A Drop In The Ocean
Allen watched silently from his position, leaning against the stone walls of the Black Order, as Kanda stood on the edge of the high cliff, looking down, ever so silent. Allen always wondered if Kanda was actually screaming and for some reason, no one could hear, but then that always filled him with such remorse because that meant no one noticed when the older boy was crying out.
He was dead though, Kanda, he was dead. He was breathing and walking and his heart pounding, yes, but he was dead. Was struggling for life when Lavi and Bookman left, died completely when the Noah got their hands on him. He went missing for three months and they followed clue after clue, every single lead, and eventually found Kanda soundly asleep on a bed in an inn. He was completely unharmed, physically – the Noah had allowed Kanda to heal before returning him, mocking the Order – but mentally, he was never the same.
"Yuu," Allen finally called out. The Japanese boy barely reacted to Kanda anymore, often flinched when it was called, so everyone had gotten used to calling Kanda by his first name. It was confusing for some, especially when wanting to say something like 'You are needed in Komui's office' because his name was one of those homophone thingies of the English word 'you'.
"Yuu," Allen called again, walking over to the teen. Finally, a reaction. "I've got to leave for my mission tomorrow." A slow nod. Allen sighed. "Stay safe, alright? Don't do anything stupid when I'm gone. Lenalee gets home tomorrow, and Marie will be back next week."
"And Lavi?"
Allen hesitated, wincing. "Yuu... you know very well that he's not coming back... stop fucking torturing yourself, BaKanda."
A smirk, the slightest hint that maybe there was a way to revive Kanda Yuu. Smiling, Allen left.
-
"Well, look who we have," mocked Allen, pinning Lavi against the wall with his innocence. No, this wasn't Lavi, this was... Adam or something like that. "Ever think about us, hmmm, Bookman Junior?"
'Adam' grinned nervously, whimpering, while on the inside, Lavi was both screaming with frustration at having been cornered in this situation, and rejoicing because he got to see one of his friends again.
-
Kanda spun in slow steady circles, Mugen held loosely in his hand, surveying the room. Invisible enemies danced in front of his eyes, ghostly figures, moving from one place to another without actually having to move.
He held Mugen in front of him, tightening his grip, and with a smirk, he dashed forward, taking them down one by one. This was one of the things he could still do right because he needn't think about it... it was instinct and routine and he'd practiced it so often he just let his subconscious take over.
Eventually, there was only one left and he froze, sword held to the person's throat. Lavi? The ghostly figure vanished and didn't reappear, and Kanda stood there, confused. He lowered his sword and caught his breath.
Leaving Mugen there in the training grounds, Kanda headed for the showers. He stood under the jets of water, eyes closed. I was praying that you and me might end up together, such a foolish thing to believe. You were a Bookman, and I was on bought time... there was no way it would work. I've even been fucking praying... I don't know to whom, but I have, just for you... Lord, kill me now.
Eyes shooting open, he left the shower running and stepped out, grabbing the sharpest thing he could find. He swiftly tied his hair into a clumsy ponytail, found where it sat to his shoulders, grabbed the razor he had found, and cut the rest of it off.
The wet strands fell to the ground and he smirked, looking at his own reflection. Taking out the hair tie, he let his hair fall to his shoulders. The ends were a bit ragged but he would fix that later. He'd tried using that shit shampoo and conditioner, because he knew Lavi liked the smell of it, so he'd sort of hoped it lure the redhead back.
Now, with his hair at the length it was, it'd be easier to probably wear it out than try getting it into a ponytail. He knew Lavi preferred his hair out, so maybe this would help bring him back. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his hand when wet strands got caught around his fingers, and stared back at his reflection, wondering if his eyes had always looked so dead, his smirks so... unamused.
Turning back to the shower, he ran his hand through his hair again. I was praying, but I think it's time I stopped that, because you and me will never end up together.
-
Lavi was surprised to find himself on a train with Allen, heading back to the Order, heading back to Yuu. Allen had told him everything and he couldn't just leave Yuu anymore. It was killing the both of them, and he was scared for the older boy. Scared he'd do something reckless in a battle, scared the Noah would get him again. Yuu wasn't with it at all, it was only instinct that was driving him forward.
Allen was glaring at him, clearly not happy that Lavi had left Kanda in the state he was. He prayed the Japanese teen hadn't done something stupid, prayed he hadn't been assigned a mission because then dragging Lavi home would be a waste.
He could still see the expression on Kanda's face when Lavi told him that he and Bookman were leaving for good. There'd been nothing. They'd all been expecting maybe tears, confusion, anger, violence, a bitter smirk, even a small nod. But there'd been nothing. Kanda had simply stared, then turned on his heel and walked off to train.
Now... maybe there was a chance.
-
Kanda was getting stares from others, he was well aware of that, somewhere in the back of his mind, anyway. He hadn't cried since... he couldn't remember, just knew he'd promised himself to never shed another tear again. He'd decided that smirking had to go, but they slipped out every now and then. Everyone knew he smirked instead of smiling, but there was nothing to smile about nowadays, because Lavi was gone.
Stupid redhead. I can hear your voice calling my name. Was I really that desperate for you and me to end up together? Was I really that fucking foolish?
"Yuu!" shouted Lavi, running up to him. He wasn't really responding, which was strange, seeing as he hated being called Yuu, but then he remembered what Allen had told him. He couldn't believe that Yuu now hated Kanda because that's what Lavi had called him when he'd told him he was leaving.
The short hair was a shock, and he almost wanted to drop to the ground and wail childishly and dramatically like Lavi normally would.
Finally, Yuu turned around. If he was happy or even angry to see Lavi again, he didn't show it. Just stared at Lavi with dead eyes. Lavi shuddered and wrapped his arms around the boy, but there was no reaction. "Wake up, please," breathed Lavi. Kanda felt like ice – just how long had he been standing out here? He smelled of that conditioner he liked so much...
He pulled back, but those dead eyes were looking through him. He kissed him, desperately. He wanted Yuu back, wanted Kanda back. Still, there was nothing. Yuu blinked once, twice and then on the third, something in him seemed to awaken.
"Lavi..." he murmured, and his eyelids fluttered madly and for a horrifying second, Lavi thought he was going to pass out.
"Yes, love, my love, my love, my love, I'm here," he rushed out, running his shaky hand down Yuu's face. "Wake up, please, wake up." Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore, 'cause you are my heaven, my darling. It's been so painful being away from you but I'm here now, away from hell, but here, and no not in, but with heaven. Pulling him into a tight hug, Lavi screamed. "Wake up!"
"What the fuck, you idiot?!" snapped Kanda, pushing Lavi away from him, glaring. "What the hell do you think you're doing, yelling nonsense in my ear?"
Lavi stared, mouth gaping. Behind him, Allen, who'd been secretly watching, almost fell over with shock.
"Y-Yuu?"
"Stop fucking calling me that!"
Lavi held his hands up in a placating manner. "Whoa! Steady, don't kill me." Then, hesitatingly, "Aren't you angry with me?"
"Fuck yes; I don't think I can hear out of my left ear, you bastard."
"No, Yuu, hon, about... well you know."
"Mmmm, the Noah's are going to get it..."
And Lavi was really beginning to think Yuu didn't remember as the other bowed his head, thinking hard. But then his shoulders were shaking and Yuu dropped to the ground, screaming out in emotional agony, nails scraping at the dirt, tears falling. Lavi broke right there and then.
A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I'm holding you closer than most, 'cause you are my heaven.
-
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore, no, no,
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore.