NEWS FIRST: This will be the last update for a little while. I'm moving, I have to find a job, I have to get ready for school (hopefully online), so I'll be a little busy in the next month or so. I promise to try and update as soon as I can though, pinkie swear. (Plus I'll be living with a devoted reader so she'll hound me about it too XD)

Have I written Frigga's perspective? I don't know if I have or not...I don't write her as often as I like. She's a cool character to deal with. Obviously not in this sense but still...I like her.

I have this headcanon about Odin and Frigga that makes sense about why I hate Odin but still ship them: they're very much in love. He adores her and believes her to be God's gift on Earth (or Asgard whatever idk) but when it comes to raising kids...he sucks at it. In fact he messed up big time with both Thor and Loki but I won't get into all that. (I'm a psyche major so I nitpick characterization and things like that)

Disclaimer: Does not own Marvel Universe

Warning: Suicide mention, language

Comments/critiques are welcomed!

"Mrs. Odinson? He'll see you now."

Frigga wrings her hands on her purse and stands, walking confidently through the waiting room. She thanks the nurse and walks down the hall to the little office she'd so patiently been waiting to get into. Frigga sits down on the little couch and makes herself comfortable, keeping her purse on her lap and then on the couch and then back on her lap. She frowns.

The therapist walks in and gives her a smile, closing the door behind him. "Hello, Frigga, nice to see you."

"And…you as well."

He settles himself in his chair and opens his folder, flipping through it. Frigga sets her purse on the floor by her feet. He looks up and gives her a smile, sitting back in his chair.

"So…how have you been?"

Where should she start? Loki trying to take his life felt like the tipping point of the scale. She'd been trying so hard to keep from nagging him and Loki seemed like he was better. Whatever change he'd made had been a good one but then somehow it went wrong. Loki was happy. He wasn't sagging or just pushing through the day he was—he was up in the mornings and he was out the door and he was polite and well-tempered. Things felt the same in the house but the tone wasn't harsh.

Then Thor comes into her room on the verge of crying telling her that Loki wouldn't stop bleeding and that he'd called 911 and the house was pushed back into its usual manner of panic. Frigga was almost afraid they were going to call social services to ask if she'd been torturing her poor baby. And Thor…well Thor just wouldn't talk to her. Whenever she woke him he just asked if Loki was alright.

Frigga sniffles a bit, the therapist holding out his tissues for her, Frigga dabbing her eyes. "Well—I made sure to call and leave a message about—well, you heard otherwise I wouldn't be here."

"Yes," he sighs, flipping his papers. "About your son? The youngest?"

She nods. "Yes, Loki, he—well he tried to…take his life again…"

"That's right…" the therapist scribbles that down and looks up. "How many times is this now?"

"It's-" Frigga hesitates. How terrible was she that she had to count in her head? "Two. No, three."

"Three?"

"Yes."

He nods. "And he's alright? He's out of the hospital?" Frigga hums, pursing her lips and nodding. "Good, good…and who was the one that found him?"

"Er—no one," she whimpers. "Thor—my eldest—he came into my room-" Frigga bites her lip, struggling to hold back the tears. "He came into my room and said…said that Loki woke him up. Said Loki told him he needed to go to the hospital…"

"Yes…the hospital sent me his chart by your request…" He looks it over and furrows his brow. "It says here he cut open his wrists and also had a large dosage of drugs in his system…lithium carbonate? What does he take that for?"

"Mmm, bipolar disorder."

"Does he take any other medications?"

Frigga sighs. "He uhh—just the lithium carbonate and he has mood elevators if he feels like he needs them. Sometimes he'll ask for a sleeping pill."

"Does he not sleep well?"

"No, he never has…even when he was little," she pauses, the therapist looking up from his writing. "The doctors said it was from overactive neurons in his brain? And of course his irregularity in dopamine…but we couldn't medicate him regularly for it because of his bipolarity."

"Right…and you've swept his room? You've taken any sharp objects?"

"Y-yes…someone from social services actually came and did that."

