CHAPTER 7 : AN AWAKENING MIND
Merlin and Gawaine were up by noon. Gawaine had decided overnight that Merlin should visit Arthur alone. He'd spoken with Bridie who had agreed as Dr. Fells wanted to observe them for a little while especially when Merlin first walked into the room. She told him that he seemed quite alert this morning but that he was slightly agitated whenever anyone entered his room. "Could be that he's waiting for Merlin," she said.
"Has Arthur's father been apprised of his progress?"
"Not yet, Dr. Fells usually visits first to make a progress report."
"O.K. I'll tell Merlin that I'm picking you up after your shift and that he will be alone with Arthur. What time do you finish?"
"In about half an hour."
"See you then!"
And so, Merlin and Gawaine planned to go the hospital where Gawaine would be taking Bridie out for a late lunch. They dropped by Merlin's place first so that he could feed Spot and change his clothes. Gawaine teased him that he had to look dapper when Arthur saw him in the light of day. Merlin had the decency to blush before giving him a well-earned punch on the arm.
Merlin was greeted on T5 by smiles all around, he felt a little self-conscious as he had done nothing to deserve them. Dave one of the interns said, "Dr. Fells says for you to go right in, he'll be with you in a little while." Merlin nodded.
He reached Arthur's door and momentarily froze. What would greet him on the other side? He took a deep breath and walked in…
Arthur's eyes immediately found his and he said, "Merlin! I've been…waited for you." His speech was slightly stilted but more easily understood than yesterday.
Merlin walked over to the bed and took Arthur's hand. Arthur pulled him into a one armed hug, finally letting him go to smile at him saying, "I missed you!" Then he settled back into his pillows with a sigh and a satisfied grin.
Merlin looked at him and his heart clenched, he was so much more than he had expected after seeing him unconscious for over thirteen weeks. It was a miracle. He started to grin back and then got very embarrassed. How much of what he had told Arthur in his twilight state did he remember? He obviously didn't remember much as he seemed quite happy to see him. He wondered how much Arthur actually remembered of their conversations.
He came back to the present as Arthur said, "Tell me…Spot?"
Merlin laughed, "You remembered my talking about Spot. Well, she is beautiful, a real charmer and a little miffed as I stayed over at Gawaine's last night." Merlin noticed the semblance of a frown cross Arthur's face but he ignored it. "She had to wait for her breakfast but she'll be all right by the time I get home tonight. I think she thinks that I'm at her beck and call and watches me like a hawk when I get ready to go out." He paused in his rambling and said, "Am I talking too fast for you?"
Arthur grinned and said, "No… I can follow fine…I just like to hear your voice…soothing and I'm used to it. Like being home!" The more Arthur spoke, the easier it was. Merlin noticed that he seemed to quickly get into the rhythm of conversation and spoke with less anxiety. There was still some hesitation but Merlin could understand everything he was saying.
Home! That was true that was where Arthur would be going one day. Deciding to face that when it happened, Merlin quickly picked a safer topic. Instead he told him that all the horses' names that they had picked were still listed for the Grand National. "Do you remember that, Arthur?"
"Not really, I think I didn't…understand what you were saying. To begin with it was just your voice, I seemed…to be pulled in by it whenever you were here. It made me feel safe…it was like being wrapped in a blanket and held close." He took a couple of breaths before continuing, "Thank you for visiting me and talking to me…I thought you lived somewhere in the hospital and worked here. Graham told me this morning that you didn't…you came just to visit me and that was why you weren't here this morning. I really wanted to see you, and now…" he smiled softly, "You've come again…" He reached out and took Merlin's hand.
Merlin looked down at the hand which he had held so often, the knuckles which he had kissed and the skin, muscles and tendons which he had massaged. He smiled, now he would let Arthur make the move towards holding hands. The hand no longer belonged to him but to the man sitting in the bed.
He said, "Arthur, I will always come when you need a visitor. You know Gawaine often came too, Leon as well…and your father." He noticed a slight hesitation in Arthur's breathing as if he wanted to say something but almost immediately had changed his mind. "You have some good friends, Arthur. They'll all want to visit and bring you up to date on all their news."
"And…and what if I don't…want to see them?" a quiet voice said.
Merlin remembered reading somewhere that a person's character could change after being in a coma. A popular person could become withdrawn and a difficult person might become even more so. "Well, maybe not right now but in a little while, you'll be happy to see them," Merlin concluded.
There was a tap on the door and Dr. Fells came in, smiling widely at the two friends talking. "So, how are you both doing? Arthur, you know you owe this young man a big thank you for the hours he has spent at your bedside. You must be so proud to have him as a friend."
Arthur smiled and clenched Merlin's hand a little tighter, "I am…I certainly am!"
"Well," said Dr. Fells, "I can see that you are coming along very well. Feeling overly tired?"
"No, I feel as if I have just woken up…after a good night's sleep." He turned and smiled at Merlin.
"We will have to do a battery of tests both physical and mental later this week and then the team will be meeting to decide which course of action we will be taking. You'll be here for a while longer having more therapy and once we get you mobile, you can think about going home. Do you live alone in town? As you might need a carer for a couple of months but that will depend upon how well you progress. It seems that your father is out of the country for several weeks so we will be contacting him with the results of the preliminary tests as soon as is possible."
He jotted a few things down on his notes and looked up smiling at the two of them. "You can now continue your visit but Merlin if he becomes sluggish and sleepy it's normal as he has been overly active since yesterday." So saying, the doctor went to leave the room beckoning to Merlin to follow him, "I need him for a minute, Arthur, is that all right with you?"
Arthur nodded as long as he knew Merlin was coming back he could relax. He was very handsome as Gawaine had said. Arthur thought again and remembered that Gawaine had actually said beautiful and he smiled saying to himself, 'He is, isn't he?' It surprised him that he could feel so close to someone with whom he had only spoken the first time yesterday. It was as if he were his favourite character in a book or on TV whom he felt that he had known forever and finally he was seeing him in the flesh.
He still had the feeling of Merlin's hand in his and he wondered if maybe, he was being a little forward holding his hand as maybe Merlin would prefer that he didn't. Not that he had tried to pull his hand away but you usually don't hang onto someone's hand when you first meet them. But then again, this wasn't technically their first meeting.
Dr. Fells had told him earlier this morning that he had been a patient at St. Swithin's for eleven weeks, having spent some time at another trauma centre. He wondered how long Merlin had been visiting and how often his father had been to visit. He didn't remember anything of his father's visits but maybe he hadn't spoken to him or held his hand.
-0-0-
Merlin stood outside the open door but across the hallway. Dr. Fells spoke quietly, "It's better if we leave the door open so he knows you'll be back. Answer any questions about his accident as best you can but let him initiate the discussion. He has plenty of time to learn about what happened when he is ready." The doctor became serious, "Don't mention about his friend's death unless he brings it up. A driver often feels responsible for the fatality of his passenger and that is all Arthur needs when his mind is still fragile. We also never know how much of the accident he remembers, it is possible that he has blanked it out completely as a healing mechanism."
He smiled at Merlin and added, "Just try to keep the conversation on things you have in common…" Then he laughed, "Well, you know what I mean, things which you might have mentioned over the last couple of weeks."
Merlin grinned, "That's mostly me, my mother, my cat and what I know of his friends. He'll get bored quickly by that, don't you think?"
The doctor smiled kindly saying, "No, Merlin, I have a feeling Arthur will not be bored if you're doing the talking!"
Merlin slipped back in the room, Arthur seemed to be dozing so he just sat beside him and let his mind drift. The room remained in silence. Merlin's mind was taking in what the doctor had said: Uther was out of the country, Arthur needed more therapy, once he was mobile he could go home. Merlin felt Arthur's hand take his, squeezing it and he looked up and said as usual, "Got something to say, Arthur, have you?" He paused and blushed, "Sorry, I was miles away and I had forgotten that you were talking, and usually that was what I would do and now you're awake and I don't know why I did it…"
"Merlin, it's all right. I used to like hearing you and Gawaine talk to me…but especially you."
Beginning to feel uncomfortable, Merlin shifted in his seat.
"Don't worry, as my head if still a little fuzzy about things we spoke about, I can just remember the overall feeling of being warm and safe when you were talking. Anyway, what about the race? You know…there are horses at my father's place as well as a couple of retired ponies…maybe you'd like to ride with me one day."
"I don't know how to ride, Arthur."
"That won't be a problem…we have a great mare called End O' Never. She is very patient and always looks after her rider very carefully. She'll love you, I know."
Merlin looked at Arthur quizzically, "What's with her name?"
