The Isadora Diaries:

Insanity:

Saturday, April 14th (still about April 13th)

Wow, I am really sorry I just left you hanging there like that. Like I said, it's a pretty long entry, and it was almost midnight when I started typing. I was so exhausted after all that happened on Friday that I couldn't really help closing my eyes for just a few minutes...or a few hours. Now it's four in the morning.

Yay.

It's cool though, I like being on my laptop at night. It's a strange sense of freedom. Besides, I have to get this entry done!

So let's pick up where I left off...

I entered Miss Barb's office, feeling a bit worried. I never really like telling adults that they should change something that they came up with. I always saw that as a bit rude, but this was important.

Miss Barb was typing on her computer when I walked in. Without even looking up from her keyboard, she said, "May I help you?" in a voice that sounded like she was too occupied to fully pay attention as to why someone was in her presence.

"Yes," I said, "I was hoping to talk to you about the list of contestants."

"Oh, did you see it?" she asked, not looking up. "Isn't the perfect list? I swear, Katelyn and Jonas are the cutest thing, don't you think? I'm so excited they entered!"

I held back from making a disgusted expression. Miss Barb shipped Katelyn and Jonas? I did too, but hearing something like that come out of her mouth was just plain wrong.

I pushed the thought away and said, "I agree, but there was one couple I was hoping to add to it."

Miss Barb stopped typing. She slowly looked up at me giving me a curious expression. "What couple?"

"Well," I said, "they're not exactly official, yet, but they were really hoping to be a part of the game. And one of them is a good friend of-"

"Who are they?" Miss Barb interrupted, looking quite interested.

"Klaus and Haley."

She furrowed her mouth and turned up the corner of her mouth. "Klaus and Haley? Well that's an awkward couple."

I forced back a smile. "Really? Why do you say that?" I was happy she thought that, but I was also a bit confused. This was coming from a crazy lady who tried setting up a delinquent and a straight-A student. I would think that Klaus and Haley would be a perfect couple in her mind.

Her frown deepened. "Well, I have been told..."

Here we go, I thought to myself.

Along with being an awkward matchmaker, Miss Barb was also a well-known gossiper. She acts like she doesn't, but whenever you hear her say, "Well I have been told..." that's when you know you've got her started.

"...that you and Klaus were practically an item already."

My grew wide and my became warmer than what was comfortable. I averted my eyes to the side as I tried to avoid the uncomfortable gaze she was giving me.

"Well, no, Klaus and I...we just...we're not..."

Miss Barb laughed at my awkward answer. "Oh, stop stuttering, Isadora. If you really want them to be contestants, I'll allow them to be added to the list. Bea has the list doesn't she? Tell her to just write their names at the bottom."

My smile was so wide that it as probably to big for my face. "Thank you, Miss Barb," I said, backing towards the door. My hand had just touched the knob when Miss Barb said, "Isadora?"

I looked up, curious as to what more was needed to be said.

"How patient would you say you are?"

"Well, it sort of depends on my mood I guess," I said. "I grew up with two annoying brothers, so patience comes a bit easily to me," I laughed a little at the joke I tried to make.

Miss Barb didn't laugh. Instead, she tilted her head and gave this look and, maybe I was misreading her, but it looked like she was wearing a sympathetic expression, as if she felt almost sorry for me. "Patience is taught at a young age, but it's not always a good thing. Stop waiting and start going for what you want while you're still young...and not old like me."

I swear I heard my heart break.

I nodded and gave her a small smile, not entirely sure how to respond to something like that. I settled for a shy, "Thank you," and left her office.

I knew that Miss Barb had never gotten married, and that was why she got into the personal students to try and set them up, but I don't think I realized until that afternoon when I looked into her eyes just how much she regret she had. Regret for what? Something to do with love I can tell you that. Maybe she was in love with her best friend, but she was too afraid to do anything, so she just waited for something that never came.

Now, I'm just spit-balling here, of course, I don't actually know her past. But hearing her say that made me feel a little bit sorry for her, and for her to reach out and say something like that...well, it made me really think about me and Klaus...together. Like, together together.

Of course it's what I want, I've had feelings for him since the beginning of fall, but there are just so many things to worry about. It could end really badly, or it could just end period and we'd feel too awkward to remain friends.

"Well, what'd she say?" Bea asked, interrupting my thoughts as she ran up to me once I closed the door to Miss Barb's office behind me.

I smiled. "Add them to list."

"YES!" Bea jumped and pumped her fists in the air. Right after, she covered her mouth and got a scared look in her eye. "That was too loud."

I laughed. "Come on, Bea, I am starving."

