Title: Last Thing You'll Do
Author: Calliope-plantain
Rating: M
Pairing:Regina/Emma
Disclaimer: I do not own Once. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended.
Storyline: Regina could say her life was perfect… and then it got turned upside down.
Author's Note:I am loving the ideas people are sending me – do you honestly expect me to ruin the ending of this or the sequel?
Beta: Scarlet-Marauder awesomely encouraged me to write this, and then was my beta. So any mistakes she's missed and any feelings of distress are her fault ;)
She barely broke stride as she appeared in the mansion's hallway. The car could be collected tomorrow. She should have simply "poofed" over there in the first place. Why had she been so stupid as to drive! The eerie silence of the house was only broken by what she knew to be her son's cries of anguish. No other sound greeted her ears as she all but ran up the stairs, taking two at a time.
How had he found out? Emma and she had agreed to wait! To tell the boy together and now he knew. Had he overheard them talking and his curious nature had gotten the better of him and his other mother? Regina knew how easily the blonde folded under Henry's tactics. Had Emma taken ill in the time since she'd left the house and she had had no choice but to divulge her condition to the young teen? That consideration hurt more than the possible information leak. What was she about to see as she followed the distressed wails of her not so little boy? She could feel her blood boiling as she skid, turning at the top of staircase as she considered the possible and mostly likely way Henry now knew his birth mother's fate. Snow. Had Snow told him?
She pushed the master bedroom's door open with force. The only thing stopping the wooden door from smashing against the wall was her unsteady hand clutching the handle. The sight before her stopped her breath, ceased her heart beat and all but cut her off at the knees. Their son was curled against his mother so tightly even Regina could see his hands were deathly white. Emma's chin was resting upon their son's head, one hand clutching it to her shoulder as the rest of her body seemed to be almost shielding Henry from the on slaughter of the unforgiving world around them.
The sobs of sorrow were loudest in the moments Regina stood completely and utterly still. Her body refused to move as jade eyes looked directly at her. As tears in those broken eyes glistened threateningly so but refused to fall. Regina could see the actual teeth marks in Emma's dried lips from where the blonde had been biting back her own pain. It seemed an age before Regina's body could comprehend what was happening in front of her and longer still to realise she should do something to comfort their son.
The diner bags and trays were placed with little care upon the vanity. It was of little importance the damage that could be done to the mahogany by steam and grease. Emma's eyes followed her as Regina removed Emma's laptop from her side of the bed though their son's sobbing did not lessen. Henry didn't seem to notice she was there as Emma's body was being pulled and pressed against him as if he feared if he let his mother go, she might just disappear. Regina knew the feeling because she had felt it a little less than twenty four hours ago. The need to just touch or be touched by the blonde, to ensure she was still there. She was still breathing and laughing before her. That her heart still beat within her chest. Ensuring her return was not just a dream Regina's brain had conjured up in the loneliness hours of the night.
The brunette climbed into the large bed from her own side, curling her frame around her little boy's, feeling Emma's forehead come to rest against hers. Henry's cries did not wane as Regina lay beside him, but he did reach her for hand and pulled her arm around him. His grip was so tight Regina momentarily worried that she felt instantaneous pins and needles in her hand. The teen's grasp upon her hand lessened however when it seemed he realised she wasn't going to move away, in fact he seemed to relax against her when the former Queen's hold became bolder.
Nothing could be heard except their son's fallen tears and broken breath but the occasionally "shhh" whispered soothingly from Emma's lips. Though which of the trio she was trying to sooth most Regina wasn't sure as she laid with her eyes closed in an attempt to stop the inevitable tears that scorched behind her eyelids. The hand that that stroking their son's hair kept pushing her own as well, whether intentional or not Regina took comfort from it anyway. How much did Henry know of Emma's condition? Henry knowing changed things Regina knew, and also knew from her own reaction the previous evening that in the moments after you're told your mind goes blank. Only then does your mind work on over load and the desire to know everything takes over; because knowledge is power. That power, that knowledge makes you feel just a little less helpless. How much had Henry asked, and how much had Emma told him?
Regina didn't know how long it took their teen son to stop crying but the tight hold he had upon his mothers, and his mothers on him did not lessen until longer after. None spoke as Henry's breathing almost levelled out except from the odd hitch which Regina doubted the boy would ever lose. The only noise that broke the silence was Emma's methodical "shhh" every time their son's breath would jump, even slightly. Regina finally opened her eyes to see Emma's were also closed, though they did not stay so for long as Emma sensed the brunette's gaze upon her.
The second their eyes met Regina felt the familiar sting of tears burning her eyes, though she did not fight them. She let them fall as she pulled Henry in closer and felt Emma's fingers dance through her hair. Their little family was so tightly connected to an event that would soon shatter them, leaving them forever incomplete; and so they held on tight to each other. Regina knew in that moment despite the fact the end was coming; not a single one of them was going to give up without a fight. They had all fought for a happy ending. Fought to be counted and to belong. They finally had it and wouldn't let it go for anything.
