Chapter Three
WARNING FOR SEXUAL CONTENT. SEE NOTE AT END OF CHAPTER.
Well, Some nights, I wish that this all would end
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win...
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
"Eriol!" Yukito greeted him gladly as soon as he opened the door. They'd just texted him a few minutes ago and he was waiting in the front room.
"Hey, buddy!" Eriol replied, holding out his arms as Yukito stepped forward.
"How are you?" Yukito asked as the two of them thumped each other on the back in a firm embrace. Touya didn't really do hugs, but he and Eriol shared a warm handshake. Yukito was happy all over again that things had ended up this way—between one thing and another (Ruby, his mind supplied) there had been a very strong chance they would not all be friends. But things had worked themselves out. "What have you been up to while we've been gone?"
"I'm great, everything's great. Just got my first article published in the Journal, so that was huge. They decided to funnel some more grant money my way. Obviously my boss gets all the credit, but we knew that. I'm going to force my students to read my article this semester so I can really fulfill the dream of being a pretentious asshole I always had." He finished with a cheesy smile, which told Yukito right away that Eriol was feeling rather self-conscious about the whole thing, so he hugged him again.
"Congratulations, I can't wait to read it!" Yukito said sincerely, but that was all he could do right now because there was a much more pressing situation. He pushed past Eriol and headed for the kitchen. "Where's Oscar? Did you take good care of him?"
"Thrown over for a houseplant, what is my life coming to?" Eriol said dramatically, but he was following Yukito. "Of course I did! You left me two pages of notes and a freaking pie graph, after all."
"Oscar deserves the best," Yukito said primly as he went to the window where Oscar was hung. He might be slightly obsessive about this, might be, but he liked living in denial.
"It's a plant, Yukito," Eriol said dryly.
"I can't hear you, I'm talking to Oscar, and it's rude to interrupt," Yukito shot back, already stroking his hand over the riotous leaves of his Hindu Rope plant. "I'm sorry I missed your growing season this year, I promise I'll take good care of you from now on . . ."
"Eriol, thank you again for keeping an eye on this place," Touya said, clapping him on the shoulder, apparently sticking by his stated policy of ignoring Yukito's relationship with Oscar as much as possible. "We appreciate it."
Eriol shrugged. "It's not any particular hardship to check your mail and turn the lights on and off, you know. I live like a mile from here."
"Fine, then thank you for not burning it down during some wild party. Did you end up letting that student of yours stay here?"
"No, actually, that worked itself out, she was able to move in with her sister. Thanks for being cool about it, though. It was nice to know this place was a possibility if we needed it."
"Yeah, sure. It's not like we were using it."
Touya sounded so nonchalant about it, Yukito thought with amusement, like he hadn't been the one who'd spent three days talking Touya into it. Eriol had mentioned over the phone that a girl in the class he was teaching was being abused by her boyfriend and didn't have anywhere to go. Yukito was the one who'd pointed out their apartment was unoccupied.
"You guys look tired," Eriol observed, then stuck his head into a cabinet and started moving pots and pans around.
"We are," Yukito said, leaning into Touya's side now that greetings had been properly exchanged with Oscar. "We are completely drained and have no plans to leave this house at all for at least a week."
"Well, I can get out of your hair, but I thought you'd want this." Eriol extricated himself from the cabinet and tossed a plastic bag to Touya.
Touya looked at the marijuana in his hands, then back at Eriol. "My man," he said with gravity. "You are, right now, this very minute, about to be venerated into sainthood. Yes. You have no idea how bad I need this."
"Consider it your welcome-home present," Eriol smirked. "Hey, I'll let you guys get settled back in, all right? Call me after your week of wild monkey sex and we'll hang out."
Eriol really knew them far too well, Yukito thought faintly, although his thoughts were mostly taken up with wild monkey sex. God, yes. It wasn't a proper homecoming until they'd re-christened every room. Every. Room. He was going to fuck his boyfriend over the washing machine in the laundry closet, yes.
"This is mostly a good plan, but you should stick around and help us smoke this," Touya said. "We're getting old or something, but we hardly ever smoke dope anymore. No way we'll go through all this by ourselves."
"Speak for yourself," Yukito muttered, plucking up the bag to protect it from Touya's apparent need to be a responsible adult. It was true that they rarely indulged, but their life was calling for serious indulgence today.
"What, right now?" Eriol said, startled.
"Absolutely," Touya said fervently. Yukito nodded his head in agreement.
Eriol let his concern show. "I knew you'd be tired and missing home, but you guys are making it seem like something happened. What's going on?"
"Oh, a lot of things," Yukito said glumly, digging into a rarely-used junk drawer and fishing out a handful of rolling paper. "The whole band's a mess right now."
They rolled in silence, then took it out to the tiny back porch to let the summer air absorb the smoke while they sat in crappy plastic chairs. Touya had wanted real furniture, but Yukito had argued against spending all the money when they had been headed out for a concert tour that had been extended twice after the Grammy appearance and wouldn't be around to use it. Maybe they could spruce this place up now that they were going to be here more often. He was not going to move to a new apartment right before going on a concert tour again, that was a lesson that didn't need repeating. They still had boxes to unpack, for pete's sake.
"Fai's been drinking like a fish," Touya informed Eriol, mumbling around the joint between his lips. "I love the guy, I really do, but I am not doing this again. If he's losing it, I'm out. I'm not going to be forced to watch my livelihood fall apart because somebody else can't go a day without drinking. I already did that once, you know?"
Eriol winced but said nothing, busy holding the lighter for Yukito.
"I think being home is going to help," Yukito said, leaning back triumphantly, taking a drag and blowing it out with a satisfied sigh. "Eriol, this is why we're friends," he said blissfully, closing his eyes. He felt his face twist as his doubts reasserted themselves. "I hope it helps, but I don't know. Subaru's the only one that Fai's really close to, and he's got enough problems of his own without trying to shoulder Fai's."
"Well . . ." Eriol said slowly. "You guys have been through this before, so maybe he'd listen to—"
"No," Touya said. "No, fuck no. I am so sick of trying to hold people together, okay? Three years ago, Fai was perfectly fine and I don't know what the fuck's gotten into him but it's not my responsibility."
Eriol was gaping at Touya. Yukito didn't look at him at all. He'd known a bit about how Touya was feeling, but the level of anger that he could see building up in his boyfriend had him more worried than anything else. When he pulled the joint away from his lips to blow out a cloud of smoke, he could see his fingers shaking a bit.
"Touya, that's . . . not like you."
"I don't care," he said fiercely. "Haven't I been through enough? I had to watch my best friend turn into an utter asshole and watch him throw away everything he cared about because he couldn't stay out of a bottle, and then I had to watch what it took for him to crawl his way back to a normal life after—after Syaoran—oh, and plus, let's not forget, I had to watch my baby sister go through months of physical therapy and years of mourning, I had to help and be there— I've had to be the strong one, all along. Didn't matter if I loved that kid like he was my own brother, didn't matter that it hurt me, it didn't matter that I lost out on some things I really wanted because Kurogane was pissing it away for me— no, I have to be the one who keeps it all together. I have to support them. I don't get a moment to just feel like fucking shit about all of it, because they need me."
Yukito stayed very quiet and kept his eyes on the concrete of the porch, willing Eriol to do the same.