As we walked back to the lunchroom, I felt almost different. I was ready to get Klaus back, and I was willing to go further than that. I thought back to Miss Barb. Sure she was a crazy lady who yelled at me last year, but like Bea said, forgiveness really cleans out your chakras. I was feeling cleaner already.

Or maybe I was just in a better mood. I still don't completely understand the whole 'chakra' thing...

Bottom line, Miss Barb was kind of...all right.

Klaus didn't come and try to talk to me again for the rest of the school day, but I would see him looking at me whenever I passed by him in the hallway. I knew that I was confusing the poor kid like mad, but I had to keep quiet until that night.

Finally school ended, and I was allowed to return to the sanctuary that is my bedroom. On any other Friday, I would've stayed locked up in there for the entire night, just scrolling through fandom pictures and reading fanfictions, which I have recently become obsessed with. (Just in case you were wondering, I did finish that Akashi fanfic, and yes, Akashi did save Sakuya from Generation of Miracles, and they got married and are currently living happily ever after, the end.)

But that wasn't to happen. Tonight was the night of the dance and I was obligated to go...in a dress.

Hold up, I just sneezed and broke my freaking necklace, now what the heck am I supposed to do with my life?

The chain links won't go back together!

Ugh.

Well, I've still got the pendant, but now I have to find a new chain...I quite liked that chain...

Sorry, I just had to vent about that for a second. You'll understand why that just made me so upset later.

I'm never sneezing again.

Anywho...

Even though I'm not really into wearing dresses, I was kind of getting used to wearing the one my mother lent me. It wasn't horrid. Actually, I thought it was pretty, and it the color did sort of fit Rapunzel, and Rapunzel was (is) one of my most favorite Disney princesses...and I didn't look hideous in it...

I stared at the lavender dress lying on my bed.

I still had time to make a Camp Half-Blood t-shirt.

An hour later, my mom came home to find me and my brothers twirling each other around the living room in our costumes and bare feet.

"No!" I laughed as Duncan twirled me the wrong way. "The other way!"

"I don't know, it looked right to me!"

I lost my balance and fell into Quigley.

Quigley laughed and shook his head. "It's like this, Duncan," he said, and twirled me around slowly. "Like Isadora, Bea is clumsy. You have to go easy on her."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Wait hold up!"

Quigley rolled his eyes. "Oh, hush, Isadora, you know it's true."

"It's not-"I stopped. "Okay, it really is."

Mother put the grocery bags she carried in on the kitchen counter and waked into the living room. She put her hands over her mouth and looked almost as if she was going to cry.

"Look at my babies!" she cried, walking over and enveloping us into a giant, tight hug. "My babies are all dressed up for the dance!"

"Mom-" Duncan strained to say. "Can't. Breathe."

She pulled away and smiled at us. Her eyes fell on me and her smile grew wider. "Isadora, I've never seen you look as pretty as you do now."

Needless to say, I was surprised. Of course my mother had called me pretty before, she was my mother. She always told me I was pretty, even when I looked ugly. But this time, I felt like she meant it more than ever.

"Come," she said taking my hand, "I have something for you."

She led me upstairs to her bedroom. "Now," she said, moving me to stand in front of her mirror, "close your eyes."

I closed them. "Why? What is it?"

Ignoring me, she asked, "What is your father's favorite movie?"

I frowned in confusion. I could hear digging though her closet for something, and that really didn't add up to the question she was asking me. "Um, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2?"

Mother paused. "All right, what is his favorite Disney movie?" She asked as she resumed digging.

Like my mother, my father wasn't a big fan of cartoon movies, but there was one in particular that had been his absolute favorite for years. He always it told of story of friendship, acceptance, and love in a creative way. I answered the question with ease. "Toy Story."

"Well," Mother said, and it sounded like she finished her search, "I met your father sometime after that movie came out. We were in love, but I couldn't be with him. We were from two different countries, spoke two different languages. We could hardly speak the other's language, and we came from completely different families. His was wealthy and proper, and mine was in a financial struggle. With help from an English dictionary, I told him that us being together was insane. That was the night I broke up with him. I was heartbroken, but it was something I thought I had to do."

I nodded. I heard this story before, but what I was never told came next.

"A few weeks later, your father showed up at my front door with this in a box."

I could feel her putting a necklace around my neck and clicking the chain together in the back.

I opened my eyes and saw the gold chain hanging from my neck holding the gold pendant with black, cursive words inscribed in it.

"'À la folie et au delà'," I read. I'm not fluent in French, but I have learned a good bit after living with my mother for almost fourteen years. "'To insanity and beyond.'"

