Hello everybody! Another update~

AhhhhhhhHHHHHHH I REALLY LIKED HOW THIS CHAPTER TURNED OUT. We're finally getting into all the fluffy mushy stuff and I can't wait I'm so excited lol I'm sure you guys are too you've stuck with me for so long god bless you all. Anyways Steve and Loki sort of both admit a little something to themselves, especially Loki since he's kind of the stick in the mud right now XD

Here's the deal though: since I am getting ready to move, find a job, start school, etc. updates may be a little sparse again. I thank you all for your future patience with me I know how frustrating it is.

Since I do have two others I'm working on what I may do in the next few weeks or so is rotate which one I work on so I keep all my readers happy. Please please don't give up on me, I'll do what I can, okay? :)

Disclaimer: Does not own Marvel Universe

Warning: If anything language

Comments/critiques are welcomed!

"Steven, you've barely touched your pancakes. Did you want something different on them?"

"Hmm?" Steve looks up, forcing a smile. "No, ma'am. I think I'm just getting full."

"Well did you have a good Christmas? Get everything you wanted?"

She kisses his hair, Steve humming. "Yes, ma'am, thank you."

"Is your friend having a good time?" she ruffles his hair, picking up the leftover plates, "I feel so awful that we didn't have anything for him for this morning…I'm sure his parents will make it up to him though."

"Don't worry, they will." Steve picks at his food. "And—he seems to be having a lot of fun."

Steve wasn't so sure Loki was having all that much fun anymore. He was so tense, didn't really want to talk to anyone, and Steve had already upset him once. Now Loki was upset again and Steve wasn't entirely sure what he'd done. Things seemed okay again but all of a sudden they weren't. It was always like this with Loki but Steve didn't want it to be. It was exhausting and stressful and he could never tell if Loki was mad at him or something else.

He knew he'd pushed a little too far last night, got a little carried away. Loki didn't exactly strike him as being shy though. No matter what he'd always thrown this air of confidence around as if he had nothing to hide. One of his many masks apparently.

Regardless, Steve was trying to find a way to talk to him about it. Drawing things out with Loki never seemed like a good idea. Either he'd wave it off and easily change the subject or he'd ignore Steve for not bothering to bring it up. Already he was having war flashbacks from the incident at Thor's party. Although Loki was quick to forgive for that one…this time Steve was speculating about what was wrong, he didn't actually know.

The point was that he needed to find a time to talk to him. One where they couldn't be interrupted and Loki slip away like nothing was wrong.

Steve cleans off his plate and sets it in the dishwasher, slipping through the living room to head upstairs. The boys were on the floor with their new toys, already dressed for church. His mother catches his arm before he can escape up the stairs.

"Merry Christmas," she pecks his cheek, Steve giving her a small smile. "Did you have a good morning, love?"

"Yes, ma'am," Steve nods, tugging slightly. "Thank you very much-"

"Going to get ready?"

"Y-yes, ma'am."

She hums, rubbing his arm. "So…what's the plan with your—company?"

Steve furrows his brow. "What do you mean?"

"Well," she chuckles. "How is he getting home? Surely you're not driving the both of us, there's barely any room!"

"Mama…" Steve lowers his voice. "How did you think he was getting home? I assumed grandpa would be driving you back after New Year's-"

"Of course not." Steve winces at her tone. "Do you not want to spend the rest of the holiday with your family?"

"That's not what I'm saying, mama…Loki needs to get home for his own family and—well, I drove him here, I'm not going to just expect him to find a way back."

"They can't pick him up?" She crosses her arms, her lips drawing thin.

He sighs. "We'll—talk about it later. I have to go get ready for church."

Steve pulls away from her to hurry up the stairs. Not driving Loki home wasn't an option…hopefully his grandparents could talk some sense into her. He scratches the back of his head and reaches the bedroom, pausing when he hears Loki talking. The door was only partially closed.

"No, I'm doing alright."

Loki was sitting on the bed, his back to the door, obviously on the phone. Steve hesitates to knock. He bites his lip to keep from making any noise.

"I'll probably go out to eat tonight. There are a few places that stay open, I'll be okay. Yeah, maybe Chinese or something. The buffet is almost always open."