"And I did, right?" Touya asked, suddenly sounding bewildered. "I tried so hard to be there for them." He sounded so unsure. Sounded alone. Small. Yukito's heart hurt for him so badly that he felt it physically, like some red throbbing in the corners of his vision. He longed to catch Touya up in his arms and hold him, but first he wanted to hear this. Touya had been gruff and distant for a while now. "I mean, I wanted to. My best friend, my little sister, obviously I wanted to . . . I . . . I hate whatever's happening to Fai, I really do. He's a really good guy, he's fucking amazingly talented, we never could have done any of this without him . . . I don't know why he's acting like this. I mean, I want to help, but I can't— I don't know. I can't do this again."
Eriol pointedly tried not to see the desperate sheen of tears in Touya's eyes. There weren't a lot of people who knew the whole story, but Eriol knew more than most. He stood up, flicking his butt into the ashtray that had clearly seen use a couple of times while they'd been touring. "I'm gonna go, guys," he said quietly. Thank you, Yukito thought with relief, but he still stayed quiet. Eriol laid a hand on Touya's shoulder. "Get some rest. Things will look up after you'd had a chance to relax. Ruby made lasagna for you guys, by the way, it's in the fridge. We went to the store and got a few groceries this morning so you don't have to worry about food for a couple of days. Call me if you want to hang out this weekend."
"Thanks," Touya forced out, head hanging low. "Sorry, man, I just—"
"Hey, it's nice to know you're just as human as we are," Eriol said lightly. "See you."
They could hear him walk through the house, and listened for the sound of the front door closing.
"Oh, baby, I'm sorry," Yukito said immediately, scooting closer and grabbing Touya's hand tightly. "We haven't talked about this enough, and I should have—"
"Yuki, it's okay. I don't really want to do this right now."
That hurt, hurt like a sharp stinging blow to the face. But this was Touya, and he'd never just hurt Yukito on purpose. He knew that. So he blew out a breath of frustration and held onto his hand. "I know that this is hard on you. It's just as hard on me, and the last thing I need is to have you not talking to me."
"I wasn't . . . I'm not trying to— you know I wouldn't— look, I'm sorry. These past couple of months have just gotten really rough, and I'm tired. I don't mind talking about this, just . . . Later? Please?"
"Okay," Yukito said, lifting Touya's hand and kissing his knuckles. If Touya couldn't do this today, then there was no reason to force him. Nagging at him would just be that—nagging. They'd been through too much for Yukito not to trust him now. "Just don't shut me out, that's all I'm asking. Come on, it's too hot out here, let's go inside. Are you hungry? Ruby's lasagna is just sitting in our fridge calling our names."
Touya chuckled as Yukito pulled him to his feet. "Of course you want food. You get the munchies worse than anybody I know. I mean, did you even finish a whole joint?"
"The lasagna is lonely, baby, don't be mean," he pouted, glad to feel the tension lightening. Their relationship had always been so perfect that even minor challenges felt like the end of the world to him. Realizing that Touya was willing to open up again made a thousand tiny twists of worry in Yukito's stomach unravel themselves all at once. Of course he was hungry; this was the first time his stomach hadn't been upset in weeks.
"You go ahead, I don't want any."
"What do you want?" Yukito asked quietly as they entered the kitchen. "If you just wanna watch t.v. all afternoon and be left alone, that's okay. Just tell me."
Touya splayed his hands on top of the small dining table beside the kitchen, leaning on them and watching Yukito walk past him. "Mmm," he hummed thoughtfully.
Yukito could feel Touya's eyes on him as he poked through the fridge to see what Eriol and Ruby had left them. Yukito had lost weight while they'd been on the road, and the jeans he was wearing were slipping low, exposing the jut of his hipbone as he used it to shut the fridge door. He hid his grin by ducking his head, knowing Touya was watching his every move, now. He bent down to grab a microwavable dish from the bottom cupboard, and exposed a slice of skin on his lower back, a dark grey design slashing down on either side of his spine and hinting at what else lay beneath his clothes. He went to the drawer for a serving spoon and idly reached his hand into his shirt to scratch at his stomach.
Touya hummed again. Yukito straightened up to look at him, and immediately stopped moving. Teasing him had worked only too well.
"You, uh, look like you might be hungry after all," he tried to joke. Then he swallowed, and Touya's eyes traced over the slight ripple of his throat. Hungry, yes, a hunger so dark and deep that Yukito just left the pasta abandoned on the counter and walked back to him. "So tell me what you want," he whispered.
Touya's hands were gliding over the surface of the table, long fingers tracing small grooves in the wood.
"You know the worst part of being on tour?" he asked, his voice thick. "I am so sick of crappy hotel rooms and parked cars and I'm tired of being quiet. Yuki—" One hand rose up, and grabbed the waistband of the loose jeans, yanking Yukito flush against his body. He was startled, but hardly discouraging, pressing their hips together. "I am going to fuck you over this table until one of you breaks."
Yukito's fingers dug into Touya's shoulders and his lips parted in a desperately caught breath. Yes, yes, please baby yes
"I am going—" he ducked his head and kissed Yukito's lips, flicking a tongue into the open space. "To make you." The other hand pressed against the small of Yukito's back, wriggling underneath the shirt and caressing his skin, and oh yes he needed that, needed that touch on his back so much his whole back felt like burning. "Scream." He bit down on Yukito's lip. Hard, so hard, Yukito wondered if he'd drawn blood—
Yukito groaned against Touya's mouth and dug his fingers into his hair, meeting his bite with a bruising kiss of his own. One tiny shimmy of his hips, and suddenly Touya's hand was the only thing holding Yukito's jeans up. He ground himself against Touya's leg.
"If it's all the same to you—" he gasped. "I'd rather move this to the bedroom. I need you to touch my wings."
"Yuki, I can't—" Touya said, his voice strangled.
"I need you," Yukito said through gritted teeth.
Touya sucked at Yukito's bottom lip, then let go of him. His jeans slumped to the floor, so he kicked them off before he could get tangled in them. During that moment of distraction, Touya bent down and lifted him, throwing Yukito over his shoulder and carrying him down the hall to their bedroom. With his stomach pressed so hard into Touya's shoulder, it was hard to breathe and not exactly comfortable.
"What are you, a caveman?" he asked in exasperation. "Ooomph!" he grunted when Touya tossed him onto the bed.
"Feeling like one," Touya growled, his hands fisted in Yukito's shirt. "This is in my way."
Yukito smiled wickedly and put his hands behind his head to allow Touya to unbutton it. But Touya was not in the mood. He grabbed the edges and pulled. Buttons tore away and the shirt fell open, and while Yukito could have protested his ruined shirt, he was too busy being nearly breathless with lust. His stomach was exposed to Touya, who traced two fingers from his sternum to the edge of his briefs. Yukito lifted his head to kiss him, but Touya planted a hand on his chest and shoved him back down.
"You said you needed me to touch your wings," he growled. Without warning, he flipped Yukito over to lay on his stomach, pulling him free of his shirt in the process. "I plan to do more than just touch."
Yukito splayed out his arms and laid still, heart pounding wildly with anticipation already. Touya slid one leg across Yukito's body, and carefully settled into a position straddling Yukito's hips. When the first fingertip touched the pinion of the first feather, Yukito shuddered from head to toe.