The therapist nods. He finishes his writing and bites his lip, leaning forward. "What about your oldest? Thor? Is he…healthy?"

She laughs a little and nods. "Oh, yes, he—he always has been. Tough like his daddy…"

"Was he ever in the hospital for anything?"

"Broken bones," Frigga snorts, smiling. "He's never really been sick but always reckless. Nothing serious though. In fact most have been from football."

"Thor, is he…is he usually the one Loki goes to? You know, when, Loki's-?"

"…yes. Most recently anyways."

"And…" the therapist motions with his hands, frowning. "All of this that goes on…does it ever—bother him?"

Frigga furrows her brow. "Well, yes, of course."

"Does he talk about it?" She shakes her head. "Do you ask him?"

"I try to…Thor and I don't always communicate well. We get past it but we struggle sometimes."

He hums. "I see…nothing—concerning otherwise?"

"No, not that I've noticed."

"Alright," the therapist sighs, rubbing his eyes. "Let's get back to Loki…now—do you have an estimate of when all this with Loki started? When all his more concerning behaviors began?"

"Yes," Frigga nods. "That would be when the baby was born."

"Tell me about that."

"Well…Loki was never exactly excited about having a new baby around. Our boys have always been a little spoiled, Loki by me especially. He was always so sick and he didn't make friends as well as Thor did so he spent a lot of time with me. It wasn't that he didn't like Baldur it was that he—well while I was pregnant he'd asked if the baby might look more like him. He'd started worrying himself over the fact that he was the only one in the family that looked different." Frigga places her face in her hand.

"When Baldur was born, and after the move, Loki started talking less and less. Eventually it was a chore just to get him to say anything to us at all. I knew the change was bothering him. Then one day he asked Odin and myself to sit down with him in the dining room—he was ten at the time—and he asked us if he was adopted…" She takes a deep breath, "Well I of course made the terrible decision to deny this. I had convinced myself to the core that we were going to tell Loki when we were ready, that we wanted him to understand…"

"But he knew you were lying."

She nods, stifling a sob. "He started—screaming. Just screaming at us that we were lying… He'd found the papers somewhere after we'd moved into the new house and—and didn't say anything to anyone until then. After that living with him was a nightmare. He was so angry all the time it was like—I don't even know, it was just so difficult to keep him happy. Then he started sneaking out and getting into trouble and lying…Loki was always good at lying but as a child he would do harmless ones to trick his brother…now he was lying to us about where he was going and who he was with."

Frigga sobs into her hand and keeps her breathing steady, the therapist handing her another tissue. He flips through his papers and frowns.

"When did he start doing drugs?"

"Oh, that was," she sniffles, drying her eyes. "That was when he was twelve believe or not…from a girl he'd met at the Catholic school…"

He hums. "And when you found out you transferred them to public?"

"Well in junior high all of the children in our area are in the Catholic school. When they split off into high school I decided, yes, it was better for them to stay public."

The therapist takes off his glasses and sighs, rubbing his eyes. "It sounds like this wasn't even the tipping point…" He looks over his notes and hums. "Loki's first suicide attempt wasn't until—after Baldur's death. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

He sighs. "Does…Loki have a history of violence? As a child I mean? Any…family pets he was a little too rough with?"

"What?" Frigga makes a face. "No, of course not! Loki loves animals…he's always been very gentle with them…" She scowls. "Loki didn't hurt Baldur."

"And that's what all of the police reports have said as well…that he died of negligence?"

"Yes…mine."

"So you take the blame for Baldur?" he furrows his brow. "Why? So Loki doesn't have to?"

She frowns, her eyes flashing. "Loki was fourteen. We knew he needed help, we knew Thor wasn't going to be home, and we went out and left Baldur with him regardless. I am not letting my sixteen year old son growing up to believe he was the one at fault because what happened was an accident." Frigga crosses her arms and sits back in the couch, looking away. "I'm not here to talk about Baldur today…"

"Alright…okay, alright, I won't bring it up again until you're ready to. Let's get back to Loki," the therapist turns to a new page and shifts slightly in the chair. "So…even after getting him help and moving him into the public school things only seemed to get worse?"

