CHAPTER 22 : UNFORGIVING IN MIND AND BODY
Tuesday morning, three weeks later, Merlin felt that he had only just gone to sleep when he received a phone call asking him to come down to reception. He looked at the time it was just gone four o'clock in the morning and they had specifically asked for him. He slipped out of bed not waking Arthur, pulled on Arthur's dressing gown and let himself out of the suite as quietly as possible. His mind was racing it must be an emergency and the first people he thought of his mother or Gaius.
However, it was Holborn and another officer to see him. In quiet tones, they told Merlin why they had come. "You don't have to wake Mr. Pendragon immediately but you should speak to him before he checks his iphone or listens to TV."
Merlin's sat down, he wasn't sure that his knees would hold him upright. The other policeman asked if he would like something to drink and he nodded. He wasn't thirsty but he thought that maybe the tea would help him think. Harris who was also up, handed him a cup and he drank it, not really tasting it but it was sweet and hot and seemed to help his mind focus.
Detective Holborn said that they would return after lunch to speak directly to Mr Pendragon adding, "I'm sorry to be the bearer of such news."
After the police had left, Merlin sat there stunned. He needed to get upstairs and plan what he was going to do but first he needed to make some phone calls. He got Gawaine and told him what had happened, "Can you come, later this morning? Please drive carefully, racing will accomplish nothing." A shocked Gawaine said that he would come.
He decided as a courtesy to also notify Tom and Ellie and when he figured that his mother was probably up he phoned her. Only then did he return to the suite. He slipped in and went to their bedroom door, Arthur was still fast asleep. He didn't want to wake him so he decided to give him another hour. He went back to the couch and sat with his laptop on his knees and started reading the news.
-0-0-
Merlin leant forward kissing Arthur softly, saying, "Wake up, Handsome!" He was in no hurry to wake him and he certainly didn't want him to awake with a start.
"I was dreaming of you, but I was at home…"
"And probably doing all sorts of interesting things to me."
"How did you guess?"
"Well. You're a full bodied healthy individual and…" he blushed as he added, "…I have the same dreams myself."
He sat on the bed and took his hand, "Arthur, I have some sad news about your father."
Arthur sat up suddenly wide awake and serious, "Go on…"
"There was an accident last night and he was seriously hurt and he didn't make it."
Arthur's mind trying to process Merlin's words was swinging wildly from shock. "You'd better..." he shook his head as if to clear it, "...what happened?"
"From what the police are saying, he worked late; he came out of the building around eight and walked straight off the pavement into the traffic. He was declared dead at the scene. They said it would have been instantaneous. I wanted to tell you before you watched the news. It'll be splashed across the pages of the papers as well. Mostly his life and business information as the police have been very tight lipped about what happened.
Arthur put his head in his hands. He wiped away the stupid tears which were now forming, the man didn't deserve tears! He had flashes from the past, his father mocking him when as an eight year old he had cried because his dog had died; his threatening to shoot his pony because at twelve he'd fallen off it while jumping; his father grinning at the doctor and saying, 'Boys will be boys…!' as at fourteen years old he had a cast put on his broken leg the result of being pushed downstairs by his own father. He'd been a difficult man to live with.
He whispered to Merlin, "Why am I not feeling relieved? He made my life a living hell as a kid and now when finally it looked as if we were going to get some satisfaction, he bailed!" Merlin turned on the bed and pulled his legs up; he wrapped his arms around Arthur and pulled him to him, cuddled him into his chest. He knew that no one would come in. Harris would wait to be notified about breakfast. He was not hungry and he knew that the last thing on Arthur's mind was food.
Merlin held him as he sobbed and exhausted finally fell asleep
Arthur finally came to around ten. Gawaine and Bridie had arrived and were sitting with Merlin. Merlin was relieved to see Bridie, he would have preferred Graham but he was still on holiday. They were talking in whispers. Arthur walked into the living room pulling his dressing gown around him and suddenly said, "Can I see him?"
Bridie more used to dealing with death said, "That can be arranged once the body is released. I think it would be too much for you to do on your own. You can take someone with you if you want." Arthur's eyes immediately sought Merlin's, he nodded. Bridie continued, "Do you have a funeral service which your family uses?" Arthur shook his head.
