Hi Everyone, I've missed you! I am back with this One Shot, the idea came to me after hearing an old Janet Jackson song, same title as this story. So the lyrics will flow with the story and will be posted as the story goes on. The song has been posted in my FB group, Awish's Fanfiction.
My next story which is titled, Ray of Light will begin posting on August 11th. I hope to see you all there, I am very excited about this new story and can't wait to post it for all of you.
Okay, about this one, I am going to put a minor warning on it, as it touches on addiction... just touches on it, nothing major.
I don't own the characters, just the plot. And my words look pretty because of my awesome beta, Chandrakanta. She also made the banner as well. Love her!
Ok let's get on with this O/S and I'll see you all on August 11th!
~ AGAIN ~
~ 2014 ~
"Bella Swan."
"Hey, girlie."
"Hey, Laur, what's up?"
"I was just making sure we were still on for tonight? Dinner and then some dancing at Q Nightclub?"
"Yes, we're still on. I have been looking forward to going out all week. Work has kicked my ass, so I need to get drunk and dance my ass off."
"Awesome, that's what I like to hear," Lauren said. "Okay then, I'll pick you up at nine, cool?"
"Perfect, see you then."
I hung up my desk phone and sank down in my chair. I had a stack of manuscripts on my desk that needed editing, but my mind was on going out. I worked for one of the biggest publishing houses in the greater Seattle area and I had just been promoted to senior editor. I was one of the youngest senior editors at just twenty-seven, but I worked my ass off to prove myself in the past five years, so I knew I deserved my promotion and thankfully my boss thought so too.
But with the promotion brought on more responsibility. My name would now appear in best selling books as the editor, and it was my job to make my clients' words perfect. I was given more accounts and therefore more manuscripts ended up on my desk. But, I loved my job; I have always loved books and being able to read them as a career was a dream come true.
Life had been crazy since I graduated from college and found myself back in my home state of Washington. I left after high school to attend college in New York, at Columbia. I had no plans to ever return to Washington, but after graduation, I got a job offer at a publishing house in Seattle and I knew I could not pass it up. So I made the move back home. Home was actually Forks, but after my father passed away in my sophomore year of college, there was never a reason to go back there as well. Forks was not a place of fond memories for me; it was a place that seemed to break my heart over and over, and therefore I never felt the need to return. It was four hours away from Seattle and that wasn't even far enough.
My best friend Lauren was my last connection to Forks, and when she moved out to Seattle, the door was closed for good. She and her boyfriend Eric live together not too far from my condo and I could not be happier about that. We have been friends since the seventh grade and I would have been lost without her. She's the only person in my life that has always had my back, even when it put her own relationship to the test.
I finished up the last chapter I was working on and shoved the manuscript in my bag, I cleaned up my desk and then walked out of my office.
Let the weekend begin.
I made it home and stripped out of my work clothes. I got in the shower and washed the week away. After my shower, I put my hair up in a clip with loose strands hanging down and put on minimal make up. I then strutted to my closet in my birthday suit to find something to wear. After pondering for fifteen minutes, I finally decided on a black strapless mini dress. I put on a black lace thong and decided to forgo a bra since the dress had a built in bodice. I slipped the dress on and then put on my favorite black peep-toe heels and added earrings. I sprayed on some perfume and before I knew it, there was a knock on my door.
I answered the door and was met with Lauren who had a strange look on her face.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"We need to talk," she replied and then moved past me. I closed the door and followed her into my living room.
"What's going on?"
"Um... I guess there's no easy way to tell you this, Bella." Lauren blew out a breath and looked at me. "When Eric came home from work today he told me..."
"Told you what?" I hissed. "Damn it, Lauren, just spit it out. You're beginning to freak me out."
"He's back, Bella. Edward's back in Seattle."
My whole world just fell out from under me as soon as Lauren said the words.
I heard from a friend today
And she said you were in town
Suddenly the memories
Came back to me in my mind.
I felt my knees begin to weaken and I almost fell on my couch. My chest was tight and my heart was racing
"Bella, are you okay?" Lauren asked, taking a seat next to me.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I took a deep breath to calm myself and spoke.
"He's back? When?"
"Eric said he's been here about a week. He just called Eric today. I know Eric hasn't talked to him in almost year, and you know we keep that subject out of our relationship, but Eric told me because he thought I should let you know." Lauren grabbed my hand. I knew she knew how this was affecting me. "Bella, what can I do?"
"Nothing," I replied. "I just need a minute." I got up from the couch and went into my bathroom. I turned on the sink and then sat down on the toilet. Suddenly, my mind went back to a time I have tried so hard over the past ten years to forget.
~ 2004 ~
"I'm going to miss you so much," I sobbed.
"I'll miss you too, babe," Edward said taking me in his arms, "But I'm only four hours away. We'll still see each other and talk on the phone all the time."
"But it won't be the same. I'm still in high school and you're going away to college. I know U-Dub is only four hours from Forks, but you're going to be so busy with classes and soccer."
"I'll never be too busy for you. I love you, Bella."
"I love you too, Edward."
Edward and I had met when his family moved to Forks his junior year. I was a sophomore, but I knew as soon as I saw him for the first time that he was it for me. It wasn't long after we met that we became inseparable.
