As a fair warning these next few chapters may be a little rough. I enjoy my angst and I wanted to reach a climax with Loki's before FINALLY letting him settle. Goddamn, I know, I'm awful. Once I get this next chapter done I'll upload like three at once so yay for that but boo for sadness. Sorry.

I know it's a pain. Bear with me.

Disclaimer: Does not own Marvel Universe

Warning: Language

Comments/critiques are welcomed!

"Hello, sir, and welcome to Hell," Darcy says cheerily. "My name is none of your business and I'll be your server this evening. For starters would you like to attempt to stomach one of our shitty appetizers seeing as how our kitchen staff was hired due to the fact they are cheap labor and not actually chefs?"

Loki grins up at her, putting down his phone. "Am I allowed to request a more cheerful waitress? Perhaps one with a shorter skirt?"

"Says the fag who walked in here dressed like Adam Lambert," Darcy scoffs, sitting down across from him. "Seriously though when did you start wearing leggings again? Oh, right!" She grins. "When you finally started getting butt fucked by a guy you like."

"Darcy!" Loki hisses, shielding himself with his hand. He looks around and flushes.

"What? You guys aren't doing the nasty?" She gasps and leans forward. "He's not really hetero is he? Is he hetero? He's just like—pretending to be into dick or whatever?"

"I—don't think that's a thing."

Darcy shakes her head. "No, it is. It's called gay shaming? Something like that…I saw it on the internet."

"Well…" Loki hums, stirring his drink. It was funny how when Steve first said he had feelings for him Loki had jumped to a similar conclusion. "He's bi, so I'm not worried. I'm bi too you know."

"Of course you are," Darcy mocks. She pats his hand. "Now…what'd you want, princess? It's been a little while since you've bothered me at work."

"Darcy, I was here last week."

"Exactly. A little while."

What had he come here to talk about? Oh, right. Steve.

"So!" Loki looks around. "Which one is your current prey? The German, right?"

Steve could wait.

Darcy's whole aura lights up. She stands, climbing onto the seat and raising herself up just slightly to look around. Loki watches her and sighs, going back to shielding his face with his hands so nobody recognized him. "OH!" She giggles and practically falls back down into the seat, grabbing his arm and shaking him. "I found him, I found him, come see!"

They both peek over the divider, Darcy motioning towards a booth in a different section that was crowded with people. Loki furrows his brow. He recognized some of them. Loki gasps and pulls Darcy back down.

"Those guys are from Northend!" he hisses. "You like a guy from Northend?"

"Yes," she giggles. "But he's SO cute and super sweet and that accent is to die for-"

"He's German, Darcy, their accent is like a dog after it eats peanut butter."

"Yeah, well, Kurt's really cute and I like him so you're going to help get him to notice me, right?"

Loki sighs. That didn't help the last time she wanted to be noticed by a guy, why would she want his help again? "If you like him why don't you just ask him out? The worst he could say is no."

"Because I'm not asking him out dressed like this." She motions to the suspenders and the massive load of buttons she was required to pin on them and Loki nods. It was a fair argument. "Besides…I can't just ask him, that's so awkward…" Darcy peeks up over the divider again and bites her lip. "Especially not in front of all his friends."

"Does he act like he likes you?"

"He acts like he likes everyone. He's the friendliest German I've ever seen. He's like those little yodelers you see in lederhosen's."

Loki's phone buzzes on the table.

"What if you did that thing where you write your number on his check?"

"Yeah but there's always like FIFTY of them."

"Okay, what if-" Loki snaps his fingers. "What if you do what I do at parties so guys get me drinks? Like teasing your hair up a bit? Maybe a little makeup? Some lip gloss?"

"Oh god, I don't know, Loki, I'm never good with makeup…" Darcy sighs, chewing on her lip. "Although if you did my makeup for me that could work. We could pull together some simple looks from Cosmo or something and then curl my hair—or straighten it! That could actually work…you know I was reading this article online…"

He gets distracted by the new message notification flashing on his phone, Loki sighing and unlocking it.

