My one review said that everyone was so fabulously gay.
Trust me, my friend, you ain't seen nothing yet.
Hanji stared at the five boys like they were pieces of meat, licking her lips so slightly at the sight. Mikasa could have sat in the corner for hours without speaking, and Hanji would have never noticed her. She pushed the glasses up tighter towards her nose, hoping to see them more clearly. "The lab should be ready any moment. We can begin our experiments, but the technicians are still prepping it as we speak." She looked towards the door of the room off to the side that led to the lab. There was a glass panel in the current room that showed the recording studio beyond. She'd also taken the liberty of installing some two way mirrors in the other rooms, but the boys didn't have to know about those. Through it Eren could see many men in clinical white suits setting up microphone stands and connecting up electrical equipment.
"Uh, experiments?" asked Connie. "Aren't we just going to be singing?"
Hanji twitched and rapidly stood from her chair. "JUST SINGING?! We aren't going to be just singing. We are going to be making the sexiest music known to man! Subsequently, there are several rules that you must comply with at all times while in the recording studio. I drew them up with Erwin's permission. With these rules in place, we believe we will be able to maximise sexiness." She snatched up a clipboard from the floor, and thrust the rules forward to the group of mystified boys and nonplussed Mikasa.
The rules of recording read thus:
1. No shirts, of any kind, shall be allowed inside the recording studio. This is non negotiable, and exceptions will not be made.
2. If an entrant desires not to wear pants, that will also be tolerated - if not encouraged.
3. Baggy and unflattering clothing is strictly prohibited.
4. If there's a fire in the building, keep performing. It will just make things hotter.
5. Hanji Zoe has the authority to lock band members inside the recording studio, because of the 'Seven minutes in Heaven' paragraph of your contracts.
That was too much for Armin. He stood up, alarmed and afraid. "There's a Seven minutes in Heaven paragraph in our contracts?!"
Hanji smiled cruelly. "You didn't read the whole thing before you signed, did you?"
Armin shivered. "No, I just followed Eren." The blonde boy turned over to Jaeger. "Did you know this was in our contract?"
Eren nodded happily. "It's one of the reasons I signed up!" Hanji couldn't take that much moe, she clapped her hands eagerly, ready for the angst to begin.
Armin worked up as much courage as he could to speak out against the half-crazed Hanji. "Those rules are ridiculous! It's like you're running a brothel or something! We can't go shirtless all the time while we're performing! That's completely insane!"
Hanji looked sympathetically towards the boy with those beady eyes of hers. She was actually pitying him. Eren panicked. What if she decided to change the rules so that they didn't have to go shirtless?! That would be a catastrophe! If that happened, he wouldn't get to see Heichou's amazing body up close. He had to do something, fast.
So he stood up and gave Armin a gentle slap across the face, shocking him back to reality. "Stop arguing, Armin!" he shouted. "Just because you're afraid to show your body! None of us are embarrassed." He paused to look at the group of assembled boys. Jean looked like he couldn't have given less of a crap, elbow resting on the back of the chair, staring off into the distance. Connie was twiddling with his thumbs. Heichou was observing all this with a smirk. Just the faintest hint of a smile as his eyes met Eren's. Jaeger quickly looked away, fearing his face would turn red.
Hanji folded her arms with a grudging shrug. "Well, I did just make those rules up so I could see you guys without shirts. I suppose we can overlook them..." Eren nearly had a heart attack. He gasped, reaching out towards Hanji with a trembling hand. 'No, no! This can't be happening!'
"But!" Hanji continued, "the Seven Minutes in Heaven rule will still apply!" She linked her hands greedily. "I can still choose to lock you in the recording studio if I want!"
Eren supposed that was better than nothing, but it was still a mighty blow. He needed to make his impression on Heichou soon. He was currently being noticed by Japan's best pop star, and that kind of attention didn't come cheaply. What was the point of getting noticed by senpai if you squandered your time?
