Hey, everybody!

Yay~ an update! Yeah...I'm really really tired...and this chapter pains me. I love Loki so much and it's really hard to write him when he's all messed up like this. My poor baby...then there's Steve and we haven't even gotten to him yet. Haha. Yeah...you're going to hate me for the next couple of chapters.

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel Universe

Warning: Just language

Comments/critiques are welcomed!

Loki shifts on his bed and rolls over. His head was spinning and his nose still felt like he'd snorted shards of glass. Drugs and alcohol…never a good mix. He kicks an empty beer can off his bed. Loki sits up on his stomach, staring at his pillow. Ridiculous that he even went to the dance. He shifts again to grab his phone and cigarettes from the nightstand, one leg still tangled in the sheets. He lights one up and scrolls through his messages, ignoring the ones from his mother and opening his contacts. His thumb hovers over Steve's name. Was Steve even worth it right now? Granted Loki had said some horrible things but he didn't really mean them. Of course texting Steve right now wasn't going to be an apology it was going to be a general complaint and subtle need for interaction. After vomiting all over himself from the mix of drugs, alcohol, and stress Loki needed someone. Anyone. Thor and Darcy were both out of the question though…Thor for obvious reasons and Darcy, well…Loki was fairly certain she wouldn't even take his call. Then there was Steve. How was Loki supposed to handle Steve? There wasn't a lot he could do. He'd screamed at him, told him he wanted nothing to do with him…

A thrum of music from the other room alerted Loki of his brother's presence. He'd been at an after party with his friends, he could hear how drunk they were through the wall. Wonderful. At least he knew Jane hadn't told him anything otherwise Loki's phone would've been exploding with messages from both Thor and Thor's stupid friends. Besides Darcy seemed keen on keeping Jane to herself tonight. Not that it would matter. Loki wasn't feeling up to company.

Why did Steve have to like him? None of the guys Loki went with were ever faithful…not that he really expected them to be after he dated Stark but maybe that's why it felt wrong—because Steve was a nice guy and Loki didn't usually hang around with nice guys. Loki didn't meet nice guys. Steve was probably at the after party with Carol Danvers right now, having the time of his life, and why that bothered him so much he didn't know. Was it because they…they kissed? Or was it the way he'd left things? Loki closes his eyes, taking a drag. He groans, letting out a stream of smoke; it did concern him; Steve liked him, it was obvious, but Loki didn't want to have to deal with that. Nice guys like Steve didn't need to be dragged down by him. Steve was…just too nice. And he was also Thor's best friend. What if Loki actually went along with Steve's little crush and ripped his innocent heart out? Thor would never forgive him. Not to mention Darcy…if she ever found out Steve liked Loki she'd probably bash his head in. She'd probably bash both their heads in.

Loki forces himself out of bed to snuff out his cigarette in the sink and flick it out his bathroom window. It was cold tonight and still raining. With his luck so far he'd be lucky if he didn't catch cold from walking home in the downpour. Of course he already felt sick. His head was throbbing and his stomach was in knots. Loki was sure the room was cold but it was starting to feel uncomfortably hot. He promptly closes the window and returns to his bedroom to toss a few more blankets and pillows onto his already massive pile. The only thing about his room that wasn't organized was his bed and it was just the way he liked it; more like a nest than a bed. It built a sort of protected wall around him and he wasn't quite sure why he preferred it this way. Darcy once told him it was because his nose showed characteristics of him being related to bird people. Loki burrows himself under his blankets, arranging some of the pillows around him so he could curl up, hugging one of them close to his chest. He didn't like feeling guilty. Guilt meant that he was in the wrong and it wasn't something Loki could admit to himself or anyone else.

There's a banging on his door. A distinctive sort of banging that could only be one person. Loki groans as he pushes himself up, his head spinning violently, making him have to pause and catch his breath. He climbs out of bed slowly and stumbles towards the door. His vision was starting to blur. Loki swears to himself. He was going to have one hell of a headache in the morning. He opens his door and glares at Thor as best he could, swaying slightly. The drugs should have worn off by now, he took just a small hit a few hours ago and he'd felt fine after an hour or so, so why did he feel so sick now? Thor gives him a concerned smile as he sways slightly as well. From the smell of him it had been one hell of an after party.