Henry shifted and moved to sit up and while his mothers allowed him to move, both kept their eyes trained upon him. Both waiting for more of a reaction. Regina didn't know what Henry had said or asked. She didn't know how he knew or how much. She only knew that her little boy had been crying and his parents could do little to sooth his pain. There was little that could be done for any of their agony. "Going to the bathroom" Henry muttered gruffly and Regina was surprised to see him entering their ensuite. Not that she minded, just Henry as he had gotten older had been adamant to get his own privacy and such, unless it was a dire emergency they did not enter his bathroom and he would not go into theirs.
"Okay kid, we'll be here" Emma called after their son as he clicked the door closed. Running water could be heard almost instantly, clearly to mask any noises that could permeate the wooden door. Henry wanted to remain close. Her bedfellow let out a deep shaking sigh. Turning her head Regina saw the green eyes were filled with tears that had not marred them moments before. The woman staring at the ensuite door was trying so damn hard not to break. To be brave for their son. It broke Regina heart that little bit more. Just when she thought the muscle within her chest could not break any further another piece would chip away and crumble, causing more pain than she thought she could ever endure.
"He heard Mom and Dad talking" Emma breathed her eyes still trained upon the door as if waiting for the moment in which she had to be strong again. The moment their son needed her to be his "Ma" and she no longer could show weakness.
It took a moment for Regina to register the words she just heard despite the eerie silence in the room. The words that seem to slip from Emma's lips almost completely unnoticed. She had guessed. No she had known. Snow had done it. Snow had been the reason their little boy had sobbed his throat raw, making his voice so gruff. It was because of her little prince was broken. They had decided they were going to tell him. United. She had no right to go spreading other people's secrets. The woman was still the young girl who had ruined her life. Regina remembered only hours ago the look in which Snow had looked at them both. Regina had believed. She had stupidly believed maybe, just maybe things had changed. That Snow had changed. That she understood and accepted. But no. Snow would never change.
"So it was Snow? I knew it" Regina replied her voice so low she was surprised the blonde heard it. But she did. Emma turned to look at her and seeing the tears clinging to Emma's eyelashes made her stomach sink. All it would take was for those deep eyes to blink. To close and the tears would fall. Maybe Emma would too. Maybe she would break. Regina could do it. Could hold her and their son together. Hold them so impossibly close that the cracks would be unseen. Her soul and heart might tear from the sharp edges, but she would keep her brave front. She would hold them tight as they deserved to be. No one deserved the fate that had been handed to them, least of all her love and son. They deserved to be happy. Regina had believed maybe she had finally earned the right to be too.
"They didn't know he was there. They still don't" Emma explained, her eyes bore into hers. The fact that Emma's parents didn't know their son was there did little to help her feel better towards them. They knew it was sensitive subject. Of course it was. She didn't begrudge them discussing Emma's condition; she was there daughter after all. She knew from her own experience of the last twenty four hours, the pain and grief can get on top of you. It just slips out, but you have to manage it. Or take yourself away and deal with it away from those who don't know. Emma and Regina had been doing it with Henry all day. Henry deserved to be told, not to overhear that his mother was going to die. Her stomach flipped at the notion. The thought of Snow telling Henry angered her so much, she could almost feel her blood boiling in her veins, but at least he would have been physically told.
"He came running in as they walked out of the kitchen. They shouted goodbye as they left" Emma continued her explanation. Her gaze did not leave her face. She could see the flicker of worry in those darkened eyes. Fearful of her reaction.
"What were they doing in our kitchen?" Regina snapped a little more forceful than she had intended. Emma moved to sat forward. Away from her. Distancing herself from Regina. She didn't like it. It wasn't her fault. She was angry for her son. She was angry for her lover. She was just angry at the world. Right now being angry at Snow and Charming gave her an outlet.
"David was putting my sandwich in the fridge" Emma explained with a hint of annoyance at Regina's tone. Her eyes were back upon the bathroom door. The sound of running water had stopped and she couldn't help but wonder if their son had his ear against the door listening to them. Nor could she help the feeling of guilt that slithered within her chest at the look upon Emma's face. She didn't like Emma going back to calling David by his name. He had been doing something nice for Emma.
"He shouldn't have been listening in on a private conversation" Emma stated her face emotionless. Her mask already on for the moment that door opened and their son would step out. The feeling of guilt intensified within Regina, only this time it was coupled with shame. She had done exactly what Henry had done. Except her "victims" were Emma and Charming. She had listened into their private and emotional conversation. She had known she shouldn't and just listened anyway. Emma's gaze shifted and it felt as if the blonde was looking straight through her. It felt as if Emma knew what she had done and was thinking. It took Regina a moment to realise that the look being aimed at her was understanding. Emma did know.
"You know…" Regina breathed, and saw Emma sigh once again.
"Of course I know" Emma breathed turning her head completely in her direction. The look on her face was now one of disbelief. "I can always feel you Regina, always have. You, your magic whatever it is. I can always feel when you're near because it makes my skin tingle" Emma explained as if she was talking to someone too young to understand something so complex. Except Regina did understand. She had always felt it too, more so after they had used their combined magic and Jefferson's hat to open the portal. It wasn't until the Charmings had told her Emma had magic that she had identified what she had always felt whenever the blonde was around. Even before Emma had started practicing using her magic and even after Emma had all but stopped using, Regina felt the pleasant buzz of their magic.