Gawaine said, "Arthur, when my grandfather died the family used, Urgel Bougie in the Dignity group. They come well recommended and took care of everything including bringing him back to England. I can get some information for you."
"Why don't you just contact them for me, Gawaine? Once we have all the information, they can take over." He turned to Bridie and said, "Where is his body now?"
"Probably with the city coroner, there will have to be an autopsy before the body is released."
"Could I see him today then?"
"Arthur, I think it would be better seeing him in a funeral home but that is your choice. Why not think about it? The earliest for the autopsy would probably be the day after tomorrow. Now, I don't want to push anyone but how about something to eat?" The others nodded and she turned to Arthur saying, "I took the liberty of speaking to the resident doctor and your medication is due and it has to be taken with food."
Arthur knew that she was referring to the pills from Doctor Mooney and he felt that he probably would benefit from one, so he nodded his head. "I don't want food from here but, Merlin, can you and Gawaine go and get us all something from Costa's in the village? I'll have an Eggs Benedict and a Flat White. Bridie?" Bridie ordered a plain omlette and an Americano. "You two get whatever you want and, Merlin, use my card and hurry back, I'm suddenly hungry."
Arthur sat on the coach and closed his eyes after he'd taken his pills with a small cookie. Bridie sat near the window and waited.
-0-0-
Merlin said as soon as they were out of Arthur's suite, "So, what happened. Haven't had time to see the papers or really listen to the news, just what I read on the internet early this morning. Was it suicide?"
Gawaine shook his head, "Haven't got a clue, only know that it happened last night and he was killed outright. Never liked him anyway but it would have been better for both of them if they had at least been on speaking terms." He stopped and clapped his hand to his forehead, "Good God! Pendragon now belongs to Arthur. Poor chap, he's got his future worked out if he decides to keep the company."
-0-0-
A subdued Gawaine and Bridie left early afternoon knowing that Arthur really wanted just Merlin. Jack Holborn returned as promised and talked with Arthur in private.
Finally, Merlin was asked to join him and Arthur explained that with his father dead, did Merlin still want to proceed with his complaint?
Merlin said sadly, "No! It's all in the past. I'd rather forget the whole thing. Is that all right with you?" He took Arthur's hand in his and squeezed it.
Nodding, Arthur said, "I don't think anything would be accomplished by continuing. I was going to say, he got off free but maybe not...!" He looked at their joined hands. "I'm sorry for what he put you through..."
"So, am I right in stating that you wish to withdraw both complaints?" Jack said. The men nodded. Jack continued, "There will be official papers to be signed but I will pass on the word that the complaint is cancelled. I will mail the papers in the next couple of days and you can complete them whenever it is convenient. They will however, have to be notarised."
Arthur stood saying, "Thank you for your help over the last few weeks."
"I will keep you notified of any more news, I'm sorry to be here on such a sad mission," He nodded at Merlin and left.
-0-0-
A letter arrived at Arthur's on Tuesday and Ellie placed it with two others on a table in the hall. As all Arthur's accounts were now settled through the office, only personal mail arrived at home.
Gawaine was planning to visit Arthur again to discuss funeral preparations, so he dropped by to pick up the mail. He arrived at Nonsuch to find Merlin and Arthur walking on the track.
Arthur looked as if he was moving a lot better but his face was drawn. Merlin was striding beside him in silence. In typical Gawaine style, he yelled across the in field to get their attention. "Hurry along, Boys! I have mail for you," he waved a manila envelope over his head as he jogged across the infield.
"Thanks, Gawaine, probably people begging for money or inviting me to some get together. Not ready for that, sorry!"
Merlin put his arm around his waist, "Let's call it a day. I think in the circumstances we can finish early."
Arthur smiled and the three of them walked back to the house. Merlin took the time to grin at his car as he passed it.
Gawaine said, "Still in love, eh?"
Giving Arthur a happy grin, Merlin said, "Doubly so!"
"OK, let's get you back to your suite before the two of you embarrass me!"
They made their way up to the suite; Arthur threw the envelope on the table and threw himself on the couch. Merlin walked into the kitchen area and took bottles of water out of the fridge.
