CHAPTER 3 : SPEAK NO EVIL
Midweek, Dr Roy Fells asked to see Merlin. He smiled telling the young man to take a seat. Merlin sat as he was told, hoping that there had been an improvement noticed, even something unremarkable just something.
Merlin's heart dropped as Dr. Fells told him that Mr. Pendragon had decided to move Arthur to another facility. Watching him, Dr. Fells felt sorry for the young man who had stood by his friend for close to two months.
"He can't! This facility is perfect for Arthur…he is doing so well..." Merlin glanced at the doctor, "...isn't he?"
"Arthur is holding his own but he hasn't improved noticeably. Merlin, you've been with him continually, you know that little has changed."
"But it could happen tomorrow, he could begin to react to touch and smell. Please, don't let them take him away from St. Swithin's. He might wake up tonight..."
"Mr. Pendragon's father has made his decision. Arthur is being moved to a private facility which is recognised by the medical community as a suitable location for Arthur in his present state."
"Is it nearby?"
Dr Fells shook his head, "It's close to the family home." He felt for the young man facing him. He knew that a one-sided friendship had built between his patient and this visitor.
Merlin brushed away a tear which had escaped and tried to smile. "I'm sure that he will be looked after well. It's just that I won't be able to see it whenever there is the first improvement. You think I'm silly but..."
"You're not silly! You've been faithful and a great help. The staff has only positive things to say about you and your visits. I realise that this is a shock for you and felt that I should let you know so that you would be prepared. All the best, Merlin, and I hope that you will soon hear that there has been some success in bringing Arthur out of his coma."
Merlin left the doctor's office and made his way back to Arthur's room. He stood behind the door and broke down. He knew Gawaine had warned him about cutting his contacts with friends to sit with Arthur but had received more pleasure sitting beside a comatose Arthur than trailing after friends from one bar to another and listening to their talk of one night stands. He stood there sobbing. Finally, he dragged his sleeve across his face and walked to the bedside looking at Arthur who unknowingly was going to have one of his last visits with Merlin and who lay there uncomplaining .
Merlin tried to control his voice but it was hopeless. He managed to say, "Arthur, it's me..." His heart clenched and he stopped dead. The reality hitting him that chances were that this would be the last time he would see or certainly have a private conversation with Arthur. He laughed sadly their conversations had always been so one sided. He knew little about Arthur apart from what Gawaine had told him but he felt in his heart that he knew the man who for all intents and purposes, was captive in an unresponsive body.
He smiled, two moths had been time for broken bones to mend and bruises and scars to fade before disappearing…and for feelings to manifest themselves…one sided though they might be. Arthur was breathing on his own but still attached to a myriad of machines. He had never tried to open his eyes or say anything, yet Merlin had felt in his heart, that Arthur was listening.
He sat close to him. He looked at him carefully and brushed the hair off his forehead. He took his hand and held it to his lips kissing each and every finger. His heart was racing and he was starting with a headache. He felt physically sick. He wasn't ready for this farewell. However, he felt the need to explain to Arthur that he might not be seeing him as frequently, the lie caught in his throat, he couldn't say it.
"Arthur, sometimes it is necessary for people to move on even if they don't want to. Your father has found another hospital for you. You'll like it there. It is close to your home and maybe you will have more visitors."
It hurt him to tell a lie, he had no proof that Arthur would have more visitors. His father had reached the stage when he just phoned the specialist once a fortnight knowing that he would be kept informed if there was any positive change in his son's condition.
Merlin was crying softly as he massaged Arthur's hands. He'd come to know every vein and scar. Arthur's wrists were thin and Merlin could feel and see his pulse.
"I didn't mean to fall for you Arthur but seeing you and talking about my life has become the highlight of each day. I'll miss you and I realise that you probably will never remember that I visited you. My life as you now realise is quite humdrum, work, go home, read and sleep repeated ad nauseum however; these visits have become the focus of each day. Promise you won't laugh but I tell Spot everything we have spoken about and how you look each day. For a kitten she is intuitive as if she realises that my words are important and she listens carefully before jumping off my lap to chase and catch a dust bunny or attack her Winnie The Pooh toy. I had always thought that one day, the nurses might have greeted me as I came in with the news that there had been an improvement and that you were on the way to recovery.
"I had hoped that one day; you might have opened your eyes and asked who I was? I'm going to say goodbye for today but tomorrow I will be here again to visit hoping that you have not yet been moved." He dropped his voice and said quietly, "You are my best friend and I will miss you. Don't forget me..."
He stood up and walked to the head of the bed and ran his finger down Arthur's cheek. "Sleep tight, Love!" he whispered and turned to leave the room.
He stopped sure he had seen movement out of the corner of his eye but attributed it to a reflection from the bank of machines monitoring his friend.
Arthur again clenched his fingers as the door closed.
-0-0-
The following morning, Graham was in taking care of Arthur and he noticed that the machine results were fluctuating. He brought it to the attention of the head nurse on duty that morning, she flagged his file and during Dr. Fells' rounds, she notified him.
Roy Fells ordered an EEG to trace the spontaneous electrical changes of the brain. He decided to also call for brain taps. Asking to see Graham, he queried what he had been doing when he had noticed the activity.
Graham explained that he had almost finished his routine and had been talking about Arthur's regular visitor and then had had noticed fluctuations in the patient's pulse. He'd kept talking and again mentioned the name Merlin and noticed that there was a definite muscle contraction in Arthur's right hand. He immediately held it, massaging it hoping to duplicate the readings but he couldn't except by saying Merlin's name.
Dr. Fells thanked him and dismissing him, reread the file and noticed that no reports had been received from the physio team who had worked on Arthur later that morning. He knew Graham to be careful and astute so on the chance that here had been something, he contacted one of his brain trauma associates. It was decided that prior to speaking to Arthur's father about his son's possible change in status, they would try a little test.
"Get Merlin Emrys in here this afternoon, I'm free around four," he told the nurse on duty at the 5T nurses' station. Bridie who was on duty got the call, knowing from the others that there had been a possible change in Arthur's status, her spirits lifted as she looked up Merlin's number from his Touch Therapy file. Of course, Merlin didn't answer his phone.
-0-0-
Merlin wasn't having a good day. He was up to his eyes in work and Gawaine had notified him that he wanted him in attendance at that afternoon's general meeting of department heads. Seems Mr. Pendragon was in town and on the warpath. Heads were going to fly for sure.
The meeting was called for one o'clock. Merlin was seated beside Gawaine listening to the chairman's opening remarks when Merlin felt his phone buzzing. He reached for it and turned it off.
-0-0-
Bridie was having no luck contacting Merlin, in desperation, she finally decided to text Gawaine, 'Can't reach, Merlin. Get him to phone me at work ASAP...'
Gawaine read the text and showed it to Merlin. Then texted back, 'Done...' Looking at Merlin who had turned grey and was having problems breathing, he said, "Go and phone her, it's probably nothing but better to find out."
As Merlin left the table, Uther's eyes were drawn to the young man who was causing a disturbance. He thought, 'Today's young people have no insight into the importance of business meeting protocol.'
Trying to blend in with his surroundings and not cause any fuss as he left the meeting, Merlin managed to find the exit door locked and fumbled with it until someone hissed, "Pull!"
Doing as he was told, Merlin almost fell into the corridor. He grabbed his phone and called the hospital asking for 5T East. The nurse on duty called to Bridie and he listened horrified as she told him that Dr Fells wanted to see him for the second time in two days.
"Is everything all right with Arthur? Has he been moved to the new facility?"
"He's still here and is doing all right. Why don't you wait until you speak to the doctor? If you're free now, you can come on over. I'm here until eleven tonight and due for a fifteen minute break in twenty minutes."
Merlin laughed, "See you, I'll bring a treat but not like Greeks bearing gifts..."
"Bring it on, Merlin! See you, soon..."
