A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 75: Miz and the Vanishing Superstars

Watching Christian's fall was like watching John Morrison's slow motion ring entry, Miz thought to himself. It moved slower than he expected it to, and by the time it was over, he was horrified. "Christian!" He rushed out to the street, which was thankfully not that busy. A single car swerved to avoid the falling Superstar, who was now sprawled in the lane.

"What just happened?" Christian asked. "Did the Holy Pepsi smite me?"

"Yes!" Punk yelled.

Miz and JJ helped Christian up. "No," Miz said, glaring at both Mark and Punk. "Mark pushed you into traffic."

"Well, that wasn't very nice," Christian muttered.

"The holy Pepsi moved Mark to smite you," Punk informed Christian.

"All the more reason for me to drink Coke," Christian said.

Punk balled up his fists and yelled, "I'll push you back into traffic myself, you ungrateful infidel!"

"No you won't," Miz said. He turned to look for the voice of reason (Jeff, in this case) and noticed that the Hardy brothers were gone. "Hey, where are Matt and Jeff?"

"I'll have you know—What?" Punk paused, frowning at Miz. "Why are you interrupting me?"

"Matt and Jeff. Where are they?"

JJ answered. "They went to see what that person by the car wanted." He inclined his head in the direction they'd gone.

Miz felt a chill. "They aren't there now."

Punk looked panicked. "Oh my dad! We're being picked off like flies! Holy Pepsi, save me! I don't want to die again! It's painful and undignified and this is a clean shirt! I just put it on this morning! Honest!"

Miz rolled his eyes. "They're fine, I'm sure. Maybe they went somewhere with whoever was waving at us?"

"Why would they do that?" Christian said.

"Why would they walk off?" Miz answered. "To get away from that awful argument, of course."

"This whole thing is crazy," said JJ reasonably. "Drew and Spongebob can take care of themselves, just like Beth can. In fact, so can the rest of you. Why is everyone so upset over what happened tonight?"

"Because Orton's gone?" Punk said. "And now Jeff and Matt are missing, too. Shouldn't you be more worried?"

"Why?" JJ asked. "What good will it do me to worry about them?"

"You might seem less cold," Punk said.

"Cold?" JJ said, chuckling. "Undertaker and I just saved Rey from being killed, thanks to Shawn, and you're worried about me being cold?"

"I think he means the emotional kind, not the temperature kind," said Christian helpfully.

"I'm aware of that, Rey, thanks," said JJ. "But what Hornswoggle fails to realize is that I am getting sick and tired of dealing with this. I'm sick of hearing religious discussions that involve Yoohoo. I'm tired of hearing about how he thinks he's Buddha."

"First of all," Punk said, "I'm Jesus, not Buddha. And secondly…"

"Punk?" Miz said, shaking his friend's shoulder. "JJ does the name thing. Remember?"

"I… what? Oh. Right. The name thing." Punk made a face at JJ. "It doesn't matter, anyway. I know the truth."

"Are we going to look for Matt and Jeff?" Miz asked.

"Jeff's been looking for an excuse to leave," Punk said. "He was all set to walk away this morning, before lunch. He and Matt are probably on their way home by now. I say we keep walking. But maybe someone ought to keep an eye out for danger."

"I'm helpful!" Mark said, which caused Miz to flinch and make sure the big man was nowhere near him.

"That's all very good," Punk said to Mark, "but maybe you could stop shoving people?"

Mark looked sheepish. "But I want to help people."

"By pushing them into bushes and traffic?" Miz asked. Mark turned to look at Miz, and Miz quickly ducked behind JJ and Christian.

"Christian wanted to cross the street," Mark said, with a smile. "He just didn't know it yet."

"I see," Miz muttered. "And why did you push me into that shrub?"

"You like flowers." Mark beamed and nodded.

Miz furrowed his brow. "What?"

"The prettiest flowers grow in those shrubs. Both you and Christian have mentioned liking flowers."

"I don't remember that," Miz said.

"Me either," Christian said. "And anyway, there are no flowers there now. What were we supposed to do, hang out in the bushes until they bloomed?"

"Yes," Mark said.

"I've got news for you," Christian said. "Those bushes are thorny and painful and I DO NOT LIKE BEING PUSHED INTO TRAFFIC!" He took a deep breath as JJ patted his shoulder comfortingly. "Well, I feel better."

"You yelled at me," Mark said, sniffling.

"I'm sorry," Christian said, "but you did try to kill me."

"You wanted to cross the street."

"No," Christian said. "I didn't."

"But you were having an argument, and you were thinking about getting away from Punk and his holy Pepsi…"

Christian frowned. "Wait. I was thinking about it? How would you know that? Are you a mind reader now?"

"Well," Mark said, sniffling. "You were probably thinking about it. So I helped you."

"Mark," Miz said, "no more helping, okay?"

"I'm not helpful?" Mark said, in a small voice.

"Please don't be helpful," Miz agreed. "We'd all like to stay alive tonight."

"Then what should I be?"

"What should he be?" Miz asked Punk, a frown on his face.

Punk, however, was smiling. "That's easy," he said. "Be a shining beacon of light that reflects back my glory and tells the world about holy Pepsi. Be a prophet, a healer, a man of the cloth. Or be a GPS. One of those."