Gawaine followed him and glancing at Arthur who lay on the couch with his eyes closed he said quietly, "How's he doing?"
"Not great but better than expected. After he got the news, I don't think he even slept the following night. We sat around talking, he kept breaking down then he agreed to go to bed around three o'clock but I couldn't sleep and I know he walked around a lot of the night. Got him to eat a little breakfast and then he fell sleep on the couch and slept for four hours.
"He was so stiff, he had trouble getting up. I managed to get him in a seated position and then phoned downstairs. A nurse came up to check him and saw that he took one of Dr. Mooney's pills. Then we managed to get him into his wheelchair as it had been decided that a session in the whirlpool would do him good, relax his muscles and all that…
"He didn't speak from the time the nurse arrived until he got back here two hours later. He was so sad; it's as if his father's death had taken away his independence. He slept last night and then decided he wanted to go for a walk and you found us."
"Well, it's the shock and it will take time. Not been the greatest year for him, has it?"
Merlin shook his head and taking the other bottle walked back to Arthur. He smiled as he was snoring softly. The walk and the stress had worn him out. He checked his watch. He'd been told not to let him lie there for more than a half hour. If he wanted to sleep, he had to use the bed
He looked back at Gawaine and smiled. Gawaine was shocked at the depth of love in Merlin's eyes. His love for Arthur was so apparent... Gawaine smiled back at him.
Merlin slipped onto the couch and placed Arthur's feet on his lap. Gawaine got an extra blanket off Arthur's bed and put it over him. He was furious with Uther for what had happened accident or not, as it had seriously hurt his best friend and he was at a loss to do anything. Time would be the only healer.
Merlin started slowly massaging Arthur's feet. He moaned as he came to and said, "Merlin, if you can never get a job anywhere else, you could be a masseur."
Merlin smiled many was the time when he worked on relaxing the muscles in Arthur's legs if he had gone overboard exercising. "Well, let's put that on hold as I'm hungry. Supper will soon be served and you have to get up off the couch. I invited to Gawaine to stay. Do you want to go down to…" he could see that Arthur didn't want to go anywhere before he had even reached the word dining room, "…or would you prefer Room Service?" Arthur nodded.
Merlin went to call downstairs and Gawaine helped Arthur off the couch and walked with him into his bedroom.
He returned saying, "Left him in the bathroom, he's OK there isn't he?"
Nodding Merlin said, "Yes, if he gets into trouble he always promises that he will hang onto something and call for help. He's really doing well. We went out for drives over the weekend and it certainly seemed to brighten him up especially as he only used his walker."
"How's the car going?"
"It's a little gem!" Merlin said with a fond smile, "It's roomy in the front and lots of space in the back for the collapsible wheelchair and the walker. Will there be a police enquiry over Uther's death?"
"I should think so as it was a pedestrian fatality. Pity the poor driver, do you know what hit him?"
"No, but I presume one day the gory details will be on the news and in all the papers."
"What gory details?" Arthur asked as he walked out of his room.
Merlin in the blink of an eye answered, "Some poor farmer's wife gored by a cow she was helping calf."
"Bet her husband was really pissed," added Gawaine.
Before they ran out of ideas, they were saved by a tap on the door and Merlin said, "Here's supper!" He placed the trays on the counter and set the table as well as he could. Arthur's appetite wasn't great but he did better than Merlin had hoped for. The conversation wasn't brilliant but at least they talked as they ate and both Gawaine and he cleared their plates.
He started to remove the dishes and Arthur said, "Pass me the envelope with my letters." He slit the envelope and emptied three letters on the table. As he had expected the two square ones were invitations, one to a christening and the other to a Gala for Injured Soldiers. He flipped it to Merlin saying, "Remind me to send them some money. Don't think I'm up to going but it's a worthy cause."
Merlin put it on the counter and put the trays back in the corridor. He was miles away when Gawaine said quietly, "Arthur?" Merlin looked over his shoulder and saw Arthur sitting at the table hands shaking, holding a sheet of paper, the envelope with a handwritten address was on the table. Gawaine said again, "Arthur?" as he leant toward him.