"I don't know how much you heard and I don't care that you heard. I didn't say anything I wouldn't say to you. But the point is; he shouldn't have been eavesdropping" Emma continued and Regina couldn't help the feeling that she was being scolded indirectly. Though Emma didn't care that she'd heard. She knew she shouldn't have listened, even if Emma would have said everything she had said to her father, in front of her. It was still a private moment between father and daughter. One of a dwelling few. Emma was right; Henry shouldn't have been eavesdropping.
"But how he knows doesn't bother me" Emma finished and Regina felt her anger rise again, only this time it was falsely aimed at the former sheriff.
"How can it not bother you? We agreed to tell him. Together. And whether or not your mother meant to or not, it's because of her…and your father that Henry found out the way he did" Regina hushed as quickly as she could, realising that Henry was taking much longer than he should have been. Though she also understood that maybe the young boy needed a moment to collect himself, just as Emma had when he had left. How could Emma not care? How could she physically say those words to her and not realise the magnitude of them? They had agreed. Yes they had done everything since Henry had found out that they would have done if they had told him, but that wasn't the point. He deserved to find out from his mothers.
"Of course it bothers me" Emma all but rushed back at her, looking hurt. Emma simply looked at her with a shake of her head. It did nothing for the ever present feeling of guilt that lingered within her. "I wanted it to be us that told him" the blonde continued and Regina saw the vulnerability. She saw the honesty haunting Emma's features and broken eyes. The former Queen felt herself crumbling inside out, underneath the look. Regina was angry and she was annoyed. All of this was so unfair. It wasn't just and it just didn't make sense but she wasn't angry at Emma. If this was how she felt she couldn't even imagine how Emma must be feeling.
"That's not what I meant. It bothers me that he knows. Not how he found out. That's what we have to deal with right now" the blonde explained as she reached for the nape of her neck. She was right. Of course she was right. Regina felt as if she'd missed a step climbing the stairs. The fact he knew outweighed anything else. Henry didn't seem angry at them for not telling him, only upset at what he now knew. There was a noise from the room their son was taking refuge in.
"Henry knows… we have to go on from here. We can deal with the rest of it tomorrow, but right now? Our son needs us" her lover said almost as if she was pleading with her to understand; only Regina did. God did she understand. She felt selfish. Henry needed them. They both needed her, not her grudge against Snow White. They needed her. Regina moved forward to take hold of Emma's hand which was resting upon the bed, the other still massaging the tender flesh at the base of her scalp. She felt Emma's hand tighten around her own, though neither woman spoken. Regina should apologise, it wasn't Emma's fault. None of this was. Only the jade eyes told her it was necessary and so she simply held the slight hand in her own, a little tighter.
The door they had been eying like a hawk opened slowly, thankfully giving both women enough time to be pulled away from their silent conversation. Their little boy looked so small in that moment. His hair was tousled, face blotchy and he clearly tears in his eyes once more. Emma leapt up before Regina had chance to move and wrapped her arms around him. Henry seemed to sink into his birthmother as if he was trying to inhale the woman. Neither was crying despite their glistening eyes and unsteady breathes. All Regina could do was offer a small smile of comfort and lean within touching range of the two holding each other up. Henry seemed to be handling it better than she did. He was at least standing mostly unaided. Though she hadn't seen him when he came running to find his birth mother.
"Do you have any more questions?" Emma asked directly into the mess of dark hair. There was a moment of complete silence before Henry's stomach rumbled in reply cause all three of them to chuckle nervously. The teen's face was buried deeper into Emma's shoulder though from the small slither of skin Regina could see, Henry was blushing. "I think your stomach asking for food" Emma joked lightly causing Henry to pull away. He gave her a watery smile, though his face still shone with embarrassment.
Regina jumped up almost rushing towards the discarded bags from the diner. Providing for her family, that she could do. She couldn't stop the upcoming storm, or stop the Earth from orbiting the Sun but she could warm up a double burgers and potions of fries so her family didn't go without. That she could do. "Come on kid let's go downstairs" Emma said ushering Henry from the foot of the bed, one arm still across his shoulders holding him close. Though for his benefit or Emma's, Regina wasn't sure. Both was defiantly an option.
"No. Stay here I'll go warm them up. We can eat it in bed" Regina supplied as she started to leave out of the door she left open. Turning when she got no reply she saw a raised eyebrow from both of them that made her smile. Henry in that moment was a perfect replica of his mother and the sight of it made her smile and heart thump erratically in her chest. Their perfect carbon copy. "Just this once" she added with a smirk and saw Emma's own smile spread across her face; which did nothing for her irregular heartbeat.
"Er…can I just have the fries?" Emma asked a moment later and that beautiful smile faltering before the blonde's eye level crashed down to the ground completely. She saw the same rouge tint in the blonde's cheeks she'd seen in their son's. Yet another reminder of how similar the mother and son duo she loved so much were.
"Sure" Regina replied in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. She knew food was a difficult and unpredictable thing with Emma at the moment. Henry looked at Emma with confused but didn't thankfully did not comment.
"Just not feeling all that hungry. Probably that huge sandwich earlier" Emma added unnecessarily, though it was accompanied by what almost sounded like a genuine laugh. It took a moment but when Emma finally looked up Regina saw gratitude swimming in her eyes. What surprised her most however was it was Henry who spoke before she did.