"Well my father had hoped for a colt and he was going to register it as Endeavour but it turned out to be a filly so the name was not used. However, I had never been able to say it, so as a joke she ended up being registered in the General Studbook as End O'Never. I wasn't the brightest obviously. We actually call her Enda.
Merlin smiled, he liked this man. He had a sense of humour and he felt so relaxed with him. He felt that he had known him all his life.
Merlin ran down the list of horses' names. Arthur laughed at reference to the Round Table and the Lamborghini. He suddenly said seriously, "Do you think…I'll ever drive again?"
"Arthur, I'm sure you will once you get those legs moving, but maybe for a little time you will be using taxis. You still have your driving licence and I know that you have the Jag you drive around London."
Arthur knowing his father, thought that it was more likely that one of his drivers would be at his disposal if he ever needed to go anywhere. He also was sure that he would be whisked off to the country once he was released from hospital.
They sat in comfortable silence. Arthur's mind trying to piece things together, "Did I know you…before I was in the hospital?"
Merlin said, "Possibly by sight, as I was being trained by Gawaine. I only knew you because you were the big boss's son." He smiled to show that he had no hard feelings against Arthur's father, well none which he was going to divulge at the moment. "I tagged along with Gawaine because I lived nearby and then Gawaine's life, business and pleasure intervened and he asked me to occasionally fill in. I did and here I am today, still filling in while he and Bridie have lunch."
Arthur thought and then said, "I'm sorry, Merlin…I'm keeping you from joining them"
"Don't be silly, they wouldn't want me butting in on their private meal. I actually am…quite happy being here with you. It seems to be the right place to be. I'll be able to phone my mother to bring her up to date on things. She has visited you with me but you probably don't remember. She thought you were handsome and rather nice although a bit on the quiet side."
It took Arthur a bit of time to follow the thought and then he laughed. "Wait till she meets me in person…with all my marbles functioning!"
They heard the food trolleys being brought around with supper. Merlin said, "I'd better be on my way. They have a routine here and they don't like it interrupted. Did you see Graham today? He was hired by your father to be your private nurse. He has been very friendly and I always felt safe leaving you with him." Merlin could have bitten his tongue, what a stupid thing to say!
"But you will come tomorrow? Won't you?"
"Yes, of course but I won't be here until after work, say around five twenty depending upon the traffic."
"It had something to do with a truck, didn't it?"
Merlin's stomach dropped, he tried to smile and decided to keep it light. He took Arthur's hand and said, "Yes, Arthur there was a truck. You could say it was a lucky truck as we got to know each other because of it. Look, here's you supper. Try to have a good night's rest and I'll see you tomorrow."
It was a memory which was either too distant or which his mind didn't want to acknowledge, so Arthur just smiled and said, "A truck!"
Merlin walked out into the hallway, what a stupid thing to say, a lucky truck, which had killed his friend and put him in a coma for thirteen weeks. He thought, 'Some luck…!'
-0-0-
Merlin made his way home. His mind was unable to think straight. It was being bombarded by so many things. He fed the cat, opened a soft drink. His turned his phone on and realised that he's missed a call from Gawaine. He sat on the sofa to call his mother. She was pleased to hear that Arthur had woken up and that he seemed so lucid.
"He's still a little confused and he speaks slowly with lots of gaps," Merlin added, "…and I don't think he remembers much about the accident but he did finally come up with the word truck. I had a quick talk with Dr. Fells and he told me to let him talk if he wants to but not to mention anything about the actual accident and all the fatalities.
"Mum?" he said, "Do you think he's going to be all right? Will he be able to get back to his own life and drive again? He asked me and I told him that I thought he would be able to."
Relying on her nursing experience, his mother said, "It sounds as if he is doing well, but only time will tell. He has a long haul ahead of him and sometimes, it can take years. However, how are you doing? You're going to have to keep healthy and stay strong because as in any recovery, there will be ups and downs and I don't want to hear that you have fallen ill of exhaustion or worry."
"Mum, I'm fine. I'm happy for Arthur and I'm going to have a good sleep tonight without wondering if my phone is going to ring with some awful news."
"Look after yourself then. Have you had any supper?"
Merlin laughed, "That is the next thing on the agenda. I picked up some curry for tonight so I wouldn't have to cook. Don't worry, Mum, I'm a grownup, I can manage fine."
"Well, Goodnight then and thanks for phoning. Tell Arthur I'm happy to hear that he is doing well."
