A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.
A/N: Two chapters in one week? What the heck? :)
The Mizard Of Odd
Chapter 66: Miz Screws Up
"What do you think he's going to do to us?" Miz asked nervously, as they watched the policeman approach.
"Nothing," Punk said. "But keep your mouth shut this time, for Dad's sake!"
"Right," Miz said.
When the officer stepped up to the window, Punk put on his best apologetic face and said, "Look, I'm really sorry about swerving back there. I'm trying to find a place to go so we can change drivers for a while."
The policeman stared for a moment before holding something out to him. "Here."
"Is it a ticket?" Miz asked, craning his neck. "You're not taking us to jail, are you?"
"Why would I take you to jail?" the policeman said, focusing on Miz now.
"Uh, no reason," Miz said.
"Maybe you better step out of the car," the policeman advised Miz. He turned back to Punk, the papers still extended. "Take it."
Punk took the papers and looked at them. "This is the car's registration and our rental contract. How did…?"
"I forgot to give them back," the policeman said. "Didn't notice it until after you'd left."
"Oh." Punk digested that thought. "So we can go?"
"Not quite," the policeman said. "I'd be very interested to know why your friend thinks I'd take you to jail." He looked over the hood of the SUV at Miz, who had climbed out while Punk and the policeman were talking. "So I'm going to have to search your car now. Make sure none of you have any drugs on you."
"I understand," Punk said with a sigh.
"Everyone step out of the car," said the policeman.
Randy made sure to stay close to Matthew once they'd stepped out of the car. "Want to see me bite him?" he whispered to Matthew.
Matt gave Randy a weird look, then turned to study the officer, his eyes narrowed. "Maybe."
Randy smiled. "Okay."
"Uh oh," JJ said, nudging Christian. "I know that look. Beth's smiling."
Christian frowned. "Don't worry," he said. "I'll take care of it." He marched away from JJ to Jeff and seized him by the collar. "Now see here, Orton, whatever it is you have planned, you put it out of your head right now. You hear me?"
"Ack!" Jeff said, trying to push Christian away. "What is the matter with you? I'm not Randy, I'm Jeff!"
"Nice try," Christian said with a smirk, "but that sounds nothing like Jeff."
"Uh, Rey?" JJ said. "That's Spongebob. Beth is a little more to the left."
"Nonsense," Christian said. "Orton may have you fooled, but I know this is him."
"Will someone give me a little help here?" Jeff said.
"What's in it for us?" Punk asked, watching Christian shake Jeff while the latter tried to escape. "This is entertaining. Stopping it might get bloody, though, and that's less entertaining."
"You are a horrible human being. Do you know that?" Jeff said to Punk.
"Mm. Good thing I'm not really human, then."
"I'm a lizard!" Mark cried happily. He ran around Jeff and Christian and flicked his tongue in the air.
"I think that's a snake," said Punk helpfully.
"Okay. I'm a snake!" Mark said.
Randy crossed his arms. "Hey! He can't be a snake! I'M a snake!"
Just then the officer came back from the SUV, Miz in tow. "I can assure you, officer, I'm not on drugs," he was saying.
"I'm sure there's enough being a snake to go around," Punk said.
"Why? There wasn't enough being Jesus to go around," Randy countered.
The policeman paused, his eyebrows raised, and took in the sights. Randy had left his spot next to Matthew and was currently nose to nose with Punk, the two of them shouting angrily. Christian was still shaking Jeff and yelling that he knew Jeff was secretly Randy. Matt was standing between the two pairs, smirking and watching it all like a tennis match. JJ sat on the ground, Betsy's cup in one hand and Pixie being held against his chest with the other. Mark ran around the lot of them, screaming, "Hiss! Hiss! I'm a snake and I'm going to bite you!"
Miz stopped beside the policeman. "I guess I can't say the same for the rest of them," he muttered.
"Can you help me?" Jeff yelled to the officer.
The policeman stepped forward and grabbed Christian by the arm. "That's enough."
Christian blinked. "Who is that?"
"It's the policeman, Rey," JJ said.
"I'm sorry," Christian said, releasing Jeff. He turned toward the police officer. "I can't see without my glasses."
Jeff rubbed at his neck and glared at Christian. "You shouldn't be grabbing people. Especially if you can't see."
"Would someone like to explain to me what's going on here?" the policeman asked.
"It's really rather complicated and messy," Punk said.
"Try me," the officer replied, his steely gaze scanning the group.
"It's not complicated," Miz said. "Randy's a snake, Punk's Jesus, Matt has multiple personalities, Mark thinks he's random things, Christian can't see, JJ can't say names, and Jeff and I are normal." He turned to Punk. "See? Not difficult at all."
The policeman stared at them, then sighed. "If I let you off with another warning, do you promise to drive safely and get the hell out of my county? There's no way I want to write all of that up for my report, and your car's clean. No drugs."
"Thank Dad," Punk muttered. "Of course, officer. As soon as we've put gas in the car, we'll be on our way."
"Good," the officer said. "Don't get caught speeding, but the sooner you're into another jurisdiction, the better."