Touya set to work. If he wanted to do this right, it would take some time. The tattoo covered Yukito's entire back, the pair of wings beginning along the upper curve of his shoulders, and the last trailing feathers at the bottom were curved down his hips and licked over his rear end. When it had first been completed, Touya had been so enthralled that he'd forced Yukito to lie down on their bed and let him trace his fingers over every feather. When he'd finally allowed Yukito to get up and discovered that Yukito had come all over the sheets simply from the relentless touch on his sensitive skin, they found their favourite form of foreplay.
Touya hadn't had the time and privacy to do this for months. Even as desperate as he was to fuck, he enjoyed this just as much as Yukito did. He probably couldn't be gentle, but it seemed he planned to be thorough.
His fingers traced the coverts along Yukito's shoulders, moving in a rhythm outward, tracing just two feathers at a time. He slowly moved across his shoulders to their outer edges, where the first of the primary feathers began to appear. He paused to place a kiss on Yukito's spine where the wings joined, and Yukito groaned in contentment. He kept that up, fingers tracing further down along Yukito's ribcage and his mouth down his spine. Then he paused a moment, his breath hot on Yukito's back. The secondary feathers arced back toward the middle of his back, while the longer primaries continued lower. His tongue flicked out. Yukito moaned.
Touya used his tongue to trace along the feathers near his spine, while his fingers dug deep and slowly moved down his ribs. He nipped sharply at the place where the wings joined and Yukito rolled his hips and whimpered.
"That's enough," he gasped. "I'm ready for anything you want."
"No," Touya said firmly, and bit down a little too hard. Yukito's hands clutched at the sheets.
"Touya . . . I'm gonna . . ."
"Good," he chuckled softly, and kept going.
Fingers, teeth, tongue, lips, gliding downward all the time, little points of pain pricking throughout the deep massage into the muscles of his lower back— Hot breath damp against his spine and fingers that could fly over piano keys tracing lines over his waist— Lower and lower, all the time—
Touya met with the edge of Yukito's underwear. His hands strayed back up to Yukito's ribs, and Yukito felt Touya's hair brushing over his back as he turned his head to get the waistband in his teeth. Yukito was writhing, moaning, his erection straining underneath him and there was no way the underwear was going to come off that easily— Touya's tongue was already licking across the edge of the lowest feather, curving around his ass, fingers digging hard into Yukito's hip— he reached a hand underneath to free Yukito at last from the confines of his briefs—
"Touya!" he shrieked, and couldn't help it. He ground himself down and gasped desperately as he spilled himself onto Touya's hand.
"That's it, come for me," Touya said, raising himself up and muttering into his ear, pulling the skin of it into his mouth and nibbling at it.
"Unh," he sobbed, because he was already coming and Touya was relentless.
After he'd spent himself, he lay there bonelessly beneath Touya's weight, sweat dampening the pillow under his head and the mess under his groin beginning to get sticky. His muscles were loose and relaxed from Touya's fingers, he'd just had every inch of skin on his back worshipped, and he'd orgasmed. Time to sleep, definitely. He could shower later. He was already feeling drowsiness sucking him in . . .
Touya's fingers gripped into his hips and lifted him up. "Don't you dare," he growled. His hand slid under Yukito's neck, caressed the skin of his throat for a moment and he brought his lips down to kiss and suck fiercely at the hollow of Yukito's throat. "It's my turn."
[DELETED SCENE]
It was . . . An undetermined amount of time later, possibly three hours or possibly more, that Touya checked the text messages that had been trickling in.
One from Ruby: I put some ice cream in the freezer for you, gorgeous (Touya shuddered and deleted it, but didn't go marching into the kitchen to throw out the ice cream, so Yukitio considered that an improvement). One from Fai: House didn't burn down while we were gone, hooray! If I try to bother anybody about working in the studio in the next two weeks, you're allowed to murder me, and then another from Fai: That was Kamui and no murdering please, but I promise to leave you all alone for a while. (They both got a laugh out of that, and it was nice to be reminded that they weren't the only ones keeping an eye on Fai.) One from Sakura: ugggggh, Chiharu and Rika finally rented out my room, I told them to so it's fine, but now I gotta move back in with Dad for a while (Touya tried hard not to sound pleased by that, but Yukito thought he could have tried a little harder.)
"Oh, hey, Dad texted too," Touya said, nuzzling his face against Yukito's neck just to be a pain. Yukito whined at him. "He says we should come over and have a welcome-home dinner."
Yukito lifted his head as much as he could manage—almost got his face off the pillow—and groaned miserably before collapsing again.
"I'll tell him tomorrow," Touya said, grinning.
"Tell him next month, after I get out of traction in the hospital. Tell him I'm sorry I can't attend but his son dislocated my hips."
Touya nuzzled into his neck again. "It didn't sound like you were telling me to stop. I could have sworn I heard, 'yes, baby, please, please, more, so good, yes, oh oh oh it hurts oh god, no don't stop it hurts so good' . . . I think that was what you said. I mean, you were screaming it in my ear so I'm fairly sure, but I could be mistaken."
"Shut up before I kill you," Yukito muttered, hiding the flush in his cheeks by burrowing his face deeper into the pillow. Touya had just about fucked him straight through the mattress, so Yukito deserved to be left alone now. Or pampered. Touya should pick him up and carry him to the shower and feed him the ice cream in the freezer.
"Hey," Touya said, gruff and low and heartbreakingly honest, right beside his ear. "I love you, Yuki."
"I know," he sighed, turning his face so Touya could give him a small, sweet kiss. "You too, baby."
"I'm glad we're home."
"Yeah. My favourite thing is our nice big shower," he hinted.
Touya grinned and kissed his forehead. "I'll go turn it on and get the water hot." He swung himself out of bed, and nearly fell over, catching himself on the nightstand.
Yukito snickered.
"Shut up," Touya muttered. "Text Kurogane, would you? I want to make sure he got home okay."
"He's a big boy, Touya."
"Text him anyway," Touya said with exasperation. "My big-brother mode does not have an off switch. You know better. Besides, I don't want him to think he can start going weeks without talking to us again. He said yes to the tour, so he's stuck with us now."
Yukito sighed, but picked up Touya's phone. "I'm telling him this is against my will!" he hollered toward the bathroom. Tried to holler. His throat was feeling a little raw.
"Okay! Text Dad too, tell him and Sakura to come over and eat this lasagna with us tomorrow! Actually, tell Kurogane to come over, too. Don't tell him it's a family thing, you know he'll be an idiot and try not to come if he knows it's a family thing."
"Uh . . ."
"What?" Touya said, poking his head out of the bathroom.
"I think it's still on the counter. We might have to throw it away."
Touya's grin at that was way too smug. "Fine. Tell them it's burgers, then."
"Kurogane's going to say he's busy."
"Tough shit for Kurogane. You and I will go pick him up and drag him back here kicking and screaming, then."
And that, Yukito thought with a grin as he typed out the message on the phone, was an accurate summary of their entire relationship.
(twelve years ago)
"We have a new kid," Touya said, plunking himself down beside Yukito on the grass of the football field. They were both red-faced and still gasping from the wind sprints the track coach had been putting them through.
"We do?" Yukito asked in bewilderment, looking around.
"Not on the track team. In our class. You missed it because you were on that field trip today. He just moved here. He's still only fifteen, but he's huge. I thought he got held back a grade, but I guess he's just really tall. He doesn't talk much. I didn't even talk to him at all. The girls were all over him, and he panicked and ran off to hide in the library."