Edward and Eric also became friends, which was great since Eric and my best friend Lauren were also dating. The four of us were always together. And it wasn't long before I was in love with Edward. We fell hard and fast for each other and we became each other's worlds. It wasn't an issue that Edward and Eric were a year ahead of Lauren and I in school until it was time for them to leave for college.
Edward was going to U-Dub and Eric was heading to The Art Institute of Seattle. My mind knew it wasn't that far away and that Edward loved me, but my heart knew things would be different. I just didn't know how different.
After Edward left for school, in the beginning we talked on the phone almost every other night if not every night. Edward would come home at least every other weekend, I thought things might just work out with us, but then his phone calls became less and less and he was coming home less often as well. He told me soccer was taking up a lot of his time and his classes were kicking his ass. He always had an answer, but something did not sit well with me. One night while on the phone after not talking for over a week, I finally asked.
"Edward, is there someone else?"
"What?" he asked. "Are you serious right now, Bella?"
"I'm sorry, I just... we don't talk as often as we used to and you never come home anymore. It's been almost two months since I've seen you, and when I call, I either get your voice mail or you're too busy to talk... I mean, please just tell me... if..."
"I can't believe you're asking me this," he said louder, his tone making me jump. "I'm in college, Bella, it's more intense than high school and you would know that if you were in college, but you're not. You're still in high school so you have no idea what I am going through, the amount of stress I'm under with trying to keep my GPA up so I can play soccer. And now I have you in my ear accusing me of cheating on you because I don't call you enough."
"Edward..."
"No, Bella!" he shouted, cutting me off. "I don't need this right now. I don't need you being clingy."
"Edward, I'm sorry," I said, trying to hold back my tears.
"Just forget it. Look, I need some time to figure all this out. I'll call you soon."
And with that he hung up the phone. The click of the line disconnecting was the loudest sound. I hung up the phone and sobbed in my pillow.
"So he just hung up?" Lauren asked.
"Yeah," I replied, still crying.
"Eric said he has been really stressed out, but he didn't think it was that bad," she replied. "He said they talk maybe once a week and that Edward never mentioned having any issues with his relationship with you. Every time he asked him, Eric said Edward told him everything was good."
"Well, clearly they are not good," I said. "I don't know what happened. He never raised his voice to me like that. I don't understand."
My tears fell again and Lauren gathered me in her arms. She stayed with me that night and a few nights after that.
My dad had asked me what was wrong when he finally realized I was upset about something. I, of course, told him nothing was wrong. Charlie was never the kind of father I would talk to about anything. Ever since my mom left us when I was three, he lost every belief he had in love. The only thing he loved was his beer. He loved his beer more than me, so much so that he drank himself to his death a few years later.
It had been a week since I heard from Edward, and I was going out of my mind. Finally, I asked Lauren if she would go with me to U-Dub to talk to him. She agreed and although she didn't like it, she also agreed not to tell Eric what we were up to.
Lauren and I ditched school on a Friday and drove the four hours to Seattle. Once we got on campus, we parked in the visitor lot and got a map of the campus. I knew what building Edward's dorm was in so it didn't take us long to find it.
My hear was pounding in my chest as Lauren and I stood outside Edward's door. Lauren grabbed my hand and squeezed as she knocked on the door, knowing I couldn't. I held my breath as we waited for him to answer, but there was no answer. Without speaking a word, I sank down to the floor and brought my knees up to my chest. Lauren sat down beside me and we waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Finally, two hours later, I heard voices coming down the hall. I picked up my head and saw Edward walking toward us with another girl. She was tall and blonde; she was beautiful. My heart was in my throat. Lauren had to help me to stand and then his eyes landed on mine. They were cold and dark and his stare made my blood run cold.
"What are you doing here, Bella?" he asked coldly.
"I... I came to..."
"We came here so she could talk to you since you seem to have forgotten you have a girlfriend who loves you," Lauren spat.
"Stay out of this, Lauren. This doesn't concern you," Edward spat back.
"Doesn't concern me? Bella is my best friend and I don't like seeing her hurt. We came here to surprise you since you've been so stressed out, but it looks like you're just fine."
Edward looked at me and my eyes went to the floor. I couldn't look at him... or her.
"What is this, Edward?" Lauren asked.
"I'm sorry," he replied. I made myself look up at him even though tears were running down my face as I saw Edward take the girl's hand in his own. "I didn't mean for you to find out this way. I'm sorry, Bella, but I can't do this anymore. I'm here and you're in Forks. It's just too much to have to worry about us when I have everything here to worry about. I'm sorry, but..." Edward paused and looked at the blonde who remained silent. "I think we should break up."
I couldn't stand there anymore. My heart was breaking in a million pieces.
"Wow, you are a piece of shit, Edward," Lauren hissed.
Lauren put her arm around my shoulder and pulled me away from the boy I had spent the past two years in love with... from the same boy who just shattered my heart.
Once we were back in the car, I couldn't hold it in anymore. My tears poured down my cheeks and I could barely breathe. Lauren held me and let me cry for a while before she drove us home.
I opened the front door to find my dad passed out on the couch. I walked up to the bathroom and took a shower. I crouched down to the floor as my tears continued to fall.