"Loki…" Thor furrows his brow, still smiling. "Loki…where did you go? You—you left the dance…there was a party!"

"Yes, I can smell it on you," Loki places a hand to his mouth, his stomach lurching slightly. "What do you want? I was sleeping."

"I uhhh—I don't remember…but you…you seem upset. The party was fun, Loki, you…you should have gone with us! Why did you leave we were all…having such a good time. Loki! Did I…did I tell you about the party? Because we…we all went and—and…" Thor watches as his little brother doubles over, furrowing his brow in concern. "Loki? Does something hurt?" Loki shakes his head, pushing Thor's arm away from him. "Are you…are you sick? I can call mum, she's staying at the apartment with dad…"

Loki reaches up to hold a hand over his mouth. He felt like he was going to puke and he wasn't sure if it was the beer he had earlier or the alcohol emanating from Thor. His head was spinning so bad he couldn't see straight and his whole body felt like it was on fire but he was still trembling like there was a chill in the room. He just needed to lie back down, get some sleep. He was stressed. Steve had freaked him out and Loki had freaked himself out. That was all. He needed sleep. Thor reaches out to touch his shoulder, Loki smacking his hand away.

"I'm fine!" Loki snaps, taking a deep breath. He straightens himself back up, gripping the doorframe to keep himself upright. "I'm just…I think I have a fever…"

"Thor, hurry up!" Sif orders, glaring at Loki as she approaches the doorway. "You said you were checking on him, he's fine, let's go! Hogun and Fandral want a rematch from last week."

Thor makes a face at her. "He says he doesn't…doesn't feel well."

"For fuck's sake, just tuck him into bed and let's go you don't need to baby him all the time! Especially the way he treats you…"

"Don't talk about him like that, Sif, you…it's not your place to say…" Thor places a hand on Loki's forehead and his frown deepens. "You are really warm, brother, did you…you didn't walk home in the rain, did you?"

Sif rolls her eyes, checking her nails. "How else do you think he got home? He doesn't have any friends."

"Mum's gonna kill me…"

Thor fusses at Loki who starts to push at him, irritated from the unwanted touching. He felt sick it didn't mean he was dying.

Sif sighs and crosses her arms. "Not if I don't kill you first…"

She lets out a startled noise, her and Thor both stumbling back when Loki vomits at their feet with a groan, grabbing for the doorway to keep himself upright. Fandral and Volstagg both poke their heads out of Thor's bedroom and start laughing, Sif yelling at them. Thor sighs and hooks his massive arm around Loki, picking him up slightly and helping him back inside his room. He murmurs to Loki and sits him down on his bed. Sif's nose curls as she looks down at her shoes. "You'll be a few minutes then?"

Thor gives her a look and shuts the door behind him.

Frigga wrings out a cold cloth, wiping the sweat from her youngest's forehead. She places her thumb and forefinger under Loki's chin and tilts his head up slightly, giving him a smile. "Walking home in the rain," she sighs, placing her hand affectionately on his cheek. "I wish I knew what went through that head of yours, Loki." She brushes his hair from his face and kisses his cheek, sitting back up. Loki wasn't sure how long Frigga had been in his room but long enough that she'd made herself comfortable. She'd already broken out her knitting needles.

Loki shifts around on his bed, making a face when he finds his pillows arranged. He hates when she does that, why does she do that? "Are you scolding or is this a new form of punishment?"

"Don't be silly," she hums and smiles, continuing to knit…whatever it was she had in her hand. "You have a fever—about 102° to be exact—and Thor decided he was going to try to take care of you all night instead of calling me." Loki tries to sit up and Frigga stops her knitting, raising a brow. "And where is it you think you're going?"