"Is he cute?" Yukito asked brightly.
"Not my type," Touya grimaced.
Yukito eyed him with a lopsided smirk. "He's my type, right?"
"How would I know?" Touya said, cheeks reddening again just when he'd started to cool down. "I don't know what your type is."
Touya had invited Yukito home after school the same day they'd met, and they'd spent all their free time together in the months since. They'd both figured out only a few weeks on that the other one was not interested in girls, but they'd been dancing around it. Neither of them had dated anybody before. Yukito was really, really cool and Touya hadn't really worked up the nerve to face possible rejection. He liked being friends with him too much to screw it up.
"Oh, you know, I like tall, dark, handsome men," Yukito said off-handedly. "Athletic, hopefully musical, I need a guy who I can play music with . . ."
Touya was red as a beet. "Uh, you, well, do you, when you say, I mean, do you think I, that is I think—"
"Dammit, I missed the whole thing?" a voice grumbled right over their heads.
They both tipped their heads back simultaneously. "Huh?"
"I wanted to join the track team, but the stupid librarian thought she had to train me how to use the whole system just because I couldn't find a book I needed. She wouldn't shut up, so now I missed practice."
The effect of the black-haired boy's scowl was somewhat lost when he towered so far above you that you could barely see it.
"Oh, hey, this is the new kid," Touya said, taking in a great, relieved gulp of air. "Sorry, I can't remember your name."
"It's Kurogane. Who're you?"
"Touya. I'm in your English class and your math class. This is Yukito. He was out today because he's a science nerd and they went on a field trip, but he's in those classes too."
"Oh. Hi. Nice to meet you, I guess."
"You can sit down," Touya said, drawing his legs in so Kurogane could sit facing them and they could stop looking up at him.
"Sure, I guess," he said, sinking down cross-legged into the grass.
"What kind of events do you do?" Yukito asked.
"Events?"
"For track," he clarified. "What races do you do?"
"Eh, I don't really run. I do shotput and javelin and long jump."
"Yeah, that makes sense," Touya smirked, looking at Kurogane's long legs.
"Ha ha, you're hilarious," Kurogane scowled.
"You probably get that a lot. Sorry."
"S'cool," he muttered.
"Do you play any other sports?" Yukito asked politely.
"Not really," Kurogane shrugged. "I'm not really a team player. I mostly just play guitar and stuff, but my mom— well, she wanted me to get out more, so she made me join track last year. I like it, so I wanted to try it here."
"You play guitar?" Yukito said, eyes lighting up. "Me, too!"
"Yeah?" Kurogane smiled crookedly.
Touya's heart dropped out of his chest to be consumed by his stomach. No, no, why now, just when things were starting to . . . ? Fuck this guy for showing up, seriously.
"Well, I play a little regular guitar. Mostly I'm a bass player," Yukito said off-handedly. "That's what I really like."
"That's cool," Kurogane said, his crooked smile making Touya's stomach squirm unbearably. This was the worst day of his life. Yukito looked all interested and he was all smiling and—
Should have said something if you were so interested, dumbass, Touya told himself, and gritted his teeth.
"I'm an idiot," Kurogane said abruptly, "because I'm trying to think of a way to sound less like a dork, but I just play a lot of electric guitar and I want to be in a rock band. There's no way to say that without sounding completely stupid, right? I want to be a rock star, me and every other teenager ever."
Yukito laughed, no he giggled, and just ugh.
Touya stood up abruptly. "I gotta get going. I gotta pick Sakura up from school."
Yukito stood up, too, causing Kurogane to stand up with them.
"Want me to walk with you?" Yukito said eagerly.
Why don't you walk home with Kurogane? he thought sourly. "Nah, it's okay. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Oh . . . Okay," Yukito said, looking strangely hurt.
"Heh. I gotta pick up my kid brother, so I'd better get going too," Kurogane said. "You guys are pretty cool, I guess. See you?"
"Yeah," Touya muttered.
"Hey, Touya, you should tell Kurogane you play, too!" Yukito said suddenly.
"You play guitar?"
"Ah, no, just . . . I took piano lessons when I was a kid, that's all. I mess around on the keyboard a lot. It's nothing."
"He's really, really good!" Yukito threw out.
"Not really," Touya muttered.
Fifteen minutes later, Sakura was holding his hand and chattering madly at him about her day at school. She was ten, and Touya couldn't remember ever having this much to talk about when he was in the fourth grade, but he let her talk. His baby sister was basically the cutest kid ever and he didn't mind.
"And we decided we're going to be best friends!" she said brightly.
He hadn't been paying attention. Whoops. "Huh? Who is?"
Sakura made a pouting face at him. "I was just telling you, Touya. The new boy, Syaoran. He's going to be my best friend, because he's really nice and we had a lot of fun in music class! That's him over there, see? That must be his big brother, he said his brother was coming to pick him up. He says Kurogane's the greatest brother in the world, but I told him you were, so we decided you're probably both the best—"
"Are you kidding," Touya muttered flatly, looking over at the tall boy. He had a hand on the shoulder of a small brown-haired boy, his face soft and fond as the little boy chattered at him. "Hey Kurogane!" he called out.
Kurogane saw him and sent him that sideways smile that was so ridiculous and how could Yukito even think that was worth smiling back . . .
"Heh. Guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other!" he called back. "Apparently they decided they're best friends!"
"Great," Touya muttered. "Whoopee."
"Next you'll be telling me your boyfriend's got a sibling in this class, too" Kurogane said, allowing Syaoran to pull him over to where his new best friend was, so they could be introduced. Sakura was tugging similarly on Touya.
"My what?" Touya said, and felt his face go hot and red.
"Yukito? He's . . . your boyfriend . . .? Oh, shit, I'm sorry, I'm totally sorry, I just thought you guys were, um, I thought you guys were flirting when I was walking over, but I'm a complete moron, never mind, shit, I—"
"I haven't asked him out yet," Touya blurted out, and felt a manic smile freeze on his face.
Kurogane seemed just as frozen for a moment, but then he laughed. "You should do it soon, you know, before he gets tired of waiting and asks you instead," he grinned.
This guy . . . He wasn't so bad. Maybe.
"See you around, Kurogane."
"Yeah."
"Bad news," Fai said, grimacing as he came into the room, slipping his cell phone into his pocket.
Subaru looked up from the computer. "What is it?"
Kamui was laying on his bed, drowsing through a nap, but he muttered into his pillow and rolled over.
"Forget not going to the studio for two weeks. Kyle asked to see you and me."
Subaru's face paled. "Do we have to?"
Fai shrugged irritably. "He's a douche bag, but at least he wants our input before he makes public statements on our behalf." Occasionally, he added mentally.
"Don't defend him," Kamui muttered, wiping at a spot of drool on the corner of his mouth. "Kyle is nothing but a human wasteland. He is the worst public relations manager in history."
"Well, he's the one we've got. Come on, I told him we'd come in today. Putting it off will just make it worse." He'd really rather be doing anything, anything in the world, than having a meeting with Kyle, but if he tried to do anything else today, this would just be hanging over his head spoiling it.
"I get why he needs to talk to Subaru," Kamui said, narrowing his eyes, "but what does he need from you?"
