Chapter 24 - Choices

Jane sat on the same bench he and Lisbon had occupied barely an hour previously. As Julia's words filled him, he felt the darkness and hatred within him begin to return. He couldn't face the look of concern on her face he had seen before he left the room so had ran away here instead of having to see it again.

He cursed himself for still being such a coward, running away as usual when times got tough, even if it had only been to a park this time. He told himself he should have never boarded that plane, should have let her be with Pike.

His mind was full of these thoughts when he felt someone sit down on the bench beside him. He glanced over to see Cho. He had thought Lisbon may have found him here but never expected Kimball Cho.

'Hey' said Cho, just like he said to him every morning.

'Hey' said Jane, almost wondering if this was a hallucination. Deciding it wasn't he asked, 'How the hell did you find me?'

Cho replied 'We have a tracking chip embedded in you.'

Jane blinked a few times. 'What?'

Cho sighed and answered, 'Tracked the GPS on your phone.'

'Oh' replied Jane, nodding, supposing the earlier remark was Cho's idea of humour.

'So, what are your plans?' Cho asked, straight to the point as usual.

'Plans?' He hadn't thought of one, burying himself in self-pity instead.

'You don't know if any of what she said to you is true, instead your mind has gone to the worst case scenario straight away.'

Jane nodded and sighed. 'What if the worst case scenario is true?'

'Then we find the son of a bitch and arrest him, simple as that.'

'You know very well it's not that simple for me.'

'Why not?'

Jane looked at him incredulously and wondered for a second if this man knew him at all.

Cho continued. 'I know you did what you thought you had to do before. If I had been in your position no doubt I would have done the same. But that was then. It's different now, you have someone you've made a commitment to I presume and she's given up a great new job and a good man to be with you because of it. You know what it would do to her if you went off on another one of your vendettas.'

Jane nodded, knowing every word he heard was true. He replied, 'You're right but if this man.-'

'But nothing' Cho interrupted. 'You have two choices. Number one, be the man she deserves by putting her feelings above your own for once in your sorry life or number two, go after him, but beforehand tell her it's over between you and get out of her life, for good this time.' He sighed and continued, 'I won't let you drag her into it this time, Jane.'

Jane had never heard Cho speak as much in all the years he'd known him and looking into his eyes knew that the veiled threat at the end was not a bluff.

When they got back to the office, Jane noticed that Lisbon was at her desk. She had obviously been crying and was sitting there staring at nothing in particular on the screen. Cho glared at him then walked over to Fischer, presumably to get an update on the case.

Jane stood there sheepishly for a moment before taking a deep breath and going over to her desk. She looked up, a mixture of worry and anger across her face.

'Hey' he said nervously.

'Hey' she replied, trying her best to sound calm.

He exhaled again and said softly and apprehensively, 'I believe they let Julia go for now?'

She replied, straightening items on her desk so as to avoid his eyes, 'Yes, we have nothing to hold her on for the moment but Abbott's sent someone to keep an eye on her.'

'Good' he replied, searching for her eyes and biting his lip.

'We should have a better idea if there's a connection between her father and McAllister by the morning' she said, as businesslike as she could, her eyes now back to the screen.

Jane nodded, rocking on his heels lightly. He closed his eyes and then opened them again and spoke a little louder. 'Can we talk, Teresa?'

She finally looked up at him, swallowing a lump in her throat. 'Sure, what is it?'

He rolled his eyes. She was certainly not going to make this easy for him. 'Not here, can we talk at your place?'

She looked down at her desk, closing her eyes briefly and breathed deeply. She fought off the tears forming and stood up quickly, grabbing her bag and said steadily, 'Okay, let's go,' marching to the elevator in front of him.

They drove back to her place in silence. Jane was trying to find the right words to say to her and Lisbon was fighting the urge to either break down in tears or rip Jane apart, she couldn't decide which.

When they entered the house, Lisbon went straight to the bottle of scotch she kept at the back of her cupboard.

'Drink?' she asked, pulling out two glasses.

'Yes, thanks.'

She poured two drinks in silence then walked over the couch and sat down, holding her glass in her hand.

Jane took a swig and joined her.

She slammed the glass down on the coffee table in front of her and looked up at him. 'So, you were the one who wanted to talk, so talk.'

He put his glass down quietly and looked into her angry and hurt eyes.

'I'm not quite sure where to begin.'

'Okay, let me ask you a question then. What are you going to do if it turns out Julia's father worked with McAllister in the Red John murders?'

He gazed into her eyes, a hundred words forming but said only one back. 'Nothing.'

She blinked quickly, unsure for a certain if he had said that, his voice just a whisper.

She asked him more softly, 'What if it turns out he helped him kill Angela and Charlotte?'

Jane looked down, taking another drink and replied again, 'Nothing.'

Lisbon sat in shock. She had thought he had wanted to come back here to tell her he would have to kill this man if he was involved and was all ready to fight with him about it. She had not expected this answer instead.

'Nothing?' she asked quietly.

Jane put his glass down and looked at her again, nervously taking her hand. 'Teresa, that man took everything from me but somehow I found you in the midst of all that despair. I don't want to turn back into the man I was then. I want to be better, a better man for you, a better man for us. It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do if this man did help him in any way but I won't do anything that will jeopardise us being together. That is the most important thing to me now, not vengeance. Nothing is going to tear me away from you ever again.'

Tears were coming down her face as she hugged him tightly and she whispered, 'Thank you.'