This has spoilers for The Death Cure so read only if you are okay with said spoilers or have read all the books. I'm sorry in advance for doing this story to y'all.
I don't know how I've managed this long, honestly, I think it's only because I didn't quite feel useless until Gally said it out loud. I didn't really believe it until the words were said out loud from someone else.
The letter continued on but Thomas couldn't manage to muster enough will to finish. The end result was plain enough to see. The trail of blood would probably never wash off the grey walls of the maze. It would be a constant reminder that someone wasn't mentally strong enough to make it until the end.
"Thomas?" Alby's voice broke through the cloud surrounding his thoughts. He placed a hand on his shoulder and forced Thomas to turn around and look him in the face. "It's not your fault. Newt tried this before and failed with the limp as his only reminder of what happened. He learned from his past mistake about the height he needed. It will never be your fault for his decision to do this." Tears ran down Thomas' face as the raw emotion welled up again, deep inside of his chest.
"He wanted one last kiss before I left to go running this morning. I was running late and didn't want to keep Minho waiting any longer, so I buzzed right past him. I ignored him, Alby! I ignored Newt on the last day of his shucking life even when he begged me for just one more kiss!" Thomas roared in anger directed only at himself. Alby pulled him into a tight hug and held him in place even when Thomas began to thrash around.
"You can't beat yourself up over this, Thomas. You didn't know his plans and he would have done it, kiss or no kiss. Please, you need to calm down before you kill yourself in grief, too," Alby ordered. Thomas sobbed into Alby's shoulder, his whole body racking violently with the effort.
"How could he leave me here?" Thomas finally asked, once the tears began to subside. Alby watched him with sad eyes but he had no answer to give. He' never have the answer for that question when Newt took it with him to his grave.