After the water turned cold, I picked myself up off the shower floor and changed into my pajamas. Lauren was waiting for me in my bedroom.
"I'm going to stay here with her tonight, so I'll call you tomorrow." Lauren hung up the phone and kicked off her shoes.
I crawled on my bed and let out a breath.
"That was Eric. He swears he had no idea about any of this," Lauren said. I just nodded. "I'm so sorry, Bella."
I cried again and my best friend just let me. That night my heart was ripped out of my chest by the one person who promised to love me forever. That night, I was never the same. I would never love anyone again. I would never let anyone near my heart again. I would never let anyone in ever again. My heart was permanently broken.
~ 2014 ~
As my memories of the darkest night in my life came back to me, I swallowed the lump that was in my throat. Edward was back in Seattle after ten years. I had heard he left U-Dub a year after that night and went to another college, where I didn't know. That was the last time I heard anything about Edward Cullen.
Eric and Edward remained friends through the years. It was difficult knowing Eric was still in touch with him and it was more difficult for Lauren. She and Eric got into many arguments over it. Lauren wanted Eric to stop talking to Edward, but Eric did not agree. He said Edward was his friend, and just like nothing would stop Lauren from being my friend, he felt the same about Edward. After that Lauren and Eric agreed to keep Edward out of their relationship. Lauren never asked about Edward and Eric never talked about him with her or when I was around; it was as if he never existed.
Until now.
Why the hell was he back in Seattle. Why now? I stood up from the toilet and looked at myself in mirror. I fixed my make up, and in that moment, I decided that I didn't care.
How can I be strong
I've asked myself
Time and time I've said
That I'll never fall in love with you again
Why Edward Cullen was back did not concern me. It's been ten years and he no longer mattered. I took a deep breath and went back out to the living room where Lauren was waiting for me.
"Ready to go?" I asked.
"You still want to go out?" she asked. "We don't have to, we could stay in and drink a bottle of wine... or two?"
"No way, we're going out. I've been looking forward to going to this club all week and that is exactly what we're going to do."
"Bella, come on, I know you and I know you must be feeling a million different things knowing he's..."
"No!" I shouted. "It's been ten years, Laur... I'm fine, really. And I really want to go out. So, can we please?"
"Well, it would be a shame to let these dresses go to waste, so let's go get our drink on."
"Fantastic."
Twenty minutes later, Lauren pulled into the parking lot of Q Nightclub. It was one of the best nightclubs in downtown Seattle and we had been talking about going for weeks. It was a fifty dollars to get in, but the bouncer let us through without paying. This dress was already a hit and that was all I needed to know.
Lauren and I went right to the bar to start a tab. I downed my first shot and ordered another. I saw the look of concern Lauren gave me, but I ignored it. I downed my second shot and ordered another that the bartender said was on him. He was hot, so I winked and took the shot. I then noticed Lauren reach in her purse for her phone.
"Oh fuck," she shouted.
"What?" I asked.
"I swear, I didn't know," she said, her eyes wide.
"Know what?"
"Eric just texted me; he said he and Edward were going to a club downtown... Bella, they're here."
"What!?" I hissed. "Lauren, what the fuck?"
"I didn't know," she gasped.
"Didn't you tell Eric where we were going tonight?"
"No, I just said we were going out. It didn't occur to me. I never thought they would come here.
"Just fucking great," I roared. "Bartender, another shot please."
"Bella, come on, slow down," Lauren said.
"I don't want to," I said, downing the next shot. "What I want to do is dance." I grabbed Lauren's hand and pulled her to the dance floor with me.
As soon as the new song started playing, I started moving my body with it. I was feeling good and buzzed, and more importantly, numb.
Lauren and I were really getting into the dance when I saw her body stop. I stopped and then looked over to where she was looking.
It had been ten years, but I'd know him anywhere. There he was, the boy I once loved all grown up into a twenty-eight year-old man. He looked taller, and even though still lean, he looked fuller. He was wearing dark blue jeans and white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair was shorter than I remembered but still that unique color. He was still so handsome. My heart sped up at the sight of him and my hands began to sweat.
"Are you okay?" Lauren asked over the loud music.
"I need another drink," I replied and then turned to go back to the bar.
"Bella," Lauren called after me. I didn't stop, I just kept walking to the bar.
Once there, I smiled at the bartender and he knew what I wanted and placed another shot in front of me.
"Bella, come on, let's just go," Lauren suggested.
"No, I'm fine."
Lauren shook her head and ordered a coke from the bar. She was driving and one drink was always her limit.
Then it was as if the world stopped. Eric and Edward walked up to the bar and Lauren shot Eric a look of death. My mouth ran dry and I stood still.
"Hey, Lauren, long time," Edward said.
"Edward," she replied. She then looked at her boyfriend in not a good way. "Real nice."
"I didn't know you two were coming here, babe," Eric said. Eric then looked at me with an apologetic look.
"Bella," Edward said. My eyes went to his. He looked nervous. He looked good. Damn it.
"Edward," I said. I didn't know any other words at that moment.
"It's good to see you," he said with a small smile. "You look... great." I noticed his eyes run down the length of my body.
"I need another shot," I said.
"Bella, I think you've had enough," Lauren said.
"I disagree. I mean, this is a celebration of some sort. I'm here with my best friend and her boyfriend, and, oh yeah, the guy who broke my heart when I was girl is here too. Shots for everyone!" I drank my shot and then turned to a guy who was sitting on the bar stool next to me. "Hey, handsome, you want to dance?"
The guy looked at me and smiled. "Sure thing, sexy, lead the way."
I took his hand and walked right past Edward. I felt his eyes on me all the way to the dance floor. I looked at my stranger and wrapped my arms around his neck. He pulled me closer to him and placed his hands right above my ass. I danced and ground myself up against him, and then after a few minutes I heard the voice I wanted to forget.
"Can I cut in?"
"No, you can not," I said to him. "Go away, Edward."
"Bella, please let me talk to you."
I wrapped my arms tighter around my stranger and continued to dance with him.
"I am not interested," I shouted. "Leave me alone."
"I'm not going to leave, Bella."
"Why not, that's what you're good at, isn't it?"
"Bella, please."
"If you're not going to leave, then I will," I spat. I backed away from my dance partner and walked quickly back to Lauren, who was still at the bar. I knew Edward was right on my heels.
"Can we go please?" I asked, grabbing my purse. I signed for my tab and stuffed my credit card back in my purse. "Please, now?"
"Yeah sure," Lauren said. She looked at Edward and then again at Eric. "We're going to talk about this later, Eric."
"I know," he replied.
I pretty much ran out of the club to Lauren's car. She was not far from behind me.
"Bella, slow the hell down, I can't run in these heels," she hissed.
"I need to get out of here," I begged.
"Okay, we're going," she said. "Where the hell are my keys? Shit, Bella, I'm sorry, I think I left my keys on the bar." My head fell. "I'll be right back, just wait here."
Lauren walked back in the club and I held onto the car to balance myself.
"Bella."
I turned around to find Edward standing behind me.
"Just fucking great," I stated.
"Please, just give me five minutes."
"No! I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you."
"I know you're angry with me. I know I fucked up all those years ago, but please let me explain."
"Angry with you? That's a fucking understatement. You ripped my heart out of my chest and crushed it when you decided to cheat on me. Angry does not even begin to describe how I feel about you, Edward!"
"I didn't..."
"Edward, are you serious?" Lauren asked as she and Eric walked to where were standing.
"Lauren, please, she needs to hear this."
"Dude, I think we should go," Eric said.
"Yes, go!" I shouted. "Go back to wherever you came from." I turned to get the in the car when he shouted back.
"I didn't fucking cheat on you!"
I froze and then looked back at him. He took a tentative step forward and lowered his head.
"I never did," he said softer.
"I have to go," I said. I got in the car and slammed the door. Nothing made sense right now and I was starting to feel sick.
Edward tried to move to the car door, but Lauren stopped him. "No, not now, Edward. I think you did enough for one night. Eric I swear to god," she said looking at him.
"Come on, Edward. Let's go." Eric pulled Edward back and Lauren got in the car.
When we got back to my condo, Lauren helped me in the front door as I stumbled. I was drunk and definitely going to be sick. I looked over and saw she also had my heels in her hand. I didn't even remember kicking them off. As soon as we were inside, I ran down the hall to the bathroom and my face was in the bowl. I felt a hand on my shoulder as I tossed my cookies; I knew it was Lauren. She was always there, even in my worst moments.
Lauren picked me up off the bathroom floor after my stomach was empty. She helped me out of my dress and into my pajamas. I laid down on my bed and sobbed.
"Why did he have to come back?" I cried.
"I don't know, Bella. Eric said he just showed up at his work this afternoon. Eric swears he didn't know he was was coming back to Seattle."
"He said he didn't cheat on me."
"I heard him say that."
"But we were there, we saw him with that blonde bimbo," I said. "He broke my heart that night, he broke me, and now he's back... looking like he does."
"I don't even know what to think," Lauren said.
"He did look good, didn't he?" I sobbed.
"He looked okay, I guess," she replied. "I'm going to go get you some Advil and water."
Lauren left the bedroom and I wiped at my face. My head was spinning along with my stomach. When Lauren came back, I swallowed the pills and drank the glass of water. I knew no amount of water was going to diffuse the hangover that awaited me.
A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did
I come from a place that hurts
And god knows how I've cried
And I never want to return
Never fall again
I closed my eyes, and as sleep found me, I dreamed of a time when Edward Cullen was the best thing that ever happened to me, before he became the worst.
~ 2004 ~
It was the night of my junior prom. I was so excited. Eric and Edward and sprung for a limo and Lauren and I could barely contain our excitement as we got ready. We decided to get ready at Lauren's house since my father couldn't care less and her parents were always there for me.
My dress was a full length dusty blue strapless gown with some of the material gathered at my hip to give it a flowing look. It was beautiful and it fit me perfectly. I put hair up in a studded clip and my heels were the same color as my dress.
Once we all ready, we headed downstairs where we knew our guys were waiting for us. As soon as my eyes landed on Edward, my heart pounded. He was dressed in a black navy blue suit and tie. His collar was unbuttoned and his tie hung loosely around his neck. He looked so damn good and my stomach was filled with butterflies. This was going to be a special night.
"You look so beautiful, Bella," Edward said when I walked over to him. He kissed my cheek and inhaled my scent. "And you smell so good too."
"You look pretty good yourself," I said.
Lauren's parents took about a thousand pictures of us and then we piled into the limo. Once we arrived at the venue where the prom was taking place, we got out of the car and once again had our pictures taken.
Edward led me to the dance floor and pulled me toward him. I rested my head on his shoulder, sighing in contentment.
"Are you sure about tonight, Bella?" Edward asked.
I pulled my head back to look in his eyes. Tonight was the night we had planned to make love for the first time. We had been together for a year now, and in that time, Edward was so patient with me; he never pressured me, never rushed me, and I knew tonight, I was ready to be with him.
"I'm sure, Edward," I replied. "I want to be with you. I want this tonight."
Edward leaned in and kissed my lips. I kissed him back as we continued to dance. I was nervous about tonight, as it would be my first time. It wasn't Edward's however. He had told me he had been with one girl before he moved to Forks; it was his first girlfriend, and while that may have bothered me when he first told me, it no longer did. I knew Edward loved me and I knew he wouldn't hurt me. He knew what this night meant to me and I trusted him.
After we ate dinner and danced some more, it was time for Edward and I to leave. We said our goodbyes to Lauren and Eric and headed back out to the limo. Once the driver dropped us off at our next destination, the driver would go back to pick up Lauren and Eric.
We arrived at a hotel in Port Angeles, and after Edward checked in, we headed up to our room. Edward opened the door to the room, and once I stepped inside, I gasped.
The room was full of lit candles and rose petals were scattered all over the floor and bed.
"Oh my god, Edward." I smiled. "This is so beautiful. How did you even do this?"
He wrapped his arms around me and grinned. "I have my ways. Do you like it?"
"I love it, thank you."
"I love you, Bella. I love you so fucking much, it hurts," he said.
"I love you too," I replied.
"One last time, we don't have to do this. We could just watch a movie and I could just hold you."
I reached up to him and slid his suit jacket off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. "The fact that you just said that means so much to me." I then reached for his tie and loosened it, letting it fall as well. "I love you, Edward, and I have been waiting for this night for a long time. There is nothing I want more than to be with you. I trust you."
Edward crashed his lips to mine as our tongues played together; I unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it out from his pants. Once his shirt joined his jacket and tie, I felt his hands wrap around me and then he found the zipper at the back of my dress. I shivered when I felt the material loosen around my body. Then my dress was a pool of material at my feet, leaving me in my strapless pale blue bra and matching panties. Edward looked down my body and then back in my eyes; all I could see was love.
"Fuck, Bella. You are perfect."
I pulled his mouth back to mine and braced my weight on him as I stepped out of my heels. I then fumbled with Edward's belt and then his pants zipper. He kicked off his shoes and socks and finally his pants were gone, leaving him in his very tight dark gray boxer briefs. I could see his erection straining through the material and my hand was like a magnet. Edward groaned when my palm touched him though his underwear.
Edward reached down to his pants and pulled out his wallet. I watched as he pulled out a condom and then he scooped me up in his arms to carry me over to the bed. Edward gently laid me down on the bed and placed the condom on the bedside table.
Edward moved so his body covered mine. Feeling his weight and warm skin against mine made me writhe under him. His kisses were deeper and I felt as if I couldn't get hm close enough to me. I wrapped my legs around him and he moved his erection against my center, making me moan. I gasped when his hand covered my breast and rubbed it through the lace of my bra. I pulled away from his mouth and looked at him, telling him what I wanted with no words. Edward smiled and then reached behind my back to unclasp my bra. He pulled the materiel away from my body and leaned down to take my hard nipple in his mouth. I pulled on his hair as he sucked on me and palmed my other breast with his hand. He then began to suck on my other breast and then kissed his way down my stomach.
The butterflies in my stomach were at an all time high as Edward reached the waistband of my panties. I slightly lifted my hips, letting him pull them down and off my legs. I was now completely naked for the first time in front of Edward, and any embarrassment I thought I would have never came. I felt wanted.
Edward looked at me before he leaned down and spread my legs apart; I moaned when I felt his tongue run down my entire center. He flicked my clit with his tongue and began sucking on it as his one finger slowly entered me.
"Oh god, Edward," I gasped.
He continued to lick and suck on me and then he put another finger inside me. I felt my muscles start to tighten and my legs began to stiffen. Edward licked my clit and licked some more until I came. My body shuddered as I gripped the sheets between my hands.
Edward kissed his way back up my body and then kissed my mouth. Tasting myself on his lips made me want him even more. I reached down between us and once again palmed his hardness though his briefs. I wanted them off. I needed him naked with me. Edward assisted me with getting rid of his underwear, and for the first time, I saw the beauty that was him. He was hard and felt like silk as I took him in my hand and rubbed him up and down.
"Fuck, Bella, you have to stop or you're going to make me come before I want to."
I smiled at him and nodded. He leaned down and kissed me deeply. As he kissed me, he reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the condom. He pulled back from my lips and sat back on his knees. I watched him closely as he tore open the wrapper and rolled the latex barrier down his length. He tossed the wrapper on the floor and leaned down on my body between my open legs.
"I love you," he said, kissing my lips softly.
"I love you too," I replied. "Please, Edward."