"To the bathroom, I need to puke again." Frigga sighs and shifts to let him up, Loki's head still spinning violently as he tries to stand. He looks back at his bed and makes a face. How the hell did she rearrange his bed while he was sleeping? Loki walks slowly towards the bathroom his stomach lurching and making him stumble inside, kicking the door closed behind him. He'd passed out sometime during the night, that was obvious, but Thor must've called Frigga when he got tired of looking after Loki. His stomach lurches again as he coughs up into the toilet bowl, wiping his mouth. If kissing Steve made him sick he was going to kill him…especially since it gave Frigga an excuse to fuss over him for the next few days or so. Loki was going to fucking kill Steve. He slowly makes his way back towards his bed, Frigga standing in concern, offering her arm. He stubbornly refuses and crawls underneath the covers, trying to rearrange some of the pillows around himself before she makes him lay flat.

Loki grumbles and makes a face at her. She smiles. "Such a face—do you need a hot water bag for your tummy?"

"I can't breathe through my nose."

"I'll get the humidifier for you when you fall asleep again," Frigga laughs lightly, picking her knitting back up. "It's just a bit of influenza, dear, it'll pass. Don't be so dramatic."

Loki sighs, growing irritated with her presence. He continues to shift around on his bed to find a way to get comfortable, ignoring the queasiness in his stomach and the glances from Frigga as he reaches for a book under his nightstand. He wriggles closer and closer to the edge of his bed—sitting up would make him sick again. Frigga pulls the book out and places it on her lap. She gives him a look that could mean a million different things but to Loki it meant he wasn't allowed to further expand his mind. He gives her a challenging glare.

"Sleep for another hour or two and I'll let you read."

He grumbles again, shifting around again to find a comfort spot.

"Do you have to sit in here with me?"

She sighs, her needles clicking together as she works. "Thor's exhausted, Loki, he can't be the one to sit up with you whenever you're sick."

"Why does anyone have to sit with me? Just get me a bell or something…"

Frigga looks away from her needlework and stares at him for a moment, biting her lip. "Loki—you know how sensitive you are when you get sick, I'm just monitoring your fever for today and if it goes down then I'll leave you be." She sighs, picking up her knitting again. "Can't you tolerate me for the few hours you aren't asleep? I thought it would be nice for us to talk…like we used to…"

Loki rolls over, mumbling to himself as he continues to rearrange his bed the way he likes it. He pulls a pillow to his chest and rolls to his side, biting his lip when a familiar pain shoots through his rib, forcing him to roll towards Frigga. He wipes the shock of pain from his eyes before she notices, hugging the pillow to his side. She notices—of course, like every mother does—but doesn't say anything. Instead she forces a smile and brushes her hand over his hair affectionately. Loki sighs. Truth be told he preferred her presence over Thor's because it was the presence he subconsciously craved. He wasn't sure if she knew that or not—he didn't want her to know—and he wasn't going to admit how at ease he felt having her sit with him. That still didn't excuse her messing up his bed. He finally settles himself and Frigga places a cold rag on his neck.

"Did something happen last night?" He opens his eyes, staring at her. She calmly continues to knit, glancing up at him. Loki doesn't give her an answer though. He knows better than that especially since he was going to the grave with everything that had happened with Steve. "I called Darcy—she said you two haven't been getting along. Did you have a fight and that's why you left without telling your brother?"

He sighs, closing his eyes and furrowing his brow. "Here it comes…"

"Loki-" Frigga holds her tongue, taking a deep breath. "You're not in trouble. Being sick seems to be punishment enough for you but I wish you'd stop and think before you do some things…you should've asked your brother to drive you home or at least called me-"

"Thor didn't even want me to go, he knew I'd end up wanting to leave. And I didn't call you because calling you always ends up in an interrogation." Loki pulls his blankets up to his chin and curls up against his wall of pillows. "To save you the effort, I got upset and wanted to come home. Same thing that always happens when I'm out in the world socializing." He regretted saying that. Loki could feel the built up tension he'd caused but was too exhausted to counter it with some sort of buffer.

Frigga sets her knitting aside and stares at him. "Is someone hurting you again? Do you need to switch schools?"

"No," he sighs. "You can perform a body search if you feel the need to further invade my privacy."