Armin was positively relieved, and he sat down thankfully. Eren wondered whether he should give him the silent treatment, or just try for revenge later. Hanji checked some notes on a clipboard, furiously scrawling away with a pen - making changes to her plans. Most of her plans involved yaoi of some degree, so a lot of alterations had to be made. It was a couple minutes before she found the itinerary for the new band. Eren spent the time ogling Heichou and taking in every glorious centimetre of his body. The way he straightened his cravat, readjusted his jacket. Inevitably, Heichou saw that Eren was staring at him, open mouthed and awed. The famous star sighed, as if he'd seen it all a hundred times before. Dammit, why couldn't he say something intelligent! Why didn't he try flirting? This time they had together was precious! 'Flirt, Eren!' he told himself, 'you may never get this chance again!'
He said the first pickup line that came to mind. "If I told you, you had a great body, would you hold it against me?"
Heichou gave him a singular, icy, unforgiving stare. "What?" he snapped.
It wasn't enough. "Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see me in your pants."
The older star snorted. "Are you saying what I think-"
"My bed is broken, can I sleep in yours?"
After Eren had said all that, he considered it may not have been the wisest idea. All the others were watching. Armin was listening closely. The boy was still trying to figure out how sex worked, and every subtle clue he could gather pieced the image together more. Although Hanji was busy looking through her notes, she relished every word she heard between the two boys. Mikasa already knew Eren was flamboyantly gay, but she was still surprised he would be such a slut. Honestly, they'd known Heichou for less than twenty minutes...
"You're trying to pick me up, aren't you?" Heichou shook his head. "Tch. You're going to have to work a lot harder than that if you want to catch me. I won't be bested so easily."
Eren quickly averted Heichou's gaze, ashamed of his failure. But his heart fluttered up a storm in secret. 'He didn't say no!' he thought.
At last, Hanji pulled out a piece of paper from the depths of her stack. "Here! While we are waiting for the studio to be ready, I think it would be beneficial if you lot did some team building exercises, so we can get to know each other well, and work together more effectively. After all, it must be daunting to have to form a band with someone you've never even met."
Everyone showed general approval. Except Mikasa, who just stared stoically off into space.
Connie thought it was a good idea - he was enthusiastic for the team to start forming and working cohesively. He would do his family proud. Jean supposed that if they were to start working towards the future of jpop, they might as well get along as well as they could hope.
Eren couldn't tell what Heichou was thinking. He was an eternal, frosty enigma. That was one thing he loved about him. There were, of course, a thousand more, but that was just a sample. Team building. That sounded very promising indeed. Eren relished the thought of Heichou building on him.
"Okay!" Hanji started enthusiastically, trying to cover she was making all this up on the spot. "We're going to start off with a little word game. First of all, we're going to go around the room and say one word that we think best describes us. We'll get to know each other better! Mikasa, why don't you start?"
Mikasa wished there was a way to opt out of this nonsense, but it seemed she was screwed. Just one word wouldn't be too difficult. "Protector." Her main goal in life seemed to be protecting Eren from himself. From making himself a fool and ruining his reputation. From becoming too criminally gay - although that last endeavour was somewhat failing.
Next was Jean. "Honest," he said honestly.
Connie. "Friendly," he smiled.
Armin. "Spirited?" he looked towards Eren, who shook his head. "Pussy?" he tried again. Eren nodded approvingly.
It was Heichou next. He extended his hands in a cool shrug, and said a single word effortlessly. "Fabulous."
Eren thought of how perfect that one single word was at describing him. A single drop of drool dripped out from the corner of his mouth. Fabulous. So goddamned. Fabulous.
It took a few moments for it to strike home that it was Eren's turn, and everyone was waiting for an answer from him. He'd prepared an answer a moment ago, but Heichou had driven it straight away from his head. It was impossible to think of anything else while looking at him.
His stormy grey eyes inspired so many feelings, his dark slick of hair, that sadistic, harsh glance...
"Eren?" Hanji prompted. Eren, shocked, said the first word that came to mind.
"Boner!" Eren shouted.
Did he just say that out loud?