Mother smiled softly. "Your father really did believe that anything was possible, even if it did seem insane at first."

I put my hand on the pendant and turned to face my mother. "But what does that to do with me?"

"Well, I don't mean this in a bad way, but I never thought you'd grow up," she said with a little laugh. "And I know you haven't completely yet, but I can see that you have been maturing. You make mistakes, but then you try to fix them. And you learn from them. Well, most of them. We still have a fire problem."

I laughed. That was kind of true.

"What I'm saying is," she said, taking my hands, "I'm proud of how much you grown, and I believe in you, and I believe that you can grow more-no matter what you do. Whether it be normal or completely insane."

I was speechless. Instead of saying anything, I wrapped my arms around her. Sometimes, mothers know just what to say, even if they have no idea what is going on. Lately I've been stressing so much about Klaus and Haley that any sanity I had just been thrown out the window. It was nice to be reminded that I actually had people in my life who loved me no matter what I did, even if it was super embarrassing like dressing like a math symbol and dancing, or something stupid like setting things on fire. I wanted to tell her right then and there about Haley. I felt like she would be able to fix it, but I stopped myself. Some things I just had to fix myself. But at that moment, there was no room for any worries about Haley to come over when she crossed my mind. I was home with my mother, and at that moment I was more grateful for her than I ever had been.

Another hour later and my mother had convinced me to let her put make up on me, my brothers and I had found appropriate shoes (except for Quigley, he had to borrow one of Dad's, and they're two sizes too big), and we were off to the dance. Well, we had to stop by the Clarke's house first to pick up Violet first (who found out she actually could go), and then we had to pick up Bea. Then we were off.

On the way to the dance, I asked Violet who she was dressed as because I really couldn't make out who. It was dark in the car and all I could tell she was wearing was a pinstripe suit, and I only knew it was pinstripe because I saw it when she walked under one of the streetlamps to get to our car.

In a Scottish accent, she said, "I'm the Doctor."

"You're not!" I said, giving her an incredulous look.

"Okay," Bea said, "that is too perfect."

And it really was! Violet has always been crazy about science and was great with mechanics. Sure she was a girl, the Doctor is a man, but those are minor details.

Bea was dressed as Alice from Alice in Wonderland, which kind of it...but it would fit more if Alice was ADHD along with her curiosity.

"Who are you dressed as?" Bea asked, leaning over Duncan to get a look at what I was wearing.

I could practically hear Duncan's smirk when he said, "She's dressed as a pretty princess."

I elbowed him in the arm. "Shut up."

Violet leaned over the top of the seats from the back. "Omg, Is, are you wearing a dress?!"

I blushed, thankful it was dark so no one could see my red face. "Yeah."

"Cool," she said, and she sat back in her seat. I gave her a weird look, but it was pointless because it was too dark to see.

Bea began going on and on about how proud she was of me to be wearing a dress, but she didn't know that my mother was technically forcing me to wear it. She also said she wanted to get a picture of all of us together once we got somewhere with light. "It'll be like a clash of the fandoms! Do you realize how cool this is?!"

It was pretty cool, but I was beginning to worry about Haley and the videos again. No matter what I did, those feelings would just keep coming back, and they wouldn't leave until I did something. Every minute that passed was a minute closer to the school and a minute closer to what felt like would be ultimate failure, unless by some miracle I get those videos deleted. I kept reminding myself that there was a plan, and all I had to do was stick to it. Unfortunately, I think that worrying is part of human nature because thinking that didn't help much.

I wished I could have been more like Bea. She was so carefree about almost everything, and she almost never got nervous (unless it was something Duncan related). I bet that if I was her I wouldn't have been inwardly freaking out. After all, she seemed perfectly fin as she joked around with Duncan next to me.

But as we pulled into the school parking lot, I reminded myself that I wasn't Bea, and that I couldn't be Bea, so all the worrying was mine to deal with.

I brought my hand up to the pendant on the necklace my mother had given me.

"To insanity and beyond."

What was going to happen that night was definitely going to be insane. But if there's anything I learned from either of my parents, it's that sometimes insanity is a good thing, and has a way of working out.

(Oh, and yes, that's the same necklace that broke when I sneezed. I was holding the pendant in place when I sneezed and the chain broke off. I swear I'm never sneezing again.)

"Lesson one, do not hide
Lesson two, there are right ways to fight
And if you have questions
We can talk through the night..."

~ Boys (Lesson One) by Jars of Clay

I haven't listened to that song in a while...it's kind of slow, but it really is worth a listen. :)

;)