Fai's heart ached when Subaru just bowed his head quietly. None of the things that had happened to him had been his fault, but they'd happened all the same. There were a lot of reporters trying to get answers, climbing all over each other to be the one who got to talk to Subaru about it. For all the Kyle was the world's sleaziest pile of scum, at least he was standing between the public and Subaru. It helped that the police that night had fudged a bit on their report, so the public didn't know what Kurogane and Fuuma had done. That would have been a red flag about how serious the situation was, and they would have dug more deeply into the "stalker" instead of assuming he was just a random psycho fan.
"Fai?"
"Uh, I don't really know," Fai admitted. "He probably just wants to bitch me out about that Rolling Stone article. He prepped me for it and I wasn't supposed to let the guy open that whole can of worms about the lyrics."
"Really?" Kamui asked with more interest, sitting up and scrubbing his hands through his hair. "I'd have thought he'd want you to say something about it, instead of leaving it all up to him."
Fai didn't really want to get into it, so he just grimaced and shrugged.
"I'll be ready soon," Subaru said quietly, going to the closet and digging amongst his many, many shoes for the pair he wanted.
"I'm coming with you guys," Kamui said.
"Ah, are you sure that's a good idea?" Fai muttered. Kamui and Kyle in the same room was never a good idea, but he knew it was hopeless before the words were even out of his mouth.
"I am not letting Subaru deal with that asshole without me."
If Fai was being honest with himself, he was glad. Fai tried to act like a professional and make sure the band was taken seriously, so he usually had to keep himself in check. Kamui, being the younger and volatile member of the band, got away with a lot more. Kamui could probably call Kyle a giant fuckface without getting reprimanded by Okiura.
So the three of them set off, with Fai wondering if he ought to have informed Touya, Yukito, or Sakura about this. Well, none of them were being called on the carpet, so Fai wouldn't bother them while they were trying to settle in at home. He'd let them know if anything important happened.
They tread the familiar hallways of their recording studio, where Kyle kept his office, exchanging greetings with a few employees and stopping a moment to congratulate Hana when they saw her in the hallway. Her and Chikahito's single had debuted on the radio to a lot of positive feedback, and they were in the studio today working on the forthcoming album that would feature the single. They'd all met when Hana and Chikahito had played the opening set for a Paper Cranes concert here in Chicago at the beginning of the year. Fai thought the two of them were adorable.
The fun had to end at some point, and Fai tried to hold his head up and lead the other two into Kyle's office without making it look like they were slinking in to get punished like a trio of rowdy children. Kyle pulled a lot of weight around here because he'd worked for the studio for a long time, but he didn't technically have any authority over them and Fai wasn't planning on being bullied today.
"Hi, Kyle," he said brightly, not caring that he was interrupting a phone call. A secretary would have told them he was on the phone and held them in the outer office, but Kyle didn't have a secretary or assistant. He acted like it was because he didn't want one. He'd been in charge of public relations for the band since they'd gotten signed on two years ago, and in that time Fai had seen five different assistants come and go. The third one held the record, she'd made it a full month before quitting.
"Sit down," Kyle muttered, waving his hand in the direction of the empty chairs in front of his desk. Fai grabbed the one that belonged at the vacant assistant's desk and dragged it in.
"How've you been?" he asked brightly.
Kyle covered the mouthpiece of the phone and hissed "shut up a minute" and went back to his conversation. Subaru kicked Fai's ankle and gave him a disappointed look.
"Okay, yeah, I know," Fai muttered. If you didn't play nice with Kyle, he didn't play nice back. Nothing you could prove, nothing you could take to Okiura . . . But somehow after a concert there'd be a kid with a backstage pass asking about things they shouldn't know of.
They all sat there dully, none of them even listening to the phone conversation. They weren't the only group Kyle was in charge of, and this conversation seemed more like a personal call anyway. They were all tired and just sort of floating.
It was actually something of a surprise when Kyle suddenly started talking to them.
"Well, you may have your faults but at least you're punctual."
Now there was a promising lead-off.
"Do you have any idea how hellish the last few months have been around here?"
Fai resisted the urge to laugh, and found to his horror that the urge to cry was buried closely beneath it. Best to do neither. Just give him a poker face. Come on, Fai, poker face, you have one. Yes, the last few months had been plenty hellish, but he was pretty sure Kyle was talking about himself.
"Fai," Kyle said helplessly, spreading his hands out wide in supplication, "we talked about it. I don't stand in the way of your creativity, and you don't make it impossible for me to do my job."
"I'm sorry about the interview, okay? I'm sorry I didn't handle it the way we discussed. But you told me that my not saying anything was causing the situation to escalate and you were having a hard time handling it. I thought if I addressed it in a controlled environment, it would help."
"It was so sweet of you think about me," Kyle said sarcastically. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions, huh?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Fai snapped. "Hell" always made him a little jumpy, courtesy of Catholic grandparents who had been fond of telling him he was going there someday. Kamui also seemed to be bristling in his seat, although he was keeping quiet for now. Subaru was just staring at the desk with dull eyes.
"To make a long story short, you made it worse, Fai," Kyle snapped back. "I have been drowning in phone calls, and every message board on the internet has a flame war with your name on it. I have slutty fan girls who are certain you are straight and are just being open minded, and that makes you even more sexy. I have queer advocacy groups who are pissed off and boycotting your band because you make homosexuality seem shameful. I have a bunch of other rock bands and their fans who are trying to discredit the Cranes as musicians because they can't come right out and say how awkward they would feel if their main competitor was a huge fag. Do you get it now?"
Fai slumped in his seat, feeling like a scolded child in spite of himself. He really had opened a can of worms, whether he'd wanted to or not. Just because Kyle was a jerk didn't mean he was stupid, and he was trying to do a job that Fai had just made a lot more stressful.
"Sorry for thinking it's my own damn business," he muttered, feeling petty for saying it but unable to stop himself from saying it all the same.
Kyle laughed, because he was an asshole. "You wanted to be a rockstar, Fai. You wanted to be a celebrity. Well, now you are. And nothing is your own damn business anymore."
Kamui's hair all but stood on end. "That's bullshit," he said. "I don't care how famous we get or whatever. If we can't have some kind of privacy, count me out. I quit."
Kyle actually seemed to soften a bit, looking at Subaru, who was still just staring at the top of Kyle's desk.
"Settle down," he said mildly. "Obviously I'm doing my best, and let's be honest, my best is pretty damn good. You cancelled three shows, you guys. Three shows, so Subaru could go to the court sentencing. And the public is completely convinced that it was all because Fai was down with the flu."
"Thank you," Subaru suddenly spoke up. "For everything you did for me."
Kyle was quiet for a moment. "Well, I did my best." His face went sour. "It would have helped if I'd had all the information a little sooner, you know."
Subaru finally looked up and met Kyle's eyes. "I'm sorry."
"I mean, you didn't think I should know that the guy had been stalking you for a year before I started trying to make a statement about his arrest?"
Kyle hadn't been at the sentencing, had only spoken to Subaru's lawyer for maybe five minutes. He didn't even know. A year? Try five years. Five years that Subaru had been living in silent terror of the man who was finally, at last, in prison.
"I just didn't want to make trouble for anybody," Subaru whispered. "I didn't want them to have to worry about me."
"You didn't want to make trouble?" Kyle repeated incredulously. "You're not that dumb, are you? It didn't occur to you that keeping it a secret was going to make a lot more trouble than telling the truth? Or is the truth that you liked the attention? Because let's face it, if your goal was not making trouble the thing to do would have been to just let him have his way and shut up about it."
