Year 1
Chapter 1: What's That Address Again?
Original Chapter 1 by Rune, updates by Steve2
Rune: This isn't a story; it's more a compilation of one-shots that involve Harry and his belief that all 'magical' people are insane asylum escapees (hence the title). Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or anything related to it.
1988: during the summer of Harry's 8th birthday.
"We really should consider what that professor said," Petunia implored of her husband.
"I think a good thumping will do just as much, and it will make me feel better," her large husband replied.
"But think, Vernon, what if he's right? Don't you want to squash that… freakishness… out of him?"
"Of course I do, Pet. It's unnatural. That's why I think a good thumping…"
"But, dear, you've spent years thumping him and nothing has come of it. The… freakishness… is still happening. Maybe this way will be better."
"…but there will still be freakishness…"
She smiled lightly at her husband. "Yes, there will be. But we can explain it to him a little better than just thumping him."
"Let's do it," Vernon agreed with the hope that maybe something good would come of this.
{-1-}
The years passed and soon enough…
Albus Dumbledore ignored Snape's grumbling and McGonagall's long-suffering sighs as he rang the doorbell.
"Boy! Get the door!" they heard from inside.
"Yes, Uncle Vernon," a voice followed after. Moments later came the sounds of footsteps and the lock unlocking. The door was opened by a short, black-haired boy who didn't look older than eight with emerald green eyes.
"Can I help you?" the boy asked.
"Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore asked, smiling, overlooking the fact that Harry was obviously malnourished (which in turn caused both Snape and McGonagall to cast the Snape Glare of Death™ upon him).
"Yes? Who is asking?"
"I am Professor Dumbledore, and these are Professors McGonagall and Snape. We are here from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You do believe in magic, of course?" The last part was more a statement than a question.
Harry stepped onto the porch. "Oh, I believe alright," Harry started. "I believe you," (pointing at Dumbledore) "and you," (pointing at McGonagall) "are both obviously senile and have escaped the insane asylum and have obviously dragged your poor minder here," (he gestured at Snape) "along with this insanity."
Harry turned to look at Snape with an 'I feel sorry that you have to care for loons' look on his face, "Would you like me to give you the directions back to the asylum, so you can put the patients back in their beds?"
It took all of Snape's self-control not to crack a smile at the emerald eyed boy, or even worse… laugh; especially at the looks on Dumbledore's and McGonagall's faces. McGonagall looked affronted, as no one in their right mind had ever called her senile (except Sirius Black, but he got two months of detention with Filch and therefore never spoke the word 'senile' again, especially in her presence). Dumbledore blinked several times in confusion.
"I beg your pardon?" Albus Dumbledore asked.
Harry regarded him for a moment. Finally he surmised he needed to dumb his answer down for the sake of the poor demented man with the long white beard.
"You're asking forgiveness for being insane… well, that's the first time that's happened to me… of course, this is the first time I've seen two senile old people dragging their minder along with them. Oh right," he turned back inside. "Uncle Vernon? What was the address to the insane asylum? There's a man out here with two senile escapees who are talking about witchcraft, and wizardry, and stuff like that."
"WHAT? I'LL NOT HAVE THAT FREAKISHNESS IN MY HOUSE!"
"They're not in the house; they're on the doorstep, and their minder would really like that address."
Snape snorted. Maybe this Potter wouldn't be so bad to keep around.
Read and Review, please! Smiles!
Rune/Steve2