Jean was sniggering a little under cover of his hand. Eren wanted nothing more than to flip him off. Damn him for being the only straight person in this entire band! He was already living by the assumption that Heichou was, in no way, straight, even though he constantly had fangirls chasing after him.
Hanji's demon grin that followed was the inspiration of Armin's nightmares for many nights to come. It was the relentless hunger of a yaoi fangirl, and it damn well made everyone around very uncomfortable. She'd known Heichou for a long time. Longer than any of these scrubs right here. She'd been in the same class as him when the two of them went through Talent School together. They were old colleagues, but they'd gone different ways after graduation. She'd always tried to put him on blind dates with other guys, but her boldest efforts had never been successful. But finally, after all these years, a spark of love looked like it might blossom! It took a few moments for Hanji to get ahold of herself, after breathing several heavy, lusty, deep breaths. She realised that although she was in the presence of real, live yaoi, she was hardly behaving professionally. After all, she was part of the elite team assigned to ReCON!KISS, she had to get them on the road to success. So, more team building should be done in order to achieve that goal. This was for an important cause - the vocaloids had to be defeated!
But that didn't mean she wouldn't make as many possible opportunities for yaoi as possible.
She tossed her clipboard aside and clapped a single time loudly to get the attention of the entire group. "Well done everyone! You performed wonderfully! I'm sure you're getting to know each other better and better. We're going to move on to the next exercise."
Heichou sighed. "Hanji, please, do we really have to participate in these arbitrary little games of yours?"
Hanji folded her arms. She knew that Heichou could be a sassy little diva at times. "I'm your talent manager!" she protested. "You'll do what I say! It's all very important that you're able to trust each other. And if that means gratuitous team building, that's what's gotta happen. So we will move on to the next exercise, Heichou. This time it's going to be the trust fall!"
Jean groaned. Heichou rolled his eyes. It was the single most attractive eye movement Eren had ever beheld. "You have to partner up," Hanji continued. "One of you will close your eyes and fall over, and rely on the other to catch you before you hit the ground. Your safety will be in the hands of the one catching you, and you will learn to rely on them entirely." She looked eagerly over the bewildered boys. "Well go on! Partner up."
At once, Connie and Jean decided to join with each other. Jean absolutely wanted nothing to do with Eren. If they so much as touched, some of Eren's massive gay might end up rubbing off on him. The two retreated off into the corner, and were idly chatting amicably as they went about the exercise comfortably.
Eren listened to Heichou exhale in exasperation at the petty little task Hanji had assigned them to. Eren imagined that breathing on his neck. But his fantasies were interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. Like a hawk, he turned around to see who had interrupted his perfect visions.
It was Armin, shyly avoiding Eren's gaze. "Um, Eren... Do you think we could be partners? I don't know what Mikasa will do to me if I end up dropping her..."
Eren couldn't believe the crap he was hearing? Was Armin being serious? Did he have no clue of the gravity of the situation. "No way, Armin. Deal with it."
Armin's eyes went wide with panic, like a timid deer or rabbit. "But Eren, Mikasa might break my back if I end up dumping her on the floor."
Eren heard Heichou's voice from behind him, and he was drawn to its sound like a bear to honey. "So is one of you brats going to catch me already, or is our little band already falling apart?"
"One second," Eren heard himself saying, entranced by the sight of the star. "I'll be back, in... one second." Heichou nodded uncaringly, and stayed sat down in his chair. With that, Eren dragged Armin roughly by the wrist to the corner of the room, where hopefully no one would hear him.
"Eren..." Armin pleaded. "You wouldn't abandon me to go off with him, would you? Not after all we've been through."
This was too much for Eren to handle. Armin was being such a needy little bitch. He was currently the only thing standing between him and Heichou. So, with a flat hand, he gave the shorter boy a clean bitchslap across the face and started urgently whispering to him, hoping Heichou wouldn't hear his outburst. "Are you fucking serious Armin you think this is a joke I'm clearly trying to seduce Heichou and you're just getting in the way with your pussy face and messing everything up and making me look so uncool and it's seriously starting to piss me off and I have half a mind to tell everyone about the dreams you had about Gakpo every night at the Talent School just because of it so whatever you do don't get in the way of me and Heichou or you will get bitchslapped again and you will ruin all my hopes and dreams and we'll never ever avenge the loss of Arashi and the world will be devoured by the Vocaloids IS THAT WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT?!"