STEVE: You seemed upset earlier :( 6:58 pm
STEVE: Everything okay? 6:58 pm

Loki frowns. That's right. He was here to talk about Steve.

"So…I could be wrong," Darcy grins. Loki blinks and realizes he hadn't been paying attention, setting his phone back down. "But I don't think you came all this way to talk about this guy I like. Am I right?" Loki opens his mouth to respond, hesitates, and closes it, humming.

Nothing was really wrong it was just that something felt wrong with him. Loki had spent so long being hell-bent on anger and frustration that he'd forgotten how nice it felt when someone made him legitimately happy. Darcy made him happy but in a different way. She was brutally honest and found no reason to lie to him because really what was the point? He'd figure it out. Frigga and Thor made him happy but their happiness felt bitter and tainted now which made him angry.

Steve made him happy in a way that was new. Loki hated new. He hated change. Change made him think and think and think to the point where his head felt swelled with all of these thoughts and words. The only way to get them out was to write but he couldn't write fast enough to make them leave.

When Loki felt something new he had a nasty habit of pushing it away. He'd crawl back to something that was familiar and lash out in every way he could just to expel something he wasn't used to. That of course just led to regret.

"Loki?" Darcy furrows her brow.

For whatever reason, regret he could handle. Change he could not.

Loki sighs, sipping his soda. "I'm really starting to like this guy, Darce."

"And that's a bad thing?" she smirks. Loki gives her a look and looks back down at the table. Darcy frowns. "Look it's not like you two are talking like you're hopeless head over heels right?" Loki nods. "So what's the problem?"

"What if it doesn't work out? What if I mess up?" Loki's fist clenches under the table. "I always mess up, Darcy, it's always my fault. This guy's—he's nice. And I like him. And I'm just worried that when things end I'll end up dragging him down…"

Amora's threats were empty, he knew that. There wasn't much she could do without Thor telling her to fuck off—or even Steve—but it was the fact that she nursed some of the thoughts she knew Loki had floating around his head. That was her threat. She knew how she thought so she knew how things would inevitably end. Just like Romanoff, except Loki was more likely to let Amora get to him.

"You can't think like that."

Loki furrows his brow, Darcy giving him a sincere smile and leaning forward on her arms.

"Look, I'm going to be really honest with you, okay?" Loki nods. "It feels like some of the guys you've dated…you didn't actually date. I mean they didn't care about you, you didn't care about them, half of them were way too old for you, and half of them you didn't even like. Am I wrong?" He shrugs. "No, I'm not. These feelings are new because maybe you're actually dating someone that likes you back and not just for some superficial reasons like Stark did. Don't get me wrong, you and Stark was nice for a while, but it got to the point where you guys just seemed like you were only dating each other to get back at everyone else for not wanting to date you…does that make sense?" Loki nods, slowly, staring at his phone. "Good."

She stands and sighs, ruffling his hair. Loki scowls at her. Darcy stretches and looks around. Loki didn't understand why she was always so fussy about boys liking her. She looked amazing. "I've got to get back. Were you going to go to Natasha's party later this week?"

Loki shrugs. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Great. I'm trying to get off so I can too." Darcy looks over her shoulder as she walks away. "Go eat an ice cream or something, okay? You're going to be fine."

He sighs and nods, staring down at his phone. Loki was hoping she'd say something to make him feel better.

Loki groans. There were people everywhere. People he knew. Why did he agree to this again? Loki didn't want to be here. He didn't even like Natasha. Darcy squeezes his arm and pulls him forward, Loki giving little resistance. Right…he came with Darcy. She was excited because Natasha put out word in all the schools around which included Northend. Darcy was hoping the poor sucker she'd targeted for her affections was here.

"Well…" Loki yells over the music. "Even if your boy toy isn't here there are plenty of other guys you could hook up with."

Darcy laughs, punching his arm. She'd really dolled herself up tonight. "Shut up! What about you? Where's this magic dream man of yours?"