Steve furrows his brow. Whoever it was he hadn't told them where he was.

"Yeah, okay. Okay, Frigga, I'll see you then. No rush, I'm doing alright. Okay. Happy Christmas."

Loki sighs, running a hand through his hair and setting his phone aside. Steve hadn't expected Loki to tell Frigga he'd invited him to stay with his family. It would only raise suspicion and it wasn't fun to lie to Thor—even when Steve felt he needed to.

He knocks lightly on the door and pushes it open. Loki turns slightly and forces a smile, looking away.

"H-hey," Steve smiles.

"Hey."

"Was—was that Frigga?"

Loki nods.

"Are they having fun?"

"As much as they can, I suppose."

Steve hums, closing the door behind him. He steps further into the room. "So…should I drive you back tomorrow?"

"N-no, we can leave the day after," Loki shrugs. "Their plane won't land until evening."

"Okay."

He clears his throat. His fists clench and unclench by his sides. Steve just needed to get it over with. They needed to talk everything out or else one of them was going to explode.

"Listen, Loki-"

"Does this look alright?" Loki asks frantically, standing. Steve raises a brow, stepping closer. "I—I thought I'd packed pants but…we were rushing out the door and I must have grabbed one of my skirts instead…" He blushes lightly. "Does it—I mean—will your family mind? I know it's a little unorthodox…"

Steve looks him over, his heart skipping a beat. He loved Loki in skirts. He didn't know why but they just looked—good. It was floor length and black, no slits or fancy frills or designs, just black. It was very—well—Loki. And the sweater he was wearing was—Steve blushes. It was green. The collar was cut so that it showed off his shoulders and it came down to hug the swell of his hips. It was the same sweater he was wearing when they made out against Loki's front door. Steve felt like his face was going to burn off.

Loki flushes, covering his face and looking away. "It's—it's bad, right? Would they mind if I wore jeans? I mean…I don't go to church very often, I don't know what I should-"

"No, it's-" Steve touches his arm gently, "-you look amazing." Loki glances down at where Steve had touched him, Steve quickly withdrawing his arm. He mumbles an apology. "Sorry…"

"Don't worry about it."

Steve furrows his brow. Loki pulls away from him, sitting back down on the bed. He'd definitely thrown him off, whether intentional or not. Steve's heart felt like it was going to soar though. Despite literally every other thing about Loki when he really made an effort he ended up being the only thing Steve could look at in a room. And honestly he didn't have to do much. Steve just wished Loki saw himself the way he did.

"You—you look-" he swallows the lump in his throat. "You really do look beautiful."

Loki's eyes flicker that way that makes Steve's heart melt, instantly disappearing. "Hmm."

Already he was shutting down. Steve takes a moment, mulling over what he wanted to say. He could barely remember what he was doing. "Listen…about last night…" he waits, expecting some kind of retort. "I obviously stepped over some kind of line and—I was hoping to talk about it." Loki's eyes glaze over, turning away. "Loki, I upset you. You know I don't like doing that I just want to make sure we're okay." Still nothing. "Are we?"

"…yes, Steve, we're fine."

Steve closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath. The only thing worse than not acknowledging it was blowing it off. "Loki-"

"It's fine, Steve, really…"

"Loki…" Steve lowers his voice, glancing at the door. "Can't we talk about this? Please?"

"Steve-"

"You always bottle everything up, Loki, and I don't want you to be mad at me, okay? If I did something wrong I just want you to tell me and we can work it out, you don't have to put on a happy face just for my sake-"

"Rogers, I said it was fine," Loki snaps.

A tone and his surname. Steve sighs. Why did Loki have to be so stubborn all the time? Why couldn't he just admit when something was wrong? It would save Steve the guilt. Steve pulls out his clothing for church and a towel, scowling when Loki pulls out a book, ignoring him completely.

"You know," Steve stops at the door. "I think we should leave tomorrow."

Loki doesn't look up from his book. "Fine by me."

Steve rolls his eyes and closes the door behind him. Stubborn, always stubborn. Thor was just as bad. It was no wonder they fought all the time. He pauses. Being mad at Loki wasn't helping anything. He shakes his head, making his way towards the shower.

