit Regina not to worry. Emma would call back but she needed to get to a place with better reception. Wherever she was at 3am wasn't good enough. She'd ring.
Sore tired eyes finally slid closed for the last time shortly after four. Emma hadn't rang back. She wouldn't ring back.
Three weeks of phone calls and begging. Of shouting, name calling and threats. Regina had tried everything she could think of to get Emma to come home. All had gone to voicemail. It had been two weeks since the mysterious late night, or early morning phone call. Regina hadn't heard of anything since. Henry on the other hand had delivered the fatal blow to her current state of emotions. Snow had received a call from Emma when he was there yesterday. As far as Henry knew it had been the first call Emma had given to her mother.
Why Emma had rang her and not Regina she didn't know. She was angry. She had been angry, depressed and desperate to name a few feeling she'd felt in the last few weeks. Those emotions had nothing on the seething anger that coursed through her veins now. She felt like screaming and breaking something. She could so easily break the glass in her hand. Just crush it.
Henry was out at a friend's. She had no responsibilities. So she was drinking. She'd been holding on to too much, for too long and she'd finally snapped. She was strong for Henry.
She'd cried herself to sleep each night surrounded by the absent blonde. She could smell her still in the room. Emma had left her perfume. Regina had spent the last few weeks uncovering items Emma had left behind in her haste to leave. Leave her. Leave their family. Without looking back.
She wasn't going to do this anymore, was not going to be this anymore and the alcohol in her system was spurring her on. She angrily pressed her cell's buttons to call her former partner. She nearly dropped the phone in surprise when she heard it ring; unlike the last few weeks when it had gone straight to Emma's voicemail. She allowed herself the rush of excitement, followed by disappointment as the phone rang on, and connected to voicemail. Clearly Emma had not turned her phone off as she had been doing since she left.
As soon as Emma's cheery voicemail message finished Regina gripped her phone that little bit tighter before she spoke. "You walked away. You lied. You gave up. The woman I love…d would never have given up" Regina spat down the device feeling her whole body tingle with anger. The heart within her chest was beating at a dangerous rate. The surge of emotion and the alcohol buzzing through her body was making her feel lightheaded. She didn't like it.
"You didn't even think I deserved a real good bye. You betrayed us Emma! We haven't heard from you. You could be dead in a ditch for all we know" the brunette shouted as if Emma was just across the room. Much like every room in this house Emma's presence lingered. If Regina closed her eyes she would feel the woman around her. She could be just across the room. Except she wasn't. She'd walked away!
"At this point I don't even care" she said and Regina heard her voice heighten and felt her throat tighten. Of course she cared. God she cared. She had to stop this. She had been queen. The Evil Queen at that. She would not be beaten like a teenage girl in love. Not for Emma Swan. Not for someone who clearly didn't give a damn about her or their son!
"I deserve more than this. Henry deserves more than this! And I will give him it. Life does not always hand you the best circumstances in this and any other world. I know that better than most. You should have trusted me to help you but instead you chose to abandon your family. We could have helped you through it", Regina's voice now carried every drop of seething angry her body possessed. She heard the small device in her hand groan at the pressure her almost balled fist was forcing upon it.
"Now it's too late. You were right Miss Swan; there is nothing left for you here. Don't even think about coming back", Regina hissed jabbing at the end call button with her thumb. It took her a moment to consider what she'd just done. All she could hear was her unsteady breathing and the ticking of the study clock. Anger, fury and pain rushed at her nearly knocking her off her feet.
The glass tumbler which had been clutched in her hand showered her in glass and cider as it shattered against the nearest wall and a blood curling scream ring out.
"And then she ran after him. Why do they always do that? She thought she lost him but she saw movement down this alley and it was him and then Emma…" Henry explained lost in yet another story his grandmother had relayed to him from his birthmother. It was always like this after Henry returned from an evening at his grandparents'. Just when Regina thought her hurt and anger was subsiding Henry would mention the absent woman and it would hit Regina square in the gut how not okay she really was.
"Henry!" Regina reprimanded at the sound of the former Sheriff's name. She saw him jump in fright, which was followed by the look. The look which he'd only ever given her when he'd thought of her as just the evil queen. She hated it. He, even if it was just for the split second, was afraid of her.