Frigga stares blankly at the wall and closes her eyes. She sighs. How many times was she going to have to repeat the same story over and over?

The therapist clears his throat uncomfortably. "Mrs. Odinson?"

"Hmm?" she opens her eyes, blinking. "I'm sorry…what was the question?"

"After getting Loki help—medication, switching schools—things only got worse?"

"Yes…unfortunately," Frigga rubs her temple. "Just in his first year of high school it felt like Loki was in more trouble than he could bargain for. Some of the boys in his class were bullying a friend of his so he pushed them into a nervous breakdown…not to mention he was being bullied himself. Loki has such a dramatic and flamboyant personality and some of the clothes he wore to school he was made fun of for. Then of course there was the drugs, the parties, the sneaking out, he and a group of city kids were caught drag racing one night—my baby driving illegally at fourteen, I mean I was just livid. He was arrested one night for possession of illegal substances. He was arrested another night and held overnight for pulling a knife at a party."

She pauses, catching her breath. Frigga runs a hand through her hair. "After Baldur's death Loki just—he shut down completely. He stopped caring about school, he was never home, he was getting into fights at school…then there was that nasty business at the beginning of his second year and I decided I'd had enough and I pulled him out. I mean—Loki had practically sat there, he just let them do that to him, the police said there were barely any defensive marks on the other boys. Now he's sixteen and he's—I don't know, I thought he was getting better but now I'm just afraid he's going to get worse-"

"I'm sorry to interrupt," he stops her, holding up a hand. "But I have to ask: where was your husband during all this?"

"My husband?"

"Well it's just you haven't really mentioned him but once. You two are still together, are you not?"

"We are…" she sighs. Frigga stares at her lap, frowning. "He—isn't home much. Because of work."

"He works in the city?" She nods, the therapist scribbling that down. "And how is he with the boys? With Loki? Do they get along?"

Frigga scoffs, shaking her head. "No. Odin blames Loki, really, for reacting the way he did about the adoption and of course Loki blames Odin for treating him like an inferior. Even if Loki hadn't found out about the adoption I doubt things between them would be any different."

"What about Thor?"

"They talk," she shrugs. "He's not usually home so we don't see him but Thor will tell me if he's talked to him or not. They don't usually talk for long though. Thor looks up to him."

"Does he…love the boys? Does it seem like he does? Or did?"

"Of course."

Frigga whimpers, taking a deep breath. He frowns. "I apologize. I don't mean to sound insensitive."

"No, no, it's just" Frigga sighs, wringing her hands together. "When they were little he would spoil them rotten. I could tell he loved them, and me, but now that they're older and have opinions and need advice—it's like it's too difficult for him." She shakes her head. "You know I was seventeen when we met. It was inappropriate and against everything both our parents wished for us but we were in love and we still are. But he—he was too old for me," she laughs, wiping her eyes. "He was too old for me and too old to be a father…now I'm stuck raising two boys who couldn't be any more different. The one I relate to acts as if he hates me and the other I don't relate to acts like he's so strong and grown up that I can't talk to him about anything. But they're both still children. They both have a year of school left before they move out and I just-" Frigga's voice cracks in her throat. "I don't know what to do anymore…"

She sobs, burying her face into her hands, her shoulders shuddering.

Thor was already home from school and sitting on the front steps. Outside. In the snow. Frigga turns off the car and sighs. What could he have possibly done to anger Loki enough that he ordered him outside? She frowns and glances at the truck parked in the driveway. That was Steve's.

Frigga looks down at her oldest and cocks a brow, Thor smiling pleasantly at her. "Hello, mother."

"Hello, Thor," she smirks, glancing at the door. "Which one of us isn't allowed inside?" She pauses. "I'm actually a little afraid to ask why we aren't allowed inside." Frigga glances at Steve's truck again and furrows her brow. The thought lingered for a moment but then it was gone. It didn't make much sense in her head but she had been wondering…Loki was fond of him.

