Bro & Beta Kids: Bro Finds a meteor crater with four babies in it
It wasn't a normal day at all. He was supposed to pick up one kid from a crater, raise him to save the world, and that would be it. Emphasis on one…not four kids, just one. Not two kids with hair blacker than midnight, and an extra blonde one, just one blond kid. That was what he'd been told, that was what he expected. He simply didn't have the materials to take care of four babies! But…he was a Strider, and let is not be said that Dirk Strider ever backed down from a challenge.
So he clambered down into the depression that used to be his favorite records store, scooped four diapered scamps into his arms (deftly tossing the little dead pony over his shoulder as he went), and made his way home without any fuss. Though that evening there was a bit on the news covering the sudden and unexpected destruction of one of Houston's best vintage stores, and a couple eyes witnesses (all coke-heads or other such street dwellers, and thus not exactly reliable) that claimed to have seen a broad shouldered man leave the crater with a pony and four babies.
The news anchors laughed at that, and so did he. Or well, he did until the deep sound of his chuckles woke the littlest one. "Hush, hush!" He soothed, rocking the little black haired boy. "Jesus, you guys really need names." He'd managed to outfit them all with shades, since protection from Li'l Cal was paramount, but he really hadn't thought about names. Christ, he needed two boy names and two girl names, and all he could think of for anybody was Dave.
So when he finally got the little nut-brown one to sleep, he rested his hand lightly on the newly dubbed Dave's belly. "Rest up little guy." And then he got to work. Pulling up baby names on the Internet was easy. Finding a name for the little green eyed, dark haired bratlette was…not so easy. In fact he found Rose's name first, ended up naming her for her eyes (a precious soft purple that reminded him of flowers, not that he'd tell anyone that).
And really, that was only half of them. By the time he'd gotten frustrated by not finding names for the other two, he'd already changed three diapers, fed two crying babies, and had to remove Li'l Cal from Dave's crib. To put it mildly, he was very, very tired, and accordingly grumpy.
"Seriously sprouts?" He asked, when at about six in the morning, Dave and little green-eyes managed to clamber out of their cribs, into his room, and then up onto his bed in order to bounce on his chest. "This is what you use your baby ninja skills for?" Dave made a noise not unlike a baby bird, and green-eyes babbled happily at him. And somewhere, in the other room, Rose started crying. This of course only set off little blue-eyes too, and then green-eyes and Dave started bawling like some sick fucking domino chain of teary-eyed toddlers.
It took him nearly a full hour to get them all calmed down again, and by that time he'd managed to find green-eyes a name: Jade. It was a little cliché, and he was pulling the same eye-color name shit he did for Rose, but hey. At least the kid had a name now. It took him another whole day to find blue-eyes a name, but eventually he settled on John. And between Dave, and John, and Rose, and Jade, and his budding puppet porn industry, his days were busy and time passed quickly.
And the next thing he knew, they were thirteen years old and saving the world, and he was literally the proudest bro in existence. He'd never tell them, but he'd never been prouder of his little men and special ladies. Never.