She took a breath to stead her emotions. She leant across the table to take his hand and was thankful when he did not pull it away. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have shouted like that. Could you please talk about something other than Miss Swan?" Regina asked.
She saw his eyes shift. She saw sadness and annoyance reflected back at her. She'd tried to shield him from the truth. She had let him have his stories; his lies. She'd protected him from the truth. Emma wasn't coming back for them. For almost three months now this had been a common occurrence. Henry would return from Snow and Charming and Regina would have to endure multiple stories of Emma's adventures in Boston. Some didn't sound plausible, most she hoped for Emma's safety weren't. She loved Emma. She always would; and part of her hated herself for it. True love was a not only a blessing but a burden…a curse.
He stood, plate in hand not even looking at her now. He put his plate beside the sink to go in the disk washer before leaving; and much like his birth mother, he never looked back. She could hear him going off upstairs. Stomping each step. Maybe Emma was right the night before she left. Maybe they were living in the past. Because much like three years ago hearing Henry talk of Emma had caused her pain, and now hearing that woman's name caused her pain of a different sort. She sighed deeply, more deeply than she could ever remember doing before.
Anger and rage pulsed through her like the darkest of magic. She could taste it. She would have been able to smell it if it weren't for the now smashed bottle of Emma's perfume penetrating the room. She had accidently knocked the bottle off her vanity and watched in slow motion as the small bottle had fallen before smashing on the floor.
Her first instinct was panic. That was her last tangible thing of Emma's. A luxury she could revel in, in peace. Her dirty little secret. Nothing Regina owned smelt of Emma anymore. That smell that had always calmed her when everything was getting too much. This small bottle was all she had left. As she'd bent down trying to do something…anything with the broken fragments one had cut her.
Seeing the crimson droplet form on her thumb companied with the intoxicating smell of the perfume made her feel sick. The anger had followed. She did not need Emma. She did not need that other woman. Not in her life. Not in Henry's. They were fine before she came to Storybrooke!
It was rage that fuelled Regina as threw Emma's leftover possessions in a box. Aggression. Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. Foolishness. Weak. All the emotions she had felt for the last three months vibrated through her body. She had been naive. Naïve enough to believe Emma when she'd said she loved her. When she had promised her a future. She had been foolish to believe anything that came out of that damn woman's mouth.
If she was so angry with the blonde why did it hurt so much? Why did she feel so betrayed? Regina had clung to their last night together. That had to have meant something. You couldn't hold someone, love them, cherish them god even look at them in such a way and it mean nothing. Their whole relationship had not been a lie. It couldn't have been.
Regina's hand made a grab for other of Emma's belongings she'd been hoarding. It was to join the multiple articles of clothing left behind which Regina would never admit she'd worn on the longest of the loneliest nights. It was a photograph. Looking back at her was Emma, Henry and herself. It had been taken not long after they'd gotten together. She couldn't even remember if it was before or after the town had found about them. The trio in the photo were so happy. So free. Nothing else mattered but them. Their family unit. What had changed? Where had things gone so terribly wrong?
Regina noticed the droplets of water fall on the glass protecting their fragment in time. Their happy moment, almost long forgotten. She saw the tears before she realised she was crying. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat that was trying to suffocate her. It took only a few seconds before the silent tears changed to heart wrenching sobs as she clutched the photo tightly to her chest; afraid they'd lost their moment.
A loud bang pulled Regina from her memories. She was in her study, clutching an empty glass tumbler. Though she had no memory of coming in here. She could taste the cider in her mouth and knew she must have drunk some. Another series of bangs echoed through the house. Someone was at the door and Regina really wasn't in the mood for company. She was sonless for the evening and she wanted to have a few drinks and go to bed much as she had done every night Henry slept out; for the last three and bit months. She was in no mood to entertain at nearly ten o'clock at night, according to the large clock on the wall.
She winced when the glass in her hand was put down a little too forcefully. She could feel the buzz of the cider in her system but she was still sober. As she walked to the front door another few loud bangs were placed upon it. Clearly someone wanted to talk to her. Pulling the door open with what she hoped was her most annoyed looking facial expression; she froze. Standing on her porch…in her doorway was Emma Swan.