"Oh, uhhh—I'm supposed to—convince you of something—before you go inside."

She nods, trying not to smile. "How's that working out for you?"

"I'm trying to remember all the arguments I was given to present."

"Uh-huh," she sighs, attempting to walk around him. "Knowing your brother I'm sure it was a whole lecture's worth." Thor steps in front of her and smiles, Frigga giving him a look. It had been a long couple of days. She wasn't exactly in the mood for games—with her own children or no. "Thor—it's cold. I'm going inside my house. And I swear…if it's redecorated again-"

"No, no, I don't think Loki has the energy for that."

Frigga scowls when Thor blocks the door. "Thor-"

"Think…smaller."

She sighs, placing a hand to her temple and rubbing it. "How small?"

Loki hums, pinching the kitten's paw gently between his fingers, smiling when he bites him. Steve reaches out to pet the squirmy thing, the kitten swatting at him, tumbling forward when Steve draws his hand away.

"You like him?" Steve breaks the silence hesitantly, Loki glancing at him. He smiles.

"Yes, very much."

"Oh, good," he laughs breathlessly as if he'd been holding it in. "I figured you'd like any of the ones I chose but he was really cute and I just-" Steve clears his throat. "I'm glad you like him."

He'd spent the last few days in bed but Steve came to visit him. After their last encounter he was emotionally exhausted but—things seemed to be looking up from it. Steve would come to talk to him and when Frigga got home he'd sneak out and call to talk to him later. Loki wasn't technically allowed visitors. Darcy was already shooed out of the house when she popped by unexpectedly. Frigga didn't have the emotional capacity to entertain at the moment.

Steve had come early with Thor today to tell him he had a present for him. Much to Loki's glee it was the wriggling feisty little ball of fur that Steve had placed on his stomach. Thor of course was optimistic that their mother would agree after some convincing but—Loki knew Frigga would never agree. Not after this last episode.

Loki slides his hand underneath the blankets and wriggles his fingers, smiling when the kitten takes the bait and jumps on them. He shifts his hand and the kitten follows, Loki laughing. Steve surprises him with a kiss and Loki closes his eyes.

They part, Loki biting his lip and studying his face. "You're—not mad at me?"

"No, Loki," Steve smiles, pecking his forehead. "I'm not mad at you."

Steve had been very patient with him. Loki had lost count how many times he'd asked Steve if he was mad but he replied calmly and pleasantly each time. It made his heart swell for him just a little more each time. Steve would ask a little bit about his depression. He'd ask about the medications he took—and of course if it was alright for him to ask—and Loki assured him he didn't mind. Steve told him he knew a little bit about some of this stuff since his mother was bipolar depressive and had been for quite some time. He wanted to say that it explained a lot but Loki held his tongue.

All and all he was being sensitive but firm in understanding what Loki was going through emotionally and Loki was trying very hard not to shut him out. Steve wanted to be there for him and Loki was grateful. In fact—he'd never even been this open with anyone. Not even Darcy. He loved her but she was very sensitive about all of this.

"If I can't keep him…" Loki frowns, watching the kitten running down the bed for his foot, flipping over Loki's massive amounts of pillows. "Will you be able to?"

Steve smiles. "Yeah, of course. My mom won't even notice he's there. And you can visit him whenever you want." His smile falters just slightly when he picks the kitten up and places him back on Loki's chest. "You really think Frigga will say no?"

"She's not exactly happy with me right now…"

"She understands all of this though, right?" Loki blinks, turning to him. "Like she understands that you're—sick?" Steve sighs and rolls his shoulders. "Sorry…I don't have a better word for it…"

"No, no, it's alright…" Loki hums, petting the kitten as it gnaws on his fingers. "I've always been sick though. Ever since I was a baby. Neurological disorders, low immune system, I wasn't allowed outside very often—you and I weren't very different growing up." Steve lets out a little laugh. "And I suppose being as introverted as I was as a child it wasn't really a surprise to her when the doctors told her my mood swings weren't technically mood swings. She knows it's been hard for me but—it's hard for me to explain to her why and it's—hard for her to understand…"

Steve takes his hand—much to the kitten's displeasure—and rubs his thumb over his knuckles. "What do you mean?"