"She was just trying to make you feel better" Henry said carefully, half turning towards his blonde mother.
"I know kid that's not…" Emma breathed with a tone that clearly said she knew what he was going to say. Emma had been deflecting. Her comment had been ingest, but it was clear Henry had other ideas.
"No, when I'm sick Mom always makes me chicken soup because she says it has magical properties" Henry clarified. The teen gave her a side way look as if checking whether chicken soup was in fact magic, which made her stomach vibrate with a silent chuckle; before he continued. "The sandwich was her chicken soup, so she was trying to look after you. It's what moms do" Henry explained as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
Emma smiled at her son's words. An actual real smile and Regina knew it was at the idea that she finally had a mother to "take care of her" as Henry had had. Something Emma had searched almost thirty years to get and had finally found. Regina knew and rightly so that Snow's antics annoyed her blonde lover, but also knew that sometimes…just sometimes the pixie haired woman got it right. But she also saw it fall all too quickly and it was with what felt like a twisted knife to the gut she understood that too. No Chicken soup or sandwiches were going to keep Emma healthy, regardless of their "magical qualities".
It took Emma a moment to recompose herself before the smile returned and her arm was placed once again around their son's shoulders pulling him back into her in a half hug. "Yeah you're right kid" Emma let out a slightly shuddering breath, the only evidence of the previous internal battle between Emma and her emotions.
"Just fries is fine, dear. I'll put the burger in the fridge…unless Henry wants it" Regina suggested trying to bring the conversation back to a manageable place. She heard Henry's stomach rumble at the suggestion and fought back a smile.
"I'll have it" Henry responded quickly and Regina knew the look she gave clearly said "I told you so" because Emma grinned but didn't give her eye contact. Regina did however hear the small chuckle as she left the room.
Balancing three plates was more difficult that she had expected. Her hands were now in a position that she'd need to put them down to levitate them and as she was half way up the stairs there seemed little point. So she just had to keep her own Chicken Salad balanced between her chest and forearm while trying not to spill the contents of the two plates in her hand.
As she walked through the small hall she heard Emma's carrying voice say "Yes, but you'll have to ask your Mom". Thankfully neither Emma or Henry had closed the door to the master bedroom making it much easier for the former Queen to enter without the hassle of trying to use the handle. Both Emma and Henry were sat at the head of the bed, legs stretched in front of them. Henry on Emma's side and Emma on Regina's. They had clearly left the space at the bottom for her. Today was the an endless game of musical bed sides and Regina kept losing.
"Ask me what?" Regina asked and watched with amusement as her family jumped, clearly they hadn't heard her enter the room. It was Henry who recovered first as Regina took her allocated space on the large bed.
"Ma said we could watch movies and play games tomorrow. With ice cream in Pajamas" Henry explained sounding much more chipper than when she'd left. It was something she was thankful for. The look on Emma's face clearly said she wasn't her who had suggested any of this but the normality of their son's pleading eyes and Emma's astonished expression made Regina cave instantly. Maybe they all needed a day to relax and just spend time together in their little unit. Just them.
"I suppose" Regina drawled as if it was a hardship to spend the day curled up with the people she loved most as they did very little but watch movies. She handed the plates to their respective owners and was further amused by the fact Henry instantaneously started eating. "Though we don't have ice cream…I've got to go collect the car from Granny's and I could get some then" she continued seeing Henry's grin at getting his own way slip slightly in the place of confusion.
"Collect the car?" the boy asked. Of course he had been too distraught to realise Emma had contacted her to come back home so quickly.
"I was about to drive back when I got your mother's text. It was quicker just to poof back here" the former Mayor explained. She was thankful when Henry simply nodded taking another bite of his burger. Sitting on the bottom of the bed felt weird. But it also felt domestic to have Emma half laid, half sat on her side of the bed while Henry was sprawled on Emma's side. Emma stretched her legs out further so the bottom half of her calf and feet came in contact with Regina's crossed legs. It almost felt as if Emma needed contact of some sort. Despite her voice breaking and having tears in eyes several times, Emma wasn't breaking. If a simply touch was enough, Regina would allow it willingly. She also knew once Henry went to bed, she needed to hold Emma. Emma probably needed it too, but Regina wanted to hold her close. Her skin was itching to do it now and had been since the moment she entered the house and heard their son's broken sobs.
Emma was picking at her fries; Regina doubted she'd eat much. Regina wasn't doing much better with her salad. It had wilted slightly with the heat of Emma and Henry's meals. Her stomach was churning despite the slightly more relaxed atmosphere in the room. The blonde kept looking over at Henry waiting for him to say something, and if Regina was honest she did she. Clearly sensing his mothers' attention on him he finally asked, "Your Mom said you had an operation?"
It was evident by the Emma's knitted brow that, that wasn't the first question she had expected out of Henry's mouth. How much had their son heard? She couldn't really scold the boy for wanting to know more about something his grandparents had said, but Emma was right he…and she shouldn't have been listening. But moreover what had Snow and Charming been discussing in the kitchen? It was something which had clearly told Henry enough to upset him but not enough so knew everything.