Walking over to him, Merlin got hold of Arthur's hand to stop the shaking and then he saw that the envelope was from Pendragon Holdings and he had the sinking suspicion that the handwriting was Uther's. He could feel the pressure against his hand as Arthur's fingers continued to spasm. "Arthur, take a deep breath, come on. Copy me, breath in and out with me."
Arthur turned to look at Merlin with dead eyes, no recognition and he said, "The bastard…! My father, the bloody bastard!"
Merlin removed the letter from his fingers and dropped it on the table. Arthur seemed to collapse forward his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. He said in a low whisper, "Merlin, you'd better read it." Merlin took up the letter, glanced at Gawaine and read...
Pendragon House, London,
Son,
I regret what has happened between us and I realise that part of it is my fault. I only wanted you to be a highly respected member of society which if you persist in this silly idea of preferring the company of men, will never happen.
Maybe I never said it but I was proud of you in your position in the firm. However, in all honesty, I cannot accept your life style. I brought you up expecting better things.
I have tried unsuccessfully to talk to you.
Maybe, I went about it in a heavy handed manner but I needed to show you the error of your ways. Everything I have ever done since you were little, was to help you to make the right decisions in life, to train you to be like me...as my father had done for me...!
Obviously, I failed! Nonetheless, I still feel that you are capable of better things.
The idea of a police inquest for a man in my position is ludicrous and, Arthur, I am one hundred percent certain it was not your idea!
I did what I had to and my only regret is that that despicable man is still in my son's life.
I can no longer face the turmoil or the embarrassment. This seems to me to be the only way...
I wish to be buried next to my beloved Wife, your Dear Mother…who would have been heartbroken by your actions.
Regardless of how you feel, you are my sole heir!
Your Father,
Monday, June 6th.
-0-0-
The air in Merlin's lungs was sucked out; he looked at Arthur shocked and could feel his pain. "Gawaine, I think he'd be better away from the table." He threw the letter on the table motioning for Gawaine to read it. He put his arm around Arthur's shoulders and said, "Come on sit on the couch for a little while." It took a little effort and much persuading but he got him to the couch. He put the blanket around his shoulders.
Gawaine was standing by the table with a look of disbelief on his face. Merlin said, "Gawaine, put the kettle on and get the whiskey, it's in the cupboard over the sink. My mother says a little warm whiskey is good for shock. Pour yourself one as well, you look as if you need it."
Arthur sat on the couch with his head back eyes open staring at the ceiling. Merlin took the diluted warm whiskey and said, "Arthur have a sip, it will help a little."
"Come on, Arthur, one sip and then we'll stop pestering you," Gawaine said after taking a good swig of his double. He wanted to say more but for once in his life, Gawaine had no clue what to say. His mind was racing; his own parents would be shocked. They had known each other's families for ages and although his father always insisted that he had never really liked the man, he had respected Uther in his business dealings. It had been for Arthur's sake that he had kept up the appearance of friendship. A friendship that was needed if his family was going to be able to give the young Arthur the protection he deserved.
The three of them sat in silence, Merlin holding Arthur's hand and rubbing his fingers as he used to when he was in a coma. Gawaine looked at them; the letter was shameful, to the point of blaming Merlin for his suicide. For a second Gawaine felt sorry for Uther, he had been unable to love his son and because of Arthur's actions, he had closed himself off from any relationship and now…it was too late. Gawaine worried that Arthur might not be able to get through this and he only hoped that Merlin had strength enough for both of them.
Merlin's mind was in turmoil. He kept thinking how could anyone purposely sever a relationship with a son. People fought to keep families together, died for their children and here was someone who had chucked it all aside. Slowly, he began to realise that his involvement with Arthur had been the catalyst. He began to second doubt his friendship with him. Would Uther have still been alive, if he had left after he'd broken his collarbone? Could the cause of this man's death have been his responsibility? He wished that he was home with his mother in their kitchen. She would know what to do and how to make him feel better.
He felt Arthur move against him and he came back with a jolt. Arthur was the one in pain. He was trying to deal with his father's death a probable suicide. He put all his feeling of insecurity out of his mind. Arthur needed him and until all this mess was sorted out he would stand beside him…after that it would be up to Arthur to decide if he still wanted him around.