Fai leapt to his feet. He was so angry and his heart was pounding so hard that he couldn't even get his words out of his throat. He choked desperately on them.
He needn't have bothered. Kamui had already launched himself over the desk.
"You cocksucking bastard!" he screamed, sending papers flying. The sound of his fist connecting with Kyle's cheek was a peculiar, hollow thunk that was lost beneath Kyle's surprised yelp and the clatter of his chair falling over. The two of them went sprawling over the floor, with Kamui sitting right on top of Kyle and pinning him to the floor. The first punch was rapidly followed by several more. "What are you trying to say, huh?" he said hysterically. "You goddamn creep! You trying to say this was his fault? I will fucking shove your head so far up your ass that you'll see your own fucking lungs, you bastard!"
Fai should . . . He should really try to stop Kamui from doing this. He should. Kamui was going to seriously hurt the guy.
Subaru had rounded the desk and was tugging rather ineffectually at his brother. "Kamui, don't," he begged. He wasn't trying very hard, Fai noticed.
Kamui's knuckles were split open and so was Kyle's cheek. There was blood starting to get everywhere. Fai finally shook off his anger and shock and forced himself to walk around the desk. Kyle managed to throw up a hand in front of his face to try to ward off any more punches. Kamui snarled and bit his hand.
Kamui bit him.
Fai finally got his hands under Kamui's arms and dragged him away as hard as he could. Kamui was still shouting, and he struggled to get free of Fai's hold.
"Kamui, that's enough, stop," Fai said. "You're going to put him in the hospital if you don't stop."
Kamui snarled.
"That's enough," Fai said sternly.
Kamui stopped fighting him. He drew in a few ragged breaths, and blinked at the blood on his hands. He straightened up, pulling away from Fai, and turned to look at Subaru. Subaru was just standing there, looking down at Kyle, his face pulled tight with emotion but his eyes dry and blank. He rubbed his hand over his arm as though he were cold.
"Subaru?" Kamui asked hoarsely.
Subaru shook his head slowly.
"Come on," Kamui said gently, reaching out his torn hand. "Let's get out of here, okay?"
Subaru shuddered, then seemed to finally realize that Kamui had hurt himself in the process of hurting Kyle. He reached out his arms and hugged him.
"Are you okay?" he murmured.
"What kind of stupid question is that?" Kamui demanded. "I'm fine. You're the one— yeah, I'm fine."
"Let's go find a first aid kit," Subaru said more firmly. "I need to wash your hands and get these bandaged."
Kamui almost protested, but instead he bowed his shoulders and allowed Subaru to steer him out of the room. "You don't have to," he muttered. "I'm totally fine."
Fai let them go off on their own. They needed a couple of minutes alone, and there was still a guy laying on the floor bleeding. He offered his hand to Kyle and hauled him to his feet. He didn't try to stop his snickering. Kyle's left eye was red on its way to purple, his face was streaked with blood from his cheek and his nose, and Kamui had actually bit hard enough that his hand was swelling up and bruising.
"Well, you're a mess," Fai said cheerfully. "You should probably go clean that up."
"I'm going to urgent care," Kyle muttered, wincing and pressing his good hand to his jaw. "That kid is a rabid psycho. He assaulted me. I'm pressing charges."
He strode out of his office down the hall, and Fai followed him, snorting in derision.
"No, you aren't. You really want anybody to find out what you just said?"
Kyle glared at him, but didn't argue the point any further. He could tell that Fai was not kidding. If he tried to have Kamui arrested for assault, Fai was going to tell every fan The Paper Cranes had that their PR agent thought rape victims were asking for it. He would never find a job again.
Fai waved at Okiura as he saw the studio head striding their way. "Good afternoon, sir!"
"What the hell happened? I just saw the boys head for the bathroom looking like they had been in a— oh, for fuck's sake, Kyle," he cut himself off as he got close enough. He sounded disgusted. "What did you say this time?"
Kyle sneered. Well, he tried to sneer, but his mouth was in too much pain to pull it off. "I was just trying to make a point," he muttered.
"Yes, well, sadly the road to hell is paved with good intentions," Fai said sweetly. "Also, you're fired."
"You can't fire me, idiot."
"No, Fai, you can't. What did he say?"
Fai told him.
Okiura stared at Kyle in disbelief. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Sir, I was just trying to say—"
"Oh, shut up, Kyle. You're fired."
(four years, eight months ago)
"Yeah, what's up?" Kamui responded to the knock.
Fai opened the door only a crack, just in case that wasn't a "you can come in" type of "what's up." When no shrieking about being naked or busy ensued, he pushed it open a little further.
"You guys doing okay?" he inquired mildly.
"We're fine," Kamui said, sounding mystified that he'd ask. Kamui was sitting on the edge of his bed plucking at a guitar and watching a show on the crappy little 13 inch t.v. that sat atop a bookshelf they'd shoved into the corner. Subaru was on his own bed, asleep, although his guitar was leaning against the foot of the bed, suggesting that he'd been playing with Kamui earlier.
"I just wanted to make sure you were settling in okay," Fai continued, sliding fully into the room and taking in the posters they'd hung on the walls. There were a few articles of laundry scattered on the floor and a couple of books were piled beside Kamui's bed. Well, at least they seemed comfortable with their own roomm.
"Yeah, we're fine," Kamui repeated, looking confused and defensive.
"That's good." Fai smiled to soften the blow. "You're allowed to leave the bedroom, you know."
Kamui narrowed his eyes. "We know."
Subaru snuffled in his sleep and rolled over. Maybe they were being too loud. Best not to wake him, the two of them had come back to the house really late last night. Later than Fai had, and he'd closed the bar. Which was a little concerning, because there was no place these two should have been playing that would keep teenagers occupied till four in the morning. But hey, they were teenagers after all. Fai was pretty sure his mother had climbed up the walls with anxiety over some of his antics in high school.
"We don't want to bother you," Kamui added with less certainty, then ducked his head over his guitar and started playing something that apparently required concentration.
"It wouldn't bother me," Fai said carefully, "if you guys wanted to treat this more like your own house."
Fai hadn't really wanted roommates, despite how much he was struggling to pay the bills. He was just trying to cope with losing Mom while somehow getting through his final year of school. He didn't want any intrusions. But these two, they were different. They weren't just people who were helping pay the bills.
"Sorry, just daydreaming," Doumeki said, shaking it off and returning to helping Fai search the sheet music selection for the book he wanted. But the frown lingered on his face.
"What's going on?" Fai asked. Doumeki wasn't the type to worry unnecessarily, so obviously there was something big on his mind.
"Ah, nothing, it's just these two kids I met yesterday," he said. "They came in for some new guitar strings and I got to talking with them."
Doumeki often got customers to talk about way more than they normally would with a stranger. It was something about his lack of reaction that made you feel like your problems weren't so bad. He was really accepting of other people's quirks, too. Never made you feel stupid. It was a good trait to have, working in a music store. The customers tended to be a grab bag of crazies.
"Something about them has you worried?"
"Yeah. They just seemed like they needed help."
"Help?"
"They said they came here from Florida just by pointing at a map with their eyes closed. They had a place to stay for a while, but they've been sleeping out of their car the last couple of nights. They're trying to find work playing music, but they keep having to lie about their age to land gigs. They're just kids, man. Seventeen. They should still be in high school. Said they dropped out, but didn't say why. Didn't have to, really. You can tell when someone's running away from home."