"Goodnight, Mum, and don't worry I'll phone you later this week."
Hunith hung up and smiled sadly, her son didn't realise how exhausting the next few weeks might be and she prayed that Arthur was a gentleman and would let her son down gently, once he realised that Merlin was in love with him.
Merlin clicked off his phone and smiled. Arthur hadn't told him that he didn't want him to visit. He was pleased as he had dreamt all sorts of strange things last night, from finding Arthur's door locked and no one having the key to being told point blank to get lost.
He got the curry and stretched out on the settee. Spot joined him and he settled down for the evening.
Gawaine phoned again so he was able to bring him up to date on things. He wanted to know if they should visit tomorrow and Merlin said that unless they heard otherwise from the hospital, he thought they should. He added, "Maybe Arthur will be very tired if they have started all the tests. He might even be asleep."
"So what? Ninety-five percent of the time we've been visiting he's been asleep. We'll just have to be more careful what we talk about. Anyway, see you at work tomorrow, don't be late."
Merlin put the phone down and smiled. What Gawaine had said was true, Arthur had slept during most of their visits but now it was different, he was awake and capable of carrying on a conversation.
He carried his bowl to the sink and left it soaking. He checked the door, turned off the lights and made his way to the bathroom. Soon he was changed and sitting on the edge of the bed. He smiled to himself, his riding a horse called Enda that was funny. He put his head on the pillow and pulled up his covers.
Spot landed on the bed beside him, he told her not to disturb him until morning and fell asleep to the purring of the little spotted cat.
-0-0-
Knowing that Uther was away seemed to affect the whole office, there was lightness in the air. People were working hard and the bosses who were present noticed the difference and smiled. Uther was an exceptional man but he had few qualities for instilling respect. Turnover in the lower positions was frequent but anyone who stuck it out soon learned that Uther was a hard worker himself and expected as much from his employees.
Mrs. Pritchard, Uther secretary, appeared in Gawaine's office as he and Merlin were rifling through files trying to find something. "So!" she said, "How are my two favourite young men today?"
"Confused," said Gawaine without looking up, "Some stupid Perkins file has gone walkabout and we need it now!"
Merlin grinned, "We've even skipped lunch which for Gawaine is quite a milestone."
Mrs. Pritchard laughed, she looked at the mess of the office and shook her head. "What exactly is it?" she asked.
"Well, it's a contract, supposed to be on a hard drive but we couldn't find it. I've referred to it before but it seems to have disappeared. They're also searching for it in personnel. It has to do with a Mr. Perkins from the eighties who is now claiming a pension but I can't find his name let alone the number of years he worked for the company. He's being difficult…"
"…and making our lives a misery!" added Merlin.
Looking thoughtful, Mrs. Pritchard said, "I think he was called Wally, here for maybe nine years, left under a cloud and threatened to sue. Nothing came of it," she shook her head as if clearing away cobwebs. Suddenly, she smiled, "I remember now, his full name was Watts-Perkins."
Gawaine hit himself in the forehead, "That's it!" He smiled, "I'd offer you a congratulatory drink if we weren't in the office. Merlin, phone personnel, tell then we've had the wrong name. Thanks for the help. That's a load off my mind."
"Actually seeing you so busy," Mrs. Pritchard said, "Made me forget, why I came down. I was wondering if you had been in to see Arthur recently?"
Merlin face brightened, "He's coming out of his coma and the hospital staff seems quite pleased."
Gawaine glanced at him but played along, "Yes, he's had his eyes open and had moved his hands."
Mrs Pritchard's face broke into a big smile; Arthur was one of her favourites as she'd known him since he'd come as a child to visit his father at the office. "That's wonderful news! Mr. Pendragon must be so happy."
Gawaine said carefully, "We don't know…"
"Well, he left me with strict instructions not to contact him unless it was an emergency. But, I'm sure the hospital will contact them if they see fit."
Merlin crossed his fingers behind his back as Mrs. Pritchard said that. Gawaine and he had decided not to mention anything about Arthur hoping to give him time to progress in peace as they knew that that was no love lost between the staff at the hospital and his father.
Gawaine said, "Thank you for the name Watts-Perkins. That should make everything easier."
"Well I'm off for the day, so next time you have a chance to visit Arthur, tell him my husband and I have been praying for him and that I hope to see him back in his office one day. He's a charming young man."