"He had to work!"

"Bummer!" she grins. "I really want to meet this guy!"

His stomach lurches slightly. "Maybe one of these days…"

"What?" Darcy yells. "What did you say?"

"I'm going to get us a drink! Go find your guy and talk to him, that's an order!"

She salutes him and laughs, grinding her way through the crowd. Loki sighs. Natasha's place wasn't bad. It wasn't as roomy as Christine Everhart's but for a one-story it wasn't bad…probably roomier when it wasn't overflowing with people.

Loki elbows people out of his way to get to the kitchen and takes a moment to breathe. He definitely wasn't in the mood for any of this. When was it going to happen? It was only a matter of time before Loki was the reason Steve fell out of his limelight. Granted at first he thought that was what he wanted to happen but…did Steve really deserve that? All he'd done was been courteous and nice to him. Loki knew Darcy was right and that he had to stop worrying about things that hadn't even happened yet but he couldn't help it.

The worst part of all of this was that if Darcy ever found out he was dating Steve Loki couldn't even comprehend what her reaction would be. But Loki was poison. If anyone found out Steve would instantly fall from grace.

"Hey." Loki jumps when Steve snakes an arm around his waist and pulls him into a kiss, Loki swatting at his arm. Steve laughs. "What?"

"What do you mean what?" Loki hisses, pulling away from him and looking around. "Are you crazy? Look how many people are here!"

He smirks. "Loki, come on, we're practically out in the open with us anyways. Why does it matter?"

"Are you drunk?"

"What?" Steve makes a face. "No."

"Did Romanoff give you some kind of grain alcohol?"

"No, Loki-"

"How are we practically out in the open with everyone?" He scowls, crossing his arms. "Have you been telling people about us? Or are we suddenly assumed to be together because you grabbed my ass and I pushed you in a pool?"

"Loki…why are you acting like this?"

"Why do you want to show me off like some kind of sex prize?"

Steve pinches his nose. "I didn't say anything like that, Loki…I don't know why you have to blow everything out of proportion." He sighs, grabbing a drink. "Forget I said anything, okay?"

"Well that's a little hard to do when you already spurt out what was on your mind."

"Loki-"

"Lovers' quarrel?" Natasha leans against the counter and takes a shot, raising an eyebrow to Loki. He frowns at her. "If you're going to fight with your boyfriend, Steve, I'd prefer you take him out onto the lawn. Less mess for me to clean up."

Loki glares from her, to Steve, placing a hand on his hip. "I'm guessing this," Loki points at Natasha, "is what put that thought in your head?"

Natasha clicks her tongue. "Rude."

"She didn't put any ideas in my head, Loki, I don't want to have this fight again."

"And I guess you were just never going to tell me that she knew about us?"

Steve narrows his eyes. "Were you?"

"Ohh, see, he got you there," Natasha snorts, taking another shot. She shakes it off and licks her lips. They were a few shades darker than her hair tonight. "I was a little surprised myself when I talked to Steve and he didn't know what I knew that you knew what I know. Then again you are one for the brooding and secrets and lies, aren't you?"

"Nat-"

"You know, Natasha, most people just go out to dinner with friends on their birthday."

She smirks. "Trying to get in my head, Laufeyson?"

"No, I'm just trying to understand you," Loki replies with poison in his tone. "Instead of the normal occult gathering of friends you decide to throw a rave where you let the twelve year old choose the music? Great life choices, I'm sure that'll get you fucked tonight." Natasha lets out a dry laugh and raises her eyebrows.

Steve gives him a look. "You know what? I think everyone could do without the attitude tonight."

"Oh, you don't like my attitude?"

"No, I don't."

Loki holds up his hand for him to stop, narrowing his eyes. "Then act like you don't know me." He grabs two cups off the counter and raises them above his head, ignoring the cold stare Steve gives him, and shoving his way through the people to find Darcy again.