Armin knew when it was time to shut up and run the hell away. He stepped further and further back against the wall, whimpering. "No," he breathed.
"Good," Eren confirmed. "Glad we straightened that out." With that, he left the crumpled remains of Armin in the corner, and practically leaped over to where Heichou was sitting, in one big, flighty bounce.
"Heiiiiiihchooooouuuuuu- senpaiiiii?" he asked, blinking big puppy eyes and wriggling his little tooshe.
"What?" Heichou snapped back.
"Will you catch me?" Eren asked, pointing towards Jean catching Connie over in the corner.
Heichou looked over his shoulder towards Hanji, who was grinning and giving him the thumbs-up. He turned back to Eren and blinked slowly. "You're very eager."
"Willing to serve the jpop industry until death!"
"Well well," Heichou tutted. "It's not every day an aspiring young singer can say that. Come," he stood from his chair, and walked away to a section of the room with a wider space. "I'll catch you."
Eren, like a zombie, walked forth under Heichou's command. He couldn't think. All of this was too surreal. He moved to stand a meter in front of Heichou. He could feel the presence of the star behind him. He imagined being taken for surprise buttsecks. He almost wanted to shout 'boner!'again. But he had to get a grip. This was an exercise he had to concentrate on.
Before they began, Heichou leaned forward, his hand touching the side of Eren's neck, and he whispered the words, "do you trust me?" huskily, with a sadistic little chuckle. The gay was off the charts. Eren shivered under his cold touch. Even without the motivation of the trust fall, he didn't think he'd be able to stay on his feet much longer. He was going to faint.
Heichou stepped back. Eren screwed his eyes tight shut and imagined he was about to be caught by a light fluffy cloud. So he dropped backward, grinning madly. The air rushed past his ears. He felt like he was dropping into the hands of an angel. But Heichou was no angel. He was far too dirty and smouldering hot to be one. Perhaps he was a succubus.
He felt cool hands grab his arms tightly, and his fall was cut short. He was safe in Heichou's slender, but strong arms. The star may have been shorter than he, but he was so well built and powerful. He could feel the strength of his muscles holding him, the casual way he caught Eren without a second thought. Goosebumps ran up and down his arms. How much would some fangirls pay to be in the same position he was in now? He opened his eyes and saw Heichou looking down from above him, an unreadable emotion flickering in those limitless, enchanting grey eyes of his. Eyes he could lose himself in for days. What was Heichou feeling? Annoyance, or something deeper? Either way, Eren was enthralled. He was far more potent than any succubus could ever be.
But this was not the end of it! Eren felt himself being turned around. Was Heichou going to dump him on the floor? His heartbeat quickened? Surely he wouldn't do anything as crude as that? What if he had found Eren so irresistible that he was going to throw him on the ground and ravage him on the spot? Not that Eren could complain, but he wasn't quite sure that was what he wanted. If that happened, Armin would finally find out what sex looked like, and there was no way he was allowing that.
Heichou didn't dump him. In fact he twisted him round, and dipped him low, all ladylike, as if they'd just finished a waltz. Their eyes locked for an eternity of joy. Forget Armin. Doing it on the floor would be worth it.
"You're such a desperate little slut, aren't you?" Heichou whispered to him. "Like a puppet in my hands."
"Yup. Yup. Yup." Eren confirmed. He could hear Hanji squeeing in the background, but he didn't care.
Heichou snorted, but did nothing else. Slowly, he raised Eren and set him upright once more, his touch surprisingly gentle, but very, very firm. "I'm not going to make it easy for you, you know."