Loki slips away from the party as soon as he finds an opening, retreating upstairs. He'd probably had to talk to more people tonight than he normally did in a month.

Steve, of course, was to blame for dragging him along to invade his family's Christmas. He wasn't really mad since the gesture was one that at the time had given him the addictive sort of feeling he had been getting with Steve…so in reality it was his own fault for falling for Steve's charms. Loki couldn't help it though. The feel-good-feeling he got with Steve felt a lot better than the crap he normally put in his body. And he paid money for that. Still…Loki was doing everything he could to keep thinking of Steve as a project and not his boyfriend or date or…anything else.

It was getting more difficult.

Still this all felt so weird. Watching Steve with people whom Loki had no opinion about was like giving him a fresh look at what Steve was like. Polite, funny, sarcastic, kind, empathetic—then there was Loki who…felt like he was nothing compared to what Steve deserved. What was it Steve saw in him again? He was interesting? Loki snorts. Everyone was interesting if people tried hard enough to find what exactly was interesting about them.

He sits down on the bed with a sigh. Things were so confusing… Yesterday Loki was mad because Steve had told his family they were friends, today he was mad because he didn't want whatever they were to mean anything more.

Last night was—Loki didn't know what it was. Frustratingly enough Romanoff was getting inside his head. She was starting to make sense though. What was going to happen when Steve wanted a little more than a quick hand-job in the parking lot? Loki knew the look he'd been giving him and it wasn't from the heat of the moment. Dry humping Loki's leg wasn't doing it for him anymore. Soon there was going to be more than just lustful feelings involved and Loki wasn't even sure how he felt right now.

All he knew was that he wasn't allowed to fall for him, liking him or not. Steve Rogers was not allowed inside his head. It was against the rules of the game.

"Uncle Ralph, did you see Loki come up here?"

"Yeah, I think I saw him go up a little while ago."

He sighs and sits back on the bed, turning the page to his book. With as many people as there were downstairs Loki was surprised Steve even realized he was gone. Though it would seem last night upset him as well.

"Knock, knock," Steve taps his knuckles on the door lightly, pushing it open the rest of the way. "There you are…not hiding are you?"

"Not at all."

"Here…I snuck you a wine cooler," he laughs lightly, handing Loki the bottle. Loki forces a smile. Steve chews his cheek and sits down on the edge of the bed. He clears his throat, Loki glancing at him. "Are you having a good time?"

"Mmhmm."

"Good, good," Steve twiddles his thumbs. "I just—I know you weren't exactly looking forward to all the people so—thank you."

Loki arches a brow. "Thank you? For what exactly?"

"For acting so civil. Everyone's just teasing because they like you…I wasn't sure if they were making you uncomfortable or not. And I know you don't personally care for my mother, especially since—well—it doesn't matter. Just—thank you."

"Your thanks is not needed but…you're welcome."

He shifts uncomfortably on the bed and looks around. Steve kept—pouting around him. Honestly it was starting to drive him a little crazy and normally he'd have to have been doing it for more than 12 hours. But looking at him stuttering and fumbling over his thoughts was somehow attractive. He liked that Steve thought so meticulously about what he wanted to say. Loki sighs and looks over the top of his book with a scowl.

"What is it, Rogers?"

Steve frowns. "I—I think we need to talk."

Loki turns his page and hums, "Not in the mood."

"Loki-" Steve places a hand on his book and lowers it. "You've been up and down this whole trip. I know you're uncomfortable, you're out of your comfort zone, and—I'm sure you're still a little raw from—our fight and—Natasha and everything…" Loki makes a face. "And I feel like normally I'd want to wait until we got home but this seems like a talk that can't wait…"

"I think it can," Loki snaps, raising his book back up to his face.

Steve sighs, placing his face in his hand. "Alright, maybe—maybe I can't wait to talk about this…" He reaches out and withdraws his hand, hesitating. "I made you uncomfortable, Loki, so you pretending like nothing is wrong is just making me more anxious about this."

"Nothing is wrong, Rogers," Loki shrugs, shooting a look at him. "You're the only one insisting that something is." He pops the cap off of his wine cooler and takes a swig.

