Eridan (hearts) Karkat: AU where Eridan is a shapeshifter. Karkat buys a fish, the next day, there's a cat in his house. Eridan is annoying, especially when he's human.
It had been Kanaya who had dragged him to the pet store, Kanaya who insisted he couldn't be alone in a house that big, Kanaya who'd literally handed him a gift card and shoved him through the doors. And it had been Kanaya who, in a very no nonsense sort of way, had let him know he wasn't leaving this store without a pet. So just to spite her, and her heartfelt good intentions, he bought the cheapest fish in the store.
It had been a bright violet, tiny guppy. Literally, it was the cheapest thing, at the high, high price of two dollars, in the entire store. Outfitting the thing with a bowl and amenities had been easy enough as well. Tiny fish didn't need huge bowls, so he managed to make it out of the store without spending too much of Kanaya's hard earned money. And then, violet guppy in bowl, Karkat relaxed in the comfort of his very spacious, depressingly empty family estate. He ended up watching hours of movies, until he fell asleep in the middle of 27 Dresses.
The sensation of wet woke him up around three in the morning. Sputtering and flailing, mind still just asleep enough to make him think he was drowning, Karkat fell off his couch and onto the hardwood floor. "What the fuck?" Meowing unhappily, and loudly, on the floor where he'd clearly been dumped from Karkat's flailing, was a cat. A sopping wet cat. "God damn it!" Karkat swore, "I just got that fucking fish!"
Kanaya was going to kill him for letting that fish kick the bucket so soon. Angry and wet, he grabbed the mewling beast by the scruff of its neck and made to toss it outside. "I should fucking throw you back outside," Karkat grumbled. Suddenly the cat was heavier, and the sudden weight change threw him enough off balance that he dropped the cat and fell over with a curse.
"Whoa now, chief," said a very naked man, "Let's not be too hasty."
"…What the fuck."
"Now," mystery man intoned, "I know what you're thinking. Who is this sexy beast in my house? I'd let you guess, but really, I don't have time for you to call the cops on me. I'm Eridan, and I'm a shape shifter." He paused, probably for applause, or any reaction at all (he didn't get one). "I'm your fish?" He tried, still getting a blank stare. "Fuck it," Eridan declared, and proceeded to grind his naked self all over Karkat's still-wet body as he went in for hot and heavy make-outs.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" Karkat screeched, and literally threw the strange fish-cat-man off him. "What the fuck?" Scrambling to his feet, he pointed one very accusing finger, "Who the hell do you think you are. Don't fucking touch me."
"Fine, whatever…" Eridan said, literally sulking. "I can take a hint." Turning back into a cat, he pranced out of sight. And calm returned to Karkat's house, albeit one hinging on the behavior of a shape shifting, sex deprived nymphomaniac, for the night. Because in the morning…
"Hey, gorgeous. Want a brother to help you out with that stiffy?"
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!"