"I'm a very hard worker," Eren replied, dedicated. He considered putting his hand over his heart and saluting a promise, but he was a little too stunned for anything of the kind. Heichou didn't say another word to him, and he just strutted back to his chair and sat down, looking at his nails as if nothing had happened.
Mikasa had endured enough of this. She's never thought it was physically possible for Eren to be so amazingly gay. As a little boy he'd always partaken in somewhat masculine activities. Played with toy action figures, climbed trees with her, threw mud pies and picked up worms off the sidewalk. But the day he'd seen his first Arashi video, all had changed. He'd memorised all the dance moves by heart within the hour. Then he bought the CD. Then the posters came up. Then the bedsheets with the band members printed on them. Finally, there'd been the pillows. Eren thought Mikasa didn't know about the pillows, he thought they were his little secret. Mikasa really, really wished she didn't know, but unfortunately she'd stumbled across the closet he hid them in one scarring afternoon. She folded her arms after watching Heichou dip Eren like he was his dance partner in some tango. Armin was trying to say something to her, but she ignored his whiny little voice and sent a question over to Hanji.
"Was there really any point to this exercise?" she asked.
Hanji sniggered to herself greedily, beaming. "Oh, not at all! I just wanted to watch the boys catch each other because I get off on that stuff!"
At that moment, their antics were interrupted. The door to the recording studio opened, and a short girl with a bobbing head of brown hair and eager wide eyes stuck her head into the room. "Madam Hanji, the studio is ready. The microphones are all set up!"
Another technician, this one a grumpy looking man with dirty blonde hair. "We can start recording as soon as you're ready."
Hanji nodded to them, with a cracked smile. "Thank you, Petra, Oluo. We'll start right away! The boys in ReCON!KISS just need to get prepared."
Connie jumped up with a question. "Wait, what are we going to sing? We've only been in this band for twenty minutes. We haven't had time to write any songs."
Hanji laughed maniacally. "Write songs?! You're part of a manufactured mainstream boyband. You don't need to write your own songs." She bent over to pat Connie condescendingly on the head. "All the songs are written by experienced musicians much, much cleverer than you. You're all just pretty faces!"
Heichou shook his head. "Tch. I write my own songs, Hanji." Eren almost jumped in delight when he heard that. He'd been following Heichou's music for years upon years, thinking it was some of the dreamiest, eargasmic stuff to have ever been written. But knowing that it all came straight from the genius mind of Heichou himself... "I sent some songs over to Erwin earlier this week. I expect he's edited them by now, and we can record those."
Hanji raised one eyebrow and picked her clipboard up again, checking over the song titles she had on the agenda. "'3D Maneuvers', 'Cravat and Cape', 'Fuck the (Military) Police', 'House Cleaning', and 'The Eight Inch Class Titan (In My Pants).' These are the names of all the songs I have received."
"I wrote all of those," Heichou boasted, with a smug smile. "I'm glad they made their way over here."
"They sound a little raunchy," Armin said, shyly.
"Shut up Armin you little fucking prude nobody cares," Eren shouted at him.
"No, he's right," Heichou admitted, with a filthy smirk. "They are a little suggestive. But everyone likes to get dirty now and again. I would never settle for anything less." Was Eren just crazy, or did Heichou look at him a little as he said the word 'dirty'?
Hanji nodded in agreement. "All teenage girls like dirty things. Coarse, rough and filthy! We're going for a bad boy approach, Armin. You'd better get used to it."
Armin's eyes widened and he gasped with revelation. "Does that mean... I can live the thug lyfe?"
Oh no. When Armin's thug side came out, it was almost impossible to get him to return to normal. He would never stop using the word 'swag' and kept insisting that Eren and Mikasa were his bitches. He wore sunglasses, even inside, accompanied by a purple hat, golden chains and knuckle dusters. He didn't choose the thug lyfe, the thug lyfe chose him. It was a little like the monthly transformation of a werewolf, but many times more dangerous.
But Armin's thug side might make him a little less pathetic, and might make a better impression on the audiences of their new songs. It was a necessary evil. "Yes, Armin. You can live the thug lyfe."
