A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Betsy. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 85: Miz Avoids A Plague

An hour outside of Dallas, HB's phone rang. Miz and the others had been trying to keep Teh D and Jack occupied so that they wouldn't try to throw Ginger out of the bus. So far, they'd only had one near miss, when Ginger decided she needed food and Punk was distracted by the cup of Pepsi he was drinking. HB dug the phone out and frowned at the caller ID. "It's Maggie," he said to Annabelle.

"Who's Maggie?" Miz asked.

"Our manager," Annabelle said.

"Maggie?" HB said into the phone. "What's going on?" His brow furrowed as he listened to an obviously male voice on the other end. "That's terrible! Do they know what caused it? Uh huh. Oh. Okay, sure. I'll let everyone know. Thanks, Maggie."

"Maggie's a man?" Miz asked.

"Long story," Annabelle said. "What did he say, HB?"

"The concert in Dallas is cancelled," HB said. "Some kind of flu outbreak or something. We're supposed to go ahead to Portland as soon as we get to the airport."

"That's too bad," Annabelle said. Then she turned to Miz. "But I guess it's good news for you guys, right? The sooner we get to Portland, the sooner you guys will be able to get to the bottom of things."

"I suppose so," Miz said. "But I'm not looking forward to a plane ride and then a three plus hour drive to Seattle with these guys."

"Yes, but after that, maybe it'll be all over," Punk said, from where he was staring at the last two cans of Pepsi sullenly.

"We can hope," Miz agreed.

"I'm a stingray!" Mark said. "Zap! Zapzap!"

"Ow! Matt shrieked. "The stingray pinched me!"

"I don't pinch, I bite! Zap!"

Punk rolled his eyes and continued to contemplate the Pepsi. "Are you all right?" Teh D asked him.

"I will be, I suppose," said Punk with a sigh. "But I've just had a very sobering heart to heart with my dad."

"Sobering?" the girl asked, frowning. "You don't need anything sobering; you're straightedge, which means you're always sober!"

"I don't mean like that," Punk said. "I mean that Dad told me that I may have a crisis of faith once we reach Seattle."

"Well, if you know about it, doesn't that make it easier to fight?" Jack asked.

"You would think so, but no. Having my Father tell me that I may stop believing in myself once we reach Seattle has me wondering: if I don't believe in myself, who will?"

"I will!" Teh D said.

"He had to ask," HB muttered.

"Okay, besides Pepsi Girl, who will believe in me?"

"He remembers me!" said Teh D happily.

"He called you Pepsi Girl," Christian said.

"Yeah, but that's so what I'm changing my name to, as soon as I can." She beamed at Christian. "I mean, if he's Jesus and he says that's my name, then that's what it should be, right?"

"Everyone here is crazy," Christian muttered to Randy. "Except you and me, JJ." Randy smirked and bit Christian. "Ow! What the hell?"

"I'm over here, Rey," JJ said. "You're sitting by Beth again."

"Why won't any of you stop me from sitting next to the guy that bites people?" Christian whined. "I'm going to get infected!"

"Don't worry," said Teh D brightly. "We have Pepsi!"

"Oh," Christian moaned. "He's converted the band!"

"Just Teh D," said Jack, "and it's hardly a conversion, since she thought Punk walked on water before this, too."

"He does!" Teh D said. "I have a record of it in notebook six! No, wait, maybe it was notebook two? Well, it was one of those, anyway."

"You can't cure the venom," said Randy darkly. "You'll die a slow, horrible death, and everyone that touches your corpse will be infected."

"So you're a carrier of the zombie virus?" HB said. "Interesting."

"He doesn't have the zombie virus, or any venom," Miz said. "Randy, quit biting people. You know it's not allowed."

Randy grumbled and settled back in his seat. "It's no fun when there's no one to bite."

"Maybe you should figure out something fun to do that doesn't involve biting people," Miz suggested. "Like take up gambling or something."

Randy smirked. "Drew!"

Matt froze and Miz groaned. "Not what I said, Randy!"

"Drew?" Randy tried again, and he smiled when Matt gave him a cold look. "Matthew?"

"What?" snapped Matt.

"Miz won't let me bite anyone. What do you suggest?"

Slowly, Matt smiled. "A slow and horrible death for everyone."

"Huh." Randy frowned. "Can I bite them first?"

"Fine," Matt said. "But then we kill them."

"Uh," HB said, edging away from Randy and Matt. "Should I be concerned?"

"No, it's fine," Miz said. "Just offer him some gum and he'll be fine."

"Gum!" Matt shrieked, causing HB to wince.

"I don't have any gum," he said apologetically.

"You promised me gum!" Matt said, bursting into tears.

"We may have a problem, then," Miz said. "Because no way am I flying anywhere without gum. It's going to be too hard to keep Jeff under control as it is, but without gum..."

"Gum!" Matt sobbed. "I w-want gum!"

"Okay, okay!" HB said, holding up his hands in surrender. "I'll buy him some gum. But you could have warned me before saying gum to him."

"It's still a thousand times better than letting him stay Matthew," Miz said. "Unless you want a psycho on your plane?"

HB eyed Teh D, who was trying to push Ginger out of the moving vehicle. He sighed. "No thanks. I've already got too many as it is."