He knew Steve had been thinking about it. Maybe that's why it was bothering him so much. Loki of course wasn't being very careful either. They'd go out in public and be all over each other, anyone could see them. Amora knew and Romanoff knew—since she apparently knows everything—but that was what he was limiting it to. Romanoff was above spreading petty rumors and Amora preferred dramatics over subtle gossip.

Fucking—why did Romanoff tell Steve that she knew? It was just her way of getting the upper hand. She knows so he assumes everyone else is just going to find out. That's how Natasha worked.

Who else could possibly know? Why did Steve want people to know?

They'd all start lining up, one-by-one, just in an attempt to put them down. Pointing out every single thing that could go wrong, things Loki had probably already done to mess things up. Could Steve really handle that? It would be social suicide for him.

"Jesus, Loki," Darcy snorts, taking a cup from his hand. "Are you high already? You look like shit."

"What?" Loki blinks. Did Darcy say something?

She shakes her head. "Never mind. I don't think Kurt's here. If he is he's avoiding me which sucks because I got all dressed up for nothing. I even used duct tape to make my boobs look perkier."

"What? How?"

"Well the bra wasn't doing it for me so I just taped them in place," Darcy pushes her sleeve down a bit. "See? It's holding really well…of course now that I said that my breasts will spring loose and smack a guy in the face. I don't know why girls want these things they hurt my back."

Jane gives Darcy's arm a tug and smiles. "What hurts your back?" She gives Loki a small wave, Loki humming and looking away.

"My breasts."

"What?"

"My breasts!"

Thor raises his eyebrows and attempts not to laugh, handing Jane her drink. "What's wrong with your breasts?"

"Thor," Loki rolls his eyes.

The girls both giggle, Jane flushing a deep shade of red and placing her hand on his arm, Thor bending his head for a kiss. Loki watches them and quickly looks away. Maybe that was it…Steve was a social being after all. His friends were capable of showing off their own relationships for some kind of intersocial merit yet Steve however was not.

Of course that just brought Loki back to the argument of whether or not Steve knew what he wanted. Loki was already branded by their classmates but that didn't mean Steve needed to be too.

He looks around the room and sighs. Steve had already been pushed to the top through sheer luck—why would he want to fall? Sure Darcy was doing fine socially but that was only because she expanded while Loki was out of school. She invested in clubs and after school activities. Darcy threw away her shy exterior and baby fat to push her way through the naysayers and make friends with people who accepted her the way she was.

Loki was always dwindling at the bottom of the social chain. He was weird. He was dark. He enjoyed antisocial things. His tastes were always considered—peculiar. The older he got the more people found his tastes less peculiar and more offensive. He didn't always understand why though. Loki was just being who he knew how to be.

Thor of course had it easy. Everyone liked him. He was simple and didn't have opinions about anything. And if he did he kept them to himself. His smile didn't make him look like he'd just gotten away with a murder. It was why Loki pushed him away like he did. He told himself it was because he didn't want Thor looking bad but it was really because next to him Loki looked even worse. Maybe that's what his issue with Steve was too. Everyone liked Steve. Loki would end up looking like the bad guy somehow.

"Hey, Steve," Thor grins.

"Hey, Steve."

"Hey."

Loki tenses when Steve presses up beside him, placing his hand on the back of Loki's arm. "Hey, guys, how's it going?"

"Darcy is apparently looking for a guy she's interested in," Thor smiles pleasantly.

"Yeah. You seen any of those dicks from Northend? He hangs out with some of them."

"No, sorry, I haven't." Steve casually leans in when they look away and whispers, "Can we talk?" Loki nudges him away and scowls, turning his head. Steve sighs. His hand draws away.

"So, Steve," Darcy grins. "How's that mystery person of yours doing?"

"Oh they're uhh-" Steve clears his throat and flushes lightly. "They're not too bad I guess."

"You know…" she guzzles her drink, motioning to Loki. He closes his eyes, already knowing what Darcy was going to say. Why did he tell her anything either? "Loki's dating somebody too. I haven't met them yet though. Apparently he really likes the guy he's just worried it's all going to go to shit if they take too many steps forward or something."