He nodded and then, ever so slowly, he entered my body for the first time. I could feel my walls stretching for him and I cried out.
"Are you okay?" Edward asked as he stilled his body. "Am I hurting you, baby?"
"It's okay... I'm okay." I blew out my breath. "You can move, Edward."
As he kissed me again, he began to move inside me. He pulled out slowly and then back in. He continued and then I was able to match his thrusts.
"Fuck, Bella, you feel so good," he said. He kissed my neck and rubbed my breasts as he moved within me.
"Edward..." I couldn't find my words. He felt so good.
"Can you come, Bella?" he groaned. "I'm so close."
"Yes... oh god." I gasped. Edward reached between and rubbed my clit. I felt my body start to orgasm and then I came again all around him.
"Yes, baby, so good," he breathed. He moved again a little faster this time, making me cry out again. "Fuck, I'm gonna come."
I felt Edward pulse inside me as he moaned out. He then collapsed on top of me. My legs were still wrapped around him and I felt him begin to soften inside me. Edward picked his head up from my chest and kissed my lips before rolling off me. He removed the condom from his body and tossed it in the trash can. I moved closer to him and he gathered me in his arms.
We lay there together for some time before I got up to use the bathroom to clean up. I walked back in the bedroom, still naked, and crawled back in bed. Edward used the bathroom and joined me in bed, pulling me so I was lying on his chest.
"Are you all right?" he asked, rubbing his hand up and down my back.
"Yes," I said. "I'm perfect. That was perfect, thank you for being so gentle with me."
Edward leaned over so he was now on his side facing me. "Can I tell you something?" I nodded. "I wish that had been my first time. I wish I had waited and my first time was tonight with you."
"I wish that too, but it's okay, Edward. I'm glad my first time was with you. I love you and I know you love me, that's enough for me."
"I do love you, so much." Edward leaned in and kissed me. "I will always hold this night in my heart. It was probably the single most special night of my life."
The next morning I woke up in Edward's arms. It was the best feeling. I was so happy and so in love with him We made love again one more time before getting dressed and checking out of the hotel. Edward called a cab and we drove back in the backseat, my hand in his and my head resting on his shoulder. It was truly one of the best nights and I knew, without a doubt, Edward Cullen would forever have my heart.
Making love to you
Oh it felt so good and so right
How can I be strong
I've asked myself time and time I've said
That I'd never fall in love with you again.
~ 2014 ~
The next morning I woke up with a pounding headache. I guess that's what happens when you down five shots of tequila, and your ex-boyfriend comes back in your life after ten years, in the same damn night.
I rolled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I turned on the shower and stepped inside, allowing the cool water to wash over me. I felt a little better after my shower. After I got dressed in shorts and a tank top, I walked out in the living room to find Lauren sitting at my kitchen table in a pair of my sweat pants and a tank. She truly was the best friend a girl could ask for. The smell of coffee hit me and made my mouth water.
"Hey, how do you feel?" she asked.
"Like I've been hit by a truck," I answered. "Coffee smells amazing."
"I just made it," she said.
I poured myself a cup and sat down at the table.. "It wasn't a dream, was it? He's really back?"
"Afraid so," she replied.
I sipped my coffee and shook my head. "These past ten years have been so... difficult. He not only broke my heart, he broke my spirit, and now he's back after all this time. For what?"
"I don't know, Bella," Lauren replied. "I'm afraid only Edward can answer that for you."
"Eric never said anything over the years?" I asked.
"No, not since the night at U-Dub. We both weren't willing to give up our best friends, so we never spoke of anything. It was hard, but we did it."
"I'm so sorry to have had to put you guys through that. That wasn't right."
"Hey," she said, making me look at her. "You are my best friend, Bella. I love you like a sister and we've been friends since we were 12 years old; I'd do anything for you, even risk my own relationship. Because at the end of the day, we'll always have each other."
"I don't know what I would have done without you, Laur," I said with a sniffle. "You've been there with me through everything and I love you for it."
"I love you too, and that's what friends are for," she said. "You know what else friends are for?"
"What?"
"To ask the difficult questions." She paused. "What are you going to do... about Edward?"
"I don't know." I blew out a breath. "I don't know what to think. He said he didn't cheat, which makes no sense. But I don't know if I'm ready to talk to him. To see him."
"Well, you might have to, if for nothing else then to get some closure," Lauren said. "I know you loved him so much all those years ago. And if I'm right, because I know you so well, I think a part of you still does."
I didn't answer. I didn't have to. Lauren knew the truth. As did I; deep down inside, I knew.
As I poured my second cup of coffee, there was a knock on the door.
"That's probably Eric. I'll get it," Lauren said. She answered then I heard her shouting. "Wow, you have a lot of nerve showing up here."
"Is Bella here?" I heard him ask. My blood ran cold. He was here at my house. "Please, Lauren, is she here?"
"She is, but I don't think she wants to see you, Edward."
"It's okay, Lauren," I said, walking to the front door and standing behind her. Lauren moved so she could look at me. My eyes were on Edward, who looked like how I felt.
"Are you sure, Bella?" Lauren asked.
"I'm sure, it's okay." I folded my arms in front of me and nodded again to Lauren. She moved aside, allowing Edward to come inside.
"Do you want me to stay?" she asked.