The front door opens and closes, Frigga and Thor walking into the house. They both pause to listen but it was difficult to determine anything they were saying. The kitten mews and makes a small chirping noise, rolling around on Loki and gripping his hand. He nibbles on his fingers, Loki rubbing his thumb over his nose. Steve smiles and rubs his back, the kitten swatting at him.

"You were saying it was…hard to explain to Frigga?"

Loki sighs, looking up at the ceiling. "You know how—you have those moments where everything feels like it sort of paused and you kind of realize it's because it felt like your mind sort of went blank?"

"Sort of…" Steve furrows his brow. "Like—when you aren't really thinking about anything?"

He nods. "I don't—I don't have those…"

"No? You mean…you don't have those moments?" Loki shakes his head. "Well, what do you mean then?"

"I mean—I don't stop thinking." He sighs and looks down at the kitten, forcing a small smile. "That magic trick Romanoff teased me about a while back? You remember…when we went to that party?" Steve nods. "I can do that—I can see all this stuff about people—because my brain doesn't stop. I analyze every single little thing and I-" his voice catches, Loki tearing up a bit. "It's exhausting."

Steve opens his mouth to respond and hesitates when there's a knock on the door. Frigga opens it and sighs, giving them a smile. Loki watches her as she walks in and looks around, picking the kitten up and placing it down against his side. She crosses her arms and gives him one of her drier smiles.

"Your brother wasn't very convincing, you know."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Loki replies smoothly. The kitten mews and fusses against his hold. He sighs.

She smiles at Steve as she walks towards them. "Hello, Steven."

"Hi, Mrs. Odinson…"

Frigga gives Loki a look. "I thought company wasn't allowed over either."

"He's visiting Thor."

"Which is why he's in your room, I suppose." She holds out her hand. "Let's see it." Loki scowls at her and picks the kitten up, handing it to her. Frigga makes and noise and coos at it, the kitten mewing. "Tch. Sweet little tabby…" She looks down at Loki and sighs. "Don't pout at me. We've had this conversation, Loki, I just worry that-"

"I'd keep everything he needs up here though! I'm perfectly capable of taking care of him, it's not like it's hard, he already likes me!"

"Loki, that's not my point," Frigga replies. "Thor argued the same thing when he wanted a dog."

"Thor's an idiot!"

"Loki-"

"Besides you got him a fish."

"And we both saw how that ended."

"Uhh-" Steve flushes when he realizes he'd interrupted, clearing his throat. "I'm sorry…it's just—cats lower anxiety. And I read about…positive reinforcement and how sometimes teens dealing with err—instabilities are given some kind of positive punishment, or reinforcement, for not going through with their…plans and giving them a reason to want to get better." Frigga raises a brow and looks from Steve to Loki, who shrugs. "For the record this was my idea. I actually ran it by Thor before Loki knew about it…"

"Or me," Frigga hums, pursing her lips together. Steve sheepishly looks away. The kitten mews and climbs up her shoulder, batting at her earrings. She sighs. "Loki, I just—you've been doing so well…"

He bites his lip, frowning. "And I'm trying…I am. Some things are just-" Loki glances at Steve. "They're a little stressful right now…things I'm not always ready to talk about…"

Frigga sighs and pries the kitten off her shoulder, handing it to Steve. It bites into his hand aggressively, Steve making a face. She runs a hand over her hair. "I'm just worried that I'll let you have this but it won't mean shit." Loki chews on his lip and turns away. Frigga frowns just watching him, crossing her arms. "Although…it is something you've been asking for a while now." She places her hand to her lips, watching the kitten squirm in Steve's hands. Loki reaches out for it and Steve hands it over—gladly—placing it on his chest. "Alright." Loki raises his eyes to her, his face lighting up. "I'll allow it…but! I—you have to see a counselor. Just once a month, no more than that unless you feel the need."