"Siblings?"
"Say they're twins, actually. Don't look alike, but they're the same age, so I guess. I was just trying to think if I knew any place for them to stay. They seemed like good kids."
Another funny thing about Doumeki. He couldn't be that much older than Fai—somewhere in his early twenties, for sure—but he was what you'd call an old soul. Lived life at his own pace and didn't worry about the things that seemed to bother most people. He always talked about people in college or high school as kids.
"Don't you have an extra room in your place right now?" Fai asked, remembering that Doumeki's last roommate had moved out recently. Fai shopped at Guitar World frequently enough that he and Doumeki tended to chat about these things.
"Yeah, but . . ." Doumeki trailed off, seeming to consider whether or not he should say anything. "I might be giving the place up. My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in together."
"I didn't know you had a boyfriend," Fai said in surprise.
"Uh, it's never been a big thing, but yeah, I guess I do. I met him here. He was . . . A customer. Then he got into the training program I'm in, so we were hanging out all the time, and it just kinda . . . Well, it's an open relationship, we're pretty chill about it. But we've been thinking we might get a place together to save money. But I don't know. If we decide not to do it, I might ask these kids if they want to stay at my place."
"I want to meet them," Fai said, surprising himself even more than he surprised Doumeki. Had he seriously just said that? No, absolutely not, his life did not need any more complications right now . . . But for some reason, the thought of two teenagers running away from home and desperately trying to make it as musicians struck him. Shades of a made-for-tv movie aside, he honestly was curious about why they'd captured Doumeki's attention so quickly. That, and let's face it: the funeral bills were just sitting on top of a stack of hospital bills, and the bar did not pay him nearly enough to make a dent in it.
He hadn't expected them, even still. The sad-eyed, soft-spoken one who walked around with his shoulders taut like he was waiting to be hurt, and the fierce one with the swagger who didn't seem to know how obvious he was. The chip on his shoulder was just his way of distracting and deflecting you from noticing that he was standing between you and his twin, in every way possible. His anger was so completely obviously a mask for pain that he had to know everyone could see it, and yet he kept fighting like he didn't know what else to do. It was heartbreaking. It was the polite, quiet twin that made Fai say yes, though. He was so strangely composed. Like he knew you would hurt him, but he wouldn't let that stop him from being kind to you anyway. It made Fai feel almost as desperate to look out for him as his brother.
Three weeks later, the twins had yet to loosen up and show any signs that they felt comfortable here. If you didn't count the guitar practice at all hours of the day and night (which didn't bother him at all, it was nice to be around other musicians again) then it was like living with a pair of polite ghosts. Occasionally he'd find traces that they'd been in the kitchen—empty takeout containers in the trash, a couple of cooking pans in the dishwasher—but they hardly ever emerged from their bedroom, preferring to simply haunt the house with music.
"Great," Kamui said after a long silence. "Thanks."
He still didn't seem to understand what Fai meant, but maybe Fai wasn't giving him enough credit. He was smiling a little when Fai closed the door and left them alone.
Writing up and signing the impromptu lease was still the longest conversation they'd had thus far. Fai had boldly asked them why they'd left school and come here. Subaru had been the one who looked like he was going to cry when Kamui answered, "My girlfriend dumped me for another guy. I just wanted to get out of there." Fai remained unconvinced that Kamui had been telling the truth, but it was hardly his business.
Fai decided to make a batch of his mom's famous lingonberry scones. Maybe the way to a teenaged boy's heart really was through his stomach. And even if it didn't make them open up anymore, feeding them was good. He hadn't seen them eat much yet and he was worried that they didn't have enough money for food. He'd tried not to take their first rent payment and said he could wait until they had some money put aside, but Kamui had nearly bitten his head off, so he'd just taken the cash.
He got out all the ingredients, and suddenly realized he'd used up the last of her stash of dried lingonberries to make the scones he'd brought her when she'd been in the hospital. He'd never gone out for more, because there hadn't been a reason. He poked around the pantry, hoping for some other type of dried fruit. Maybe he had some cranberries?
"Can I help with anything?"
He spooked when the soft voice came suddenly behind him, hitting his head on the pantry shelf and whirling around with his eyes smarting with tears.
Subaru skittered halfway across the kitchen. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It's fine," Fai groaned, rubbing the top of his head and checking for lumps.
"I'm sorry," Subaru whispered.
"Hey, it's totally okay. You just startled me, that's all. I'm fine." Fai smiled at him as best he could through the lingering pain. "Except that I can't find any dried cranberries. That is really my big concern right now."
Subaru brightened. "There's some in the cupboard over here." He reached into the cupboard where Mom had stored all her jars of spices, and pulled out a bag. "Oh, it's blueberries, sorry."
"That will work just fine," Fai said, reaching out to take them. "What were they doing over there? Anyway, if you want to help, that would be nice. These need to soak in some warm water to plump them up a bit, if you could get out a bowl to put them in."
Subaru nodded and found a plastic bowl, going to the sink to run the water to get it warm. "What are you making?"
"Scones."
"Are you taking them to work?"
"They're for us," Fai grinned.
"Us?"
Fai kept grinning so Subaru wouldn't see how sad Fai found it that he actually asked that. "You, me, your brother. I occasionally like to bake. It's nice to have someone living here that will eat it so it doesn't go to waste."
"Oh," Subaru said, and blushed.
They worked in near-silence for a few minutes, broken only by Fai asking for another ingredient to be passed to him from the cupboard where Subaru was standing, watching the berries slowly swelling up in the bowl of water.
"Kamui wasn't lying," Subaru said suddenly. "His girlfriend really did leave him for somebody else."
Fai grimaced in sympathy. "That really sucks."
"It isn't why we left."
"I know."
Suddenly, Subaru was backing away, eyes fearful. "How do you know?" he asked, gasping in panic.
"Oh, god, no wait, Subaru. I don't know why you left. I could just tell that Kamui getting dumped wasn't the real reason. Okay? I don't know anything. It's okay. I'm sorry."
Subaru tried to steady himself. "Oh. Right."
"Hey, it's fine," Fai said. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
"But I do want to," Subaru said, and bit his lip. "Kamui doesn't want me to tell you. He thinks we should just tell everyone it's because Kotori dumped him. But I . . . you've been really nice to us. I didn't— if anything does happen, I don't want anything to happen to you. I just want to tell you, and then if you don't want us to stay here anymore . . . That's why Kamui doesn't want me to tell you, really. He's afraid you'll kick us out, and he really likes it here."
Fai abandoned the dough he was mixing, turning around and dusting the flour from his hands. "I can't promise you what I will or won't do, because I don't know what the situation is. But I can promise you that I'll think about it before I make any kind of decision. I like having you here. Is that fair?"
Subaru nodded.
"Okay. Go ahead. I'm listening."
Subaru chewed at his lip, then finally spoke. "My biology teacher was stalking me," he said at last.
That was not even close to what Fai had been expecting. He barely managed to hang on to his resolution to be quiet and let Subaru speak.