Loki scoffs and turns away from the group. "I need a cigarette."

"Oh don't be such a drama queen! They don't even know the guy!" Darcy calls after him.

Jane Foster of course coming in as the voice of reason, "Darcy, you probably embarrassed him…" What was she sticking up for him for? She was already with Thor, she practically pretended like she didn't know about himself and Steve, she could stop trying already.

He shoves his way through the crowd, scowling at most of them. Natasha was with her little Harlem in the corner. Loki smiles partially when a half-conscious Lorelei spots him and waves her arms around. He wasn't really in the mood to talk to her though. Hopefully she wouldn't follow.

Loki sighs and takes a deep breath when he reaches the outside patio. His limbs were shaking a bit. His nerves were really shot tonight. He was thinking too much. Loki digs through his jacket for his lighter and sighs in relief, lighting his cigarette and letting his head fall back as he exhales. Granted he felt like shit from not being able to dope up every night if he wanted—since Frigga decided to escapade through his room—but there was no way he was going through withdrawal again.

"Okay, okay, watch this then."

He glances out into the yard at Clint Barton as he shoots another bottle off the fence with a snowball, Bobbi Morse snorting at him. They kiss and…Loki does get where Steve's coming from. Sort of.

Maybe Loki was being a little selfish about all of this. After all, it was high school, and they only had one more year. He and Steve could stay together or they could end on good terms, there was no way of knowing for sure. Loki and Stark didn't end well and Loki loathed his very existence but they still talked sometimes and it wasn't always terrible.

Steve slides open the door and sighs when Loki sees him and looks away. "Can we at least talk? I know you're mad at me…" He loses his footing as he steps over the doorframe, catching himself on the wall and making Loki have to press up against it, Steve hovering over him.

"Jesus, Steve," Clint snorts as he and Bobbi walk inside. "Take him to dinner first." Loki scowls at Barton and shoves Steve away, stepping back.

No. No, Loki wasn't being selfish. If they came out to everyone Steve would only end up becoming a joke. Just like him… Even Stark was a joke now. Granted he sort of nursed it on his own…but Loki didn't help any. Hell, he made Stark buy him a Ferrari and then they got drunk and crashed it the same night. Steve's lie about the shopping cart was harmless, but…where would it end there?

"Look…" Steve sighs. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just" he hesitates, shaking his head. "You know what? No. I'm not acting like everything is my fault this time, okay? Your attitude is a little uncalled for, I was happy to see you and now you hate me again."

"I don't hate you," Loki sneers. He takes a drag of his cigarette and flicks it away. "Don't be so dramatic…"

"Don't be such an asshole."

"Oh," Loki scoffs, turning to him. "I'm the asshole. You kiss me in front of a room filled with people and then just decide out of nowhere—'oh hey, let's advertise our relationship now.'" He holds up a finger before Steve can speak, smiling bitterly at him. "Sorry…it wasn't out of nowhere, was it? Romanoff's been putting ideas in your head again."

Steve takes a deep breath. "Loki…I have told you so many times now that I don't care what Natasha has to say about you. You're my boyfriend, okay? I like you. The least you could do is pretend that you like me too!"

"You already think I'm not?" Steve makes a face at him and Loki sighs, closing his eyes. "That came out wrong…"

"You think?"

"Steve…" he takes a deep breath. "I am not ready to be paraded around like some kind of fashion accessory, okay? I'm not ready to be the center of the high school news chain. I'm not front page material. I'm trying to stay off the front page! Next you're going to be telling me I'm not wearing enough makeup or designer clothes to be your dazzling new twink boyfriend!"

"Is that what you think of me?" Steve scowls. "That I think of you as an accessory? I have not once treated you like an accessory, Loki, nor would I! I don't care if you look good on my arm, I just care that you're on it! What happened to you being upset about no one knowing about us? You're the one who gave me a hard time because I called you my friend in front of my family."