"I did. About three months ago to try and take as much as they could out" Emma explained softly, her head lowered in their son's direction. Both it felt were waiting for Henry's reaction on baited breath, but all he did was nod. "Got a scar if you wanna feel it" Emma suggested her tone slightly lighter and Regina saw their son's eyes light up at the prospect. That kid was an odd individual and Emma seemed to know all his weird quirks.
"Cool" the teen exclaimed wiping his hands on trousers. Regina grimaced at the action; at least he wasn't rubbing grease into his birth mother's hair. Their son was hesitant though despite his excitement because he didn't know where it was. Emma guided his hand into her mop of messy blonde hand. Regina watched him flinch on contact but then he went back unaided just as she had done. "That's so gross" Henry exclaimed loudly. She wanted to reprimand him but Emma's smile at their son's face was enough to stop it. It certainly wasn't "gross". It was precious and now part of Emma and Regina loved it. She was thankful to that scar, without it Emma wouldn't be here today.
"Yep" was all Emma said, though her tone carried clear amusement at their son antics.
"So cool" Henry continued and Regina saw her love's eyes roll dramatically.
"Ok-ay" Emma exclaimed leaning back slightly only Henry didn't relent his exploration of Emma's scalp.
"I've got a photo of when I first had it done in one of my boxes; I'll show it to you tomorrow if you want?" Emma suggested and once again the boy's eyes lit up.
"Yeah!" he exclaimed again. Emma was obviously the cooler Mom at the moment. Regina shook her head in disbelief as Henry moved back to his place on Emma's side, his plate in his hand again. "That is totally gross" Henry voiced again and Regina found she was a little upset by Henry's description of Emma's literal lifesaving operation and scar marring her skin.
Emma however merely nodding in agreement and Regina was hit with the realisation that maybe Emma believed her new donned scar was in fact "gross". She'd told her quite the opposite the previous evening and would tell her again repeatedly until it finally sunk it. Emma was just as beautiful as she had always been. No scar would ever change that. Not ever. Emma however continued her voice as soft and clear as ever Regina had heard her use, "Without it though I wouldn't be sitting here". Regina watched as Henry's smile fell a little. Hearing Emma voice the very thoughts that had been bombarded her, sickens Regina as she tries to force her chicken salad down.
"Then it's not so gross" Henry amended apologetically. He looked relieved when Emma breathes a small chuckle. His mother was clearly not offended by his remark.
"Thanks" Emma added kindly.
"Do…we know when?" Henry asked, turning his head completely to look at his birthmother. It took a moment for Regina to realise what he meant. Did they know when Emma would going to die? The fact he said "we" hurt even more. Because they were a "we". They'd been a "we" for almost two years. As they had fought over what to have for dinner or what movie to watch. As they built snowmen in winter and sand castles in summer. As they planned for the future and now waiting for Emma's cancer to take her. They'd been a "we" for so long and yet it had never hurt before.
"Not really" Emma explained warily as Henry finished his first burger. It was clearly from Emma's tone and taut expression this was what she had been expecting him to ask. She supposed people who knew about Emma's condition did ask for her prognosis. It seemed both Regina and Henry were not "normal" people. She had begged Emma to tell her it wasn't true. After all it had sounded like a cruel joke, it still did. Regina wished once again that she had been there for her son when he had found out. That she knew what his first words had been upon hearing the news. It did very little to change how things were now. She was here for her son when he needed her, but she knew in those moments after Emma had told her that her life had crumbled to dust around her.
"So it could be ages off?" Henry asked hopefully starting his second burger. There was a moment. One in which Regina's heart clenched. She couldn't even say something to help as she felt her windpipe contract at the pain expression on Emma's face and their little boy's optimism.
"Henry … at most it's about a year" Emma explained intoned and Regina heard the emotion catch in her love's throat. A sensation Regina knew all too well as it was all but suffocating her. Henry turned his head fast, his face contorted in shock. He looked fearful and he chewing his mouthful faster so he was able to talk. "A year?" he asked, his voice broken. "At most" Regina added internally, though Emma simply nodded. Henry's mouth simply hung open only closing a few times as if he was trying to say something but didn't know what to say. It was how Regina had felt since last night. Almost as if she could just say something. One thing and it would be all okay. As if Emma would simply laugh and exclaim she'd only been joking. Except it was happening.
"I'm still going to go to see Whale, and maybe see if your Mom, Mr Gold and I can find something that might help me" Emma reassured and Regina felt a feeling she couldn't really describe. Euphoria at hearing Emma's words. Words that meant Emma wasn't giving up and was willing to get help. To fight. Even if it meant working with Gold, Regina would pay their price if it meant saving Emma. But she couldn't deny the feeling of dread either. It slithered beneath her skin, crushing her heart just enough to feel the agony but not enough to kill. Just enough that the breath that left her lungs burnt as she considered the other possibility. Rumple had tried. The Dark One had tried and failed to help Emma, how could they add to his power? How could they help? What if they never found anything? It would be then her fault if Emma died.