Loki hugs his pillow closer to him. He didn't need this right now, he didn't need her in here, he didn't need her looming over him, and he didn't need her. She always insisted on butting in, tried to make things better, but all she ever did was make everything worse. Frigga wasn't his real mother why did she always insist on acting like it?

"Do you…do you want to talk to someone?"

"Frigga! I don't even want to talk to you, why would I want to see a therapist? So you can send me to some mental institution? If you're so keen on getting rid of me why don't you just do it already?!" Frigga lowers her head and stares at her lap, breathing slowly. She stands, pushing his chair back over to his desk and collecting her knitting supplies with an eerie silence. As a mental smack to his face she places the book he wanted on top of the nightstand, just in line of his reach. Loki pulls the blankets up to his nose and glares at the book as she opens his door calmly.

Without looking at him she barely whispers, "I'll be back to check on you later."

Once again he ended up being the bad guy. He half expected Thor to break down his door and start fighting with him but it seemed like Frigga found the nerve to hold her tongue for once. Of course after an hour slowly rolled by Loki found himself bored and alone. He didn't like making her cry, no, but why did she have to be so damn sensitive?

His intention wasn't for her to leave. He didn't want to tell her what was going on. About the people at school, how Thor's friends acted around him, why he and Darcy were fighting, Steve… Loki wanted nothing to do with any of them. He just wanted die. Die of mild influenza so that he never had to go in to school again, never had to deal with anyone ever again. Of course life wasn't going to be so kind. Loki curls back up against his pillows. Frigga had left that sort of sweet earthy smell behind her. A mix of the perfume she wore and all of the tea and coffee she drank during the day. He takes a deep breath and sighs. Any piece of comfort Loki could find felt like a trick. Every kind word and touch was a lie. That was all Loki ever felt and it was all Loki ever did to others. Loki needed sleep. He was starting to think again and it was only exhausting him further. Frigga said she'd bring him the humidifier and despite being upset with him she'd do it anyways.

The silence in his room was uncomforting. He could hear Thor snoring through the wall. How long had he been up with him last night? After Loki threw up he couldn't remember much. His fever had gotten to him and he'd passed out.

His phone goes off. Loki pulls it out from under his pillow and checks his messages to find only one new one with an attachment.

UNKNOWN: i know ur secret 12:16pm

Unknown…there wasn't even a number at the bottom of the message which meant he wouldn't be able to trace the phone. He narrows his eyes at the message, taking a chance and clicking on the attachment. Loki could feel his heart drop into his stomach. Attached was a photo of himself and Steve at the dance the night before. But…no one had been close enough. Jane hadn't been at the right angle to be able to take a picture and she wasn't stupid enough to try and blackmail him with it. No one had been watching until Loki started yelling, no one cared who they were, someone had to have known something was going on between them but Loki hadn't told anyone and Steve certainly didn't say anything…unless it really was all a joke. Steve had been leading him on the whole time. But why? What did Steve Rogers have to gain from hurting Loki? Other than feeding his personal sadistic needs just like everyone else.

Another message comes up.

UNKNOWN: i'll be watching ;) 12:19pm

He lets out a frustrated yell and throws his phone across the room. Loki pulls the sheets over his head and takes deep breaths, sniffling to himself and wiping his eyes. This was why he didn't make friends, why he didn't let anyone in. He hated everyone! People were wicked and cruel and the only reason they cast out Loki as a leper was because he was honest with who he really was. He didn't put up their masks and mirrors. But Steve…part of Loki actually started to trust him.

"Loki?" Frigga knocks lightly on his door and opens it, frowning. She furrows his brow when she sees him curled up under his blankets, crouching down by his bed. He crawls out from under the covers sniveling and hugs her, which catches her off guard from the way she gasps and freezes up. Frigga pets his hair gently, shooing Thor away when he peeks in. "Loki? Baby, what's wrong?" He lets out a sob and hugs her tighter. Some tears roll down Frigga's face as she climbs onto the bed to hold him closer to her, resting her head on top of his. "Loki…what's wrong?" she takes a deep breath, rocking him back and forth. "Why won't you talk to me?"