"Because something is," Steve scowls. "You wouldn't be acting like this and avoiding everyone if you weren't upset."

"The only thing upsetting me right now is the fact that you came up here to bother me with this bullshit."

"Alright," Steve stands. He walks over to the door and closes it, crossing his arms to lean against it with a scowl. "You can either explain to me what the hell is wrong with you or we can both sit up here while you sulk until you're ready to tell me. Your choice."

Loki closes his book calmly and sets it aside. He finishes off his wine cooler, keenly aware of the way Steve was glaring at him from across the tiny room. "I'm not a child, and I don't appreciate being treated as such."

"Well, tough. Because this isn't something we're going to just skip out on talking about."

"And, pray, what would that be?"

Steve hesitates, furrowing his brow. "Loki, I'm not trying to embarrass you, okay? You don't need to get defensive, I just don't want to feel like I've done something to upset you. I hate when you're upset." He takes a deep breath, rolling his shoulders. "Last night—I'm guessing I got a little handsy? I don't know, you wouldn't tell me."

"That would be the accurate assumption."

"Loki, seriously," Steve sighs. "I'm not trying to embarrass you. It's just—you're the one that's so eager to initiate stuff like—that so I guess I was caught off guard when you freaked on me. I wasn't going to go any further than what we were doing I just—maybe I got a little carried away."

"Oh, maybe. Maybe you got carried away."

"Loki-"

"You know what, Rogers? I don't think I have to justify myself to you," Loki sneers. "Think what you want about me. You're the one constantly eyeballing me like seeing me naked is essential to your survival. Whether you find me eager or not as you feel me up to satisfy your fantasies about me fine but I don't exactly appreciate you calling me a slut."

"I didn't say anything like that!"

"Oh. So—what? You don't think about me as you please?"

"Well, I-" Steve turns red, his arms falling to his sides. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about you naked." Loki makes a face at him, Steve frowning. "Oh, like you don't? You aren't always conspicuous you know. I see the way you look at me too and I'm not stupid enough to believe you're just checking out what I'm wearing."

Loki's voice clogs in his throat. He crosses his arms and looks away. His eyes had flickered over Steve's body before realizing what he'd done.

He didn't need this right now. He'd finally stopped picturing Steve naked. That was a good thing. But it didn't mean the image didn't still pop up randomly. Loki wasn't even sure if he was supposed to tell him or not. Already having the image didn't leave much to the imagination about what other things would be like. What would happen if he did admit to it? What would Steve's reaction be? Would Steve be embarrassed? Upset?

Would he want to see him naked? He'd just said that he imagined it.

Loki runs his hands over his chest. He was too bony for anyone to like seeing him naked. Even for Steve. He was too pale and he bruised too easily. His arms and legs were lanky and his bones jutted out here and there. Most likely not what Steve fantasized. He was expecting True Blood and was getting Walking Dead. It wasn't exactly fair though since Steve was all muscle and healthy skin and—Loki flushes.

"What does it matter?" he sighs. "Can't we just be interested in one another and not do anything about it? You can stay in your bubble, I can stay in my bubble, and no touching has to be involved. I mean—what does it matter anyways right? According to your family downstairs we're just friends!"

Steve's face falls. "Babe…are you still thinking about that? I told you why I said that, I-"

"And I told you that I can tell when you're just telling me what I want to hear."

"Loki…"

"I'm confused enough as it is, Steve, first you say boyfriend, then you say friend, then you tell me I'm your boyfriend but they don't know that and I'm not even sure what you are to me," he laughs bitterly, raking his hands through his hair. "I don't know if it's because we're still fighting or if you're mad at me or I don't know! I freak out on you last night and now you want to talk about sex and you think I look attractive in this skirt and I just—I don't—my head's going to explode, Rogers…"

Loki watches as Steve hesitates, shifting uncomfortably where he was standing. He walks back over to him and sits down, reaching out to touch his arm. "Loki-"

"Don't!" Loki climbs off the bed and thrusts his arms out as a barrier. Steve sighs.

"They—they don't know, okay?"

"Yes, you've established that."

"No, I mean—they don't…know."

