Chapter 7 – Feelings

They lay together silently for a few minutes, Jane's arms around her, moving his fingers in small circles gently over her shoulder until Lisbon asked quietly, 'Are you...okay?'

He looked at her quizzically, his fingers stopping for a second. 'Okay?' he asked, tracing his fingers on her skin again. 'I thought it was pretty obvious I'm more than okay, Teresa, I hardly made a secret of the fact did I?' he said, blushing and laughing.

She shook her head blushing herself now, trying to find the right words. 'I don't mean that, I mean...'

After a moment of confusion he asked in a mocking tone, 'Oh...you mean...emotionally?'

'Well...yes...I mean, I know you've made love since your wife died but you said it didn't mean anything to you at the time and I guess I'm asking...' her words trailing off.

'If it was different this time?' he asked seriously.

'I guess', she replied softly.

He moved his hand to her chin and moved her face so she looked up at him.

Instead of answering her question he asked one of his own. 'Why does it still bother you that I did that?', neither of them needing to say Lorelei's name.

Lisbon took a deep breath, trying to form the words. 'I guess because it was just so much of a shock for me at the time. I had been so used to seeing you as someone who had built up so many walls to protect himself from feelings even close to that I was surprised when you let someone in, get close to you like that, even if it was just to get to Red John.'

He looked down at her again. 'And you wanted it to be you I let in first, not her' he said gently, knowing the words would hurt but needing to say them.

She pursed her lips and looked away from him again, her head back on his chest and her eyes filling up. 'You've known for years how I've felt about you, haven't you?' she asked quietly.

He held her closer and kissed her forehead and whispered, 'Yes...and I'm sorry it took me so long to get here.'

'You still haven't answered my question, is it different...with me?'

'I haven't answered it because it's a stupid question. You know very well it's different with you. But if you need it spelling out then I will', he replied, slightly annoyed he had to explain himself.

'What Lorelei and I did bore no resemblance to what just happened between me and you. Lorelei and I had sex, yes, and because it was the first time that had happened since Angela died you were probably somewhat right at the time. Because of that I did develop some feelings for her. But don't think those feelings are anything like the feelings I have for you. You know that, Teresa, I love you, I never loved her, and it's as simple as that.'

She saw he was still annoyed and smiled up at him. He shook his head, softened and returned the smile, caressing her face.

'No need to blow a gasket Jane, I only asked. A simple, 'Of course it's different with you' would have sufficed. And did you just say I was actually right about something too? This really is a special day, isn't it!'

He smiled again and shook his head. 'Am I ever going to win with you woman? First you tell me you want the truth from me and now you're saying I'm over-sharing? And I only said you were probably somewhat right.'

'You really are out of practice at this kind of thing, aren't you?' she replied sweetly.

He held her closer, smiling fully now. 'Yes, and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it, to be honest', beginning to nibble her ear.

'Is that supposed to be my queue for me to show you it's worth it?'

'At last you're reading my mind, Lisbon.'

'Well, okay then, if I have to I guess' she beamed. 'But let's go to the bed, there's more room.'

They moved to her bed where they made love again, longer and slower than the first time, each beginning to understand what the other wanted and needed from each other.

They were both sleeping when Jane's cell phone began to ring in the living room.