"We're not giving up, okay?" Emma reassured their teen son, and Regina was pleasantly surprised to see Emma's eyes rise to her own momentarily. She was reassuring her too. Henry nodded, finally continuing to eat his second burger. "Sometimes I forget things. Names of things, people that kind of thing" Emma explained as she picked at her fries again before placing a few into her mouth. "At breakfast I forgot the name for knife" Emma continued her tone suggesting it was the funniest thing in the world. It wasn't. Emma looked over at Regina with an apologetic smile. She understood the blonde was trying to make it easier to swallow for their young son, but didn't make the situation any easier or lighter for her. "So at times you've got to be a little careful with me okay?" the former Sheriff murmured quietly.
Henry nodded again but he seemed to be really considering his mother's words. "I don't do it on purpose though" Emma stated, and the brunette heard the tell-tale sign of a small crack in the other woman's voice. Regina thought about Emma's confession that Emma at times forgot about Henry. It wasn't her fault, but she knew Emma was preparing him for the possibility. How do you explain to your child that one day you might wake up and not know who they were? That the life you've shared together might just fall out of your head? "But if I do you've got to give me a little time to try and remember but if I can't you can tell me. Whatever it is, even if you're upset or you think I might be. It will be a really big help. Okay?" Emma finished as she swept Henry's hair out of his face. Neither Emma nor Henry broke eye contact.
"Okay Ma. We can help each other" Henry replied. Her little boy looked so sadly back at his birthmother and despite the saddened smile gracing Emma's lips she can see the appreciation glistening in Emma's eyes. She was still his "Ma" and to Regina and Henry she always would be. She did not need to remember them or be with them; she would always be Henry's mother. Nothing would change that, not ever. Silent filled the room as Emma looked over at her with a look Regina couldn't define. Worry, love, dedication and determination seemed to beam across at her, filling Regina with the same rush of emotions on top of her own. There was that "we" once again. They weren't going to give up. They were going to fight.
"Did you have to have Chemotherapy?" Henry asked, pulling the two women out of their silent conversation. Chemotherapy was a word she never thought she'd hear from her young son's mouth. She never thought it would faze her live never mind graze her son's lips.
"I had Radiotherapy" Emma clarified gently. "But we think my magic stopped it from working, and then they tried Chemotherapy yes" Emma continued with a small nod of her head. The boy just seemed to stare back at her, almost as if he like she, was absorbing very scrap of information he could. Emma was being honest with Henry without going into too many gruesome details. Regina had been fretting all day about what they were going to tell him and then it hit her like a tonne of bricks that Emma had been doing the same thing for months. Though it seemed Emma had managed to decide because she seemed so strong and certain. Regina could also tell that Emma had practiced and over thought every type of question their son could ask her.
"They didn't work" Henry said. It was a statement, not a question. The tone in which her son spoke, frightened her slightly. It seemed to almost instantly lose its young charm, and had hardened; thick upon the air.
"No kid they didn't" Emma confirmed sadly but once again all Henry did was nod. His eating had slowed once more, though all he had left were his fries, both burgers had been eaten. Regina kept trying to catch Emma's eye, but the blonde seemed to be determined not to catch it. She was solely occupied by their clearly troubled son.
"Because of your magic?" Henry asked as if trying to ensure he understood exactly what was being shared with him. Regina knew that feeling too. It took a moment for Emma to answer the question. Regina felt Emma's calf being pushed into Regina's thigh. Despite not looking at her, Emma was seeking further comfort and reassurance from her. Regina took a hold of the nearest leg, rubbing small circles in the flesh she found under the Pajama bottoms, near the blonde's ankle. Henry didn't seem to notice. He was simply staring at his birthmother as if daring her to tell him what he was saying was true.
"I think Radiotherapy was being blocked by my magic, but I don't know. Chemotherapy didn't…it didn't make me feel very well and because it wasn't working they stopped it" Emma explained. Regina was thankful Emma had dumbed down her explanation for their son. She had had little ability to keep up with all the medical jargon Emma had fired at her the previous evening; Henry would stand even less of a chance. Regina remembered the Chemotherapy medicine had made Emma's dwindling appetite become non-existent and lead to her getting an infection which made her need to be hospitalised once again. Though, and she was thankful for it, Emma declined to share that extra information.
Henry placed his plate upon the bed without an indication of understanding. Though Regina knew he did as he seemed to almost shrink before her eyes. Looking up towards Emma she saw the same look on confusion upon her face she felt within her chest at the boy's reaction.
"Henry?" Emma asked softly.
There was a moment of silence before the boy asked again, "Your magic stopped it?"
"I think so. Mr Gold thinks it too" Emma confirmed and Regina was momentarily surprised that Rumple had backed Emma's belief as to why the treatment had not worked. It did very little to lift her hopes and spirits that maybe…just maybe they'd find a cure. She watched as Henry's bottom lip quivered, though no tears fell. Regina had been wrong, this is what it felt like to have your heart ripped out and squeezed in front of you. To watch her son break and be able to do very little to help.
"You didn't have magic before you came to Storybrooke" Henry stated and Regina felt her own brow furrow.
"I didn't know I had it, no" the other woman confirmed slowly clearly trying to catch up to where Henry's mind had taken him.
"If you hadn't come here you wouldn't have access to your magic. If I hadn't come to Boston it might have worked" Henry explained sadly. No guiltily, and Regina felt her stomach drop. "Henry…" Regina breathed. Not once did she think Henry might blame himself. How could it be his fault? She saw Henry's lip quiver again as felt her own shaken breath rack through her lungs as it tore everything in its path to be released.
"No Henry" the other woman exhaled just as she had done, though Emma's carried even more anguish than she felt. Emma put her barely touched plate on Regina's bedside table before turning back to their son. Henry had lowered his head so deeply his chin was almost touching his chest. "Don't think that for even one second" Emma continued her voice much more stead and firm this time as took hold of the teen. His head buried into Emma's chest as the blonde clung onto him, keeping him in place. Regina moved Henry's plate so she could take a hold of part of the boy. His knee was closest though she didn't relinquish her hold on Emma's ankle. It was about Henry and Emma now, not her.
"It's not your fault" Emma said, holding the boy's face to her own. She was looking him dead in the eye. He could not move, nor look away. "It's not your fault" Emma repeated again, her voice cracking when the teen nodded into her hand. Emma's fingers thread themselves through Henry's hair as she pulled him close again. Despite Henry's agreement that he was not to blame, the fact he even thought he might be would ever haunt Regina's soul. Her little boy was not meant to assume he had a hand in his birthmother's death. Henry was meant to be true and pure. Not tainted and unsure. He and Emma were even meant to be broken.
"I've always had magic, I just didn't know it. When you were born I caused a power surge that blew every light and security door in the place" Emma added with a small chuckle into the dark hair she had nuzzled her face into.
"Really?" Regina asked instantly surprised. It just occurred to Regina that despite talking about Henry and how Emma had felt about giving him up, they'd never really talked about his birth itself.
"Yeah. They had backup generators but it was quite impressive" the blonde replied, her voice still muffled by their hair she was directing her speech into. Regina heard Henry's small laugh from the mess of his other mother's limbs. Emma's chuckle, before her face became serious again. "So whether I came here or not, it wouldn't have worked. It's not your fault, right?" Emma said firmly thought not without love.
"Yeah" Henry said, though Regina could barely hear it.
"Imagine if you hadn't come and got me" Emma supplied carefully and though Regina couldn't see the boy's face she could tell by his demeanour he was listening completely to his mother. Regina once had dreamt of little else. She had wanted Emma Swan gone from her town and her presence in life had simply infuriated her. Now the mere thought of it seemed impossible, and physically hurt her heart to even consider it. She didn't know how she could survive without the woman she had once sought to get rid of all those years ago.
"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have you and your Mom. Or my parents. Henry I wouldn't give any of this up for anything" Emma continued and Regina felt the sting of tears in her eyes. Tears she would not let fall, despite the fact they seemed to all but burn her tender eyes. Henry moved to sit up and Regina could see the tears had fallen now. She could see dark patches on Emma's top from their son's tears. "You gave me everything I'd ever wished for" the blonde hushed making Regina's heart swell with the love she felt for the woman in front her. Regina remembered Emma confiding in her, her wish over a cupcake. Henry really had given her everything she had ever wished for. For both of his mothers.
Henry smiled and Regina couldn't help but tightening her grip upon the teen's knee with an affectionate squeeze. "Me too" Regina interjected smiling at her son and partner. She took great pleasure in the slight pink tint in their cheeks. Henry rolled his eyes despite smiling, while Emma simply sighed. Despite the noise that escaped Emma's pink gnawed lips she saw appreciation reflecting back at her.
Henry moved his plate of half eaten fries to Emma's bedside table, and Regina like the other two found she couldn't stomach anymore. Her plate was placed upon the floor. "So you aren't leaving again?" she heard Henry ask as she straightened herself back into a sitting position. Henry was looking at his birth mother, and she at him.
"No kid, I'm here to stay" Emma replied honestly. Was Henry angry at Emma leaving? He hadn't been, but now he knew the truth would he be? Regina, herself had felt strong emotions during Emma's time away. Strong, definite feelings. Those she'd felt since last night were not any weaker but they were certainly less stable. She felt herself flip flopping from emotion to emotion. It was exhausting.
"Good" Henry countered with a firm nod of his head. Maybe he was just too relieved. Maybe it would come later. It had for Regina. Though she knew more than Henry. Maybe it would never come for their son. Part of her hoped the latter would be true. She didn't want their young son to ever be angry at his mother. Not when their time was decreasing so rapidly.
Henry flopped down again, and Emma just watched him. The look upon her face was one only a mother could wear. She understood Emma had little resources when Henry was born, and providing for a young baby would have been hard; but she struggled to see why Emma had ever doubted her maternal ability. The base of Henry's feet were resting against Regina's legs. Emma lay down beside him again, flat on her back. Wordlessly Henry shuffled over closer to his birth mother, causing Emma to have to move sideward too.
Henry patted the space he'd just vacated. There was no way Regina could lie on her back like the other two but she joined them anyway, lying on her side so she could watch her love and their son. She saw as both Emma and Henry looked up to the ceiling as if they could see the stars. Just as they had done shortly after Emma moved in with them. Regina's first birthday with them being a couple and a family had found them wrapped up in what felt like every piece of clothing they each owned as they had gazed at the stars in the garden. It was one of many of Regina favourite memories she would never forget.
"So were the stories you told your mom not true?" Henry asked and Regina could help but braced herself once again, maybe things were clicking into place inside Henry's head.
