In My Head

Lavi stared out of the window, looking down over the small town as the sun set over the distant mountains. In my head, that's where you always are, can't get you out... don't want to let you go.

Lowering his gaze, he stared at his hands, spreading out his fingers, and smiled sadly. He missed Yuu something terribly but Bookman's words still ran circles in his head. 'You need to work on separating yourself from that boy, or there will be trouble for the both of you.' Lavi cared too much for Kanda – God knew he hated calling the boy that – to let any harm come to him, so he accepted every mission, asking for as many as possible, doing what he could to avoid the older teen.

If Kanda was away on a mission, then that was Lavi's chance to relax. If it so happened that they were both home at once, Lavi used the excuse of work to keep himself away from his lover. And it was killing him.

He wanted to take Yuu with him, away from this war, around the world. Show him everything, show him the ropes. Kanda wasn't very good with love – it confused the poor boy greatly. He'd been promised so many things, had people claim to love him far too many times, only to be let down. Lavi was well aware of the fact that Kanda had been waiting for it all to fall down around him, and Lavi was only helping it happen.

But he had to, though he didn't want to... and Kanda was in his head. You're in my head, always, always, always in my head and in my heart.

-

Kanda was confused to say the least. Lavi was finally back... well he'd been at the Black Order for the past week, but Kanda himself had only just gotten home and though he was hungry and desperate for a good night's sleep, he wanted to actually manage to have a conversation with the rabbit.

Finally, he caught sight of him and his breath left him in a sigh of relief. "Oi! Lavi!" he called, well aware of the people watching. Moyashi was leaving the cafeteria just now, and his face suddenly took on a foreboding expression. Kanda brushed it off.

"Oh, Yuu!" replied Lavi, smiling strangely at Kanda. "Sorry, wish I could talk, but I got to leave for a mission," he said quickly, brushing past Kanda.

Whirling around, Kanda called out to him, asking him to explain what was going on, but Lavi had already disappeared around the corner. He stared after him, well aware of the pitiful stares, and he spun slowly, a full circle, coming back to staring after Lavi but he struggled to mask the hurt.

He walked away, still hurt and confused, ignoring Lenalee and the Moyashi who were calling after him to wait. Why the hell was Lavi avoiding him? Had he done something wrong, upset the other teen maybe? It'd been months since they'd slept together, both sexually and in more innocent terms. They'd barely talked, barely seen each other, and always just missed the other. And whenever they may get a mission together, Lavi turned it down, only to request a solo mission the next day.

Smiling bitterly, Kanda allowed himself to hide his eyes behind his bangs as he felt them grow moist. Why did this hurt so much?

-

He couldn't do this anymore, he had to see Kanda. Three months, babe, three fucking months since we've actually seen each other, and you're stuck in my head – fantasies, nightmares, memories... I give up, I can't do this.

"Yuu!" Kanda ignored him and chose to keep walking, and Lavi grit his teeth. "Yuu for god's sake, wait up, please!" He snatched up the other boy's wrist and dragged him to him, pressing his lips against the Japanese boy's.

"I can't do this," he whispered, pressing his forehead to Yuu's after he pulled away. "You're in my head every minute of every day. Screw Bookman, screw whatever may come. I don't just want you in my head; I want you by my side."

Though the words held little meaning to Kanda who had next to no idea of what was really going on, and because yes, he would always forgive the redhead that easily, trusted him that much, loved him too much, he allowed himself a small smile. "Yeah, well how the fuck does 'in your bed' fucking sound, baka usagi?"

In my head, I see you all over me.
In my head, you fulfil my fantasy.
In my head, you'll be screaming no.
In my head, it's going down.
In my head, it's going down.
In my head.