Smiling to himself, Merlin slipped his phone in his pocket. Arthur was still there and he would be seeing him soon. He felt so much better than when Gawaine had shown him the text. He quickly texted him back that Arthur was all right and that he was meeting with Dr. Fells at four and having a snack with Bridie before seeing him. He liked Bridie and if he hadn't had a different outlook on life, he might have been interested in her.
He arrived at the nurses' station just as Bridie came out of Arthur's room. She waved at him and continued to put his file in the cabinet behind the desk. "I'm off on my break now," she turned to the others saying, "If there is nothing pressing."
-0-0-
Merlin's coffee sat between them on the table hardly touched. He had relaxed slightly picking up on Bridie's calmness. She smiled encouragingly at him. "I'm sure that Dr. Fells would have wanted to see Mr. Pendragon if there had been a problem. It's almost four...so take a deep breath and go to see what he wants."
Feeling slightly more relaxed than when he had first set foot on 5T, he knocked on the office door.
Dr Fells nodded as Merlin entered and took the chair opposite him. He walked around the desk and perched on it smiling at Merlin, "Well...I guess you want to know why I wanted you to come in today." Merlin nodded. "Don't look so worried. Arthur is doing well and we just wanted to clear up a point or two. Has Arthur ever put any pressure on your hand when you were holding his?"
Shaking his head, Merlin said, "Never, can't say that I didn't want him to but I never felt anything."
"Did you ever notice anything at all?"
"Well, yesterday, just as I was ready to go. I thought the machines were really active but I looked again and everything seemed normal. Why?"
"Graham reported that there seemed more brain activity today so I have put Arthur on another couple of machines and with your permission, I'd like to monitor your visit with him, if you are agreeable."
Merlin felt a spark of hope. Arthur was maybe coming around. He looked at the doctor and grinned, "Yes, anything that will help. What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to do nothing special. Ignore all of us and just have a regular visit." Dr. Fells stood up, "Come on, Merlin, let's see how Arthur is doing today?"
Dr. Fells opened Arthur's door. Graham was present and another doctor Merlin didn't recognise. Dr Fells said to him, "This is the young man we were talking about." Turning to Merlin, he said, "Go ahead, ignore us, have your visit."
Merlin walked to the bed, Arthur looked the same as the previous day. Ignoring the people and extra machines, he said, "Hello, Arthur, it's me Merlin!" He took his hand letting his thumb rub against it. "Hope you haven't been causing any trouble?"
Conscious of the flashing lights on one machine, he tried to return his attention solely to Arthur. "Heard from my Mom today, she's planning to come for Easter. You'll have to try harder as I know she'd like to see you sitting up in bed. By the way, Gawaine sends his regards; he's stuck in a meeting."
He leant forward and pushed the hair off Arthur's brow, allowing the back of his fingers to skim along his cheek. "I forgot to mention that your father was there. He looked well. The contract has been signed for the company you negotiated to buy. Your father mentioned your name and everyone clapped. Honestly, Arthur, I bet you would have been embarrassed. Gawaine said that you would have hated it but I think that deep down you would have been a little proud, wouldn't you?"
Merlin continued, "I'm going to massage your hands and your wrists. One day, Arthur, you're going to tell me I have the magic touch, aren't you?" Merlin stood missing the spike on one of the machines and the just perceptible muscle contraction in the hand he had been holding.
Taking the cream, he squirted some into his hand. He seemed oblivious to the others in the room. He perched on the bed on Arthur's left and took his hand in both of his. He held it between his and began the massaging routine.
"When you're all better, you will have the softest most beautiful hands in the city." He paused and looked at Arthur's face, "I'll hear you say that and until then, I will try be here every afternoon."
He returned to Arthur's right side and took his hand, oblivious to the others he raised it to his lips whispering something which was just for Arthur. Again the machines picked up something. He put the cream on his hands and entwined his fingers with Arthur's giving equal attention to all the fingers. "There that's done. I think we should paint your nails in the colours of your favourite football team. Chelsea or Arsenal? Arthur, you'll have to..."
His eyes suddenly found Dr Fells, who was smiling encouragingly.