Loki nods enthusiastically, raising the kitten above his head and grinning when it bats at his face. Frigga smiles and crosses her arms.

"Well…I'll leave you two be I suppose." She walks towards the door. "I'll make you something to eat, how about that?"

"Oh," Steve laughs, shaking his head. "You really don't have to."

"We're not hungry, Frigga."

She hums. "I'll just whip something up."

Frigga closes the door behind her and Loki snorts, rolling his eyes. It didn't matter though. Loki felt like he was overflowing. He kisses his kitten, and Steve, and his kitten again. Steve smiles softly at him. "And here I thought she'd say no," Loki coos. "But she didn't, did she? I get to keep you all to myself!" He grins and looks at Steve, his grin faltering. Loki frowns. "Steve?" He hums, looking up at him. "Are you alright?"

"I'm okay…" Steve takes Loki's hand in his and brings it up to his lips, pressing it there as he hums.

"You…don't seem alright." Loki tries not to grin. "Is it because my kitten doesn't like you?"

Steve chuckles and raises an eyebrow at the little hairy mess chewing on Loki's hand. "It's a little insulting, yes, since I could've chosen the black one. Tabbies are supposed to be friendly."

"Say, I'm not friendly. I'm a killer!" He laughs and stops when Steve doesn't laugh with him. "What is it?" Loki frowns. He was too tired to get upset but he could feel a small twang of anxiety build up in his chest. "Please tell me?"

He furrows his brow. "It's just—when you said you overthink everything…do you—do you think about us? You know…when you're analyzing? Is that why you get frustrated?"

"Yes," Loki hums. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know, I just…" Steve lowers his hand, placing his other over Loki's. "I just worry that you see something—wrong. Something I don't see…" He forces a small laugh and catches his eye. "You're so much smarter than me and I just want to know now, before—you know…we go any further."

Loki laughs, giving Steve's hand a squeeze. "I tell you I overthink our relationship and you worry it's because something's wrong?" He hums and closes his eyes. "You really are something, Rogers…"

"I guess that's a no?"

He chuckles and flashes Steve a grin, the kitten finally settling on his chest. "I worry that I'm no good for you and what you really think about me, what you see in me…but you do some good for me. So I guess things aren't all that bad."

Steve smiles and shifts himself closer, resting his head against Loki's. They both stare at the kitten sleeping on Loki's chest and hum. Steve rubs its head with his thumb, Loki smirking when it swats at him. He kisses Steve's nose when he pouts.

"He really doesn't like you."

"Yeah…some cats don't. It's a curse."

"I like you though."

Loki smiles when Steve pecks his lips, looking back down at the kitten. "So…what are you gonna name him?"

"Hmm." Loki cocks his head slightly. The kitten yawns, struggling to keep one eye open to watch his audience. "Tom."

"Tom?"

"Yeah. Tom."

Thor leans in the doorway and grins, Loki setting up a small litterbox just inside his bathroom. He walks back out into his room and ties up his hair. The kitten follows closely at his heels. Loki pauses when he sees Thor and goes about his business, picking up a few books off his floor and putting them back where they belong. Tom insists on helping by jumping at Loki's hands as they move.

"So I guess mum's letting you keep him?" Thor crouches down and wags his fingers. Tom stares at him for a moment before chirping and galloping towards him. He grins, poking his belly when he rolls over to attack his hand. "I guess you'll need some toys. I can drive you if you want."

"Not tonight," Loki hums.

Loki watches them for a moment before walking over to Thor and clearing his throat, gripping his hands together. Thor looks up at him. He straightens up and gives his brother a smile, Tom mewing and batting at their feet.

"Thor? I'm umm-" he bites his lip. "I'm sorry."

Thor's smile softens as he pulls Loki into a hug, Loki wrapping his arms around him. He sighs. "I'm glad you're okay."