"No, I'll be okay," I replied. "I'll call you later."
"Okay," she said with a nod.
Lauren gathered her things, and before she walked back to the door, she looked back at me and then at Edward with her signature bitch stare. I loved her for that. Lauren left my condo, leaving Edward and I alone for the first time in ten years.
So here we alone again
Didn't think it'd come to this
And to know it all began
With just a little kiss
I've come to close to happiness
To have it swept away
Don't think I can take the pain
No never fall again
We stood there in silence for a few seconds before Edward spoke.
"Thank you for letting me in. I know I don't deserve it..."
"No, you don't," I said, interrupting him. "You don't deserve anything from me, but what I deserve from you is an explanation."
"You do, yes," he said. "And I want to tell you everything."
"So tell me, Edward," I snapped. "You said you didn't cheat on me, but that's what you told me back then, so which is it?"
Edward ran his fingers through his hair and tugged at his hair at the roots, something he always did when he was nervous and apparently still does.
"I didn't cheat on you, Bella," he began. "Never once."
"Then who was the blonde you were with that day?" I asked. "You were holding her hand. You told me you were sorry I had to find out that way..."
"Rosalie was just a friend; she was my only friend at U-Dub," he answered. "She was a junior and we had a lot in common, one thing being we both liked girls."
"S'cuse me?" I questioned.
"Rose is gay, Bella. You were more her type than I ever could be."
I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. I was at a loss. "Then why did you make me think you were with her?" I finally asked.
"Because I was ashamed of who I became and I couldn't face you."
"Edward, what does that even mean?"
I watched as he pulled more on his hair and then sat down on my couch. He looked at me and then back down at his hands. Something was eating him alive and I needed him to tell me the truth.
"Please, tell me the truth now," I said, taking a seat next to him. "Please." A single tear fell from my eye.
"That day, Rose had walked me back to my dorm after I crashed at her apartment on her couch. I was sleeping it off."
"You were drunk?"
He shook head. "Not drunk, Bella. I was high."
"High?" I asked.
"Rose and I shared a class—that's where we met—and the day before you came to school, I showed up to class completely strung out. She got me out of class before the professor realized and brought me back to her place to come down."
"You were doing drugs?" I asked.
"At first it was just caffeine pills," he said. "My classes were kicking my ass and my soccer coach was giving me hell. My grades were slipping and I was about to get kicked off the team. I needed something to help me stay awake so I could study." He blew out a breath. "But before long the caffeine pills weren't working. I was talking to one of my teammates about needing something to stay awake and he gave me another pill. It worked for a while, and before I knew it, I couldn't function without the pills. The pills became my world and everything else was pushed away... including the girl I loved more than life itself."
Edward stood up from the couch and walked over to the window. He stuffed his hands in his jeans pocket and continued to look away away from me as he continued.
"When I saw you waiting for me at my dorm, I was so ashamed. I knew you were dealing with your dad's drinking and I knew I wasn't being the best boyfriend to you, I knew you deserved better than a strung out guy, so I lied. I made you think Rose and I were together because I couldn't tell you the truth. For the record, Rose told me I was a fool for lying to you. After that day, everything spiraled out of control. Rose didn't even know how bad my addiction had gotten. Before long, I was kicked off the soccer team and then eventually kicked out of school."
"Is that why you left Seattle?" I asked.
"Yeah, my parents found out, of course, and demanded I go to rehab. I was sent to a place in Portland."
"Did Eric know?"
"No, no one knew except my parents and Rose," he answered. "I was so mad that I was forced into that program, but I finished it, and as soon as I was done, I got a job in Portland, but it wasn't long before I found a dealer and started up again. When my parents found out, they basically disowned me. I kept up appearances for Eric, but my contact with him lessened over the years. I'd call every couple of months just to check in. I knew you and Lauren were still friends and I couldn't risk slipping up to Eric, so I put more distance between us. I even had him believing I was still in school and busy as hell so he wouldn't expect me to visit.
"Years went on with me in a dark hole of addiction. I ended up in the hospital after I overdosed. I had to have my stomach pumped, but even that didn't stop me. One night, while strung out in my shit hole of an apartment, Rose found me. She stayed with me until I came down from my high. Of course I wanted more drugs, but she forced me to look at what I was doing to myself. She found a box I had stuffed in the back of my closet; it was full of pictures of you, of us, and she made me look at them. She made me look at what the drugs had cost me. She made me see how selfish I was.
"The next morning, I checked myself back into rehab. No one made me go that time, I went on my own, it was my choice that time. I got clean and I enrolled back in school. I got a sponsor through NA and I went to my meeting religiously; I still go. I've been clean now for four years."
I didn't know what to say. I looked at him and I could tell he was healthy. I could see he was telling me the truth.
"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you let me help you?" I asked through my tears.
Edward walked back over to the couch and sat down beside me. "Because I was so ashamed, Bella. Eric told me your father passed away and I knew it was from his drinking. I didn't want you to see me like that. I knew that if I was ever going to see you again, that I had to get better. I had to get clean, I had to get my life back."
"Eric never knew any of this?"
"He found out about two years ago when he came to see me in Portland. I told him everything. That's when I found out you were back in Seattle."
"Did Lauren know?"