Merlin continued with a slight tremor in his voice, "So, what is it North London Arsenal's red and white?" Laughing Merlin said, "OK, don't tell me...you'd prefer Chelsea blue nails."
Merlin felt movement in the hand he was holding. He panicked his mouth wide open, his eyes tear filled. He found Dr. Fell's eyes. He squeezed Arthur's hand and leaning forward, suppressing a sob said, "All right, you get to choose." Dr Fells moved closer to the bed, watching carefully.
Holding Arthur's hand loosely, Merlin said, "Chelsea?" Arthur's hand felt warm in his but nothing happened. He waited and finally said, "Guess that's a no. How about Arsenal?" He almost fell off his chair as he felt Arthur's hand move in a clenching motion.
Before he knew it, he had his arms around Arthur and was hugging him, tubes and all. Dr Fells checked the machines with his associate and murmured in the corner. Graham gave Merlin a thumbs up.
"Arthur, I...I don't know what to say. It's been so long, your father is going to be so proud of you. Wait untiI I tell my mother, she'll be so happy."
Dr. Fells caught Merlin's attention motioning that they were going to leave them to themselves. He said quietly, "Thanks, Merlin, you proved a point."
As Arthur heard the name Merlin, again the machines spiked and Merlin felt pressure on his hand which was still holding Arthur's.
-0-0-
Merlin heard the door close after them. He looked at Arthur's face. There was no expression to show that he had made physical contact with Merlin.
Merlin leaned forward; he dipped his finger in a glass of water and traced Arthur's lips but there was no reaction. He brushed the hair off Arthur's forehead and whispered, "I'm so proud of you!"
Again he felt Arthur's hand clench. He bent down and kissed it. He would have given anything for Arthur to have opened his eyes now that they were alone. He needed to see him. For months now he had conversed with a sleeping person and even though the hand gripping was a step in the right direction, he was now impatient for more.
Dr Fells had asked to see him again in two days and he would re-evaluate the situation. Arthur's father would have to be notified and then decisions made about which facility was the best for Arthur in his current situation.
Merlin was not sure how much Arthur actually understood or if it was just a reaction to his name or if there were more things happening in Arthur's mind and body. Merlin was sure that the following day if personnel were available, Arthur would be put through a battery of tests.
So much was going through his mind, he felt sure that as Arthur's condition was improving, he would be pushed back as family and friends would once again flock to visit him. He felt a little annoyed on Arthur's behalf. Where had all these people been when Arthur had been so sick? He then felt guilty, for the last few months, he had had Arthur to himself, no one claiming his attention or making decisions as to how or what Merlin said to him.
He sat there, rubbing his thumb along Arthur's as he held his hand and shared with him his thoughts.
When Bridie popped her head in to say that she was going off duty, he realised that he had sat a further two hours than normal. "You should be going home, Merlin." She added smiling, "It's well past Arthur's bedtime and you haven't eaten anything since you had a half cup of coffee."
"I didn't realise it was so late. Arthur, I have to go now. I'll come by tomorrow and I want you to work hard at opening your eyes. I don't even think you know who I am." He smiled, he doubted that Arthur really remembered him as he was just someone who used to shadow Gawaine at meetings and run messages for him.
He raised Arthur hand to his lips and gave it a little kiss, he felt too embarrassed to kiss his brow in Bridie's presence. Picking up on it, Bridie said, "I'll wait for you in the hallway. Goodnight, Arthur, have a good rest as tomorrow will be a busy day for you."
Merlin smiled, he half stood and leant over Arthur kissing his brow and gently touching his lips. He thought at one point that Arthur had slightly moved his lips but his mind was drawn to the renewed pressure on his hand. Arthur had something to say but sadly he had no voice just one hand.
" I'll see you tomorrow..." and he did something which he had never had to do, he had to gently open Arthur's hand so that he could get his own hand back. "Sleep tight, my love!"
He joined Bridie in the hallway and she explained that someone on staff would be on duty with Arthur all night to monitor him. "You go home, have a warm bath and eat something. You have to go to work tomorrow. You've had a busy day."
"Yes, Mother!" he said laughing.