Steve makes a pained face and raises his eyebrows, Loki staring at him. He wasn't sure he understood this kind of word play. Steve watches him, obviously expecting something from the way his face contorts from pain to forced confusion in some manner.

"I give up, what are you trying to say?"

He groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. Steve runs his hands through his hair and then buries his face into them, mumbling incoherently. Loki sighs and climbs back onto the bed, crossing his legs. He leans forward when Steve mumbles again, frowning when he doesn't do it any louder than before.

"Rogers, just spit it out, I'm not exactly in the mood for this."

"I-" Steve stares down at his lap, chewing his lip obsessively. "My family doesn't…" Mumbles. "I'm…" Mumbles.

Loki hums. "Is this not something you wish to tell me? Otherwise you'll have to speak up."

"They don't know you're my boyfriend…"

"Yes, you said that."

"Because they don't know that I…like…boys." Loki lets out a sharp laugh. He covers his mouth and cackles, drawing his knees up to his chest to bury his face into them as he laughs. Steve makes a face at him. Loki holds up his hand for him to wait, attempting to catch his breath. He scoffs and pushes himself up. "I'm glad you think this is funny…"

Loki crawls after him and catches his arm, grinning. "Steve-" He pulls away, Loki settling himself on his stomach. "Steve, wait, don't be like that. It's not like it's a big deal. I just don't understand how you can sleep with multiple guys now and not have told anyone."

"My family is die hard Irish Catholic, okay?" Steve crosses his arms. "You think I don't want to? My mother would literally strangle me and then bring me back to life just so she doesn't have to work or leave the house to purchase her fucking booze." He laughs dryly. "Besides, I'm not gay. I'm bisexual. It's not like I just go out with guys, I've had a lot of girlfriends too. But trust me the minute I bring up the fact that I've dated a guy all hell will break loose and I don't want that. I don't want them instantly looking at me differently just because I like you or a girl or whoever!"

"Steve, it'll be okay-"

"Oh, sure. Because you had such a difficult time coming out to your family."

Loki's mask tightens over his features. "What makes you say I've told anyone?"

"B-but you-" Steve flushes, his small tantrum starting to subside. "Thor knows. I mean he—everyone knows. You slept with Stark, you guys—you went out for forever…"

"A few months is hardly forever," Loki snorts. "And when did I sleep with Stark?"

"What do you mean? You-" Loki arches a brow. "I mean you—it's common knowledge that you guys did, so I just assumed-"

"You beat me to that, Rogers."

Steve turns an even deeper shade of red. He sits down on the floor in front of the bed and sighs, crossing his legs. "I didn't know you guys were dating…" he mumbles. "I swear, if I'd known I would have never-"

Loki waves him off and sighs. "Don't worry about it. Stark was-" He pauses, catching himself. What was he doing? "It doesn't matter." For a second there Loki was about to get carried away being open with Steve. Which was definitely the last thing he wanted right now. He was still in a mix of anger and frustration and confusion. They sit in silence, Loki finding some amusement in what Steve had said. It wasn't often that Steve simply made assumptions about him. "So…who says I slept with Stark?"

"O-ohh, well, I—I uhh," Steve clears his throat, stumbling over his words. "It's just—umm…"

Loki grins at him. "Not listening to gossip are we, Steven?"

"You—never slept with Stark?"

"No, I'm…afraid to disappoint. Just a few drunken handjobs outside of Denny's."

Steve makes a face. "I'm…never taking you to Denny's."

"Not jealous," Loki smirks, "are we, Rogers?"

He forces out a laugh and flushes. "Well, I—I don't like the thought of anyone else…touching you…like that." Loki smiles lightly, resting his chin on his arms. Steve swallows the lump in his throat. "So…you and Tony…you never-? I mean…"

"I've never trusted anyone enough," Loki hums.

No, no, he wasn't allowed to dive any deeper than this. Steve was only permitted a thin layer. Wasn't he mad at Steve? He wasn't really mad, he just—he was confused. Which did make him slightly…irritable.

Loki narrows his eyes. "You're going to judge me for this now…are you?"