"And you explained why! I understood why! This is completely different!" Loki shakes his head, holding a hand against his forehead. "I feel like I'm trying to explain advanced Chemistry in an English class! What are you not hearing, Steve? That I don't want people to know? Or that I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW?! What part isn't getting through your thick skull?!"

He turns from him, done with this argument. Loki rubs his eyes and attempts to get back inside.

"I'm just a little tired of all the sneaking around, why am I being demonized for that?! Am I not allowed to want to show off the person I'm dating?!"

Loki reels on him, teeth bared, and eyes flashing. "SO DATE SOMEBODY ELSE!"

They glare at one another, Steve being the first to look away. "You know what?" Steve laughs bitterly, throwing out his arms. "If that's how you feel, fine. Fine! I'm sorry I ever thought things between us were going okay."

"You should be!" Loki yells over his shoulder, storming off through the yard.

"GODFORBID I END UP LIKING YOU TOO MUCH, LOKI!"

Loki hesitates when he reaches just outside of Steve's sight but shakes his head. He was always thought to be so skilled with words. Why was it when he needed his mind and mouth to cooperate he said the opposite of what he needed to? Loki snivels and wipes his eyes, keeping his footing as solid as he could as he walked through the snow and ice to the road.

Steve wanted them to come out to everyone. He wanted people to know. Loki paces around his room, wringing his hands together. What was he going to do? He couldn't handle something like that. Loki wanted to keep Steve happy but at what cost? If this was really something Steve wanted and Loki didn't what was going to stop Steve from just telling everyone anyways? He could do whatever he wanted.

Loki could hear them now. He could hear them mocking them, mocking Steve. Asking what it was he saw in such a vile creature that made him stay. Loki grips at his chest, struggling to breathe. He could hear Steve's friends questioning Steve's judgment. Steve defending him. Steve telling them how he wasn't so bad. He could see Steve and Thor fighting. Thor accusing Steve of abusing his trust. They never talk again. Steve blames Loki. Steve accuses Loki of ruining his friendships.

Darcy…what would he say to Darcy? She'd tell him what a horrible friend he was. How he'd betrayed her. How he'd never tried to help her, how he never cared, he just wanted to snatch Steve up for himself. How Loki was a slut. How she hated him.

"No, no, no, no…" Loki mumbles to himself and trips slightly as he paces, catching himself. He puts his hands over his ears to try and block out the voices.

Steve had already lied for him once. It was harmless and playful but what if it didn't end there? What if he started lying more and more? What if Steve started getting into more fights for him? Loki goading him on like—like Amora. Steve getting addicted to it though. Addicted to him. Loki could hear the sirens ringing in his head. He and Steve in trouble because of him. Loki gets off with a slap on the wrist…Steve's entire life is ruined. He'd ruined, all of his potential thrown out, all because of Loki.

He couldn't breathe. The room was spinning. Loki couldn't breathe. Everything was spinning. His phone was buzzing on his dresser. Steve asking where he was. Steve asking if he was okay. Darcy asking the same. Steve apologizing over and over for something that wasn't even his fault.

Loki stumbles into the bathroom and falls, clutching the porcelain as he vomits into the toilet. He didn't know what he was doing anymore. Nothing made sense. He couldn't just pretend his feelings for Steve weren't just something in his head. Loki liked him. He liked him and he liked him a lot he just didn't want anyone else to know. He couldn't let them take Steve away so soon. Not before Loki inevitably shoved him away.

His phone buzzes off his dresser and onto the floor, Loki picking it up and slowly shuffling towards his bed. He flops down on the pillows and curls up. What was he going to do? How was he supposed to feel? Loki turns his phone on silent and puts it under his pillow with a sigh. He didn't want Steve to think he was ashamed of him. But he knew Steve was going to end up feeling that way about Loki.

He needed sleep. Loki sits up slightly to dig under his mattress, pulling out one of the pill canisters Frigga hadn't found. He pops a few into his mouth and sighs, shoving it back in its hiding place. People were only going to keep saying the same thing…Loki was going to drag Steve down.