Armin punched the air in victory with a grunt, and Eren almost wished he hadn't made that promise. But he was too excited about Heichou's songs. An eight inch Titan? Was that even physically possible? Was it true?! He would have given so much to find out...
Hanji beckoned for them to follow her into the studio, and they shuffled after her willingly, Heichou strutting fabulously along. Eren really wanted to slap his ass. "Now, for a lot of you, this will be your first time recording a real song that will be heavily produced, we'll need to go through all the lyrics and make sure all your lovely voices can sing as suductively as they can. Of course, Heichou won't need any assistance in that field, but I bet he can give some tips to you newbies."
Armin chirped up cheerfully. He hadn't transformed into thug mode quite yet. "Aw, that would be really nice of you, Heichou, I could use some-"
"She wasn't talking about you idiot she meant me!" Eren bellowed back to shut him up.
The last one through to the recording studio, Heichou quietly commented on something to Eren. "You know, my little brat, some of those songs are duets. If you're lucky, you might score a place on the microphone next to me. We'd get to spend hours together practising. All alone." With a cruel chuckle, he swept past Eren to join the rest of the group.
"Boner!" Eren exclaimed out loud.
Eren knew he was just trying to torment him. And it was working. If he had a duet with Heichou, he could die happy. That was his ultimate goal. He had to outperform all the others and score that vital place.
Besides Heichou, he was the most dedicated to jpop of the whole group. The most passionate. The most sexy. He didn't have Mikasa's talent, but he had a fire burning in his heart. He would avenge Arashi against the vocaloids, and find his way into Heichou's pants, no matter what!
So, determined, he caught up with the others, and they spent long hours learning their first song.
By the end of the day they'd finished the first few verses of '3D Maneuvers.' It was a long day, filled with hard work and training, but Eren had never felt more satisfied. They would choose only one song to perform in the first round of the SoundTitan! competition in a few months, but they still had to complete a whole album, and multiple music videos. All of it would be released on the day of their big debut, and for now it was being kept a big secret by the media. Hopefully, it would explode into success and ReCON!KISS would be a smash hit. With Heichou at their lead, how could they not?
Eren was whistling '3D Maneuvers' as he walked out of the recording studio.
~'In bed. Yeah. Let me show you my 3D Maneuvers, babe. I'm skilled with my gear, so just come here-'~
He was interrupted by a hand on his chest, holding him back from the others, who were, exhausted, going out into the corridor and heading towards dinner. The hand belonged to none other than Hanji, who hunted him down like a shark. She shouted out to the others, "Don't worry about Eren! He'll be with you in a moment. I need to talk to him."
Eren was worried he was about to receive a scolding. "Is this about how my nose didn't stop bleeding for half an hour today? I'm really sorry about that. I mean, you were telling us to moan into the microphones, and I heard Heichou moaning, and I couldn't-"
Hanji shook her head in amusement. "You want to screw Heichou, don't you?"
Eren didn't even want to talk about how inappropriate it was that she knew, or how she'd figured it out. The idea was too consuming to deny. "Yes. Completely and utterly yes."
Then she cackled like a scheming witch stirring a cauldron. "Then I want to help you."
Eren was stuttering, speechless. "B-but, why? What do you want in return?"
"A blow by blow account of what a night with Heichou is like."
At this point, Eren really couldn't care less about his personal privacy. He'd do anything to get with Heichou. Absolutely anything. "Deal," he agreed with a nod.
"Then the duet is yours," Hanji promised. "Don't waste your opportunity."
Eren had no intention of standing idly while he had a duet with Heichou. When the time came around, he would throw everything he had into tempting the star of his dreams into sleeping with him.
Please R and R. I'm a review whore. Honestly, you don't know how much a positive review will inspire me to keep going.
I'm pretty sure that by the next chapter this fic is going to turn to M. I really, really can't limit my swearing, nor my 3D Maneuvers.
Oh and if you don't know about Armin's Thug Lyfe, you should Go Google It.