Steve's mouth hangs agape for a moment, stuttering over what he wanted to say."Wh-what? N-n-no! No, of course not. It's—it doesn't matter that you haven't done—had—uhh…sex…" he hesitates, shifting uncomfortably. "You—you don't think that actually matters to me…right?" Loki raises a brow. "Because it doesn't! Totally doesn't, I just—you know…I'm…glad to know. I guess…I just—you could've told me, I wouldn't have cared, honest."

"It's just not something I advertise. People are going to think whatever they want about me so it doesn't really matter, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm either a slut for sleeping with everyone or a prude for not doing anything at all. I'm viewed as the girl in a male on male relationship so I get pegged with the same bullshit as other girls. You, however, being the dominating alpha that you are, automatically become awesome and popular for sleeping with someone or you're pegged as a loser for not being able to bag anyone at all." Loki shrugs. "People automatically think I'm a slut because I come off as confident with the unfortunate side effect of having dated Stark. Not…saying people call you a slut…just that I dated someone who openly advertises the fact that he sleeps with everyone and everything."

"And…what are you afraid people are going to say about you because of me?"

Loki furrows his brow. Something about that question bothered him. He didn't like it. He knew what they would say. They'd say he was only trying to throw dirt on Steve's name, make him more like himself. He'd been prepared to embrace that but now—he wasn't sure. Loki sighs, sitting up onto his knees. "I'm hungry, let's go back downstairs."

He climbs off the bed, Steve standing quickly and catching his waist. The way he was frowning made Loki more uncomfortable. "Wait, wait, I didn't mean that, it was stupid, I shouldn't have-"

"It's nothing. I just—don't like this conversation anymore. I need something to eat."

Steve pulls him into a hug and rubs his back soothingly, humming. "I'm sorry…I should've known this whole—conversation would make you uncomfortable…"

"Does it bother you?" Steve furrows his brow, drawing back slightly to look at him. "You know…" Loki rolls his eyes. "The fact that I—that I've never done anything?"

He chuckles, running a hand over Loki's hair. "Baby, nothing and I repeat—nothing about stuff you have or haven't done in the past is going to bother me, okay? I think you're amazing and I'm sorry that I made you uncomfortable and that my family made you uncomfortable. But I like you for you. Nothing's going to change that." Steve kisses his hair and Loki hums, burying his face into his shoulder. He pauses, frowning. "Out of complete curiosity define…anything."

Loki pecks Steve's lips and laughs lightly, ignoring his last inquiry. "Listen…I'm not good at this mushy relationship safety talk kind of stuff…" he smiles, taking Steve's hand. "But I'm glad you are."

There's a small knock at the door, Steve and Loki drawing apart as it opens. Steve's grandmother pokes her head in and gives them a smile.

"I thought I heard you two up here…it's started snowing outside if you wanted to join us."

"Thanks, grandma," Steve smiles. "We'll be right down."

They stand in silence long after she disappears from the doorway.

Steve offers Loki his hand and Loki takes it, smiling and giving it a small squeeze. Loki follows him down the stairs, pulling on his coat and shoes as they step outside. Everyone else had already come out. The snow was falling fat and wet and had covered everything already to make it heavy and white. Steve's younger cousins were already trumping through it, squealing as they threw it at one another. Loki glances at Steve, Steve catching his eye and giving him a small smile.

Without looking around for cover as he had been doing Steve kisses him, Loki's heart thudding against his chest. Literally everyone in the yard could see them and anyone who opened the front door, Steve humming when Loki kisses him back, gripping his coat to pull him closer.

Loki yelps when Steve shoves snow down his coat as he pulls away and laughs, running into the yard, Loki picking some up and retaliating.

Things were complicated and frustrating. They were horrific and terrifying but they felt like nothing could go wrong. Loki liked Steve but at the same time he didn't like him. This was all supposed to be a crazy messed up way to mess with people's lives to distract from his own. He didn't want for things to go further but he didn't want to lose—well—Steve. Loki knew that relationships—no matter what kind—were messy and stressful and mostly pointless for someone as twisted as he was but he also knew that he was controlling and that if Steve lost interest before him things would only go downhill from there. He liked the way he felt with Steve. And knowing the kind of person he was…he knew he'd do whatever he could to keep something that made him feel a little better about himself.