"They were true. Just from when I was a Bail bondsperson before Storybrooke" Emma explained turning towards Henry's prone position. Regina could see Emma's face had significantly relaxed within their time in their bedroom. It certainly seemed Henry had calmed, though it still caused her insides to ache at the thought her little boy thought he might be to blame for his birthmother's demise.
"Even the one where you broke a guy's nose and knocked him out with his own steering wheel?" Henry asked looking once again extremely impressed with his other mother. Regina lifted her head up to rest on her raised arm with that she hoped was look of disbelief on her face and aimed it straight at Emma. Both at the fact that this story could be true and she'd told Snow, knowing the pixie haired woman would tell their son.
Emma looked nonplussed back at her answering simply "Yes…actually that was the night you came to Boston". She couldn't resist raising her eyebrow in surprise at that one. An expression which earned her a slight smug smile.
"That's so cool" Henry exclaimed turning to face his birthmother. The teen let out a small huffed chuckle that instantly dissipated her feeling of annoyance at Emma's foolhardy behaviour and attitude in her previous job.
"I was pretending to go on a blind date with a guy who'd embezzled money from his employer, when he realised who I was he ran" Emma explained somewhat excitedly and Regina saw the sparkle back within the guarded eyes. She knew in that moment whether Regina approved or not, Emma felt like Henry's hero again. "He made some…comments about me. I just got mad and yeah smacked his face off his steering wheel" Emma continued, only this time with hand movements.
This time she did not even fight the urge to shoot Emma a look of pure and undiluted disapproval. She did not care if she did not know Emma yet, she could have been hurt. Furthermore she probably shouldn't be telling their son about her antics, though who was she kidding; she was the former Evil Queen. It didn't mean she had to stop being worried for Emma and her wellbeing, despite knowing the events under discussion were a shadow of the past.
Henry kept asking more questions and Emma simply answered every question aimed at her. The trio found themselves laughing at the stupid things defendants did to try and worm their way out of paying Emma. Regina found herself being pulled in and once again hearing the story of a man trying to run away down an alley away from her. That too ended in broken bones though most of them were Emma's, Henry hadn't managed to get that far in the story before she had snapped at him over dinner that night. Regina dreaded to think what she would have felt if Henry had finished the story. She already had sleepless night worrying about Emma, but to hear what she and Henry would believe were multiple broken bones would have drove her insane with worry.
Emma explained how one of the men she'd tailed had ended up climbing out of a second floor window in order to escape her, only to be caught by the police in only a towel and being rearrested. His mistress had been also selling drugs out of her apartment. What a wonderful couple, Regina couldn't help but feel sorry for the man's wife. The more Emma talked the quieter Henry became simply engrossed in what Emma was saying. He seemed to think he was vicariously living through Emma's experiences and needed to hear more, and had kept pleading to hear more and more stories.
However when Henry had not spoken for some time Regina moved to peer over their son to see the young teen had fallen asleep. Hardly surprising when the alarm clock over Emma's shoulder stated it was just short of half past ten. "He's been out for about ten minutes" Emma said with the same volume she'd been previously speaking. She supposed if they quietened their voices Henry might wake up. After the day they'd had maybe it was best to let him sleep and they could talk to him again tomorrow once he'd had time to process what he'd been told and had heard from his grandparents.
"Should we put him in his own bed?" Emma asked.
"Yes I think so" Regina said getting off the bed as carefully as she could as to not disturb the sleeping boy.
"There's no way I can carry him anymore" Emma explained and Regina couldn't help but wonder if Emma meant because their son had gotten so big or because of the slight frame. She didn't ask. She didn't want to know or consider the options. Both hurt to even contemplate.
"I can magic him there" Regina said with a small flick of her wrist and watched as Henry lifted slightly off the bed.
"I'll take the plates down then" Emma said jumping up from the bed collecting the plates with much more skill than Regina had possessed bringing them upstairs. Her time as a waitress clearly showing and of great benefit.
Emma followed her out as she guided Henry as carefully as she could in front of her and was thankful to see the boy had left his bedroom door open so getting him inside wasn't a problem. It was at the threshold of the teen's room Emma and Regina parted ways.
She laid Henry upon his unmade bed, which made it much easier for the boy to cover himself over if he wanted to. The late June heat made it unnecessary for covers but Henry kept one of his bed just in case, much like his birth mother. She contemplating removing his shoes but that would only increase the likelihood of waking him. Placing a gentle kiss upon his brow, she left the room making sure to leave the door ajar in case Henry needed them.
Re-entering the master bedroom Regina changed into a clean set of pajamas. Despite it being late she knew it would be a long time before she slept, and suspected Emma would feel the same. She felt tired down to the core of her bones, but her brain was still too active. Henry would have so many more questions in the morning. She still did. She had questions she didn't even know how to vocalise. Questions that weren't answerable. The uncertainty crept under her skin and settled in her stomach. The feeling of foreboding. The feeling of anxiety. She was living on pure hope and adrenalin. It caused her gut to ache, head to throb and eyes to burn. She couldn't however help the flutter of butterflies in her aching stomach or the feeling similar to a soothing balm against her tender heart; at the sound of a gentle chuckle from the woman she loved standing in the doorway.