A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.
The Mizard Of Odd
Chapter 73: Miz and the Escape
By the time Miz and the Hardys made it down to Carol, the others were already there, but Randy was nowhere to be found. "Orton's not here?" Jeff asked.
"Haven't seen him," Punk said. "Then again, I was kind of busy." He tilted his chin at Mark, who was twirling around in circles and humming the theme from Swan Lake.
"What do we do?" Miz asked.
"Give him a minute," Punk suggested. "I'm sure he'll stop dancing soon."
"I meant about Orton."
"Oh." Punk shrugged. "You lost him. You could go find him."
"He was attacking HHH when we left him," Jeff said.
"Then he's probably a lost cause." Punk said. "Which means the rest of us should get out of here while the getting's good."
"But what about JJ's Kofi?" Christian asked. "We didn't see him anywhere. We can't really leave Orton and not have gained anything, right?"
"You never see anything anyway," Miz grumbled.
"I will beat you up, Miz!" Christian threatened. It would have been more effective had he not been staring at a random family on the way to their car as he said it. They hurried away. "Yeah, you better run!"
"I'm over here," Miz said, reaching out to turn Christian so he was facing him. "Nice job on threatening that young couple and their two kids under six, though."
Christian grumbled, "They looked just like you. You shouldn't hide behind a family like that."
"I didn't." He turned back to Punk. "So Orton?"
"We can't stay here all night," Punk said. "Once the crowd starts to clear out, HHH is going to be looking for us."
"Or maybe before," Jeff said. "Look." He indicated the door he, Miz and Matt had just escaped from.
"Crap," Miz said. "Everyone in the car, quick." HHH was scanning the parking lot, his eyes narrowing when he saw Miz and the others.
"Too late," Jeff said. "We've been spotted. Again."
"In the car now!" Punk demanded. Somehow, he managed to grab the still dancing Mark Henry and shove him toward the SUV's side door. Mark stumbled and let out a wail, tripping over his own feet and nearly taking the rest of them down with him.
"I'm hit!" Mark screeched.
Punk shoved Miz and the Hardys into the backseat. JJ grabbed Christian's arm and the two of them followed as the others half fell into the vehicle. "So help me, Mark…" Punk said. "You're in a contest to see who can get in the car fastest!"
"I'm going to win!" Mark said, launching himself at the vehicle. It rocked under the sudden launch of an almost five hundred pound superstar into its interior.
"Thank dad," Punk said, climbing in through the front passenger seat and locking the door.
"Punk!" HHH screamed as he raced toward the SUV. "Wait a minute!"
"No!" Punk yelled, dropping into the driver's seat, then fumbling for the keys.
"I just want to talk to you guys! Come on! Orton's in the arena…"
Punk slammed the keys into the ignition, turned the engine over, and shoved the pedal to the floor. The SUV peeled out, leaving the smell of burning rubber in their wake. In the back, the superstars shifted and yelled as Punk took the corner at the end of the drive too sharply. "Slow down!" Miz protested, pushing Matt off him. "Are you trying to kill us, Punk?"
"He said he's got Orton," Punk said. "What are we going to do now?"
"Relax! Ugh, Christian, stop hitting me!" Miz said.
"Then quit landing on me," Christian said.
"That's not me, it's JJ."
"Sorry, Rey," JJ said apologetically. "But if Hornswoggle doesn't stop driving like this, I'm never going to be able to move."
"Slow down, Punk!" Christian yelled.
"Don't yell in my face," Miz said to Christian. "He's the other way. Punk! Come on, we're at least five miles away from the way you're driving!"
"He saw the car!" Punk said. "That means we're going to have to abandon it somewhere, and I'm trying to find a good place to do that where we won't get caught!"
"You're going to get us pulled over and arrested," Jeff said.
"You're right," Punk said, slamming on the brakes. The superstars were carried forward by their momentum and crashed into the seats in front of them.
"Ow," Miz groaned. "Really? You're going to stop right here? In the middle of the road?"
"It's time we walked," Punk said. "Come on."
"I'd like to, but I'm pretty bruised, Hornswoggle," JJ said. "You just body slammed Rey and I with Shawn."
"I'd like to go home now," Christian whimpered. "And I don't care where home is, so long as it has pain meds."
"That's terrible!" Punk said, turning to look at the jumbled up superstars in the back. "You need to accept straightedge into your life, Christian. I think I saw a stray can of Pepsi in here earlier…"
"Punk!" Miz snapped. "No time for that now!"
"There's always time for straightedge," Punk said.
"Not when we're being chased by HHH!"
"Oh." Punk frowned. "Right, Sorry. We have to get out of here. But when we get back to the motel, I'll baptize you into straightedge, Christian. You'll feel so much better, I promise. And we can even take care of your eyes this time."
"You're not baptizing anyone if we don't get away," Miz said.
"I could always baptize them when we get caught," Punk said.
"You need to get your priorities straightened out," Miz said.
"Huh." Punk frowned. "Funny, they seem fine to me. So are we running or what?"