"No, she still doesn't know," Edward replied. "I begged Eric not to tell her because I knew she would tell you and I wasn't ready yet. I wasn't where I needed to be. So he kept my secret. I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry I hurt you all those years ago and that it's taken me ten years to finally tell you why I did what I did."
"That day was the worse day of my life," I said. I could feel my anger coming to the surface and I knew I needed to let it out. "You were everything to me. Everything! And you took your love away without discussing with me. You chose drugs over us. Over me! You did the same thing my father did. You made me think you were fucking someone else and that what we shared meant nothing to you! I loved you so much and you just threw it away, and for what, to get fucking high? And now you come back here ten years later and tell me you're all better now. Well, that's good for you, but I am not better. Not only did you break my heart, but you broke me. I have spent the past ten years trying to move on with my life. I have pushed everyone away except for Lauren, and that was only because she wouldn't let me. I never let anyone get close to me because you took everything from me!"
My tears were falling rapidly down my face and I could see Edward had tears in his eyes too; in that moment, I didn't care if I was hurting him.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry for everything. I fucked up everything, I know that. I am so sorry I hurt you for so long, I'm sorry I made you think I was sleeping with Rose, and most of all, I am sorry I made you think I didn't love you. I have always loved you, I never stopped loving you. I wanted to come back sooner, and it's no excuse, but I wanted... I needed to be better. I needed to be the man you always believed I could be. I needed to be better than Charlie. I couldn't let this defeat me like it had him. I am that man now, and maybe it was wrong of me to come here, but I had to. Even if you no longer love me... even if you hate me... I had to come back and at least explain and tell you how sorry I am... for everything." He choked back his tears and rubbed his eyes.
Kind of late in the game
And my heart is in your hands
Don't you stand there and then
Tell me you love me
And then leave again
Cause I'm falling in love with
You again
I sat in silence for a long while, trying to process all that he had just told me. I needed get a grip on my own anger and hurt. It had been ten years of holding onto all the pain, hurt, and anger, and it was time to let it go.
It was time to heal.
It was time to forgive.
I looked over at Edward, who had his face in his hands as he slumped over, totally spent. I took a deep breath and reached over to place my hand on his thigh. He jumped from my touch and released his face. He looked over at me, his cheeks stained with tears, but didn't speak.
He just waited.
"Edward, I... I never stopped loving you. As much as I didn't want to, as much as you broke my heart, my love was always there. I'm sorry you fell into all that, and I wish you would have told me and let me help you through it, but I'm glad you told me now. I'm glad you're better."
"God, Bella, I never stopped loving you either. And you did help me. Loving you is what got me through, it's what got me here." Edward reached into his back pocket for his wallet and he then pulled out what looked like a folded up photograph. "This is what got me through."
He handed me the photo. I took it from him; the paper was worn like it had been folded and unfolded many times over. I took a breath and unfolded it. I gasped when I saw it was a picture from my junior prom. We were so happy that night.
"I had the picture with me all this time. It's what helped me through. The memory of that night, how happy we were, how beautiful you were, how much I loved you. How much I still love you, Bella."
I looked back up at him and then back at the picture. In that moment, I could feel my heart coming back to life, I could feel it fusing back to being whole.
It wasn't logic.
It was love.
I lunged myself at him and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me so close. He felt so familiar even though he was different. His hold on me was filled with love as I held on for dear life, never wanting to let go again.
"Please don't leave me again," I sobbed, "I won't survive it."
"God, Bella. I promise you. I am never going anywhere again. I will never leave you or hurt you ever again."
I pulled back to look at him as the tears from both our eyes dried; I leaned in and kissed him. Edward pulled me closer and kissed me back. Ten years of separation, all the love we still had for each other poured out of our kiss. He tasted as I remembered.
"I missed you so much," Edward said, placing small kisses on my lips.
"I missed you too, but Edward..." I started and then paused. "Are you really okay?"
He knew what I was asking him. He knew why I had to ask. My father killed himself from an addiction. Edward knew it was not something I could handle twice in one lifetime.
"I'm an addict, Bella, I'm always going to be that, but I am clean and I never want to know that life again. Yes, it will always be inside me, but I am stronger now to fight it. I know what that life cost me and I won't give into it again. I still go to meetings and I still call my sponsor, but I am okay. I went back to school and got my degree in counseling. I got a job working with college age addicts; I wanted my own addiction and experience to be able to help others come out of the darkness I was once in, but am no longer."
"I'm proud of you for making it out, Edward," I said. "I'm glad you came back."
"You're all I need, Bella. You're all I need to keep going," he said, reaching out to cup my cheek. "Can you give me another chance, Bella? I know I don't deserve it, but can you?"
"Edward, you had another chance as soon as you knocked on my door," I said. I smiled at him and leaned into him. "I love you."
"I love you, too. More than my own life," he said. He captured my lips with his own and kissed me with all his love.
It was in that moment that two broken hearts healed together and two people who met and fell in love as kids, fell in love once again, and this time, it would be forever.
Hold me
Hold me
Don't ever let me go
Say it just one time
Say you love me
God knows I do
Love you
Again
A/N: And there you go
Please review... dying to know what your thoughts.
Put me on Author Alert, see you on Aug 11th!
Much Love
XOXO