"He was— he was really creepy. He just, he would always ask me to stay after class. He said I was really bright and he had a lot to teach me. We'd just talk about, about a lot of stuff. But he got really possessive. And he was— it wasn't appropriate. He would lock the door just to talk to me. And then he didn't want to just talk anymore. He—" Subaru's voice trembled but he was taking huge deep breaths to try to control it. "He would, you know, t-t-touch me and stuff. I didn't want him to, I always asked him to stop, but he. Um. He used to threaten me. He would say he'd hurt Kamui, and he'd mess with my grades. I didn't know what to do," Subaru whispered, wiping tears from his cheeks.
"Why didn't you tell an adult?" Fai asked, dumbfounded.
"I did," Subaru said raggedly. "I told the vice principal and I told our parents, but they didn't listen. They thought I was lying because my grades were getting worse and they thought I was making up excuses, and Seishirou was this, this upstanding citizen and dedicated teacher, and just nobody listened and I was scared, and Kamui— Kamui said we needed to go before it got any worse. So we just, we just left."
"That's when you came here?"
"Yeah. I thought . . . I don't think he'd ever try to look for me or anything. And I don't think he could find me here anyway. I just thought, in case I'm wrong, I thought you should know. I don't want you to get dragged into it if anything . . ."
Fai still had flour on his hands, but that didn't seem important right now. He crossed the kitchen and grabbed Subaru into a tight hug. Subaru squeaked in surprise, but Fai refused to let go.
"Thank you for telling me," Fai said gently. "It means a lot to me to have your trust. I know I promised to think about it, but fuck that. I don't need to think about it. You are welcome here for as long as you want to stay, and I am not even remotely worried about your sick fuck of a biology teacher. If he ever did show up here, I'd hold him down so Kamui could kick his ass. Okay?"
Subaru let out a small, choked sound, and a sudden blossoming of wet warmth on Fai's chest told him the kid had started crying. He wanted to move them into the living room and sit down on the couch, but he was afraid Subaru would retreat if he did that. So he just stood still and held on and tried not to think about the bowl of dough that was going bad on the counter. Subaru obviously needed this more than he needed scones anyway.
"I didn't do much, just dusted and vacuumed a bit. Your friends dropped off your things from the apartment yesterday, so I just put all of it in the closet so it wouldn't be too cluttered up."
"Thanks, Dad," Sakura said, still leaning against him and feeling his arm around her. She hadn't moved from his side since she'd walked through the front door, even as he'd tried and failed to talk her into eating lunch and escorted back to her old bedroom. She hadn't even moved half of her things to begin with, so she didn't need most of the stuff from the apartment right away. It could wait until tomorrow.
"Are you upset about this?" Dad asked, squeezing her shoulders.
She shook her head. "Not really. I told them to do this, since I didn't know when I'd be back."
"Still, kind of a drag to move back in with your old man, isn't it?" he chuckled.
Sakura pressed herself even closer. "I missed you, Daddy," she said simply. Maybe it was a little sad, she'd moved out two years ago and gotten an apartment with some of her old friends from high school, and coming back home when she was twenty one and a rock star (yep: that was still weird to think about) was going to take some adjusting. But she could be honest with herself and admit she wouldn't find it so hard. They'd been on the road since January, and she'd barely seen Dad this entire year. This would be nice, at least for a while.
"Do you want me to leave you alone so you can rest?" he asked, sympathy in his voice.
"Mmm. Yeah. Thank you."
"Of course," he said, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "If you wake up in time for dinner, I'll have the boys come over. I've missed family dinner."
"We did, too, all of us."
Dad looked hopeful at that. "Is Kurogane . . .?"
"He's a lot better. It's not like it used to be, him and Touya aren't attached at the hip again or anything, but . . . He hung out with us a lot, while we were traveling. I think he finally figured out we want him with us, even if he doesn't get up on stage."
"So he'd actually come if I told him to come over?" Dad asked eagerly.
"I think so," Sakura grinned, her own happiness tripled at seeing how happy it made Dad. "But maybe hold off and don't do it today. I know you're really excited to have us all home again, but let's wait until we all get a chance to relax."
"You can relax here," Dad pouted, but he kissed her forehead again. "I can take a hint. I'll let you nap. Did I tell you I like your hair?"
Sakura rolled her eyes. "No, but thank you."
"Love you, sweetheart," he murmured as she closed the door on him.
She just leaned on the door for a moment, gathering herself. Her hip was aching fiercely. It didn't normally, but then normally she wore special shoes unless she was onstage. Her boots looked kickass, but they existed for function: one of the soles was much thicker than the other, because one of her legs was shorter than the other. She'd been dumb and not worn them, assuming since they were sitting on the bus most of two days that she'd be fine with regular shoes. She'd been wrong.
She'd been hiding it from Dad so he wouldn't worry, but now she hobbled across the room to the bed and considered running a bath to soak some of the pain away. Instead, she flopped backward to lay down. On her way down, she grabbed the framed photograph she kept on the nightstand.
"Hey, you," she said quietly. "What do you think? You like the hair? I knew you would."
A pair of warm brown eyes twinkled out of the photo at her. She wasn't a crazy person or anything, it wasn't as though she thought Syaoran was listening. But sometimes she liked talking to him anyway. She'd gotten so used to sharing everything with him when he was here, that it was hard to break the habit after he was gone.
"I told Kurogane, sort of," she said, rolling over onto her side and setting the photo next to her head on the pillow. "I mean, I didn't exactly tell him, tell him. But I told him I'd been checking out one of the women from his crew. I don't know why I'm so scared to tell my dad—I mean, it's Dad—but I haven't said anything to him or Touya yet. I don't know why I thought it would be easier to start with your brother, but I did. But anyway, he was really chill about it. I feel a little better about coming out now."
Syaoran's eyes, frozen in time these past six years, still somehow seemed to be mocking her. Okay, maybe she was a bit crazy.
"I never could figure out what it was about you," she whispered. "I've tried to figure it out, because I haven't looked at a guy since. I mean, was I always supposed to like girls, and you were just that special? I don't think I would have been able to deal with it, except you were so cool about it."
"You're my best friend, Sakura," he said earnestly, holding her hand tightly. "I love you no matter what. If you want to stay with me, I'll be the luckiest guy ever. But if you can't, then I'd still be your friend. I want you to be happy, more than anything."
She cried with relief, and leaned in to kiss him. "I'm happy with you, I'm always happy with you."
"I still miss you so bad," she whispered, touching the glass with a fingertip. "You'd love all of this, the tour and the tshirts and the screaming fans. I don't get why things happened this way. I keep thinking it should be you up there with us, you and Kurogane, but if you were then we wouldn't have Fai or Kamui or Subaru, and I love those guys, I wouldn't want to lose them. I don't know why I had to lose my best friend to get all of this. It isn't fair. It's not even—Kurogane needed you, he needed you so much more than any of us needed to be in this band. I'd give it all back if it meant Kurogane could have you back. I know I can't do that and that's why this is so unfair."
She sighed, and put Syaoran's photo back on the nightstand.
"But I said I'd work hard and I'd make you proud. So I'm trying."
She closed her eyes, letting drowsiness take her.
"Hope the others are settling in okay," she mumbled before she drifted off. "We could all use a day off."
Author's Note:
You really should be visiting my Dreamwidth account for regular notes and extras about this story, including song lyrics, album cover art, and clothing designs. :D The other thing you will find at my DW account is the announcements I will be making when my COAUTHOR WHO IS AMAZING starts filling in the "deleted scenes" with, uh, MATURE CONTENT. If you would like to be part of these delightful shenanigans, my username there is farenmaddox and it's dreamwidth dot org